by K. C. Crowne
“And you’re usually scared of men,” Viktor stated.
“Not scared, exactly. I just don’t trust them.”
He turned to me, his eyes dark and serious. “You know you can trust me, Angel. I will never do anything to hurt you. And I will do everything in my power to protect you.”
I smiled at him, but the expression changed after a sigh. “I know, and you will, as long as I’m here. But it’s not that simple.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean what I’ve been saying for days,” I reminded him. “I have to go home. I have to see my mother and finish my job. I have a new job waiting for me in Chicago. You can’t follow me there.”
His serious face briefly showed a sadness that killed me, but it disappeared quickly. “I cannot.”
I nodded. Viktor would never leave his life in the mountains. He liked being here, alone, tucked away in a world removed from the one I lived in.
“Well, I can’t stay here,” I stated quietly, looking down. Even though the thought had crossed my mind at least once or twice. But living here with Viktor wasn’t realistic. It was a fairy tale world. What would I do for work? I couldn’t just sit in the cabin all day and wait for Viktor to hunt some kind of animal for us to eat. And what about my mom? I was going to Chicago to live the life she’d never had a chance to live. Disappearing into the forest, never to return again, wasn’t going to work.
It was adorable of Viktor to vow to protect me. Heart-warming. And he was so damn sincere, it tugged at me in a way I’d never felt before. I was in trouble. Not only was I in absolute lust with this guy, but I was starting to fall for him. And I couldn’t let myself do that or I wouldn’t be able to leave. I needed to leave soon. The sooner the better.
But saying goodbye was going to be difficult as hell. And I couldn’t say it was something I wanted to have to do at all.
Viktor
The weather had been on my side since the mudslide where I’d found Angela. She hadn’t been able to leave; she’d been forced to stay with me, and that suited me just fine. I liked having someone to welcome me back after I was out in the wind and weather.
I liked looking after her, too.
But the weather wasn’t on my side anymore. The rain had stopped, the clouds had disappeared, and the sun had crept out. The world was beautiful, bathed in its golden light.
But with the sun out and the rain gone, it also meant nothing was keeping Angela here with me anymore. She was set on leaving. And even though I fucking hated the idea, there was reason for her to go. A new life, somewhere else.
A life that didn’t include me.
Fuck. Why did that piss me off so much?
It wasn’t just about her leaving, either. It would suck balls not having her around me anymore, but it was dangerous. Maksim was here. Or his men were, representing him. And they were hunting me.
If they found out about her, they were going to kill her to make me suffer. Likely in front of me, to teach me a lesson. Maksim was a mean motherfucker, with no mercy and no compassion. The son of a bitch would do whatever he could to hit me where it hurt. Physically, I could take whatever he dished out. I wasn’t even scared of fucking dying, if it came to it. But if he went after Angela.... Now that she was in my life, everything had become a hell of a lot more complicated. I loved having her around, but she was a liability. If Maksim put his hands on her… I saw red at just the thought, my hands balling into fists. I wanted to break Maksim’s face, just thinking about it. If he laid a finger on her, he was going to know the very damn definition of pain.
“Viktor?” Angela asked, coming from the room. She’d taken a shower, and I’d come to the living room to build a fire. But the logs lay in the basket, untended, and I stood at the window that overlooked the valley, my thoughts snapped back to the present by her voice.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
I nodded, taking in the sight of her. She’d bought two outfits in town that she alternated, and she looked fucking good in both of them. Hell, she looked good in just my robe. She would look good wearing nothing but a black bag.
She was so fucking delicious, I wanted to eat her up. But her eyes were concerned.
“Everything is fine. I was just looking at the weather.”
She came to stand next to me, and I caught the smell of my shampoo in her hair. Instant hard on. Fuck me, I wanted her so badly. I couldn’t help myself. Having her here, so close to me, having her a part of my life like this, was a hell of a turn on.
“It looks good,” she said.
I nodded without speaking.
“I should be able to leave soon.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t,” I said quietly.
Angela frowned at me. “We’re not back on this, are we? I’ll go to Snowmass and get a cab or a bus or something back to Grizzly Falls. It’s no big deal, Viktor.”
That’s where she was wrong.
“I told you, I don’t want you to leave until it’s safe,” I said.
“And what’s so unsafe? The weather is clearing up, the roads will be repaired soon. I can go home. I can go live the rest of my life.”
If she was alive to do it, yeah absolutely. I didn’t know if I could keep her safe if she headed out there. I had let that other fucker go instead of killing him. I regretted that now.
I hadn’t wanted to be the person I’d been before. Especially not when Angela was around. But when it came to who I was, and if she was alive, it was a no brainer. I should have snapped the asshole’s neck.
“You know,” Angela said, her eyes narrowed. “I’m starting to think you’re trying to keep me here.”
“That’s not what this is about.” I was getting pissed off. I didn’t want her to know the truth, but I couldn’t get her to stay without a reason. She was independent, she was feisty, she wanted a good reason why she had to relent her control. And I didn’t want to give it to her.
“Then what is it about?” she asked. When I didn’t answer, she snapped. “I’m not your damned prisoner, you know. I mean, it was great of you to look after me when I was hurt. I will be forever grateful. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get to leave because you were selfless enough to risk yourself to save me.”
I clenched my jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. “I just want you safe.”
“That’s all you keep saying! But safe from what? From the weather? You can’t keep me in a cage, you know. There is such a thing as holding on too tightly.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but she snapped her mouth shut. I had a feeling it was about the asshole who had been her father, the fucked up idiot who had thought it was acceptable to raise a hand to a woman.
“If you want me to stay, just say so,” she said softly.
That pulled me up short, taking the fire right out of me. “What?”
“I don’t know what’s going on here because we never talk about it. But if you’re upset about me leaving because you’d rather I stay, then you can just tell me you have feelings for me.”
I blinked at her, stunned. Did I have feelings for her? Absolutely. It was the reason I was so fucking worried about her in the first place. She had become my weakness, which meant that if something happened to her, it would hit me in the gut so hard, I wouldn’t be able to bounce back.
I didn’t need that, and she didn’t need it either. Hell, men like me shouldn’t even look at women like her, let alone drag her into the fray with me. My entire reason for hiding out up here had been not to get anyone else involved in this damn mess I’d created for myself.
“So?” she asked, and her voice was softer now.
“So what?” I asked, even though I knew what she was asking of me.
“What is it, then? Why won’t you let me go?”
She looked nervous. What if I lied and told her I didn’t care about her? And God, I wanted nothing more than to tell her that I had fallen for her, that I wanted her with me, by my side, for as long as I could have her. Far longer than the handful o
f days left before she had to get the hell out of Dodge and head off to the big city.
“I don’t deny that I feel something for you,” I said carefully.
“Oh, how wonderful,” Angela said sarcastically and turned away from the window, her back to me. “And I was worried you wouldn’t be able to really express yourself.”
“Malen kiy,” I murmured.
“No, Viktor,” she said. “If it’s all the same to you, I’m going to go pack.”
She headed to the room. I walked after her, putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She spun around, eyes spitting fire at me. “Don’t.”
“I don’t want you to go.” I didn’t mean for it to sound as raw as it did, but I couldn’t help myself.
Her face changed when she looked at me, a mixture of affection and confusion. I was doing this to her, I knew that. I was keeping her on a line. She didn’t know what was going on and I wasn’t being totally truthful.
I just didn’t want her to know who I was. I didn’t want her to know that I had been a monster. I wanted her to love me, to always see me the way she saw me now. The moment she knew about everything that had happened before, the way she looked at me would change.
And as strong as I was, as much as I’d dealt with in my life, I wouldn’t be able to survive that.
Viktor
I couldn’t fucking sleep knowing that Maksim and his people were near. I shouldn’t have let the fucker live. He sure as shit didn’t deserve it, and I’d just made my own life more complicated.
And for what? Proving to Angela that I wasn’t a monster? Bullshit. I was too fucking worried about what she would do when she found out what I was. The moment she realized I was a killer, she would run so fast, she’d be a speck on the fucking horizon.
It was only through some kind of fluke, fate’s practical joke, that she had ended up with me in the first place. So why the fuck was I worried about not killing someone for her sake? I couldn’t change who I was. I couldn’t change what I’d done. And she deserved better than me.
I should have slit the asshole’s throat and been done with it. I would have been able to sleep better.
As soon as Angela closed her eyes after we’d fucked again – getting out of the shower had entailed all kinds of activities that had nothing to do with getting dressed – I’d popped right back up again and scoped the area around the cabin. Nighttime was dark as sin on the mountain. Darkness hid shadows, and Maksim’s men weren’t scared of a little darkness. Hell, we were the ones who brought the darkness.
No, if they were going to hunt me down, the dead of night would be a good time to do it. It was the time I would choose.
I looked for someone – anyone – to get on my land so I could snap a neck, rip off a dick and balls, something that would drive my point home that they should leave me the hell alone.
But there had been nothing.
The sun was still just a thought on the horizon, and I was out between the trees again. When I was out here and could see with my own eyes that no one was here, I could breathe easier. The moment I was in the cabin, I started to wonder if I’d missed something, if someone had crept up just when I’d turned my back.
I should have been happy everything seemed quiet. No sign of movement, no tracks left by humans – nothing to be worried about. Instead, it only made me more anxious. Fuck, something was brewing, I could feel it in my gut. There was a shitstorm, heavy and pregnant and waiting to break loose to rain all hell down on me. It was pending, and I had no idea how I was going to stop Angela from getting caught in the middle of my metaphorical mudslide.
If it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t have survived the real one. If she didn’t survive this, it would be because of me. That was the last thing a man wanted to think when it came to the woman he had irreversibly fallen in love with. Because fuck, I’d fallen for her, the slight little thing who could put me in my place because she wouldn’t back down.
After I’d circled the cabin a few times, made sure that everything was fine, I went up to check my equipment. All was well near and around the crevice, and the dot on the radar had moved on and was floating around in Grizzly Falls. Not far enough away but gone for the time being. The man must have believed and listened to my warning. Chuckling a little, I wondered how long it had taken him to get back to his vehicle with a bullet wound in his foot.
It didn’t make sense, the guy just showing up alone. Maksim usually wasn’t so stupid. Frowning, I considered moving the equipment to the cabin so I could watch it more closely, but that would mean telling Angela the truth. She wasn’t ready for my truth. However, I couldn’t sit in the crevice all day, waiting for something to appear. Angela was at the cabin, and she would be gone and out of my life soon. I wanted to spend every minute I could with her. I wanted to make sure no one crept up on her, to be sure she was safe.
After double checking and triple checking the equipment, I finally powered it down and headed into the forest. I found a nest with eggs that seemed okay to eat when I shook it and took them back to the cabin so it looked like I had a reason to be out.
“Viktor,” Angela said, smiling when I walked in. “Where were you?”
I held up the eggs. “Breakfast.”
“What kind of eggs are those?” she asked warily.
“Edible eggs.” I’d bought eggs on my grocery run, but that was months ago, and eggs went fast.
My kitchen was a shitty hole in the ground. I hadn’t minded it before, but I’d never had company that cooked in it before. Angela deserved somewhere nicer, but she sat next to me and helped, seeming unconcerned with the basic kitchen.
While we cooked, she rattled on about her life in Grizzly Falls, about how she wouldn’t miss her job at all and was excited about her new job. She missed her mother, I could tell, and felt guilty that I hadn’t taken her to town to call. Every now and then, she touched my arm or my back or my hand. I loved it. I loved the easiness between us, the fact that we’d developed a connection. I hadn’t felt connected to another person in decades. Angela was special, and I had to let her go. The thought made my chest hurt.
When we finally sat down with bacon, wild eggs, and some crackers, Angela leaned back, chewing. Her face was pensive.
“What?” I asked when she’d been looking at me for a while.
“Don’t you want a different life than this?”
I glanced at her, an eyebrow lifted, a smirk on my face.
“I guess not,” she said, frowning. “Otherwise you would live it, huh?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “When I came out here, I was sure it was the right thing for me. And it was at the time. When you’re alone in these woods, you find yourself. There’s no one around to tell you who you should be, and no one you have to please.”
“It’s a different sort of life, I imagine,” Angela said thoughtfully.
I nodded, shoveling eggs into my mouth.
“I think it sounds great.”
“Yeah?” I asked, surprised. “I thought you were all about the city life you’re headed for.”
Angela shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t say anything, but I was starting to get the idea that moving away from Grizzly Falls, living in a big city, wasn’t something she really wanted. She was doing it for her mother, she’d said. And for herself. But I wondered that if she could really chose what she wanted, without thinking about what everyone else needed, she might stay.
“Where would you be if you could be anywhere in the world right now?” Angela asked. She took a bite of egg and chewed, looking at me.
“Right here,” I said, without even thinking about it.
Angela laughed around her food, lifting her hand to her mouth. “You can’t do that. You didn’t even think about it.”
“What’s there to think about?” I asked. “You’re here.”
Her cheeks turned scarlet, and she looked down. “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” She just shook her head and wouldn’t look a
t me, so I turned the question on her. “Where would you go?” I asked, tearing a piece of bacon in two with my fingers and popping one piece into my mouth. “Anywhere in the world, right now?”
Angela thought about it, turning her head to the window. “Would it be too cliché if I told you I would be right here, too?”
I grinned at her. “Very.”
“I guess you do have to worry about what other people think out here after all.” Her eyes were laughing at me, and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“Why don’t you stay?” I asked, changing the conversation with a serious question. “You don’t have to leave.”
Angela snorted. “That’s a nice idea. And carry on working for that asshole and a dead-end job? Watch my mom live with all her regrets?” She shook her head. “I don’t know, Viktor. I don’t know if I want to keep doing the same thing over and over again.”
I wished I could do something about it. I wanted to give her the kind of life she could live without feeling obligated to do something else.
When I’d come to the States, I’d been resigned to living my life in the mountains, away from everyone, until I died. Why not? I had no reason to re-join society. But now, with Angela here, I was starting to wonder. Would it really be that bad to live close to people again? Would it really be so terrible to have a normal life? I wasn’t the man I’d once been. I could be someone Angela might want to be with. Someone who made an honest living, someone who could be trusted and respected.
I could be someone other than who I’d been before. For her.
I didn’t want her to be with a monster. She deserved so much more. But she didn’t know who I was. She had no idea what had happened in my past. What if I closed the door on that, and never opened it again?
Maybe, just maybe, someone like me could have a second chance.