by Jillian Hart
He really should go. So why weren’t his feet taking him farther down the walk? “How old are your nieces or nephews?”
“Isn’t it my turn to ask the questions?” She dug her sunglasses out of her purse. “Are you serious about the Bible study group?”
“Wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”
“Why aren’t you going to Ephraim’s group?” She slipped the glasses on, pausing to study him hard for any obvious flaws. She really wanted to find some flaws.
“I have obligations on Friday evenings.”
“A girlfriend?” Now, why did she ask that? She was teasing him, because he’d been just a tad curious about her. She leaned through the doorway to grab the bag she always carried to church with her. Inside was the flyer with all the group’s specifics. She handed it to him, realizing he was blushing.
Blushing. She didn’t know guys did that. Maybe the decent ones did. What did she know?
“Uh—” He looked flustered. “Currently, no.”
“See how personal that question can be?”
“I do. You’re making a point.”
“Yes. You are a smart guy.” She decided that a guy whose ears turned pink when asked about a girlfriend had to be okay. “Will I see you there?”
“Count on it.” He waved the flyer for confirmation.
“Good, our group has been losing numbers lately. A lot of us graduated last May. Well, I’ve got a pizza waiting.”
“Pizza. Sounds good. Is it for your niece? Nephew?”
“One of each.”
“Must be nice to have family.” He joined her on the walk, his gait easy and athletic, his voice amicable.
“It is.” She paused at the end of the walkway, where the sidewalk would take her left to the driveway, where her car was parked. “I don’t know what I’d do without my family. I have one older brother and five older sisters.”
“Sounds like heaven to me. I’m an only kid.”
“Was that a little lonely growing up?”
“Sometimes.”
It was hard not to feel for him. “As a kid, I always had someone looking out for me and someone to do things with. I was hardly ever alone. It’s probably why I like spending so much time alone now.”
“I pretty much had to figure things out for myself when I was little.” He knelt to grab his box of books. It was packed with what looked like mysteries. Though it had to be heavy, he lifted the box with ease.
So he was a serious reader. That didn’t surprise her one bit. He looked nearly perfect standing in the golden brush of the light, with the gentle breeze ruffling his blond hair and an expression of seriousness on his face. Why, she suspected if her sister Ava were to drive up right now she would call him a Mr. Wishable.
Worse, she would probably go on to call him Mr. Right, and there was no way he could be that. Knowing her luck, she had probably missed the boat to Mr. Right and would be forever standing on the dock. “It was good to meet you, Chad Lawson. I’ll see you on Wednesday night.”
“Definitely.” He folded up the flyer and slipped it into his book box. “Have a good time with your niece and nephew.”
“I will. Tyler’s five, he’s total fun, and the two-year-old keeps me on my toes.” Why wasn’t she leaving? You’re late, late, late, Rebecca. So exactly why was she lingering, as if she didn’t want to go? “Good luck with the moving. It’s a special kind of torture. I hope it goes all right.”
“Thanks. I’m lucky that I packed light, but it’s still a pain.”
“Did I say thanks for stopping to help me out? I can’t remember if I did.”
“You did.”
“Good. Forgive me, I’m more scattered than usual. I’m not normally like this. Goodbye, Chad.”
“Bye.” As if she was ever scattered at all, he thought, dismissing her self-deprecating sense of humor. He watched her saunter over to her little red Honda parked in the driveway in front of her closed garage door. The car suited her, zippy and fun and cute all at once.
Yep, she was real nice.
The sun’s heat beat down on him, and he realized it was getting late and the box he was holding was getting heavier. He resisted the urge to give Rebecca one last look as her car backed slowly out of the driveway. But as he headed for his apartment, he thought of her.
Chapter Two
“Rebba?”
Madison wobbled into the TV’s glare. The little girl was pure sweetness with her light brown curls, big wide eyes and pixie’s face. Tonight she wore her pink-and-purple Cinderella pajamas and a sleepy frown.
Rebecca was out of the chair in a second, scooping up the warm, sleep-snuggly toddler into her arms. “What is it, princess?”
“Thirsty.” A huge yawn, and then both little arms wrapped around Rebecca’s neck. “Where’s Mommy?”
“She’s still out with your daddy.” Rebecca started for the kitchen. “Let’s get you that water and put you right back to bed.”
“I want Daddy.”
“I know you do, princess.” She opened the cupboard door with one hand, found the pink cup with the princesses on it and turned on the tap. The water was nice and cold and she filled the cup partway. “He’ll be home before you know it.”
“Ye-ah.” Madison sighed, clearly missing her parents. Hers was a loving and secure world. Heaven knew that Danielle and her husband, Jonas, did everything they could to ensure that for their kids.
As she held the cup to her niece’s lips and tipped it so she could drink in dainty little sips, Rebecca had to wonder. Would her life have turned out differently if her biological dad had been a good man? She had been wondering this a lot lately. The breakup and the man Chris turned out to be was still troubling her.
She’d been younger than Madison was now when her real dad had walked out on the family after beating her mom so badly that she’d been in the hospital for weeks.
Poor Mom. That time was nothing but a scary, hazy blur to Rebecca. She had been too young to understand, but she could see her big sister Danielle standing between her and their rage-filled father. Nearly a lifetime later, she could still hear her mom’s broken sobs and the wounded sound she made, lying so still in the corner.
A year later, Mom had married John McKaslin, changing their lives for the better forever. John—who she thought of as her real dad—was a great blessing. Since the day she’d stepped foot in his house, she’d been as safe and secure as Madison was now. She hadn’t gained just a great dad, but also a big brother and loving older sisters who couldn’t have been more wonderful to her.
“Done?” she asked when the sleepy toddler pushed the cup away.
“I want Minnie.” She rubbed her eyes with both little fists.
“She’s probably in bed waiting for you.” Rebecca set the cup on the counter and gave her niece a smacking kiss on her plump cheek. “Want to go see?”
“O-o-o-kaay.” Madison yawned again.
What a cutie. Rebecca held her little niece snug, weaving through the dark house by memory. As she passed by her nephew’s bedroom door, she caught sight of him asleep in his bed. He and his dog were faintly graced by the glow of his night-light. He was a cutie, too. She padded down the hall.
Madison gave a tired whine at the sight of her bunny tucked neatly under the covers. Minnie’s head and ears were dark against the pale pillowcase.
“See?” Rebecca lowered the child into her bed. “I told you Minnie was waiting for you.”
Eyes drooping, head bobbing, Madison reached out to gather her favorite stuffed animal into her chubby arms, snuggled close and was half-asleep before her head touched the pillow. Rebecca smoothed the girl’s flyaway curls, and Madison sort of smiled through her sleepiness, slipping away to sweeter dreams.
Yep, Rebecca thought as her heart filled. A total cutie.
It was a pleasure to tuck the little girl’s covers around her and tiptoe to the door. The throbbing blue light from the distant TV made the hallway feel surreal, as if this was but a dream, a vision of
what she’d always wanted for herself.
Those things were so far away now. Okay, it was her decision to institute a No Man policy and that was great because it kept her heart safe. But at the same time it felt as if time were slipping by. She’d been so busy racing to grow up, enjoying her college years and then hoping her relationship with Chris would lead her to a life like this.
It hadn’t, and now she felt empty in the pit of her stomach and in the chambers of her heart. Even in her soul, she felt alone.
She wasn’t alone. She knew that as surely as she knew there was a floor at her feet. Her faith was rock solid, her family an unbreakable support and yet she felt hollow, as if she were missing a great part of herself.
No, she corrected, she was missing these dreams of children and marriage, of home and a future.
She checked again on Tyler, who slept on his side facing the wall so all she could see of him was tufts of brown hair and his Dalmatian asleep on the foot of his bed. Lucky lifted his head a few inches and his tail thumped against the blankets as if to say, “No worries. I’m keeping watch.”
She wandered back to the TV, hardly noticing the hospital drama flashing across the screen. The sound was low so as not to disturb the kids, and she could barely hear the dialogue. She settled onto the couch as her mind drifted back over the day. She resisted the urge to go dig in her bag to check her cell phone, with the ringer off. She guessed that Chris had probably called a half-dozen times. Should she deal with it now, or wait until later?
Later, she thought as she grabbed the remote and hit the off button. Definitely later. What was really calling her name was the triple-chocolate cream pie Danielle had left for dessert. Whatever the trouble, didn’t chocolate always make it better?
She was plating a nice creamy piece when she heard the garage door crank open. It sounded as though Danielle and Jonas were home. Sure enough, a few minutes later the two of them came through the door. The security system chimed their arrival. It was simple to tell by the happiness on her sister’s face that they’d had a good time. Jonas, leaning tiredly on his cane, gave her a nod of thanks, a kind “good-night” and headed down the hall, no doubt to check on the kids.
Danielle set her purse on the end of the counter. “Would you mind cutting me one of those?”
“I’ve got a plate right here.” She knew her sister well and her weakness for chocolate. “You didn’t have dessert tonight?”
“Dinner was so good, I didn’t save any room.” Dani headed to the fridge and took out a gallon of milk. “The movie was great, though. It was about a pair of cops. Jonas really enjoyed all the action.”
“He misses his old job.” In an instant, things could change in a person’s life. Life happened and sometimes it was never the same. Take Jonas for example. Over a year ago, he’d been doing his job as a state trooper and got shot on a routine traffic stop. His life and Dani’s had taken a new direction they never expected.
“Yes,” Danielle answered sadly. “He loves staying home with the kids and being a full-time dad, but he misses being a trooper, too.”
God had been gracious. Jonas was doing fine and their family was stronger than ever, but it hadn’t been easy. Life gave a person a certain amount of battle scars. Although she hadn’t gone through anything nearly as traumatic as Jonas had, she had her own emotional scars.
What she’d gone through with Chris and his final battle, as she thought of it, had been life changing for her. And if her big brother, Spence, hadn’t come to her rescue, she hated to think what would have happened. She wondered where she would be right now if she hadn’t met Chris.
“You seem a million miles away.” Danielle took two glasses down from the cupboard and began filling them. “You get that troubled look when Chris has been bothering you. Has he been calling?”
“He’s started up again. You know how he does.”
“I do. Have you answered?”
“No, and I’m avoiding his calls because I know he wants to start things up again.”
“And you don’t want that, right?”
“Right. Don’t worry. I’m through with Chris. I’m through with men. I’m going to be just fine.” She gave a generous piece of pie to her sister. “Does Jonas want any?”
“No. He’s pretty tired and besides, he’s a gem about leaving us girls to talk.”
“He’s pretty great to you.” Rebecca took two forks from the drawer.
“I know. I thank God for him every day.” Warm and loving and totally devoted to her husband—that was Danielle. “You didn’t answer my question, you know.”
“Sorry. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” And there it was, what she’d been trying not to think about all evening: her mess of a life.
“We can talk about it. Maybe I can help. Or maybe we can try to brainstorm. There have got to be some great single men out there that you can date.” Danielle carried the milk back to the fridge, and in the wan light from inside the door she looked exceptionally pale and tired.
There had been a lot on her shoulders when Jonas had first been hurt, but now that he was much better, Danielle was back to her old self. Except for tonight.
“Forget my problems,” she said. “I should be asking you if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.” Danielle closed the fridge door and waved away her concern.
“You don’t look like you’re getting enough sleep or something. I work until four tomorrow, but I can come by after and help out. Maybe make dinner for you?”
“That’s great of you, Becca, but it’s not necessary.” She took both glasses to the table. “I’m just a little tired. I’m still adjusting to working full-time is all.”
“Are you sure?” She followed her sister, plates in hand.
“Positive.” Danielle had taken a management job at their family’s bookstore. Finances were thin with Jonas on long-term disability. “Do me a favor and don’t tell anyone, okay? You know how the family is. No one needs to get all worried about me. It’s nothing a little chocolate won’t cure.”
She knew how that felt. She slipped the plates on the table and took one of the chairs across from her sister. It was nice; she loved Danielle’s home. There were pictures on the walls and toys clustered in the corners and love that filled each room as unmistakable as air.
This is what she’d always wanted for herself. A stable marriage. A warm, loving home. A couple of kids to look after. She’d always just wanted to be a mom. Nothing else. She’d gone to college because her parents had expected it and her grandmother had been so proud of her.
But she’d had a hard time deciding on what to really do with her life. All of her friends seemed to know—they were biology majors, business majors, psych majors. It seemed everyone was so focused, except for her. Now she was through with a graduate degree and she still felt as if she were wandering through life.
Letting Chris go had meant letting go of her dreams. It had been the right thing to do. Absolutely. But just because she’d given her worries and her wishes up to God didn’t mean she now knew what to do with her life in the meantime. Her future was one blank slate. She was afraid that she would spend too many years alone, wishing for what she did not have. Worse, she didn’t know what to do with her life now, without those dreams.
“You look pretty serious,” Danielle said around a bite of pie. “Want to talk about it?”
Yes. No. Too personal. Rebecca took a bit of creamy pie so she didn’t have to answer. She wanted to tell Dani about meeting Chad, but if she did, then her sister would so get the wrong idea. Best to keep quiet. It was strange how just thinking about him, about how calm and steady he seemed and how kind his eyes, made her feel better.
Well, maybe he was one of the good guys, she thought, and how nice would that be? It was always helpful to have a decent, nice guy living next door. He’d been a definite knight in shining armor. You never know, she might need that again sometime. Or, better yet, she might be able to return the favor.
She t
ook a sip of milk. “I so don’t want to talk about my problems. Tell me how your evening went.”
“It was wonderful.” Danielle lit up. “Jonas and I had the best time. We went to the museum and looked at dinosaurs.”
“Didn’t you two take the kids there about a month ago?”
“Yes. And the kids got to see everything while Jonas and I were watching the kids.” Dani laughed happily. “Jonas remembered that every time I wanted to stop and look at something, Madison had a tantrum, bless her. She was simply so excited by the displays and the people. Oh, and she had been wearing her newest mermaid princess outfit. I had my hands full trying to keep up with her and keeping her in a good mood.”
“So Jonas took you back on a date night.” Rebecca couldn’t help sighing. Jonas was definitely one of the good guys, too. See, in the long run, the women in her family had a good history of finding the right kind of men, the kind you could count on. Maybe she wouldn’t always have to have a No Man policy. Maybe one day far down the road, when her heart was ready to trust again, God would find someone for her. She had to hope that she wasn’t marked by her early years, or the painful, bad relationship with Chris.
Have faith, she told herself and took another bite of pie. The chocolate had helped. By the time she pulled into her driveway, she was totally feeling better.
There was a small shadow sitting on her lit front porch. She squinted into the twilight shadows and stopped the car. Why, it looked as if someone had laid a stick in front of her door. No, not a stick. She left the engine idling and stepped into the warm evening winds. A dowel.
A handwritten note was taped to it, bold script on a ripped piece of notebook paper. To keep you safe and sound.
She grimaced inwardly. How was she going to keep from liking him now? Chad Lawson was definitely one of the good guys.