Mixed Blessings

by Danielle Steel

  “Do you think you should go up too?” Gayle asked her husband, and he teased her.

  “I thought you told me to mind my own business.”

  “Maybe I was wrong.”

  “She probably ate too much. They’ll call me if they need me. And even if she is going into labor, this is her first baby. She could walk to the hospital from here, and still have plenty of time.”

  “Very funny. You know how I am.” She had barely made it to the hospital for her first two, and he had delivered her last one in their kitchen.

  “Everyone’s different,” he reminded her, and Diana had certainly proved that by seeming to be sterile, and taking two years to get pregnant.

  But Andy came downstairs a few minutes later, looking worried. “She says she’s sick to her stomach,” he said to Jack quietly. “She threw up a few times, and now she says she has terrible cramps. I thought I should take her home, but she doesn’t want to move. She said she hurt her back helping Mom with dinner.” Jack listened, and took the stairs in twos on his way up to Diana as Andy followed.

  “Hi, there,” Jack said cheerfully to her, “I hear you’ve been attacked by a wild turkey.”

  “I feel awful,” she admitted, and as she said it, she winced and held her huge belly.

  “What kind of awful?” he asked calmly, but he already knew, and he was stunned when he felt her stomach. It was as hard as rock and she was having a huge contraction.

  “I feel sick, and I’ve got awful cramps … and my back …” She rolled away then, and clutched the bed as she had another pain. “I think I have food poisoning … but don’t tell Mom …” She looked pale as she turned to face him again and he smiled.

  “I don’t think so. I think you’re in labor.”

  “Now?” She looked stunned and a little frightened. “But it’s not time.”

  “Looks to me like it is.” And as he said it, she had another contraction. He timed this one and it was long and hard, and he wondered how fast they were coming. But in another two minutes he had his answer. He frowned as he glanced from her to Andy. “How long have you been having these?”

  “I don’t know,” Diana said vaguely, “I’ve sort of had cramps all day. I just thought it was something I ate …” She looked embarrassed now, realizing that she hadn’t known she was in labor.

  “No sign of your waters breaking?” She was much further along than he thought, and he wished he could examine her, but he wasn’t sure she’d let him.

  “No,” she said firmly in answer to his question. “Just this little trickle of something since yesterday morning, but no real gush of water,” she said, anxious to prove him wrong. She still remembered what Jane had gone through when Hilary was born, and she was scared now.

  Jack looked at Andy, and then at Di and smiled. “Sweet girl, that was your waters. It doesn’t have to be a gush. I think we’d better get you to the hospital right now.”

  But as he said it she grabbed his arm, and almost shouted, “No!… no! This is nothing …” But she was in such pain she couldn’t talk through the contraction this time, and she didn’t seem to hear them. She was panting and out of breath when it ended, and the next one came less than a minute later, and she cried as she tried to struggle. “Oh, God … what is this … Andy … Jack …” Jack hurried into the bathroom to wash his hands, and came back with a stack of towels which he quickly put beneath her, and then he gently checked her and she didn’t even seem to notice as she grabbed Andy’s arm and cried. She was fighting each pain and she couldn’t get control of what she was feeling. And then suddenly, there was a terrible burning sensation, and an unbearable pushing like an express train trying to push through her. “Oh, God … it’s coming … it’s coming …” She looked panicky as she looked from her husband to her brother-in-law, and Jack nodded and glanced at Andy.

  “Yes, it is, Di …” She was clearly about to have the baby. And he spoke very calmly to her husband. “Andy, dial 911. Call an ambulance, tell them there’s a woman giving birth here, and that there’s a physician present. She’s fine, everything’s going smoothly. She was probably in mild labor since yesterday and didn’t know it.”

  “Don’t leave me,” she cried as Andy started to go, but Jack nodded firmly and urged him to make the phone call. And as soon as Andy left the room, she had yet another powerful pain and the express train seemed to run through her again. Jack had pushed her legs wide apart by then, and he could already see the baby crowning.

  “Push, Di … come on … push that baby out …”

  “I can’t … it hurts too much … oh, God … it won’t stop … it won’t stop …” She wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t, and then Andy was with her again, and he told Jack that the ambulance was coming. And no one downstairs knew yet what was going on. There hadn’t been time to tell them.

  “Push, Di,” Jack told her when the contraction started again. They were a minute apart now, and then suddenly as she groaned horribly and Jack held her legs and Andy her shoulders, the baby almost flew out of her, and into Jack’s hands. He was a huge baby boy, with a shock of blond hair, and he looked amazingly like his baby sister. Diana looked down at him in amazement and he looked at her, and his father laughed. He was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

  Diana let her head fall back onto the bed, as she smiled up at her husband and told him how much she loved him. “He’s so beautiful … and he looks like you.” And then she looked at Jack with a shaky grin. “I guess maybe you were right …” All three of them laughed and the baby let out a wail as his uncle held him. And just as he did, they could hear the sirens outside.

  “You’d better go explain,” Jack said to Andy, who was still in shock from what had just happened. They had come for Christmas dinner, and they were going home with a baby. Nothing ever happened exactly as they planned it.

  Andy hurried downstairs and told everyone they had a son, just as his father-in-law opened the front door to the paramedics.

  “She’s up here,” Andy called, and everyone looked at him in amazement.

  “Is she all right?” her father asked as her mother and sisters hurried up the stairs, and Seamus slapped Andy on the back.

  “You don’t do things by halves, lad, do you?”

  “I guess not.”

  Jack had cleaned her up by then, and he cut the cord with the instruments the paramedics had brought, and a moment later she and the baby were well wrapped up on a stretcher and on their way out the door to the ambulance, with everyone running beside them and wishing them well. Andy thanked Jack, and Diana waved. It had been worse than she thought, and in some ways better. At least it had been quick, but it had been so intense that it had surprised her.

  And then they were in the ambulance, and Sam had promised to take Hilary home with her until Diana got back from the hospital with the baby.

  “You people certainly keep things lively around here,” their father murmured as he closed the door after they’d left, and he broke out the champagne, and poured for everyone, even a little for the children.

  “To Andrew and Diana, and their children,” he toasted solemnly, and his wife had tears in her eyes, knowing how hard it had been for them. But now they had two beautiful children.

  “He’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Diana whispered to Andy in the ambulance as she held the baby to her chest, wrapped in blankets. He was looking around with huge eyes filled with curiosity and interest. He was very alert, and he seemed very peaceful.

  “Wait till Hilary sees him,” Andy said, and they exchanged a smile. They had had two babies in nine months, from destitution to abundance almost in a single moment.

  She and the baby only stayed in the hospital overnight, and the next day they were home again, with Hilary. And they named the baby William, after her father.

  “Billy and Hillie,” Diana teased as she watched him sleeping in a crib in the corner of their bedroom. Suddenly they were surrounded by the little people they had wanted for so long,
it seemed a plethora of blessings.

  “You’re terrific,” Andy whispered as he kissed her.

  “So are you.” She kissed him back, the agony forgotten, the emptiness, the sorrow. And yet she knew that all of it had made this moment infinitely more precious.

  Andy and Diana spent their third anniversary in Hawaii, on the beach at Waikiki with their children.

  Hilary was fourteen months old by then and toddling everywhere, and discovering everything. She loved the sand and the ocean and her parents, and her baby brother William. He was a fat, healthy five and a half month old by then, cooing and gurgling and laughing. And the two of them were a handful. They were keeping Diana busy night and day and she was due to go back to her job at Today’s Home in two weeks, but only part time. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to leave her children at all, but she also wanted to give Andy a hand. With two children to support suddenly, they could use the money. And even working part time would mean sacrificing some of the luxuries they liked, but Diana just didn’t want to give up her time with the kids to go back to work full time, and Andy agreed with her completely. They had waited too long for this for her to miss it. She was already dreading the hours she’d be away from them, and she had just hired someone to come in and take care of them the days she’d be working. She was a nice German girl, who had been an au pair before, looked clean and neat, and spoke decent English. And she was only going to work for them while Diana was working. The rest of the time, Diana wanted to take care of her children herself, and Andy wanted to help her.

  He had gotten a promotion at the network that year, and he had his hands as full at the office, but he loved coming home to them, and seeing the look of contentment on her face, knowing that their dreams had come true, even on the days that the washing machine broke down and there were diapers everywhere, and Hilary had made new murals in their bedroom with Diana’s lipstick. Life would be full of that for a few years, but they both had a sense of how precious it was, and how fleeting.

  “What beautiful children you have,” a woman from Ohio said to them on the beach in Hawaii one afternoon. “How old are they?”

  “Five and fourteen months,” Diana smiled and the woman looked at her in amazement. They were even closer than her own, who had been thirteen months apart, and they had kept her plenty busy.

  “You don’t know how lucky you are to have children so easily,” she told them seriously. “You have a wonderful family. God bless you.”

  “Thank you,” Diana said with a long, slow smile at her husband.

  In June, Charlie took Beth and Annie to Rosemead one afternoon, and they drove down a quiet street toward an ominous-looking brick building. He had waited for this day for a long time, and he said nothing as he parked the car. But Beth touched his hand, she knew, and Annie sensed that this was an important moment. She knew what was happening, and why they had come, but Beth wasn’t totally sure that she understood it.

  They were ushered inside and asked to sit down. The paperwork had been started six months before, and everything appeared to be in order.

  Charlie and Beth had already come here several times for counselling, and meetings. The institution was run by nuns, and they still wore the old habit. And just being here brought back painful memories for Charlie. He had been in too many institutions just like this one. He still remembered the sound of their beads as they walked, and the cold dark nights in a narrow bed, the terrible nightmares he had, and the constant fear that he would be suffocated by asthma. Just being here made it hard for him to breathe, and instinctively he reached out for Beth’s and Annie’s hands as they waited.

  “Have you ever been here before?” Annie asked in a loud whisper, and he nodded. “I don’t like it.”

  “No one does, sweetheart. That’s why we’re here.” They were going to save one soul from this lonely prison.

  They had met the child before, and Charlie’s heart had gone out to him the moment they saw him. He was four years old, and very small, the nuns had said. He had respiratory problems when he was born, and they were sorry to tell Mr. Winwood that he had asthma. If that didn’t suit him, of course, there was a little girl … but the nuns had been startled to hear that it suited the Winwoods to perfection.

  The social workers had checked Beth and Charlie out, and they’d even spoken to Annie, and they were satisfied that the boy would have a good home. He wasn’t a baby, of course, and this could be difficult, they would have to expect a period of adjustment.

  “We know all that,” Charlie had said gently. He knew all of it, how desperately he had tried, how he had cooked and cleaned for them, and begged them to love him. And how they had always taken him back, eventually, and how it felt to be back in the iron bed on the lumpy mattress in the cold drafty dormitories he was so afraid of.

  A door opened and two nuns stepped out, Charlie could hear their beads, but when he looked up they had gentle faces, and as their Dominican robes swung, he saw the small child just behind them. He was a thin, pale little boy in corduroy pants, an old navy blue sweater and faded sneakers. He had bright red hair, and he looked at each of them with quiet terror. All morning he had hidden in his room, terrified they wouldn’t come. He already knew that people never did what they promised. The nuns had told him that the Winwoods were coming that day, but he didn’t believe them. And he knew they were taking him somewhere, but he wasn’t sure where, or for how long he was staying.

  “The Winwoods are here for you,” the taller of the two nuns said quietly, as Bernie nodded. They had actually come for him. He still couldn’t believe it.

  He looked questioningly at all three of them, as though he didn’t quite believe his eyes, as Charlie walked slowly toward him.

  “Hi, Bernie,” Annie said softly, and he wheezed. He had been having asthma attacks for days before and he was scared to death they would change their minds if they knew it.

  Charlie watched him with tears in his eyes, and then he held out his arms, and the boy came slowly to him. “We’re taking you home with us … to stay forever and ever. I want to be your dad … and this is your mom now … and Annie is your sister.”

  “Like a real family? Forever?” The child looked at him with wide eyes filled with suspicion. They had told him as much, but at four, he hadn’t totally understood it, nor did he believe them. He was just hoping they’d come and take him out again. That was all he wanted.

  “That’s right,” Charlie said calmly, feeling his heart flutter within him. He remembered so well what it was like, except that they had never said that to him. They had just told him he was coming to stay for a while, and then they would bring him back. They never made any commitment.

  “I don’t have a family. I’m an orphan.”

  “Not anymore, Bernie.” They were ready to make a total commitment to him, and the nuns all said he was a wonderful boy, very bright and good-natured and loving. He had been given up at birth, and placed in several foster homes, but no one had adopted him because of his asthma. It was just too much of a headache to cope with.

  “Could I bring my bear?” Bernie asked cautiously, glancing at Annie again. She was looking at him and smiling.

  “Sure. You could bring all your things,” Charlie said softly.

  “We have good toys at our house,” Annie vouched for them, and the little red-headed boy inched slowly toward Charlie. It was as though he was drawn to him, as though he sensed that they had a lot in common and he would be safe here.

  “I’d like to go with you,” he said, looking up at the man who so wanted to be his father.

  “Thank you,” Charlie said, as he took him gently in his arms, wanting to tell him that he loved him, but he just held him there as Bernie clung to him, and then in the softest voice of all, Bernie whispered the one word Charlie had always longed for.

  “Daddy,” he said, his face buried in Charlie’s chest, as Charlie closed his eyes and smiled through his tears, and Beth and Annie watched them.

  Pilar and Brad
spent their anniversary quietly that year. They knew they had a lot to be thankful for, and a lot to think about. Christian was a gorgeous baby. He was seven months old by then, and a total joy to them. They adored him.

  Pilar had hired a baby-sitter and gone back to work after four months, but she was still only working mornings, and she loved showing up with Christian in a stroller at the courthouse. Brad showed him off to everyone, and people had finally stopped asking where the other twin was.

  It had been a long, hard haul and it had taken a lot out of them. Brad always said he was glad they’d done it, but he wouldn’t do it again. And Pilar teased him that she missed Dr. Ward’s dirty movies. They had sent her a note when the twins were born, and told her that their baby had died, and she had written them a very nice letter. Pilar always remembered what she’d said to them, that there were no guarantees to anything, and that sometimes fertility as well as infertility could be a mixed blessing. It had been for them, but in the past few months, the scale had been heavily weighted on the good side. Christian was a source of constant joy to them, and Pilar was grateful every moment that she had decided to have a family before she no longer had the choice to do that.

  Her mother had been out to see the baby by then, and she was crazy about him too. It had been the first good visit she and her mother ever had, and they both enjoyed it.

  Nancy was pregnant again, and hoping for a little girl this time. Eventually, Pilar had told her about her infertility treatments, and she couldn’t believe what they’d gone through. It had taken so much strength and courage and perseverance.

  “And a little craziness. It becomes a kind of obsession, like staying at the roulette table until you lose everything or win a fortune.”

  “Looks to me like you won,” Nancy had said to her, but they both knew what it had cost her, and her grief over losing Grace. She had never really been able to enjoy Christian at first without thinking of her. It was only now, with the gift of time, that she could truly enjoy him.