Into the Light

by Patti, Caroline T.

  We are ushered into the back of a squad car. It’s a tight fit, but we manage. No one speaks. Occasionally Mercy sniffs, but Ariana is silent, which is more frightening than I want to admit.

  On the way to the precinct, I text Justice to let her know what’s happened, that Eric is dead. I don’t wait for a reply before slipping the phone back into my pocket.

  Once we reach the station, we have to wait to be let out of the car. We’re taken separately for questioning. I worry about leaving Mercy. I don’t know when she last took her binding agent, and I’m worried that if it’s worn off she might jump.

  I’m questioned again and again, and I repeat my story each time without varying the details in the slightest. When I’m finished, I’m let out into a holding area. I was hoping that Mercy would be there already, but she’s not. I sit and wait.

  “Gage?”

  Justice standing in the doorway. The moment I see her, everything I’ve been holding back comes gushing to the surface. She runs at me and throws her arms around my neck, but it isn’t so that I can hold her. She’s holding me.

  I have seen more death than I care to admit, but this is different. For the first time, I am experiencing loss, and I fear if I let go of Justice, I’m going to come apart at the seams. I don’t know how to cope with any of this. I am so unbelievably unprepared to deal with the hole in my chest, the ache in my stomach, the tightness in my throat.

  Life is fragile. This notion makes me worry about my own life, about Justice’s life, about what it would be like to lose her. I’ll never be able to handle that. Even though what I feel for her is new and, quite frankly, strange and maybe even wrong, I don’t want it to end.

  Her lips linger on my throat, and my heart suddenly beats from that place. I press my cheek to hers, soaking in her warmth. She kisses my jaw, my cheek, and finally my lips. I move my hands to the sides of her face and hold her lips to mine, wanting to stay that way, forgetting where we are and that people are probably watching.

  Even though I’m immersed in Justice’s kisses, I sense someone watching us. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and I pull away from Justice just in time to lock eyes with Mercy.

  Her mouth is agape. The look of disappointment, of betrayal, cuts deep. She shuffles backward, turns, and runs away.

  “Mercy!

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Nathaniel

  Gripping the steering wheel, Nathaniel drove into the night with Ariana in the passenger seat beside him. They’d hardly spoken in hours. Nathaniel spent the entire ride feeling stressed and guilty. It was his choice to let Gage live, and because he had he put Ariana’s life in danger.

  “I’m sorry,” Nathaniel finally said. “I should’ve killed him when I had the chance.”

  Ariana propped her elbow on the door. “It’s not your fault.”

  “It is.”

  “You’re forgetting, I have a sister of my own.”

  “He’s not my brother,” Nathaniel snapped.

  “He is, Nathaniel. He was made from you just as Isadora was made from me. The connection is not so easily severed.” Ariana shook her head. “I’ve wanted to strangle Isadora so many times, but I never could.”

  “She betrayed you,” Nathaniel reminded her.

  “Only because she is afraid of Lucas.”

  Nathaniel couldn’t believe his ears. Was Ariana defending Isadora? Yes, she’d helped him escape, but did that make up for all of her crimes? “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

  “I have to.” Ariana’s green eyes watered. “She’s my sister.”

  “She’s his right hand.”

  Ariana swiped a tear from her face. “I should’ve forced her to come with me when I left. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her there.”

  “Isadora made her choice. This isn’t your fault.”

  “She isn’t strong like us, Nathaniel. She isn’t …”

  Nathaniel jerked the wheel to the right. The tires protested as he slammed on the brakes.

  Reflexively, Ariana braced herself. “What are you doing?”

  Nathaniel cut the engine. He unhooked his seatbelt with such force that it smacked against the window. “We have to split up. It’s our only chance for survival.”

  Ariana lowered her head. “I was thinking that too, but I don’t know if I can do this without you.”

  “You can.” Nathaniel handed her the keys. “You have to.”

  “Now? You’re leaving me now?”

  Without answering, Nathaniel opened the car door and stepped out.

  Ariana met him at the hood of the car. “Where will you go?”

  “It’s better if you don’t know. And I shouldn’t know where you are either. That way, if they find one of us, we can’t give them any information.”

  “I’m afraid.” Ariana shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t know this world.”

  “You’ll be fine, Ariana. We both will.”

  After they parted ways, Nathaniel went on the run, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. Restless, he couldn’t stay in one place for too long. Nathaniel practically slept with one eye open waiting for Gage to reappear, but it wasn’t until years later that he finally did.

  Nathaniel was living in the body of Tom Kinsella, mail carrier by day, compulsive gambler by night. The body was adequate, toned from all the walking. He lived alone, which made him a prime target for breaching. And Nathaniel quite enjoyed the gambling, mostly because he was getting pretty good at it.

  He had worked all morning and decided to treat himself to a beer at Wally’s after work. Locally owned and operated, it was the kind of place where everyone knew everyone, but if they didn’t, they left you alone to drink in peace.

  The bartender greeted Nathaniel when he walked in. “Hey, Tom. What can I get you?”

  “Draft. Thanks.” Nathaniel sat on stool at the end of the bar. Moments later, when his beer was served, Nathaniel took a healthy sip and instantly felt relaxed. As he took a second swig, Nathaniel glanced up at the mirror that reflected the entire room just as Gage strolled through the door. The beer caught in Nathaniel’s throat and he nearly choked. He forced the liquid down, lowered his eyes, and tried to keep calm.

  Gage stood with his hands on his hips surveying the room.

  “Can I help you?” the bartender asked Gage.

  “No, thanks.” Gage shook his head and left.

  Only then did Nathaniel exhale. He paid for his beer and slipped out of the bar. He noticed Gage on the sidewalk, looking all around. Stealthily, Nathaniel followed Gage for a few blocks. The streets turned from city to residential. The houses weren’t huge, but the neighborhood was nice, well cared for by its residents.

  Gage stopped and studied the house in front of him. He walked up to the front window, peered inside, and then quickly backed away. As Gage turned around to face the street, Nathaniel ducked behind a car. Nathaniel watched through the car window as Gage made a phone call. Moments later, a car roared up to the curb. The girl driving was blonde, and even from a distance Nathaniel could see that she was beautiful. He assumed she was one of the other Hunters. Gage got into the car, and he and the girl sped away.

  Once the coast was clear, Nathaniel cautiously approached the very house that Gage had just cased. He crept through the yard, praying that there wasn’t a mailman-hating dog in his path, crawled up to a window, and slowly slithered up the wall like a vine until he was able to peek inside.

  What he saw nearly tipped him over: Ariana.

  For several days, Nathaniel monitored Ariana. He had no idea why she was living in her real form. It was reckless and beyond dangerous. Gage had already located her, she just didn’t know it. Nathaniel needed to warn her.

  The next afternoon, Nathaniel returned to Ariana’s house. He stopped short at the sight of a little girl playing in the yard.

  “Hi,” she said. She appeared to be around ten years old, bright brown eyes, reddish-brown wavy hair, plump cheeks, and a creamy c
omplexion.

  “Hello,” Nathaniel said. “What’s your name?”

  “Mercy.”

  The front door opened. Ariana stepped out onto the porch. She looked different than Nathaniel remembered, softer somehow.

  “Who’s your friend?” she asked Mercy.

  “I don’t know.” Mercy jogged up the steps and stood next to Ariana. “He didn’t tell me his name.”

  “My apologies,” he said to Mercy. “I’m Nathaniel.”

  Ariana’s breath caught.

  “Nice to meet you,” Mercy said.

  “It is a great pleasure to meet you.”

  “Go inside and wash your hands.” Ariana smoothed Mercy’s hair. “It’s time for lunch.”

  “Okay. Bye, Nathaniel.”

  “Good-bye, Mercy.”

  Ariana closed the door once Mercy was inside the house. She charged up to Nathaniel. “What are you doing here?”

  “I could ask you the same thing.” Nathaniel couldn’t believe it. Ariana had a daughter.

  “Do you know the danger you’ve put us in by coming here?” Ariana’s green eyes were frantic.

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. You need to get out of here now!”

  “Newsflash, Ariana. You’ve been found. I followed the Hunters here.”

  Ariana stumbled backward.

  “What’s going on?” Nathaniel asked, confused. “How are you doing this? You had a child? I didn’t even think that was possible.”

  “I used a human body,” Ariana snapped. “Not that it’s any of your concern.”

  “It is my concern. You’ve led the Hunters right to you. Why didn’t you stay in human form?”

  Ariana wrung her hands and glanced over her shoulder at the house. “I wanted my daughter to know me. The real me.”

  “I hope it was it.”

  “It was,” Ariana said with conviction.

  Nathaniel’s heart wrenched for Ariana. He knew what she’d done was risky, but he understood her motives. Ariana wanted a normal life. She wanted a human life. And she had one, even if it was only for a short time.

  “Let me help you,” Nathaniel offered.

  “No one can help me now.” Ariana pivoted as if she were going to leave, but then she turned back around and faced Nathaniel. “Promise me something,” she said, her eyes pleading. “Promise me you’ll stay away from here, from Mercy. She doesn’t know about me, and I want to keep it that way.”

  Before Nathaniel could answer, Ariana went inside. Nathaniel hesitated. He thought about banging down the door and insisting that Ariana let him help her escape. His hand hovered in the air, about to knock, but at the last second he shoved it in his pocket and walked away.

  The following day, as Nathaniel watched the news, he cursed himself. Molly Sherman-Clare’s, aka Ariana’s, face was plastered across the screen. Apparently, she disappeared after dropping her daughter off at school. The police had located her car, but they hadn’t found a body, so she was presumed alive until found otherwise. But Nathaniel knew the truth. Ariana was dead.

  The guilt nearly killed Nathaniel. He may not have brought Gage to Ariana, but he was the one who’d let Gage live all those years ago. If he hadn’t, if he’d slit Gage’s throat, Ariana would still be alive, and Mercy would still have a mother.

  Nathaniel remembered the promise Ariana asked him to make. She wanted him to stay away from Mercy. She wanted him to protect her secret. And he tried, at first. For days, even weeks, he kept his distance. But in the end, he ignored Ariana’s last request. At first, it was mostly curiosity. He had to see how Mercy was faring. She was an innocent child who’d lost her mother. He wanted to know that she was okay. But, as the years rolled by, Nathaniel’s curiosity transformed into affection for the girl.

  So he kept watch over Mercy, all the while looking over his shoulder for Gage. From afar, Nathaniel witnessed Mercy mature from a little girl into a young woman. After her mother’s disappearance, it seemed as though a black cloud hovered constantly over Mercy’s house, but eventually, the light found its way in. Mercy looked happy again. She appeared to be at peace. It was then that Nathaniel knew he should leave.

  But he didn’t.

  He was drawn to her in a way he couldn’t explain. He simply had to be near her. He swore that his need to be around her was driven by his sense of duty. He owed her his life because he couldn’t protect her mother from Gage. He knew that someday Gage would come for her, and when he did, Nathaniel vowed he’d be ready.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Mercy

  I’m losing my mind. That’s the only explanation for what I witnessed tonight. I’m going crazy. Because none of this is possible. My dad can’t really be dead. Gage wasn’t really kissing Justice.

  I can’t get out of the police station fast enough. I don’t know if I’m supposed to leave, but I don’t really care. I have to get out. I need air.

  But even in the open air I can’t breathe. I don’t know how I have any tears left, but more find their way to the surface. Pausing, I lean over, place my hands on my knees, and gulp for air. My chest is tight. My heart is broken. My world is over.

  My feet move forward, but I don’t know where I’m going. Anywhere but here. I can’t be near Gage right now. I don’t want to hear his excuses, if he even has any. I don’t know why I’m so angry with him. Maybe I blame him for my dad. Or maybe I want to blame him because then I don’t have to point the finger at myself. Because that’s where it really belongs.

  This is my fault.

  My dad is dead because of me, because I wasn’t willing to do what was necessary. I’m never going to get over this. I’m going to carry this anguish, this guilt, this shame with me forever. It’s what I deserve.

  Dad. How am I going to live without him? How am I going to come home and see his empty chair? He’ll never hug me again, never tell me a funny story, never take me out for pizza because we burned dinner beyond recognition.

  I can’t walk any farther. I take a moment to look around and see where I am. Somehow, I’ve wandered to the warehouse. It looks so tall, taller than I remember. Or maybe it’s just that I feel so small. Small and weak and helpless.

  I trudge through the warehouse until I find the roof access. Once I climb the stairs to the top, I kick open the door and step out onto the graveled roof. I’m still small, but at this elevation, I can at least feel the air hitting my lungs. The rooftop is long and wide, and there’s nothing up here, nothing but my thoughts, which are screaming at me. I wish I could block them all out, but they’re relentless. I hear my dad calling out to me. I hear the glass shattering, hear the bullets flying. I hear the sickening grunts as the bullets strike him.

  Vomit surges to my mouth. I double over and retch until my stomach clenches. The urge to breach lingers beneath my skin, skin I no longer want to wear.

  I know I shouldn’t. It won’t help. In fact, it’ll only make matters worse. There’s no one here to care for my body. There’s no one out there to find me, not with Nathaniel lying in a coma and Gage preoccupied with other things. I am all alone in this, so sadly, breaching would be stupid.

  Stepping closer to the ledge and away from the smell of rancid puke, I slide onto my butt and let the brick wall support me. I don’t have the energy to pull my knees to my chest and cradle myself, so I just sit there, sprawled, a fatherless bag of bones.

  Tears drench my cheeks while snot runs from my nose and over my mouth. Using the bottom of my shirt, I wipe my face, but I’m not sure it’s done any good.

  The image of Gage lip-locked with Justice flashes through my mind. I have to deal with those feelings sooner or later, so it might as well be now. I know he thinks I feel betrayed by him. And I do. Just not for the reasons he might think. There was a time when I might have thought of Gage in a romantic way, but for some reason, it just never happened. I never felt connected to him the way I do with Nathaniel. Nathaniel and I are linked somehow. He’s always in my thoughts, even if only in the back of my
mind, and when I thought that we’d, that he and I had …

  “Mercy?”

  My head shoots up at the sound of Nathaniel’s voice. He’s standing a few feet from me, dressed in dark jeans, a dark sweater, his dark eyes full of concern. I want to believe so badly that he’s really here with me, but I’ve been burned before.

  “Mercy?” He steps closer, the gravel crunching under his scuffed boots.

  I hold up my hand. “Don’t.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t come any closer.” I pull my knees to my chest and hug them against me.

  He stops walking. “Okay. I’ll stay here. But will you talk to me?”

  I shake my head. “Go away, Nathaniel. Go back to wherever it is you’re supposed to be.” I want this to end, for the illusion to be shattered.

  “Mercy, talk to me.”

  His voice is so real. Everything about him standing there is so real, and I want to jump up and run to him, nestle myself in his arms, and stay there forever, but I can’t.

  “You’re not here!” I scream. Shutting my eyes tight, I block him out. “You’re not here. You’re not here. You’re not here,” I say over and over until I open my eyes and it’s true.

  Nathaniel is not here. I am on this rooftop alone. Or at least I thought I was.

  Gage is walking toward me.

  Quickly, I scramble to my feet, wipe my face, then brush my hands on my jeans. “What are you doing here?” I ask coldly.

  “I’ve been looking for you.”

  Turning my back to him, I say, “Yeah. Well, you found me.”

  “Mercy, I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” I sound harsh, even to myself.

  “For not telling you about me and Justice. For you walking in and seeing that. It shouldn’t have happened that way.”

  I whip around. “What way should it have happened exactly? What’s the proper way to tell someone you’re screwing their evil twin?”

  “Don’t.”