Will’s frown eased. ‘Is this just a worst-case scenario?’
Professor Grosschalk stood and held out his hand again. ‘I find it is best to be prepared for all scenarios, Mr Armstrong. It is my hope that your wife makes a full and complete recovery. I will certainly do my utmost to ensure she does.’
Will sat where he was for a few minutes, watching the hustle and bustle of the unit before standing and making his way back to her bedside.
‘How’re you feeling?’
‘Okay,’ she said with an attempt at a smile. It wasn’t much, but it reassured him. He sat with her until late evening and then, with a kiss, he left her and returned to his hotel.
He ordered room service and sat eating a mediocre meal, watching a movie he’d seen before. It filled the silence but didn’t stop him thinking. He’d have to tell Ellie about Tia eventually and he wasn’t sure how she’d take it. Her feelings towards her sister were ambivalent; she was her sister but she was also her twin. And she hated being a twin. Would she be devastated or relieved at Tia’s death? Would she feel guilty? Whatever the reason for the crash, there was no dispute as to who was driving.
And he? He was still appalled at the thought that had crossed his mind earlier. That he was sad, went without saying. But he couldn’t deny a modicum of relief that it was unlikely now that the whole mess would ever come to light. Nor could he deny a certain sense of satisfaction that things could go back to the way they used to be between he and Ellie, but now with the wonderful addition of a son.
He put the half-eaten meal outside the door and switched off the television. The bedroom was on the fifth floor of the hotel and not overlooked so he’d left the curtains open and lay on his bed staring out at the new moon. He vaguely remembered reading something about seeing a new moon through glass. Wasn’t it supposed to be unlucky?
The next morning, he headed back to the hospital and was greeted at the unit door by the news that Ellie had been moved to a different ward in the early hours of the morning. ‘There was a fire in a local hotel,’ a nurse explained. ‘We’d some very badly burnt and injured people admitted so we needed to free up some beds. The consultants agreed Mrs Armstrong was doing so well she could be moved out.’
It was excellent news, and he felt some of the tension of the last few days ease.
Ward Eleven, where she’d been sent, was a large, sprawling ward comprised of several four-bedded units. The nurses’ station was manned by an efficient-looking clerk who found where Ellie was with a few key taps and directed him to room five.
She was lying in the bed by the window, morning light streaming in to emphasize her pallor. Standing in the doorway, looking across at her, he could see the chest drain was gone, so were most of the monitors. Just one stood beeping softly, its ECG trace reassuringly constant. She was sitting up slightly, her breathing slow and even.
He felt his eyes well up. She was going to be all right. He took a chair and positioned it beside her, sitting near enough to touch her when she woke. She was almost free of tubes; one still snaked up from her left arm to a bag of clear fluid that dripped slowly. The bed table beside her held a cup and an empty plate. She was eating and drinking; he’d have cheered if it wouldn’t have startled the other patients.
When, at last, her eyes opened, squinting slightly in the sun from the window, Will took her hand.
‘Feeling better?’ he asked.
‘Much,’ she said, her lips curving in a smile. She looked at him and her smile faded. ‘Tell me what happened?’
He couldn’t put it off any longer. ‘There was a crash, Ellie.’ There was a spasm in the hand he held, he gripped it tighter. ‘Do you remember?’
‘I remember being in the car, and then trees.’ Her face creased in anguish. ‘Tia? She’s dead, isn’t she? I feel it.’
He stood and gathered her as close as possible. ‘I’m sorry, Ellie,’ he said softly into her ear, ‘you’re right, she didn’t make it.’ Afraid he was hurting her, he settled her back gently against the pillows and kissed her softly on the mouth. Her breath was stale, her lips dry.
‘I am so sorry,’ he said, ‘she didn’t suffer. It was a massive brain injury. She hadn’t a chance.’
Ellie lay dry-eyed, her face set. ‘I knew, Will. As soon as I woke, I had the strangest feeling and I just knew she was gone.’ She gulped. ‘And it was my fault,’ she said.
‘No,’ he hurried to reassure her, ‘the investigators think an animal may have run in front of the car. You’d have braked instinctively, Ellie. You know you would. It was just bad luck, there was a huge tree trunk at the side of the road, the car hit it and flipped over. If you’d been a few feet further up the road you’d have gone into the ditch and escaped with bumps and bruises.’
‘If we hadn’t been there in the first place!’
There was no point in getting into that conversation. She was right, of course. What the hell had she been thinking? But if they were going to play the blame game, he only had to look in the mirror to know where to start, didn’t he?
‘Everything will be okay,’ he said, wishing he could think of something original, something more reassuring to say. ‘That woman you hired, Sally, she’s agreed to stay and look after Bill for as long as we need her.’
‘That’s good,’ Ellie said. ‘Tia would like that.’
Before he could say more, a white-coated doctor came into the unit, clipboard in hand. He smiled at the other three patients but moved directly to Ellie’s bed.
‘I’m Dr Clare,’ he said, smiling. ‘Dr Pai’s registrar.’
Will had no idea who Dr Pai was but he inclined his head a little.
Dr Clare obviously took it as permission to continue because he spent the next five minutes going over Ellie’s various injuries. ‘You’ll need to organise an orthopaedic appointment with your local hospital,’ he said. ‘It was a simple fracture, I can’t see there being any problem. They’ll take off the plaster when the time comes. The ankle sprain isn’t severe, keep the strapping on for support and keep it elevated when you can.’ He dropped the clipboard to his side. ‘The nursing staff will get you walking this afternoon, Mrs Armstrong, and I don’t see why you can’t go home tomorrow.’
Will looked at him with his mouth open. ‘Tomorrow,’ he said, ‘she only left ICU this morning.’ He pointed at the monitor and drip. ‘She’s still connected to those things.’
The doctor picked up the clipboard again. ‘The monitor can be taken down and, since she is drinking adequately, the drip can be discontinued.’ He looked from one to the other, his eyes unsympathetic. Finally, he fixed his eyes on Will. ‘There’s no reason to keep her in longer. Recuperation is best done in the comfort of her own home with her own things around her, you know. I’ve spoken to the neuro-consultant, the thoracic consultant and the cardiology team. They’re all in agreement and happy for her to be discharged.’
Will felt cornered. ‘How will we get home?’ he asked. ‘The police drove me here.’ His face tightened when he read the message on the doctor’s face. That wasn’t his concern. ‘Have a chat with the nursing staff,’ he said, ‘they’ll be able to point you in the right direction. And with that, he left with a final quick smile that never quite made it to his eyes.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said to Ellie, reaching for the hand he’d dropped at the doctor’s approach. ‘He is right, anyway, you’ll be better off at home.’
43
The hospital organised an ambulance to take them home. The nearest Will could pin them down to a time was late morning so he arrived at ten and sat chatting to Ellie or flicking through magazines when she closed her eyes until finally, at eleven forty-five, the ambulance crew arrived.
There was a bit of friendly chat before they helped Ellie slide onto the gurney, Will fussing around getting in the way, giving advice nobody listened to.
It wasn’t until they were moving out of the ward, Will holding Ellie’s hand, that he remembered the last time he’d walked beside a gurney. Tia,
in labour, a look of fear and excitement on her face, her hand gripping his with a strength he hadn’t realised she possessed. The memory made him feel weak with guilt and remorse, both made all the worse for the knowledge that it would be so much easier now.
It was late afternoon before they pulled up outside their house. Will bustled up to the front door while the ramp was lowered and the gurney wheeled out, the crew negotiating the steps to the front door without a problem.
‘Where do you want to go, love?’ one of them asked, looking around the hallway.
‘You can sit in the sitting room,’ Will answered for her, pushing open the door. ‘And put your feet up on the sofa.’
Minutes later, Ellie was settled on the sofa and Will waved goodbye to the crew before closing the door and taking a breath. For a moment, he felt the silence overpowering, almost threatening. He wasn’t sure why. It was better now, wasn’t it? He closed his eyes to the memory of Tia reaching for the photo of the baby scan. He regretted now not having given it to her. Regrets. Too many, he thought shaking off the uncomfortable feeling and going back to Ellie.
She was lying with her eyes closed. He was about to leave when they opened. ‘You must be exhausted,’ he said with a smile.
She nodded. ‘A bit,’ she admitted.
They both turned as they heard a door open and, moments later, the cheerful face of the nanny appeared in the doorway. ‘I’m Sally,’ she said, holding her hand out to Will, who shook it.
‘You’ve been a life-saver,’ he said, giving her a smile of gratitude.
Sally nodded as if such praise was her due. ‘I’ve put the kettle on,’ she said, ‘I’ll have tea ready in a minute.’
She was true to her word and, just over a minute later, she appeared with a tray.
Will eyed the biscuits and suddenly realised he was starving. ‘I’m going to order a takeaway. I could eat a horse.’ He turned to Ellie. ‘What about you? Sally?’
Ellie nodded at the tray. ‘I’m fine with this. My appetite hasn’t returned yet.’
‘No, I’m fine, thanks,’ Sally said. She stood for a moment and when neither asked, volunteered, ‘Bill is awake. Would you like me to bring him in?’
Guilt swept over Will’s face. In his excitement at having Ellie home, he’d forgotten about the child. He looked at Ellie and saw her smile. ‘I’ll come and get him,’ he said, standing and following Sally from the room.
Bill was in his cot, his hands waving in front of his face. Will bent over and picked him up, holding him close, breathing in that baby smell he loved. Was he imagining it or had he grown in the few days?
‘He looks well,’ he said, turning to the woman who stood watching them. ‘I’m so grateful for you filling in as you did.’
She shrugged. ‘I get very well paid, and I like what I do.’
‘You wouldn’t be interested in staying full time, I suppose?’
‘No,’ she said without the slightest hesitation, and with no apology. ‘Agency work suits me better. I’ll stay until you’ve found someone, though, but only because I appreciate you’ve been through a tough time. It’s not something I normally do. The agency will send someone else tomorrow for a few hours to give me a break, but I’ll be back tomorrow night.’
Will knew when to give up. ‘We do really appreciate that,’ he said. Looking across the room, he saw Tia’s bed neatly dressed. ‘Are you sleeping down here?’
‘I thought it was best and it’s certainly more convenient,’ she said.
It was perfect. Will wondered if the permanent nanny would be so accommodating.
Back in the sitting room, he sat on the edge of the sofa, Bill in his arms. ‘Here he is,’ he said, tilting the child so Ellie could see him. ‘He looks well. Sally is a marvel.’
He watched as Ellie reached out and caressed the baby’s cheek with a trembling finger and felt a rush of love for her, for them both. He placed Bill gently in her arms and reached around to embrace them. It was all going to be okay. Wasn’t it?
Bill chose that moment to remind them he was due a feed by wailing. With a grin, Will picked him up. ‘I’ll take him back to Sally,’ he said.
Handing the crying child over, he ordered a takeaway, returned to the sitting room and took the other chair. Tia’s chair, he thought with a chill as he sat into it.
Ellie, he noticed, was very quiet. Probably exhausted. ‘You should go up to bed,’ he suggested, leaning forward.
‘No, I’m fine,’ she said.
He dragged the chair closer to the sofa, noticing her eyes had filled with tears, one slowly tracing a path down her cheek and making little detours around the scabs. ‘Ellie, are you all right? Are you in pain?’
She shook her head. ‘I was horrible to Tia, Will. And now I can never make it up to her.’
‘Shush,’ he said, reaching forward and pulling her gently into his arms. ‘You weren’t horrible to her. You brought her here, remember? Gave her a home.’
‘You don’t understand,’ she snuffled into his shoulder. ‘Brighton. I was taking her to the bungalow. I was going to leave her there.’
Will tightened his grip on her. ‘I guessed that was it, Ellie. It wasn’t difficult, there was no other reason for the two of you to be together in Brighton.’ He took a deep breath. It was hard to criticise her now but he had to say something. ‘You should have talked to me, Ellie. I could have told you she was never going to go.’
‘You said she’d go in a few months,’ she said, raising her head to look at him.
He moved away from her and shrugged. ‘I said what you wanted to hear, Ellie.’ He rubbed his face with his hands. ‘I suppose I was trying to convince myself too but when I saw her with Bill, I just knew it wasn’t going to work the way we’d planned.’ He stood up and paced the room before turning to her. ‘We were crazy to think it would ever work.’
The doorbell announced the delivery of the takeaway. Feeling he was escaping from a conversation that could only end in the realisation that she didn’t have to worry about Tia now, he went to answer the door.
The takeaway food was probably good but he’d lost his appetite and, after nibbling on a little, he pushed it away and turned to Ellie, surprised to find her looking at him with a serious expression on her face. He reached for her hand. ‘If I hadn’t got drunk that night,’ he said, ‘I’d never have made that stupid mistake, we wouldn’t be in this situation and Tia…’ His gulp was audible. ‘…would still be alive. I’m going to have to live with that guilt, Ellie, but you don’t have to. The crash was an accident, out of your hands.’
Ellie looked at him, her hand lying passively in his. ‘What about Bill? He’s the result of that stupid mistake. Would you wish he was never born?’
Mixed emotions ran through him and he took his hand away. ‘Of course not,’ he said. He dropped his face into his hands and sat for a while. ‘We have much to forgive each other for, don’t we?’ he said, his voice muffled.
The sound of a baby’s cry broke the silence. He lifted his face and looked at her. ‘Can we get through this, Ellie?’
She looked at him. ‘I love you. So yes, I think we’ll get through it.’
It was as much as he could hope for. She loved him, he loved them both. That was a lot of love going around, there was enough to spare for his son. He looked at her. Their son.
At midnight, Will slept heavily. Ellie woke and looked at him before turning and slipping out of bed. Barefooted, barely limping, she made her way downstairs, her good hand holding tightly to the handrail. She listened for a few minutes at the kitchen door. Even through the heavy door she could hear Sally’s snore, and slowly, quietly, she turned the doorknob and pushed it open.
Sally had left the blinds open. It was a clear night with enough light coming from the sliver of moon to guide her to the cot where Bill lay sleeping. She stood and looked down at him, her face set.
He was all that stood between her and the life they’d had.
44
Will put down
the phone and turned to Ellie who sat at the other end of the sofa, her eyes still fixed on the television even though he had muted the sound when the phone rang. It was two weeks since the crash. Her recuperation, after a quick start, had slowed. She tired easily, her appetite was poor and he frequently found her sitting, gazing into space. ‘Ellie?’
She dragged her eyes slowly from the screen and looked at him. ‘Bad news?’
He reached for her hand and held it tightly. ‘That was one of the police officers who were investigating Tia’s death. He rang to tell us that the coroner has ruled it was accidental.’
Ellie frowned. ‘Accidental? Was there ever any doubt?’
It was Will’s turn to frown. ‘No, of course not. It’s just red tape. The important thing is that it means we can organise Tia’s funeral.’
Her frown vanished and she smiled sadly. ‘We can pick out a nice casket.’
‘Yes, we can.’ He pulled her close. ‘I’ve already had a word with Whitechapel Crematorium. I’ll give them a ring and fix a date.’
‘Crematorium?’
‘That’s okay, isn’t it?’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘If you would prefer a burial, I can look into it?’
‘No, no,’ she hurried to assure him, pulling back to look up at him, ‘that’s fine. I’m sure Tia would be happy with that. After all,’ she smiled, ‘it’s what I would choose. And she is my twin.’
He laughed uncertainly. It was the first time in a long time that she’d referred to Tia as her twin. Maybe no longer having her made it easier.
Checking the time, he nodded. ‘It’s late morning in Barbados. I’ll see if I can get through to Adam.’ He moved away to pick up his phone and after a quick search for Adam’s number, hit dial. ‘Do you want to speak to him?’ he asked, turning to look at her.
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