Chubby & Charming (Big & Beautiful Book 1)

by Mary E Thompson

  I could hear Claire’s smile in her voice when she said, “He wouldn’t be there. If you were a game to him, a joke, he wouldn’t be there. He wouldn’t have called you today or told you he was going to sleep on your porch until you listened to him. I know you don’t want to hear our opinions or have what we think mess you up even worse, but I think he’s a good guy. I didn’t think he was for a while, and I questioned it yesterday when you came over. But the truth is he wouldn’t be chasing you down now if he was a jerk. If he was with you just to make you feel like a fool in front of his friends he would have left it at that. He would have let you walk away feeling humiliated and been done with you.”

  I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. I was nodding as much for myself as I was for any other reason. “He got in a fight,” I said quietly, almost like it was a secret.

  “What?!? With who?” Claire exclaimed.

  “I don’t know. He said he’ll tell me when I want to hear everything. I’m guessing it has to do with the party.”

  “Does he look even hotter?” Claire asked mischievously. “I always thought a guy who was willing to get into a fight for me was seriously hot. I guess after being attacked and having to fight for myself it made me want to have someone else who would do it for me. Then again, I can take care of myself.”

  “You can, and you always have. But yeah, he looks hot. And a little gross. His whole eye looks like it blew up. He’s got a nasty bruise and some scratches and his knuckles are all scratched up.”

  “Hmmm, sounds sexy. If you don’t want to talk to him, give him my address and I’ll take care of him.”

  Rage and pain roared through me. I nearly dropped the phone, or crushed it in my hand. I wanted to scream at my best friend for thinking it was okay to go after Xander. No matter what happened between us, it would never be okay for her to go after him.

  God, I hated her at that moment.

  Why was I friends with such a deceitful bitch, and how had I never noticed it before?

  “Hey, Mandy. Are you pissed that I said that?”

  I grunted, unable to form words. I wanted to scream that she’s a horrible bitch and I never want to hear from her again.

  “All that shit you’re feeling… How pissed you are at me right now? Tells you how much you still want him. I’m just joking. I have no interest in Xander, fight face or not. What I am interested in is you admitting how much you still want him. If you’re that upset over a comment like that, go open your door and listen to the man you love.”

  “You’re a bitch, you know that,” I growled at her.

  She laughed loudly in my ear, clearly enjoying tormenting me. “It got you to admit how you feel. Now go let the man in and take care of his face. Call me later.”

  I hung up and smiled at my phone. She was right. If I was that pissed, I needed to give him a chance to explain.

  With a deep breath for courage I opened to the front door to let him in.

  And found the porch empty.

  Twenty-Two

  My first thought was ‘That lying bastard.’ He said he’d stay there on my porch, waiting until I was ready to talk to him. And in less than ten minutes he disappeared.

  My heart sunk to my toes as I realized just when I’d given in and realized how much I still wanted him, he let me down again. He didn’t really want me. He just wanted to be right. Or wanted to embarrass me again. Or God knew what.

  I let out a frustrated breath and shook my head at my stupidity. When I turned to go back inside I heard my name.

  I looked around but didn’t see anyone. He called again. I scanned the cars in front of the townhouses but the evening sun was glinting off the windshields and I couldn’t see anything.

  Then I saw a hand waving at me.

  Xander’s SUV.

  I stood there and waited, wondering what the hell was going on. He emerged from the vehicle a few seconds later and jogged across the grass toward me.

  “Were you masterbating in your car?” I asked, slightly horrified.

  “No,” he said, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “I had to pee, really bad. I didn’t want to knock on your door and have you think it was an excuse to get inside your place.”

  “Why didn’t you go home?” I asked as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  “Just in case you changed your mind about me,” he said softly, hope weaving through his words as he looked up at me from the sidewalk leading to my porch. I stood two steps above him, watching his every movement and wondering if I would be able to resist anything he said.

  “Do you still want to talk?” I asked calmly.

  His eyes snapped to mine, the green in his hazel brightening as he realized I was inviting him inside. That I was going to give him another chance.

  “Yes, I do. Very much.”

  I nodded and turned back to the front door. I felt him behind me, the heat from him working it’s way through my defenses to my heart. We went inside to the living room, both sitting on the couch. I curled up at one end and expected Xander to sit on the other end but he didn’t. He sat right next to me, close enough for me to smell him and feel his heat.

  There was so much I wanted to know. All the questions I wanted to ask him. But sitting there, feeling him against me, all thoughts went out of my head. The only thing I could remember was the way his hands felt on my skin, the way he looked at me when he plunged into me, the possessiveness in his voice when he told me I belonged to him.

  I wanted to forget about the issues we were having and just crawl on top of him. I wanted to get him out of my system. Except I knew I never would. I could love him every day for the rest of my life and never have him out of my system. I would always crave his touch, his love.

  Xander cleared his throat and looked at me. He raised an eyebrow as though asking if I was ready to hear what he had to say and I nodded.

  “I’m sorry I took you to that party yesterday. If I’d known what was going to happen I wouldn’t have asked you to come.”

  “You would have gone without me. Just gotten rid of me from the start,” I suggested. My anger was resurfacing. Holding onto it was the only way I could survive the conversation with him, having him there in my home where we’d made love more times than I could remember.

  “Fuck no. Is that what you think of me? That I’m like that?”

  Xander jumped up and paced the room. He was angry, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to make it easy on him. I had to know if he was being honest or not. And I knew getting him mad would help with that.

  “You brought me to a party of people you said were your closest friends. Why would you be friends with people who were the polar opposite of you? I know you’re like them. And that’s exactly what every one of them would have done. Ditched the fat chick before their friends saw her.”

  He ran a hand over his hair as a muscle twitched in his jaw. He was trying to figure out how to respond, but the truth was out there. He could try to deny it, but I knew it was true.

  “Can I just tell you what happened? Please? Let me talk without trying to make me out to be someone I’m not?”

  His eyes pleaded with me and I shrugged, silently giving him the permission he asked for.

  “Billy and Ricky went to high school with me. We were friends because we played sports together. We stayed friends since because we were just always friends. I told you before we went that they were assholes and that I don’t see them much, but they always had good parties so I kept going.”

  He took a deep breath, glancing at me to make sure I wasn’t going to interrupt him. I nodded for him to continue.

  “When Billy was checking you out I thought it was a good thing. He’s always an ass to women but I figured if he was checking you out then it meant he would take you home if given the chance, which never would have happened, so I thought he wouldn’t be an asshole.”

  “Whoops,” I whispered, unable to stop myself. Xander glared at me so I held my hands up in surrender.

>   “Kayleigh and Braylon are always horrible and hitting on me, I told you that. They’ve never been that mean. When you left I was horrified at what they said and told them to leave you alone. I didn’t think they actually would but it isn’t like I could beat the shit out of two women.”

  I snorted, thinking I wish that’s exactly what he’d done.

  “I gathered, from talking to Drew, that you came back outside when Billy was telling jokes, and being an asshole.”

  I nodded.

  “At first I wasn’t paying attention to him. Another guy we’d gone to high school with, Kevin, was there. We were talking when Billy was telling his jokes. The first few were stupid, dirty jokes and they were funny. Kevin and I were talking and I was laughing at something he said when Braylon…um, when she…”

  “It’s okay, I heard the bitch. She asked if your life was ironic, if I swallow.”

  He had the decency to look ashamed. He dropped back to the couch next to me. “I didn’t know what she was talking about but I’d heard the joke before so I guessed that was the one Billy had just told. When Billy told the next joke and used you as the punchline… well, I used him as a punching bag.”

  “What?” I screamed.

  All the breath in my lungs rushed out as I processed what he said. He couldn’t be serious, could he? Why would he punch one of his oldest friends? Over me? There’s no way.

  “Everyone was laughing and thought it was funny. I swear I saw red, I was so pissed off. I wanted to rip his fucking head off for saying anything about you, for letting anyone think you are something other than perfect. I told him to shut the fuck up and not to ever talk about you again. He just kept laughing, and I…”

  He stopped and took a deep breath. His fists were clenched in his lap. His eyes were twitching behind his eyelids, as though he was watching the whole scene play out again.

  With his eyes still closed he said, “My first swing connected squarely with his jaw. Billy stumbled backward, sprawling across the grass before he’d ever stopped laughing. Everyone stared at me, silent, scared. Ricky helped Billy back to his feet and he charged at me. He caught me around my chest and threw me to the ground. He got me good with the first punch.” Xander gently touched his eye where Billy had obviously hit him. “Since I’m bigger than he is I was able to throw him off and crawl to my feet. When he came at me the second time I landed another punch, knocking him off balance. His cheek split wide open and blood poured out. Ricky helped him to his feet and they both stared at me and just told me to get out.”

  He took a deep breath and finally opened his eyes. He looked at me and my heart ached. I knew whatever he was going to say next was the hardest part.

  “I couldn’t find you. I looked in the bathroom but it was empty. I even went upstairs. I knew you weren’t outside because I would have seen you, but I didn’t know where you were. I was coming down the stairs when Drew walked inside. He asked what happened and I ignored him, asking if he knew where you were.”

  I sucked in a breath through my teeth. Xander had been crazy jealous about me talking to Drew and with that much rage I could only imagine what he did to his best friend.

  “Drew told me you’d left, that one of your friends had come to pick you up. I was pissed and hurt. I didn’t know why you’d left, why you would do that to me when things were going so great. I… fuck, I needed you. I asked Drew how he knew and he admitted you two were sitting out front talking while I was getting the shit beat out of me. I was pissed. I told Drew he was a shitty friend for not stopping you. I told him he was an asshole for letting you leave. I tried to hit him, but he deflected me and pinned me against the wall. The fucker’s stronger than he looks. He told me to go home and cool off and we would talk later.”

  I let out the breath I’d been holding, afraid of Xander ruining his friendship with the one person who’d treated me well that day. I knew he was hurt and angry. I knew he wasn’t mine. But I wanted him to be happy. And I knew how much best friends meant.

  “I left and went straight to my place but your car was already gone. I didn’t know where any of your friends lived so I couldn’t go there. I tried your place but when you weren’t home I ended up driving around for a while to try and find you. When the sun started to set I just went back to your place thinking you’d show up eventually.”

  He looked exhausted, like he’d worn himself out just telling the story all over again. “When you didn’t come home I started freaking out. I couldn’t get you to answer your calls or texts. I thought something had happened to you. I called Drew and asked him who you were with and what I should do. The woman he described sounded like Sam so I assumed you were at her place. Drew suggested I wait for you at home for a while then get some sleep. Thankfully he wasn’t mad at me.”

  “He’s a good friend,” I said quietly, remembering the kindness he’d shown me when I needed it. He was a good friend to me even though it went against his best friend. Drew was definitely someone who would make a woman very happy one day.

  “Yeah, he is. I wouldn’t have gotten through the last 24 hours without him. I know I won’t get through the rest of this week without him if you can’t forgive me.”

  I blew out a breath. He was giving me an opening. It would be so easy to forgive him and fall into his arms. To go back to the way things were the day before.

  I wanted to. I really did. I could feel myself weakening as he told his side of the story. It wouldn’t be long before I would give in. Until I would just say it’s fine and he wasn’t to blame.

  The truth was, it wasn’t enough for me. It wasn’t enough to say he was sorry. Getting into a fight with one of his oldest friends because of me was… nice, I guess. But I knew enough to know it would happen again and again. I would doubt him. I would think the worst of him. I would expect him to end up as that man I feared he was when we first met.

  And I couldn’t put him through that.

  It wasn’t fair to lead him on, to love him when he needed to be free to find someone more like him, someone who would never question who he was or how much he cared simply because they worked.

  Pretty people were meant to be with pretty people. And Xander was definitely one of the pretty people.

  I was not.

  I looked at him, tears trembling in the corners of my eyes as I fought them back. I had to be strong and tell him he deserved more than a fat girlfriend. But he opened his mouth and said, “Mandy, I love you. I love you so much it fucking hurts. The last 24 hours have been the worst of my life because I knew how much you were hurting and it was because of me. I’m sitting here dying inside because all I want to do is pull you into my arms and kiss away the pain I caused, but I can see you aren’t ready for me to do that. Maybe you never will be, but I want you to know I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. And I never will.”

  Oh, fuck.

  Twenty-Three

  How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Everything I was telling myself, everything I worried about, was erased with just a few words from his beautiful lips. He told me the words I never thought I’d hear from him. The words I ached for but never let myself believe he would say.

  And still in the back of my mind I doubted those words. I still wondered if he would leave me as soon as someone better looking came along. Would he check out hot women in bikinis at the beach and wish he’d waited for one of them instead of for me.

  Would he stop loving me if I got bigger?

  As if he could read my thoughts, he knelt in front of me and took my hands. “Mandy, you’re it for me. Honey, I know you’ve worried about me, but I’ve had skinny girls and I’ve had you. Every single time I want you. I want your luscious curves and your easy laugh, your chocolate flavored mouth and your beautiful heart. I want you by my side. I want to kiss you and hold you and love you for as long as you’ll allow me. And one day, I’m going to ask you to marry me and pray you say yes. And if you do, I’ll live all my days working to prove to you how much I love you. And on
ly you.”

  The tears I fought were falling steadily from my eyes, running down my cheeks, and dropping onto our joined hands. I watched as a small pool formed between our fingers, clasped tightly together. Xander wasn’t letting go of me and I wasn’t letting go of him, the tears simply collected between us.

  I didn’t know what to say. My lips wouldn’t form any words. Neither could my brain. I’d gone from missing him like mad and wanting to hate him to hearing him declare his love for me and tell me he was going to marry me one day.

  “Before I met you,” I began, “I enjoyed my life. I had great friends, a job I liked, my own place. I was happy. I didn’t need anything and I always took care of myself.” His eyes flashed to mine briefly and I caught on to the mischievousness glinting in his hazel eyes. I rolled my eyes at him and continued, “You know what I mean. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

  He chuckled softly and pressed his lips to the pool of tears on our hands.

  “I thought I had everything I would ever need. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. And I certainly wasn’t looking for someone like you. You turned my world upside down. The last 24 hours have been the worst of my life, too. I’ve never been so hurt before. I’ve never felt so worthless before. I’ve never thought so little of myself because of what others said.”

  He slid his hands from mine, sensing where I was going.

  “And the worst part of all of it was how much I missed you. I wanted so badly to hate you. I wanted to believe you were the asshole I’d feared from our first meeting. The truth is I didn’t want to admit to myself how scary it was to love you as much as I do. I didn’t know how to handle loving you, and letting myself love you, without losing myself. When I saw you laughing, I assumed the worst of you because it was easier than to think you could love me enough to cut your friends off. I don’t want you to lose the people who matter to you, but I don’t want to lose you either.”

  His eyes snapped to mine again. The hazel green was filled with hope and longing and it shot right through to my gut. My whole body warmed at the look he was giving me, like he wasn’t sure if he should kiss me or wait for me to finish what I was saying. I let the moment hang between us, barely breathing as we both waited for what was going to come next. For where things were going to end up.