A Very Special Marriage

by Jennifer Taylor

  He went to his cabin to find a book and spent several minutes trying to decide if he should gen up on possible problems arising from major thoracic surgery or simply relax with the latest paperback thriller he’d bought at the airport. He grimaced as he finally opted for the textbook. His conscience would give him gyp if anything happened and he hadn’t prepared for it.

  Taking the book off the pile, he turned to leave then stopped when a piece of paper fell out of the pages of the book and landed on the floor by his feet. He picked it up, frowning when he saw that it was a photograph of Julia. She had given it to him the night before he’d left for England but he’d forgotten that he’d put it in the book so it wouldn’t get creased.

  Now he studied the photograph while he thought about the woman he was going to marry. Julia was a wonderful person and he admired everything she stood for. She was also extremely beautiful with those classical features and that mane of chestnut hair. He knew how lucky he was to have found someone like her, yet as he stood there he was once again beset by doubts.

  Could he really imagine spending the rest of his life with Julia? Was it what he truly wanted?

  Liam sighed because far too many times in the past few weeks he’d asked himself those very same questions, and he couldn’t understand why he had such difficulty making up his mind. Everything pointed to the fact that he was making the right decision yet there was something holding him back.

  Even Julia had sensed his uncertainty because she’d told him that he needed to be sure it was what he wanted before they got married. As Julia had pointed out in her usual pragmatic fashion, she didn’t want him looking back in a couple of years’ time and wishing that he’d not gone through with it.

  It had been partly to allay her concerns as well as his own that he’d decided to return to England, in fact. He’d sensed that his doubts stemmed from the fact that there were so many loose ends that needed tying up. He and Sophie had parted on such bad terms and he was honest enough to admit that it still troubled him. To his mind, it had made sense to see her again and resolve their differences because once he’d done that he would be free to find the happiness he craved with Julia. However, as he stood there, studying the photograph, Liam felt an ache suddenly settle in his heart.

  As beautiful and as talented as Julia was, she still wasn’t Sophie. Could he ever really love her as much?

  Sophie spent a restless night. So much had happened that her mind kept churning it all over. She tossed and turned until in the end she simply admitted defeat and got up. It was just gone five and the sun was rising, turning the sea blood-red as it skimmed the horizon.

  She slipped on shorts and a T-shirt, pushed her feet into a pair of trainers then left her cabin. A brisk walk around the deck should clear her head and prepare her for the day ahead. She had to pass the ward on her way out but she didn’t stop. Liam had made it plain that he didn’t need her help and she had no intention of interfering.

  Surprisingly, there were a number of people about when she reached the promenade deck. A few were jogging but the majority were simply enjoying the sunrise. Sophie spotted Randolph Walters sitting on a deckchair near the rail and stopped to speak to him.

  ‘I see you’re an early bird, too, Mr Walters.’

  ‘I like to be up with the sun,’ Randolph told her. ‘At my age it seems a shame to waste your time lying in bed when you can be up, enjoying yourself. You never know how long you have left!’

  ‘I’m sure you have many years ahead of you,’ Sophie declared with a smile. ‘In fact, if you’d like my professional opinion then I’d have to say you look extremely fit.’

  ‘I’d say the same about you, my dear, only I’m not sure if it’s permissible for a gentleman to say such things to a young lady nowadays.’ Randolph winked at her. ‘I’d hate to tread on any politically correct toes, you understand.’

  ‘You aren’t treading on any toes so thank you for the compliment, although I have to confess I don’t feel very fit after the night I’ve just had.’

  ‘That sounds intriguing,’ Randolph observed curiously. ‘Dare I ask what you were up to?’

  ‘Oh, we had a medical emergency so it was rather late by the time I got to bed.’

  Sophie hurriedly skated over the facts because it wouldn’t be right to go into detail. Quite apart from the matter of patient confidentiality, she doubted if the captain would want it broadcast that members of his crew had been involved in a brawl.

  ‘And on your first day, too,’ Randolph exclaimed sympathetically. ‘That’s a real shame. Let’s hope that you and Dr Kennedy have an easier ride for the rest of the trip.’

  ‘I hope so,’ she agreed, deeming it wiser not to mention that she might not be on board for the whole of the cruise.

  She said goodbye and carried on but the thought of returning to England sooner than she’d planned was depressing. She’d had such high hopes for this job, seen it as a springboard to a whole new way of life. Now, once the agency had found someone to replace her, she would be right back to square one. It had taken a lot of courage to leave behind everything she knew and, despite what she’d told Liam yesterday, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to do it a second time. However, there was no way that she could work with him when one night had caused such havoc.

  Coffee and croissants were being served by the pool so Sophie had breakfast there rather than face the ordeal of sitting opposite Liam in the dining-room. She couldn’t avoid him altogether, of course, but it would be best if she kept any contact between them on a strictly professional footing while she was on the ship.

  She went back to her cabin afterwards to shower and change into her new uniform. The uniform at the Royal Memorial had consisted of baggy cotton trousers and an equally baggy V-necked top. However, the owners of the Esmeralda had opted for something more traditional. Sophie had to admit that the short-sleeved white dress with its sea-green piping around the collar and cuffs was a lot more flattering.

  She slid her feet into the smart white leather loafers that were part of the uniform then went to relieve Liam. It was just gone seven so he could hardly object. Sophie squared her shoulders as she paused outside the ward, wondering why she felt so nervous all of a sudden.

  Liam means nothing to me now, she reminded herself as she turned the handle. Not only are we divorced but he’s going to marry someone else. However, the moment she saw him, sitting slumped in the chair with his eyes closed and his dark hair falling over his forehead, her heart began to race. In that second Sophie knew that the bond between them hadn’t been completely broken. There was still something left, although she had no idea what it was.

  Surely after all the heartache he’d put her through she couldn’t still feel anything for him?

  Liam groaned. It felt as though every muscle in his body was aching. That was the trouble with these damned mattresses. Once the straw had flattened it was like sleeping on rock. He’d have to ask Benjamin to make him a new one…

  He opened his eyes and blinked. He’d expected to see the bare mud walls of the hut where he’d slept for the past year but found himself gazing at smooth, sea-green plaster instead. His astonished gaze swept around the room as he took stock of the regulation hospital beds and the state-of-the-art monitoring equipment and he sighed. Things were definitely looking up if they’d managed to raise the standards at the clinic to this undreamed-of level…

  ‘I thought you might want me to take over while you get ready for surgery.’

  Liam jumped when a cool voice addressed him from the opposite side of the room. His gaze swivelled in that direction and he felt his heart give an almighty thump. Sophie! But what was she doing here? Had she come to ask him to go back home with her?

  The thought barely had time to cross his mind before everything came rushing back. Liam just managed to stifle his groan of dismay when he realised his mistake. He wasn’t in the middle of the African bush but on board a luxury liner cruising the Mediterranean. And as for Sophie wanting
him to go home with her, well, the truth was that she couldn’t wait to be rid of him, which was why she was going to hand in her notice that very day!

  He shot to his feet, feeling like a complete and utter idiot. So maybe he had been half-asleep but was that any excuse? Surely Julia deserved better than a man whose thoughts continually returned to making up with his ex-wife?

  ‘Why didn’t you wake me earlier?’ he demanded, self-disgust spilling over into anger. He glanced at his watch and frowned when he saw that it was only a few minutes past seven.

  ‘Because I had no idea what time you wanted to be woken,’ she replied stiffly, then ignored him as she set about doing the morning’s obs.

  Liam grimaced because it had been wrong to take out his anger on her. Sophie wasn’t to blame because he kept having all these crazy thoughts. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. I thought it was later than it is.’

  ‘There’s no need to apologise.’

  She noted down the patient’s BP, temperature and respiratory rates then checked how much fluid he’d passed. Liam waited for a moment but it was obvious that she didn’t intend to say anything else to make him feel better. Why should she when he’d acted like a total jerk?

  ‘Maybe not, but I shouldn’t have had a go at you like that,’ he admitted, swallowing his pride. He searched for a way to explain his bad temper. What would she say if he confessed that he’d been angry at himself for thinking about her all the time? Would she be pleased, shocked or angry even? It was the fact that he had no idea how she would react that convinced him he couldn’t possibly tell her the truth.

  ‘You…um…caught me off guard,’ he hedged, gritting his teeth when he realised how feeble that must have sounded.

  ‘What do you mean?’ She replaced the chart on the end of the bed and turned to look at him.

  Liam felt a spasm shoot through him when he realised how lovely she looked that day. The tailored lines of the dress made the most of her slender figure, emphasising the high curve of her breasts and the narrowness of her waist. The spiky hairstyle had been brushed smooth that morning, silky wisps of blonde hair framing her face and drawing attention to her beautiful eyes.

  She looked so fresh and beautiful that Liam felt his insides twist with desire before he sternly brought himself under control. He was trying to find a way to explain his error, not compound it by committing an even bigger one! He had to remember that he was going to marry Julia and not keep letting his thoughts stray all the time.

  ‘I thought I was back in the clinic when I woke up.’ He summoned a smile but it worried him that he needed to keep reminding himself about Julia all the time. Was he doing the right thing by marrying her or was he making a mistake?

  ‘I was just congratulating myself on how well we’d done to raise the standards there when you spoke to me,’ he explained hurriedly, because he couldn’t deal with questions like that at the moment. ‘It came as rather a nasty shock to discover that all this wonderful equipment hadn’t suddenly materialised in the middle of the African bush!’

  ‘And an even nastier shock to realise that I wasn’t your fiancée, I expect.’ She treated him to a chilly smile. ‘I’m sorry to ruin all your dreams, Liam, although it’s par for the course where you and I are concerned, isn’t it?’

  ‘Rubbish! That’s nonsense, Sophie.’

  ‘If you say so.’

  It was obvious that she didn’t believe him and Liam sighed. Maybe it was silly to make an issue out of this but he couldn’t bear to think that she felt so badly about their past relationship.

  ‘I do. OK, so maybe things didn’t turn out how we’d planned when we got married, but it wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘Really? So you don’t blame me for what happened to Zoë, then?’

  Liam frowned when he heard the sudden catch in her voice. ‘Why would I blame you? It wasn’t your fault, Sophie. It was just one of those awful things that happen for no apparent reason.’

  ‘You say that now, but at the time…’ She broke off and bit her lip. Liam’s hands clenched when he saw the struggle she was having not to cry. The urge to take her in his arms was so strong that it was a miracle he managed to resist. It was only the thought of the problems it could cause that gave him the strength to hold back.

  ‘At the time…what? Tell me what you were going to say, sweetheart.’

  The endearment slipped out without any conscious thought and he saw her eyes fill with tears. Was she remembering all the times he’d used it in the past? he wondered with a heavy heart. He’d meant it, too, because Sophie had been his sweetheart from the day they’d met, and nobody could ever fill the place she’d always held in his heart. Not even Julia.

  The thought shocked him to the core but he couldn’t deal with it right then. Sophie was upset and he needed to find out what was troubling her. However, he was very aware that he would have to examine his feelings soon. He had to be one hundred per cent sure that he was doing the right thing before he embarked on a second marriage.

  ‘What did you mean, Sophie?’ he said gently. ‘Please, tell me because I really want to know.’

  ‘I…I thought you blamed me for what happened to Zoë.’ She looked up and he could barely hide his dismay when he saw the anguish on her face. ‘Maybe you were right to do so, too, because if I hadn’t insisted on working then maybe she wouldn’t have died. I…I’ve always wondered if that was the reason why you couldn’t talk to me about what happened, because you felt it was all my fault.’

  ‘No! How can you think such a thing?’

  He crossed the room and took hold of her by the shoulders, forgetting his decision to keep his distance. To say that he was shocked would have been the biggest understatement of all time, but he was. How could Sophie imagine that he blamed her for the loss of their precious daughter?

  ‘I have never blamed you, Sophie. Not once! Ever!’ He gave her a gentle shake. ‘Nobody could have prevented what happened. It wouldn’t have made a scrap of difference if you’d given up work either. The consultant told you that at the time. It was just one of those terrible, tragic events that no one can explain.’

  ‘I know what the consultant said but I keep going over everything I did.’ She swallowed and Liam’s heart ached when he saw the tears that trembled on her lashes. ‘I wanted our baby so much and I can’t help feeling that I was to blame because she died.’

  ‘That’s crazy and you know it is.’ He ran his hands down her arms, desperate to convince her that she had nothing to reproach herself for. ‘You did everything right, Sophie. You ate all the right things, went for your checkups, attended antenatal classes…You did everything a woman should do when she’s pregnant. I don’t know why it had to happen but I do know it wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘So you didn’t blame me?’

  ‘No. Never.’ His hands skimmed back up her arms and his breath caught when he felt the smoothness of her skin beneath his palms. He’d forgotten just how wonderfully soft her skin had always felt, he realised.

  ‘Then why wouldn’t you talk to me about Zoë after she died? Every time I tried to speak to you about her, you changed the subject, Liam.’

  It was a relief when his hands encountered crisp cotton because it meant he could focus on the question. Liam knew he had to be truthful because it would be wrong to present himself in a better light by distorting the facts. He’d let Sophie down at a time when she’d desperately needed his support, and that was something he bitterly regretted.

  ‘Because I didn’t know how to deal with your grief when I was having such difficulty coping with my own,’ he said simply.

  ‘But we’re both medical professionals. We’ve been trained to help people work through their grief, for heaven’s sake!’

  ‘Yes, so we have. But no amount of training can prepare you when something like that happens, Sophie. It was like a bolt from the blue, wasn’t it? It’s little wonder that we found it impossible to cope.’

  ‘I suppose so. Yo
u realise that Zoë would have been almost three by now? She’d have been running around, playing…’

  Her voice broke and Liam groaned as he drew her into his arms because her pain was so hard to bear. He ran his hand over her hair, wishing there was a way to comfort her. How wrong he’d been to imagine that Sophie had put the past behind her. On the surface it might appear that she’d moved on but she was every bit as affected by it as he was. The memory of what they’d lost would bind them together for ever.

  Afterwards, he wasn’t sure if it had been that thought which had prompted him to kiss her. All he knew was that he suddenly found himself bending towards her. He felt her start of surprise when she realised what was happening but, oddly, she made no attempt to stop him. Maybe she needed this kiss just as much as he did.

  Their mouths met softly, gently, and it felt like a homecoming. Liam was filled with a sense of wonder when his lips instantly recognised the taste and shape of hers. Two years had passed since they’d last kissed but the months faded into nothing as their mouths clung to each other.

  Liam could feel a fullness in his heart, a sense of completion he’d never dreamed he would feel again. Kissing Sophie felt so right that it didn’t even surprise him. He’d always felt this way about her, always known that she was the one person who could make him whole. When he held Sophie in his arms, he could solve the most difficult problems, find a way to right all the wrongs in the world. With her he was invincible. Without her, he was just a shell…

  ‘No!’

  He flinched when he heard the panic in her voice as she dragged her mouth away from his. He didn’t try to hold on to her when she pushed him away. One glance was all it took to tell him that the last thing she wanted was him holding her, and his heart wept at the thought.

  ‘I don’t know what you think you’re doing, Liam, but you’re way out of order!’

  She ran her hands over her face and Liam could see that she was trembling. But was it the fact that he’d had the temerity to kiss her or because she’d enjoyed it that was causing her such distress? All of a sudden it seemed vitally important that he found out the answer.