At least high school and all its dramatic pieces were finally over. Now, I waited for my exit from Arlis. I waited while I spent every moment of my final summer on the ranch with Jess.
“I'm bored,” I said, stretching out on my back against the grassy bank next to the pond. I was getting fidgety, wishing I’d brought my drawing pad. “The fish just don't like me today.”
“They never like you. Fish can sense hostility.”
“Shut up!” I said, throwing a lure from the tackle box in his direction. It didn’t even come close to nicking him across the arm.
“See, hostility,” Jess smirked back at me.
“I am not hostile!”
“Al, you’re always wound up tight about somethin’. What was it yesterday? I listened to you complain about Mrs. Fleming and her banana split for what, two hours.”
“That OCD bitch forced me to remake it because she said the toppings were not distributed evenly into thirds,” I spat the words, making little drops of spit fall down on my cheeks.
“Not again, ok. You got a free split out of it.”
“Which you ate while hiding out in Jeeter's again from Uncle Frank. You really should just say something to him.”
“Are you kidding? Like he’s gonna understand. He's been on my case the last month. I need the breaks.”
“I think he's sad to see you go and doesn’t know how to tell you.”
“I'm sorry, but twenty hour days are no way to show it. Besides, if he had one of those damn cell phones the government uses to track our every move then he could find me, when he sends me to town on errands.”
I giggled at his impression of Frank. “That one was pretty good. I bet though, somewhere deep inside, he’s all mush. I bet he cries every night about you leaving, maybe even more than your Mother.”
“I doubt it. He’s hard as granite. It would probably take a diamond to cut through him and you know what they’d find inside? A heart made of dried up dirt and cigarette ash, at least that’s what Gunther said the other day.”
“You really need to stop listening to Gunther. He’s turned the feed store into the beauty shop. And most of it isn’t even true, like all those stupid Skeeter stories.”
“Skeeter really did get Marla to climb on top of him at The Bar. Ernie was there too. He said it was nasty watching the two of them go at.”
“Gross,” I rolled my eyes. The Bar never got a real name even after Ernie added the line dancing room. It was more a country club these days but everyone still called it The Bar.
I gazed into the cloudless sky, listening to the sounds of the meadow. Sometimes it was nice to be out here. I would miss this part of Sprayberry. It was a strange thought, considering the amount of energy I’d spent thinking about how to get my father and myself off the ranch.
“Al…what are you thinkin’ ‘bout?”
“Nothing,” I said, leaning up on my elbow to look at him.
“I don’t really believe that.”
“I was just thinking this is our last summer here, and it’s almost over.”
“I know.” He turned around, his eyes looking troubled. “You wanna leave so bad it worries me sometimes that maybe when we get there, you’ll just…I don’t know.”
I knew our lives would not be the same once we left Sprayberry. I think he felt it too. The last couple of weeks had been different with Jess. He was clingy and often serious.
“You’re gonna be so busy, you won’t notice that I’m not with you all the time.”
“I doubt that,” he muttered.
“You don’t know that. It’s a big campus.”
“I don’t care,” he frowned, making his sweet face look serious. “I’m gonna need to see you every day.”
“You act like I’ll be in another state. It’s just Austin. Everything will be fine.”
“I know,” he said, not looking any calmer. “I’m just sayin’ that I don’t want things bein’ different with us.”
“We’re going to be fine. It’s college, which is better than this rat hole. We can meet some new people who are not psychotic for a change. Leaving Arlis will be good for us. We need to go other places.”
“Do you still think about goin’ to Paris?” It always sounded funny coming from his lips, like those picante sauce commercials.
“Sometimes.”
“You’ll go one day even if I have to take you there myself.”
“Driving me to Paris, Texas doesn’t count,” I rolled my eyes, smiling at him.
“I’m serious though. You’ll go there one day.”
“I hope so,” I muttered.
“I’ll go with you.”
I doubt it, I thought but smiled at him anyway. He’s too tied to Sprayberry for that kind of thing.
Flicking the rod, he cast toward the middle of the pond. Jess settled in, watching the line. I rolled to my back and pulled the straw hat over my face to block the glaring sun. Sometimes it felt like the ranch wrapped around us like an atomic force field from the rest of the world. It would be different in Austin and I would miss this time with Jess. I lied to him earlier. Our lives would not be the same; it wasn’t possible.
All of us were moving on after high school one way or another. Natalie was leaving at the end of summer for Tulane. Gentry had left the week following graduation and joined the Marines. After boot camp, they were sending him someplace in Afghanistan. It was a somber thought that left a small ache inside my chest at the prospect of his dangerous future.
Gentry and I had dated for the better part of my junior year. He was perfect in every way but one. My body felt empty when he kissed me. It was good enough, but I knew it should be different.
I watched other people with their tongues crammed down each other’s throats, forgetting every person in the room. The night Gentry had tried to unbutton my shirt, I thought about my calculus quiz the next day. He was sweet and caring but something about our relationship was just off. After a long talk on my front porch, we had parted ways with the promise to stay friends. Arlis was too small of a place to stack up enemies and I was already knee deep in bodies.
After the fight, the rumors eventually died down in the hallways and I was officially free of Ashley. I knew it resulted from the literal public freeze-out initiated by Jess. He made it clear to the entire school what happened when you crossed a Mason. Just like the adults in this town, they scavenged to stay on the correct side of the fence to prevent social suicide.
The rest of high school was relatively nice until it came time to figure out where I should go to college. The big decision for my future turned into a month-long battle between me, my father, Jess, and the Masons. I was accepted into the honors program as the University of Texas in Austin. Jess pulled off some form of a miracle and got admitted too. I received a small, partial scholarship, but it wasn’t even close to the dollar figured for living expenses and school.
After some thought, I applied to a community college that was driving distance from Arlis. Everything seemed to fall in place. I would live at home and commute to classes while keeping a few shifts at Jeeter’s. Everyone else thought I was crazy. So they fixed it.
According to my father, the Masons made a generous offer I couldn’t refuse. The family would pay for everything not covered by my scholarship. They insisted I would have a comfortable life in Austin only to worry about making good grades. I told my father, there’s no way in hell I’m letting the Masons pay for college.
The debate rolled on for weeks. Everyone had an opinion. My father said it was the best thing for my future. Dr. and Mrs. Mason said I owed it to my place as valedictorian to attend a school like the University of Texas. Jess said that I was going to Austin with him and there would be no discussion.
One afternoon, I drove the four-wheeler out to the old burned up stump. It was Jess's thinking spot, and I needed some serious space to unfold my torment. I sat there for hours. Sometimes I screamed, knowing only the birds and the bugs could hear me. I knew the answer the mome
nt it was suggested, but I needed time to process. I returned to Mason Manor and walked through the door to find Jess and his parents eating dinner. I gritted my jaw with a fake smile and said, thank you for sending me to Austin.
I went home and added the nasty entry to that wretched Mason List. Just like everything in my life, I took ten steps back just to go forward with my future. I needed the education to receive a degree that would garner a job, to earn a living, and the means to return everything to this family. The thought still haunted me even months later.
Hearing a splash from the pond, I removed the straw hat and rolled over on my side, propping my head up on my elbow. I watched Jess reel the line to shore. He tugged it, making the muscles in his arms tighten. Jess had caught two carp earlier in the afternoon only to let them go. We rarely kept the fish. Occasionally, I brought a few back for my father and Caroline. She could make just about anything taste good battered and deep fried.
My instincts had been correct. A few months ago, Caroline finally convinced my father to stop by for one of her southern fried, double heart attack dinners. Love at first bite, I teased him when he came home with a dopey smile. For the first time since my mother, he seemed happy. Everything got brighter in the Tanner house with Caroline in his life. It made leaving him at the end of summer, a little easier.
Jess tossed the lure back out to the murky water. Through the white fitted t-shirt, his body moved with the throw back motion. His long fingers settled the rod in place. Jess rested a dark elbow on his propped up knee. The faded jeans stretched tight across his thigh.
I wasn't oblivious to the fact Jess was an attractive guy. He was probably the cutest guy in our high school. Most of the time, I just didn't give it a second thought because it wasn't relevant to our friendship. Despite being the object of every Arlis girl's fantasy, he’d never dated anyone after Ashley. I teased him about a few of them, but Jess said he wouldn’t float that crazy creek again until he was far out of Palo Pinto County.
Once we got to Austin, it wouldn't take long for that grin and baby blues to snag a new girl. That’s when things would get different between us. I would focus on my career goals and he would find other interesting people to fill his time.
Sitting up, I grabbed another cold one from the cooler. It was just Dr Pepper and A&W root beer today. After a couple of swigs of DP, I eyed the large bag of Skittles propped up against the side. I swear Jess bought a sack big enough for an industrial-sized candy bucket that would feed all the trick-or-treaters in a tri-city area.
My lips pursed in contemplation and I shot Jess a glance out the corner of my eye. Boredom brought out the pestery side of me I tipped the red bag and got a big handful. With a quick toss forward, multi-colored splatters filled the pond with small ripples. I giggled before he even had time to react. I knew it would piss him off, which was the whole point.
“Alex, stop that!”
He reached over to take away the bag just as I fired off another fistful. Jess tossed the rod to the ground. I pulled my elbow sharp to the right to keep the candy out of his reach. Before I knew it, my arm knocked his phone off the tackle box into the depths of the murky pond water. The small, black square made a solid plop then disappeared from sight.
Oh, shit! I was dead.
With the bag still clenched in my hand, I scampered to my feet and sprinted out in the meadow. The soles of my gray shoes pounded in no particular direction through the grass. I had a head start but his long arm circled around my waist, taking me down in a rolling tackle.
A rainbow of candy rained down from the sky, pelting my face. As Jess pinned me down on my back, I felt the meadow grass poking through my shirt. I struggled to get free but his hands held my arms down on each side of my head. His legs trapped my lower torso to the ground.
Jess smirked at me, “Why do you always have to be such a pain in my ass?”
“Let me go!”
“If you’re so bored, I should haul you right back over there and toss you in the pond. Let you dig ‘till you find my phone.”
“You wouldn't!” I spat, feeling a little panicked. He would do something that crazy, thinking it was so damn funny. I tried to pull a leg free only to have it pinned down by his thigh. I looked back up and tried to reason. “Besides, it’s not like it’s still gonna work.”
“I might do it anyway, just to watch you in that nasty water,” he smiled an evil grin, his eyebrows arched over his eyes.
I stopped struggling since it was pointless to fight one of his vice grips. Instead, I mustered up a pathetic, sad look to plead for some mercy.
“Jess, I'm really sorry. It was an accident.”
“An accident?” He leaned a little closer with his ornery smile. Jess was enjoying the fact he could still torment me.
“Yes, please…I’m sorry.”
Jess leaned a little closer, then in the space of a nanosecond, ten years of friendship changed forever. The grin disappeared as I felt his pink lips. They pressed softly against mine. As quickly as they touched, he pulled back.
I could barely breathe. Jess remained still; his face displayed a hesitant, uncertain look. His black hair fell slightly over one eye but he didn’t move to brush it away. I knew he was waiting for my reaction to this sudden event that petrified us both.
My mind screamed at my lips to say something. I needed to stop this before it became something it could never be for us. Yet, I froze. My arms didn’t push back. My mind didn’t stop the thoughts that tumbled from a dark, hidden place. No, instead I stayed completely still as my non-reaction gave Jess the answer to his nervous, unspoken question.
Slowly he leaned down, never taking his blue eyes off mine. His bottom lip touched first and my eyes closed. Jess kissed me slowly. His lips were soft and warm and tasted sweet. I stopped breathing all together as he pushed my mouth open with his tongue. I forgot I was in the meadow. I forgot the sun burned down from the sky.
His kisses trailed over my cheek and down my throat. The soft lips touched my bare skin in the neckline of my tank top. My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to catch my breath. Leaning up, Jess looked at me again. The blue eyes seemed darker and a little nervous. He didn’t get that way very often. He ran his hand over my stomach and hesitated before he touched my breast. My cheeks were already red, or I would have turned deep crimson. Jess leaned in, kissing me softly before slipping his tongue back in my mouth.
He moved his hand under my gray tank top and across my bare stomach. I got all warm and tingly as his fingers skimmed the lace trim of my bra. I wanted him to take it off. I wanted his mouth to kiss me there too. My heart beat under the palm of his hand as he touched me through the fabric. His hand slipped around to my back and fumbled with the clasp.
Jess will see me naked. The thought flashed from somewhere in my subconscious. What am I doing! The remnants of sanity pulled themselves out of the ditch. I needed to stop this. My palms touched each side of his cheeks, pulling his face from my body.
“We really can't do this,” I whispered, our faces only an inch apart.
“It's ok.” His voice was a little deeper than usual. “We don't have to do anythin’ right now. I don't want to have sex with you. No…I mean I do want to have sex, but that's not what I'm tryin’ to do right now. Shit, I’m screwin’ this all up.”
“No, it’s not that…it’s just… we can’t do this…this…you and me.”
“What are you sayin’, Al?”
I still had my hands on his cheeks as I stared into his sweet face. Leaning forward, his lips brushed mine again. He pulled back just enough to look in my eyes.
“We have to talk, Jess.”
“I don’t wanna talk.” He kissed me harder that time, and I let him. I let myself feel his lips again for just a few minutes then I pulled his face back up. His eyes were a deep, dark blue as he gazed back at me. Jess rolled off of me and stretched out on the meadow grass. Reaching over, he grabbed my hand, playing with my fingers. I couldn’t think straight. The intensity
of his last kiss had left me breathless.
“Al, I know this is….I know it’s complicated.”
“It’s more than complicated. I grew up here…and your family…this can’t happen between us. It’s…me. You…you don’t even know what you’re doing.”
He let out a deep breath. “That’s not true. I’ve felt this way for a while.”
“You've felt this way for a while? How long?”
“I don't know. Maybe since we were fourteen.”
Fourteen? My heart might have actually skipped a beat. This wasn’t good.
“I think that’s ‘bout the time I realized you had boobs.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m serious. And to be honest, it started before then. I just didn’t understand what I felt for you.”
“But you dated Ashley…you had sex with Ashley?”
Jess rubbed his forehead, which I knew meant he was stressed. “You want the truth? I dated Ashley as more of a distraction. I didn’t know what to do with how I felt ‘bout you. I was a stupid kid. It’s not like I could talk to you. I wanted to tell you but honestly, I didn’t know how to even bring it up. And with Gentry, I knew you’d never do anythin’ with him. It killed me to see you together, but I knew it wouldn’t last. So I waited.”
“Waited for what exactly? For some moment to just go for it and catch me off guard?” My thoughts were jumbled. My world just changed forever with him and I couldn’t even think straight. My lips still burned from kissing him, from kissing Jess.
He placed my hand on his chest, right over his heart. It was beating fast under his shirt. “I’m scared too, Al.”
I couldn’t breathe. He felt warm under my hand. I couldn’t think about anything else but touching his body again. Sitting up, I moved a little away from him. Jess watched me for a moment, and then got up next to me.
The Mason List Page 15