Touch (The Pagano Family Book 2)

by Susan Fanetti

  After a couple of hours, they all had armloads of purchases. Dottie and Carmen had both needed to go to their cars at some point to offload. Manny was excited because she’d found Luca a birthday present. He was a December baby, his birthday coming a couple of weeks before Christmas. She’d found him a framed poster for a boxing match from the 1940s. Having never bought a present for someone without being told exactly what to buy, she was nervous. But she’d been confident enough to try, anyway—and Carmen and Sabina had approved, which helped. She had been thinking a lot about his birthday. She wanted to make it as good as he’d made hers.

  oOo

  They had lunch at a Mexican place near the mall, and there was an awkward moment when Rosa suggested they all get margaritas. Everybody turned to Manny. Dottie gave her a supportive, knowing smile.

  “Go ahead, guys. I don’t mind. Think of me as your designated driver. But if you all get trashed and start throwing your bras around or something, I’m taking video.” Everyone laughed, and the weird moment was broken. Manny felt like she was getting better at that, understanding when things got tense and figuring out what to do to fix it.

  The Pagano women ordered drinks. In apparent solidarity with her, Dottie did not. They had iced tea instead. They placed their orders and, when the waiter—who Rosa thought was cute—left, they started chatting. Mainly they talked about the mall, which led to talking about Dottie’s garden, which somehow led to talking about their men. Manny had been paying attention, listening more than talking, but she still had no idea how talking about mosaics and the right plants for the pots Dottie had bought managed within fifteen minutes to be a discussion of men.

  And, oh. Ten minutes later it was a discussion of Luca specifically. Conversations were weird.

  Dottie swallowed a bite of her enchiladas and asked Carmen, “What about Luca?” And Manny had to replay part of the conversation to figure out why she was asking. Oh. Sabina and Carmen had been talking about the Carlos Sr. and Jr. and their strong competitive streaks.

  Sitting across the table, Carmen laughed, her eyes on Manny. “Luca’s the most competitive of any of us.”

  Manny added, “God. He plays every game like he bet his life savings on it. Even Clue. You’re all pretty much like that, though.” She turned to her mother. “When we play games, they all look like they’re going to start punching.” She thought about it for a minute. “Actually, sometimes when you all are just talking, it feels like everybody’s mad. It took me a while to work out that that’s just how you talk.”

  Rosa and Carmen thought that was hilarious. When she caught her breath, Rosa said, “You’re not the first person to say that. I guess we get a little intense. And Luca and Carlo can really go at it…” She trailed off oddly, and Carmen and Sabina both looked down at their plates.

  “That surprises me,” Dottie filled the sudden quiet. “Luca seems steady.”

  Carmen nodded. “Oh, he is. Luca is…unaffected. If you get what I mean. He is more comfortable in his own skin than anyone else I know. He’s got this internal compass, I guess, that makes him sure what’s right, and he just does it. Not a lot of angst or anything. And he doesn’t care what people think. I mean, I don’t either, but—”

  “Sure, you do,” Rosa cut in.

  And the conversation took another strange turn. Carmen scowled at her much younger sister. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yeah. You’re angry all the time because you don’t like the way people think. Or the way they act. You do stuff on purpose to piss people off. You care. It just pisses you off.”

  Manny took a serious look at Rosa. She came off like what Manny thought of as a ‘mall girl’: super trendy clothes, her hair dyed stylishly, always made up, always with her phone and its cover of pink rhinestones at hand. She had the strongest Rhody accent of any of the siblings. Of anybody at the table, too.

  She’d been texting at the table, tapping away with her perfectly manicured nails, the ring fingers done as accents, until Sabina had asked her to put it away—at which point, Rosa had tucked the phone into her Coach bag.

  Though Rosa was finishing a degree in political science, which seemed like a pretty serious thing to study, Manny had a tendency not to pay her much attention. She wasn’t around much, and she was usually distracted, anyway. Manny had judged her quickly, deciding she was shallow and uninteresting. But now she was being all insightful—and, in Manny’s estimation, brave, because Carmen was angry a lot.

  It was something Manny liked about her. Like hard touch, hard feelings were easier for her to get hold of right away. Carmen got pissed quickly, and she spoke her mind when she did. Manny felt more readily comfortable, generally, with people like that. When people were always nice, Manny found herself waiting for their other, nasty, more real side to show up.

  Except Sabina. For some reason, Sabina just felt like a good person straight through. She’d never known anybody as calm. Not even Dottie was as calm as Sabina. Manny half expected baby animals and small children to flock to her feet.

  But Carmen wasn’t like that, and right now, she was not amused. “Rosa, love. Shut your trap.”

  “You know I’m right.”

  Manny began rethinking her feelings about Rosa.

  The table was quiet while Carmen and Rosa stared at each other. Manny looked to Sabina—usually she was the moderator among the Paganos, as far as Manny had been able to tell. But she was simply eating, one corner of her mouth turned up a little.

  Manny turned to Dottie, who seemed fascinated but not upset—at least, Manny didn’t think so.

  And then Carmen smiled and shook her head. “I’m not always angry.”

  “If you say so, Caramel.” Rosa shrugged and dug back into her taco salad. And everything was good with everybody again. Someday, Manny hoped she’d be able to stay on the runaway train that was this family dynamic.

  Carmen sighed. “As I was saying—you get what you see with Luca.” She turned to Manny. “Maybe that’s why you two work. You’re both like that.”

  Manny shrugged. “I guess. But it’s a choice for him. I just don’t know any other way to be.”

  “I think Luca also doesn’t know, Manny.” Sabina set her fork down. “He sees more clearly, yes. I think that’s true. But it would not occur to him to make a different choice. He knows to follow his heart only.” She smiled across the table at Dottie. “He is a good man, Dottie. Your daughter is in good hands. And I think he is, too.”

  oOo

  As they were walking to their respective vehicles, Dottie turned to Manny. “I want to hug you, babe. Is that okay?”

  Manny nodded. It remained difficult to be touched by anyone but Luca—and even by him, occasionally. But she was getting better at allowing touch. Her parents rarely touched her because they knew she didn’t like it. But not until Luca had pointed it out had she fully considered that they needed touch from her—that it would be a gesture of love to let them hug her and to hug them back. So she was working on that.

  When Dottie put her arms around her, Manny did the same. She even squeezed a little, making her mother jump. And then Dottie squeezed, too. Just gently.

  When they pulled back, Dottie’s eyes were wet. “Thank you for today, babe.”

  “It was Sabina’s idea.”

  “It doesn’t matter. This was a good day. You have more family than you did. I’m glad to see it. You’re gonna be okay.”

  Manny smiled. She thought so, too. “I love you, Dottie.”

  Dottie’s smile beamed brightly. “I love you, too. How would you feel if we brought everybody over to the house now for cake and coffee? Wind the day up sweet?”

  “Is Dimi there?” Her brother had moved back in with their folks.

  “He could be. I don’t know.”

  Manny shook her head. She could be around him sometimes, but she didn’t want to end this day with him in her head, and she didn’t want the Pagano women around if she got too stressed out.

  Dottie’s smile was gone. “Ok
ay. I understand. Tell Luca your dad and I say hi.”

  Manny nodded and climbed into the back seat of Carmen’s truck.

  oOo

  A few days later, Manny was at the gym, messing with the heavy bag while Luca and Anthony worked. The heavy bag was the first workout thing she’d ever done, and it continued to be her favorite. There was just something cool about punching and kicking that thing. A lot of the gym rats laughed at her, she knew. Some of them even teased her. But she didn’t mind. She didn’t mind that there were almost no women around ever except her and Tonya and Jana. And Manny was, by far, the smallest and probably the silliest looking.

  Tonya was a good trainer and was working with her for free, for reasons Manny had not discerned. Because she was a nice person, maybe. She’d taught her some self-defense stuff and some cool Muay Thai and Jujitsu moves. She’d showed her how to lift weights, too. Manny felt like a badass doing it all. But the heavy bag was her real love.

  Tonya wasn’t around on this night, so Manny did a weight circuit and then went to the bag. When her arms got noodly, she went back to the miniscule women’s locker room and showered, then sat and watched Luca and the Beav train.

  The past couple of weeks or so, things were different between those two. Manny could tell, but she couldn’t figure out why. They were quieter or something. Luca was quieter in general, lately. Since the night he hadn’t come home—that was how she’d started thinking about him being at her place, as being home—and she’d gone to his apartment and raged out, he’d been preoccupied and quiet. Since before that, really. But he’d told her it wasn’t about them, and she believed him. So she let him be.

  Maybe he was just tired. He’d had two full-time jobs now for months. But Anthony was doing well. She would have thought he’d be pumped about that. He had his biggest fight yet coming up; maybe they were just stressed about that.

  Manny had stressors of her own looming ahead of her. Her first holiday season with the Paganos. They were doing everything twice—two meals on Thanksgiving, starting with his family and ending with hers. And Christmas Eve—including Mass—with the Paganos and then Christmas Day with her family. She’d see Dmitri both holidays. She hated being around her brother right now.

  They were on speaking terms, because Dottie had put them at the dining room table and made them talk. But she’d never trust him again. And he was mad at her, too. The band was dead, and Gigi was gone, and Seth, who held the lease on the house, had thrown him out, so now Dmitri was living at home, doing nothing but working his crappy barista job. Apparently, as far as he was concerned, Manny was to blame. Because she’d been a bitch to Gigi.

  She had, in fact, been a bitch to Gigi—but there had been mutual bitchiness going on, and Manny hadn’t started it. And dosing somebody was, like, top-shelf bitchiness, anyway. But he wasn’t getting laid, and he wasn’t playing Rock God, and he was sleeping in his twin bed with the race cars carved into the headboard. He wanted somebody to blame, and he’d picked Manny.

  Well, fuck him very much.

  Strange to say it, but she preferred being at the Pagano house more than her own right now. Even though those people were loud and nuts in their own special way. She was figuring out their chaos. Last weekend, she’d even spent some time with Trey, coloring in coloring books with him, and Carlo had not had an armed guard watching over them. Trey had gotten bossy about what colors were right to use—Manny didn’t like to do ‘normal’ colors, so all of her people had rainbow skin—and she’d ended up arguing with a five-year-old boy.

  Possibly not her greatest moment.

  She hadn’t made him cry or anything, though. He’d finally rolled his eyes and told her that she could do what she wanted, but Ms. Biondi wouldn’t put a picture like that on the gold star board. She’d told him that she didn’t think she liked Ms. Biondi, then. When Trey replied that he didn’t, either, Manny grinned and held up her hand. He’d high-fived her, the slap ringing loudly.

  When she looked across the room, she met Carlo’s eyes. He’d been watching, and after a beat, he turned away. She had been worried that she’d done something wrong, but Luca later asked her what she’d done to finally warm Carlo up.

  Winning the Paganos over, one by one. Without even trying.

  Luca and Anthony were wrapping up. Anthony leaned back against the corner of the ring, and Luca loomed over him, talking, his face serious. Anthony nodded every few seconds. Bored, Manny scanned the room. In her experience, the gym was never especially crowded, but this late in the evening, it really tended to thin out. So Manny heard the front door open, and she turned to see who it was. She knew most of the regulars now, at least by face and name.

  A heavy man came in, dressed all in black, and Manny recognized him right away, though he wasn’t a regular at the gym. He was probably three hundred pounds, bald, with a severely trimmed black beard just on his jawline. Distinctive looking, even if she hadn’t had her hands all over his wicked hairy, naked body earlier that day. She’d done a sixty-minute shiatsu on him. He’d kept a big gold chain on, and it had gotten in her way repeatedly when she worked on his shoulders. She scanned her memory for his name. Mr. Carrow, she thought.

  She hated seeing massage clients out in the real world. Her job meant she got up into people’s intimate spaces, and that was only safe behind the door of a massage suite. That hadn’t been true about Luca, but it was true for everybody else.

  But Luca was coming out of the ring, so she couldn’t disappear. She made herself as small as she could; his big body would block her.

  He cocked his head at her as he came to the bench she was sitting on. “What’s up? You look freaked, bit.”

  She shook her head. “It’s stupid. That guy that just came in? I gave him a massage today. I don’t like seeing clients away from work. It’s gross.”

  He turned and went still. She was as effectively blocked from seeing Mr. Carrow as Mr. Carrow hopefully was from seeing her, so she didn’t know what was going on. Off to her side, though, Anthony had frozen, too.

  Luca turned back. “That guy came to you for a massage? You’re sure?”

  “Yeah. Sixty-minute shiatsu.”

  “This is important, Manny. Did he ask for you or just happen to get you?”

  “I don’t know. I could find out tomorrow, but it doesn’t show up on my schedule as anything but a name, a time, and what massage they want. Do you know him?”

  Instead of answering her question, he muttered, “Fuck!” Then he took her arm. “Go back to the office. George is in there. Tell him I said I wanted you to hang out in there for a minute. Stay put until I get you, okay?”

  He was hurting her with his grip. And his hand was shaking. Something was really wrong. So she nodded and turned around, headed straight for the office.

  George was the night manager at the gym. He was a nice, older guy. Apparently, he’d been a badass boxer in his day, and his face sure showed it, but now he was a grandpa type, in baggy chinos and cardigans, sitting in the office smoking a stogie, watching television, and doing paperwork.

  She knocked on the open door. “Hey, George. Luca wants me to hang out in here with you for a minute. That okay?”

  He gave her a hawkish look. Around the stogie clenched in his teeth, he said, “Sure, pretty. What’s going on out there?”

  Manny sat in a torn armchair and shrugged. “Some guy came in. Luca’s freaking. I don’t know why.” Well, she did know why. A little. But she didn’t understand.

  George nodded, stood, went to an umbrella stand next to an ancient metal file cabinet, and pulled out an aluminum bat. He laid it on his desk, sat back down, and went back to his paperwork.

  Luca came in after five or ten minutes. He seemed pale. “Come on, bit. Let’s go home.”

  She stood. “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s gonna be okay.”

  oOo

  Suddenly, Manny had a bodyguard around the clock. When Luca couldn’t be with her, then John, or Hugh, or Luca’s fight
buddy Vaughn, or somebody was lurking around her work or sitting in her apartment. Or Luca would send her to the Pagano house to hang out with his family. And he wouldn’t let her go to the gym at all.

  But he wouldn’t tell her why. He said only that the guy she’d massaged was a bad guy, and he needed to keep her safe. It turned out that the guy had asked for her specifically at work. The thought that she’d had her hands on some guy who was so bad that he scared Luca like this had her well and truly grossed out. So she didn’t fight him. She did what he asked.