by Sadie Moss
I looked away from the sight. It made me a little sad to see, knowing he’d never smile like that at anything I said.
“So, what do you guys know about the Lost Pack?” I asked, diverting my thoughts away from things that made me want to cry.
“Not too much. Not much more than we already told you, anyway.” Noah turned away from the window, shifting his gray-blue gaze to me. “We learned about it from a shifter who was held in the San Diego complex with us. I’m not sure how he heard about it, but he seemed pretty damned sure it was real.”
“It makes sense. We’re pack creatures by nature, and some of the early test subjects were more wolf than human.” Jackson flashed a quick look toward the driver’s seat, and I was sure he was remembering Rhys’s lapse.
I shivered. Did they all struggle to control their animals like that, or did it affect Rhys in particular for some reason? Why him?
“Yeah. It does make sense. The only shitty part is, this guy didn’t have much more than a vague idea where they were. It’s not like he gave us GPS coordinates or anything.” Noah grimaced. “And that was six years ago. A lot could’ve happened since then.”
“Do you think they’ll help you break back into Strand? Help you search for Sariah?”
“Who knows.” Jackson’s amber eyes glittered as a shaft of sunlight cut through the window. “I sure as shit hope so, though. We need to stick together. Protect our own. It’s the only way to fight back.”
I bit my lip. Protect their own. Right.
When they’d dragged me away from the Strand complex, I’d been a mess of emotions. I’d been relieved to learn I wasn’t really sick, even though I still couldn’t quite get used to the idea. I’d spent so much of my life seeing myself that way that it was hard to change my self-perception. I’d been living in the outside world for days now, and except for that first night, when shock and cold had overtaken me, I felt perfectly healthy.
But the flip side of that had been the discovery that I was a not-quite-human experiment—a wolf shifter.
But… was I?
Rhys had been right. They’d assumed I was a shifter because that was what most of the Strand’s clandestine tests focused on. But maybe I was some other kind of experiment entirely.
I’d been horrified by the idea of being part wolf at first, but now, the idea that I might not be made acid churn in my gut. For the first time in my life, I’d started to feel like I belonged somewhere. And now I felt anchorless, adrift.
“—if they even care about what’s going on at Strand.” Noah’s soft voice came from beside me, and I realized I’d gotten lost in my own thoughts while the conversation continued around me. “If they’ve been hiding out for years, maybe they have no interest in going back.”
“Well, we won’t know until we ask,” West said firmly. “Anyway, maybe some of them will have information that can help us. If they’ve escaped from other compounds, maybe one of them knows where Sariah is. If they won’t help us, we can try again ourselves. But we need to start somewhere.”
“You guys never give up, do you?”
The words fell from my lips before I considered them, and I saw Rhys’s shoulders tense. Shit.
West shot a glance at his friend before turning around to face me. “No. We don’t. And we won’t until we find Sariah, or… find out there’s no reason to keep searching anymore.”
“She’s lucky.” I leaned forward slightly, my words meant for Rhys most of all. He might not like me, but I wanted him to know how much I respected his dedication to his sister. “She’s lucky to have a brother like you. To have all of you on her side. I’m sure wherever she is, whatever she’s going through, she knows that. She knows you’re coming for her.”
I reached forward and rested my hand on his arm tentatively. The muscle tensed like a rock under my touch as a small breath escaped his lips. A tear welled from the corner of his eye, and although he blinked harder, he didn’t wipe it away.
The drive took over eighteen hours.
We didn’t stop, except for food, gas, and bathroom breaks—half of which were instigated by me. I’d never thought I had an exceptionally small bladder, but considering how shocked the guys acted every time I requested a rest stop, maybe I did.
Or they were all secretly part camel as well as being part wolf.
Jackson eventually got tired of asking if we were there yet. And when he started up again on hour seventeen, the teasing tone was gone from his voice, replaced by a restless desperation.
West had been kidding about wolves not taking road trips, but he’d had a point. Especially after nearly a week confined to a single hotel room, spending endless hours stuck in a small metal box seemed to make everyone antsy.
The guys traded off driving, although Rhys insisted on taking the longest shifts. I could feel something building inside him the closer we got to Washington—hope warring with fear.
No one asked me to drive, which was fine by me. I’d gotten a fake driver’s license from Carl, but I definitely hadn’t earned it through a demonstration of actual skill. I’d never even been behind the wheel before. And I wasn’t about to start now with a truck full of people I cared about.
I dozed off in the late hours of the night, losing my struggle to keep my eyelids open. Somehow, I ended up horizontal on the bench seat in the back, my head resting on Noah’s lap and my feet cradled by West’s large hands. It wasn’t the most comfortable position—the seat belt clip dug into my side, and the synthetic leather scent of the upholstery tickled my nose. But Noah’s strong fingers tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp, and the warmth of West’s palms on the skin of my ankles sent heat radiating through me, and before I knew it, I was asleep.
“Hey, Scrubs. Wake up.”
The truck lurched slightly as we slowed. I jerked awake, trying to reorient myself. My sleep had been deep and dreamless, and I had no idea how long I’d been out.
Warm dawn light filled the truck. I sat up, surreptitiously checking Noah’s pant leg for any drool spots. There were none, thank God. I’d already drooled on him once, and that was one more time than I wished I had.
“Are we there?” I asked, my voice rough from sleep.
“Yep! Finally!” Jackson turned back from the front passenger seat, his amber eyes lit up like the sun blazing over the horizon.
“Well, we’re not actually there. We’re at the starting point of our search. But we’ll have to do the rest on foot,” West corrected.
“Right.” I peered out the truck window. We were in a small, mostly empty parking lot surrounded by woods. “Is this a state park?”
“Yeah. Olympic State Park. The Lost Pack is supposedly somewhere near here. We can’t drive farther in, so we’ll leave the truck here and start looking.”
Noah smoothed back a piece of my hair that’d gotten mussed up in my sleep, then opened his door, helping me out of the large truck. While Rhys and I had been picking up the IDs, the guys had gathered supplies and packed for the journey. We had two large backpacks between us, containing food, water, and one change of clothes each, as well as some material to make a small shelter.
I couldn’t help but wonder how much of this was for my benefit. If it’d just been the guys, would they have traveled even lighter? Were they making accommodations for me because I couldn’t shift?
All the more reason for me to leave them to hunt for Sariah on their own. They didn’t need a human tagging along after them, slowing them down.
We set off through the woods. When we were out of sight of the parking lot, Rhys and West stripped and shifted into their wolf forms. I busied myself gathering up their clothes so my gaze wouldn’t stray to parts it shouldn’t… although it definitely did anyway.
We walked for most of the day, following the lead of the two wolves as they kept their noses to the ground or occasionally lifted their heads to sniff the air. Unlike the first time I’d ventured through the wilderness with them, I kept pace much more easily this time. I felt better too. Strong
er.
As we made our way through the forest, a silent struggle waged in my head. I’d talked myself out of sneaking away when we’d stopped at a gas station in the middle of the night. It hadn’t been the right time or place, I’d told myself. But I was starting to worry that if I waited much longer, I’d never work up the courage to do what I had to.
Tonight. I’ll go tonight.
It would be easier when everyone was asleep. I could slip away and get a good head start before they even noticed I was gone. And by now, they were so close to reaching their goal of finding the Lost Pack that I didn’t think they’d abandon it just to come looking for me. Rhys, especially, would want to stick to their plan.
Resolve tightened my shoulders, and a silent countdown started in my head, ticking down the minutes I had left with these men who had so completely overtaken my heart and mind in the short time I’d known them. I found myself staring at each one, appreciating the masculine good looks of Noah and Jackson, and the wild beauty of Rhys and West’s wolves.
By the time we stopped to make camp for the night, I was wound up so tight I could barely move without shaking. We ate pre-packed sandwiches by the light of a small flashlight, and the food felt like lead in my stomach.
Then Noah pulled out a small down sleeping bag from one of the packs. He laid it on the ground for me before he and Jackson shifted too. It was easier for wolves to sleep in the elements than humans. None of them needed sleeping bags to get comfortable like I did.
Pushing aside my embarrassment at my weakness, I crawled inside the puffy cocoon and turned off the flashlight.
Soft huffing sounds filtered to my ears as the wolves settled in, curling up into tight circles with their noses tucked into the crooks of their back legs. I waited, trying to keep my breathing regulated. It seemed to take hours, but I didn’t move until I was sure they were all asleep.
I didn’t dare poke around in the dark trying to find anything to take with me. And there was nothing I needed anyway. Jackson had given me some cash at one of the rest stops so I could buy whatever food I wanted, and my IDs were still safely tucked away in my pockets. They’d given me so much already, and since I was taking the coward’s way out and slipping away without saying goodbye, I wouldn’t add insult to injury by stealing from them too.
Quietly as I could, I slipped my boots back on and crept away from the small, makeshift camp. When I slipped behind a large tree, I paused, turning to peer around its trunk one last time. In the darkness, all I could see were four mounds of fur on the ground—two gray and two white. If I hadn’t known what to look for, I might not have even noticed them.
Four wolves. Four men. Four pieces of my heart I hadn’t meant to give up.
I wished more than anything I belonged with them.
But I didn’t.
Chapter Twenty-One
I moved slowly, stepping carefully to make sure I didn’t break twigs or crunch gravel under my booted feet. As I got farther away from the camp, I picked up the pace, worrying less about making noise.
The moon was a silver arc in the sky, too small to provide much light, but my eyes adjusted eventually—enough to keep me from running into trees at least. Little ripples of fear coursed through me at the strange and unfamiliar sounds of the Washington wilderness that echoed through the darkness.
But more than that, I felt sad.
I tried not to think about the men I’d left behind, but it was an impossible goal. I missed them already.
From the moment I’d met the four shifter pack mates, they’d taken over my life completely. I hadn’t had to think about where to go or what to do next because I was with them, and they had a plan. But I had liked that. At first, I’d been such a mess I needed someone else to tell me where to go and what to do—I wouldn’t have been able to function without guidance. But after a while, when my shock had faded, I’d liked it for a different reason.
I’d liked being part of something bigger than myself. Being part of a group, a team… a family.
I bit my lip, my footsteps faltering as my vision blurred with tears.
You can make that for yourself, Alexis. Somehow. Somewhere.
The promise seemed empty, but I let it buoy my spirits as I wended my way through the dark forest.
Then a noise came from behind me, and I froze.
My heart sped up, hammering so hard in my chest it was hard to concentrate on anything else. I pricked my ears, searching for another hint of the sound.
There it was again.
A low, rumbling growl.
Oh shit.
I hadn’t waited long enough. One of the wolves had noticed me sneak away and followed me.
Damn it. So much for leaving quietly. This was exactly what I’d hoped to avoid. I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength of will to walk away if Noah turned his beautiful, sweet gray eyes on me. Or if Jackson gave me his lopsided grin.
Gritting my teeth, I turned slowly. “You caught me. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to sneak away like this, I just thought it was…”
My words fell to a whisper and died.
Yellow eyes peered out of the brush a few yards behind me.
Not wolf eyes.
These were feline. Large and predatory.
For a moment, our gazes locked—human and animal. Then, with no warning, no sign, the mountain lion leapt toward me.
I barely got my sluggish body to move in time. As the creature flew at me, teeth bared, I threw myself to the side, rolling over the rough ground. I scrambled to my feet, swiveling my head to track the mountain lion’s movement as it landed gracefully. Its tail flicked, a gesture that seemed to convey annoyance. I wasn’t being good, easy prey.
But that was about to change. Fuck. There was no way I could run or hide from this thing, and even less chance I could fight back. I couldn’t even escape up a tree, since I was sure it was a better climber than I was.
Desperately, I searched inside myself for any sign of the wolf the guys had thought I might possess. If I was truly a shifter, now would be a really good time for me to shift—it might be the only thing that could save my life.
Please. Please, please, please!
But there was nothing there. No wolf rose up from inside my soul. Nothing changed in my body or my mind.
I was still just Alexis. A terrified woman who was about to be mauled by a wild animal.
The mountain lion leapt for me again, and I screamed, ducking behind a large tree.
But not fast enough.
Its large paw caught my arm, the force of the blow sending me reeling as its claws tore through my skin. I fell onto my butt, sharp pain flaring in my limb as my hands reached out to catch me.
Yellow eyes fixed on me, the mountain lion stalked forward. I shuffled backward, acidic fear rising in my throat.
No. I can’t die like this. Not after everything I’ve survived so far. I may not be a wolf, but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless.
Forcing down the panic threatening to overwhelm my mind, I reached out blindly, running my hands over the ground in search of some kind of weapon. The mountain lion advanced, its lips drawing back from its sharp teeth as it neared me.
My hand closed around a large dead tree limb. It was so big I could barely grasp it, but I wrapped my other hand around it too, scrambling to my feet as the mountain lion charged toward me again.
I swung the limb with all my might, connecting solidly with the animal’s head.
It let out a yowl of pain, stumbling sideways as the force of my blow knocked it off balance. It regained its footing, shaking its head.
Oh fuck. Maybe I’d just made it mad.
I stood my ground, holding the heavy branch aloft with both hands even as my muscles shook with fear and adrenaline. I’d gotten lucky with that hit, and I knew it. I wouldn’t be so lucky again.
The big cat yowled, an almost plaintive sound. Then it turned away from me and slunk off through the trees.
The branch fell to the ground with a thud as
my grip gave out. I let out a shuddering breath, dropping to my knees on the damp, mossy earth. My sleeve was shredded and soaked with blood, but I couldn’t feel any pain in my arm yet. It would set in soon enough though. I needed to get out of here.
After a few moments, I slowly staggered to my feet. My knees wobbled but held.
Then a new sound reached my ears, and my heart sank. Something else was moving through the underbrush toward me, fast from the sound of it.
I spun toward the noise just as a large gray wolf burst out of the trees. His body began to morph and ripple, and a moment later, Rhys stood before me—naked and more furious than I’d ever seen him.
He stalked toward me, bright blue eyes flashing in the dim light. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
When he grabbed me by the arms, I felt the pain of my injury in a rush. I hissed a cry, and he released his grip immediately, his gaze flying to my bloodstained sleeve.
“Fuck.”
Without asking, he grabbed the neckline of my long-sleeved tee in both hands, ripping it cleanly down the front. I yelped, but he was already tugging the ruined shirt off me, leaving me in just my bra. The fabric chafed as he pulled it over my wounds, and I grunted in pain.
“What are you doing?” I glared at him angrily, covering my breasts with my hands.
“Bandaging your fucking injuries. What do you think?” His glare matched mine as he tore my shirt into strips.
When he was done, he pulled my arm away from my body, stepping closer to me. I was supremely conscious of his nakedness as his body crowded mine, the warmth from his skin radiating into my own exposed flesh. With practiced precision, he began wrapping the pieces of my shirt tightly around my arm. The makeshift bandages stung, but the pressure against my wounds seemed to help.
“Now, are you going to answer my question?” His sharp gaze met mine as he worked, his voice hard as steel. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
If one of the others had found me, I might’ve been tempted to deny it. But the leftover adrenaline still coursing through my veins combined with my growing anger at Rhys made me bluntly honest.