by K. C. Crowne
I stomped through the house, searching for the damn phone. I hadn’t wanted our farewell to be like this. I hadn’t wanted my hopes and dreams dashed. The fairy tale had been perfect, and now it was shattered.
I couldn’t find my phone anywhere. It wasn’t the first time. Maybe Viktor had hidden the damn thing. I didn’t think so before, but now…what did I really know about him?
I had to get away. I would leave the phone behind. I could make a plan once I got to Snowmass. I wanted to get out of here before Viktor came back and tried to stop me.
He’d tried so hard to get me to stay in the cabin since I’d arrived. The pieces were falling into place, now. I’d been such a fool.
I had another outfit in the wardrobe that stood in the corner of the room, which I rolled into a small parcel and tucked under my arm. I didn’t bother taking the ripped clothes. Viktor could burn them for all I cared.
When I turned to leave, I looked around the cabin. This was the last time I would see this place. I memorized the dark, rustic furniture, the crude walls that looked like someone had built the place with his bare hands. The fur rug, the quilted blanket on the bed. The hearth in the living area and the little kitchen. I stood in front of the large window that overlooked the breathtaking valley. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to detach myself from everything around me. This story was ending. I had to accept that.
For a short while, I’d imagined this was the type of place I could be happy. I’d had the crazy idea that living here with Viktor could make me happy. But I had no idea who Viktor really was. A man alone in the mountains with that many guns? He had to be bad news with a capital B.
I left the cabin. Viktor wasn’t around when I looked between the trees, and I was glad. I didn’t know how to say goodbye to him. He didn’t deserve that from me. Even though a part of me wanted to try and salvage some of the goodness we’d shared.
I started walking through the trees, taking the route he’d led me through when we had gone to Snowmass to buy clothes. I had a rough idea which way to go. I would be able to find my way.
As I walked, I tried to figure out how the hell I hadn’t seen this coming. Looking back, there had been so many red flags, I should have known something was up. But the feeling I’d had when I was around him had thrown me off. Despite his domineering presence and how intimidating he could be because of size, I’d felt safe with him.
But it was over now. I would go to Snowmass, call a cab, and go home. This entire dream – or nightmare – would be over.
I forced myself to think about other things because when I thought about Viktor and the week we’d spent together, I just wanted to cry. And I was not going to cry about that man. So I thought about what needed to be done when I got home. I would have to go into the office one more time to wrap things up. Ryan would want to know what had happened to the company truck, but he could take it up with insurance. He would want me to show him where everything was so that when he replaced me, he could look like he knew what he was talking about.
The truth was, I wasn’t ready to head back to reality. I felt like I’d been wrapped up in a bubble, living a life that was incredibly surreal and perfect. The snap back to reality was jarring.
Finally, after what felt like almost too long, I saw Snowmass between the trees. A wave of relief washed over me that I hadn’t gotten lost in the mountains. I headed to the bakery, pushing open the door as soon as I reached it. The bell that jingled was welcoming, and the smell of freshly baked bread wrapped around me like a warm blanket. Kathy smiled at me from across the counter.
“It’s good to see you again!” she exclaimed. “What can I help you with? I have rolls fresh from the oven.”
I shook my head. “Actually, I was wondering if I could use your phone? I lost mine.”
Kathy’s eyebrows knit together briefly before her smile warmed her expression again. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said tightly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kathy sympathized. “I thought the two of you were together…” She dropped her voice to a whisper and leaned closer. “Is he the reason you don’t have anything with you?” She glanced at the clothes bundled up under my arm.
“I…” I had no idea how to answer that question. I didn’t want anybody to think Viktor had harmed me or anything. I sighed. “It’s a long story.”
Kathy nodded. “I understand.”
I didn’t think she understood at all.
“You can use my phone. Here.” She offered me her cell phone, taken from a handbag next to the cash register.
“I’ll just call a cab. I won’t be long.”
“Whatever you want, sweetie,” Kathy said, her sympathetic smile a little syrupy.
Whatever you want. Viktor had said those exact words to me when we’d been here. I’d been all worked up and hot for him because of it, letting my mind roam to Viktor without his clothes on. So much had changed since then.
I used her internet to look up a cab company’s contact details and called for a ride. I handed her phone back and said, “Thank you.”
“It’s not a problem. I’m glad I could help. I would have thought you already passed through.”
I nodded, not knowing what else to say.
“Here,” Kathy said kindly. “Take this with you.” She bagged two fresh rolls for me and passed the brown paper bag over the counter.
“I can’t take this,” I said, shaking my hands.
“Nonsense! You’ll need something to eat on the road.”
I smiled, moved by the warmth and kindness as I accepted the rolls. “Thank you so much,” I said. “For all of it.”
Kathy nodded and smiled, and for a moment, I wondered if she’d hurry around the counter to hug me. Before our discussion could get awkward, I left the bakery and waited outside where the cab was going to pick me up. While I waited, I absently nibbled on one of the rolls. The cab pulled up. The driver climbed out with a smile but frowned when he looked around and saw no luggage.
“It’s just this,” I said, lifting the brown paper back and the clothing.
He nodded and opened the door for me, closing it behind me. “You’re lucky the roads have been repaired,” he said a few minutes later as we drove out of Snowmass. “Until two days ago, there was no way you could get from Snowmass to Grizzly Falls.”
“Was there a lot of damage?” I asked dully, making small talk although I would have preferred silence.
“Oh, plenty. The roads washed away, phone lines snapped,” he listed, shaking his head. “There wasn’t even cable to watch the game on the weekend. Didn’t you know about it?”
“I’ve heard some news, but not much,” I admitted.
“It was all over.”
“I’ve been… away,” I said.
“Well, let me tell you, these mudslides are no walk in the park. You’d think they’d be prepared for it, since the rain comes every year. But it’s never been this bad.”
He rattled on, glancing at me in the rear-view mirror every now and then as he talked. I zoned out a little, his voice a consistent buzzing in the background, and closed my eyes.
Viktor
By the time I returned to the cabin, she was gone. I’d watched her moving around inside, only a dark shadow in the window from my vantage point. I’d fought against the urge to walk in there and make her stay.
Maksim shouldn’t be a problem for Angela now that she was gone. They had no business with her, and at this point, I hoped to God they didn’t know she was a part of the picture. Maksim had sent someone to find me, but he hadn’t found Angela. She’d been in the cabin, exactly where I’d wanted her to stay.
She was safe. It was a risk I had to take, hoping she would stay safe. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe it was right that she left, so that she would be out of harm’s way for good.
After Angela left, I climbed the mountainside, pushing through the rocks and boulders until I found my crevice. My satellite equipme
nt had died. I hadn’t been able to charge it with the weather as shitty as it had been. I took the equipment outside, setting the batteries in the sun to charge. I sat on the rock, drumming my fingers on my knees. Fuck, these batteries. They would take two hours to charge to half-capacity. I couldn’t do with less than that. It wasn’t a lot – usually, I went out to hunt and chop wood in this time.
I was impatient as fuck. I wanted the batteries to charge so I could see where the hell Maksim and his men were – if his boy that I’d let go had kept his mouth shut and they were out of my hair, or if I still had to worry about an ambush.
After an hour, I was over it. I took the batteries back into the little cave and powered up my equipment. I had enough of a charge to see what I needed. I watched the screen, curling my hands into fists, waiting.
When the radar popped up on the screen, there were no blips. There was nothing around, nothing to worry about.
I checked Russia, where Maksim had his headquarters. A bunch of blips moved around, which satisfied me. It appeared they had left the States and were back home minding their own business.
Fucking fantastic. At least I could relax a bit. I didn’t have anyone to hunt down and to take out my anger and frustration on. But that meant Angela would be safe. And I could carry on with my life the way I had before.
Before her. I whispered a quiet fuck as I felt an unfamiliar pain in my chest. Longing? Love? Both, I was certain. And I’d lost it, lost her, because of my past. It would never go away, never leave me alone, and my life was better lived in seclusion. No one to hurt, no one to hurt me.
Sighing, I left the cave, pushing through the crevice that always made me feel claustrophobic, and hurried back to the cabin. I could go hunting. It would be good to have meat, and God knew I wanted to shoot something.
Instead, I grabbed my axe and headed outside. I attacked a tree like my life depended on it. I didn’t use the neat chops I would normally make for firewood. It was the violent hacking I needed to diffuse some of my anger and frustration. The tree groaned as it fell, the leaves rustling. I started lopping the branches off, stripping the leaves, piling the thinner sticks together before I started on the trunk. My arms would be hurting tomorrow. I hadn’t worked this hard in a long time.
I was angry with myself. For the person I had chosen to be all those years ago, for the life I had chosen for myself when I hadn’t known what it would mean. I hated that hindsight was perfect.
The tree was chopped up by the time I realized I could have left those damn batteries outside again. I wasn’t thinking straight.
I piled the wood into my arms and carried it into the cabin bit by bit until the basket next to the hearth was full. The rest I stacked outside the cabin in a neat pile to fetch when needed. I cleared the branches I’d stripped off, putting them into piles to dump into the valley, when a twig snapped behind me. I spun around and attacked without thinking, going for the neck. But he was as fast, grabbing me in a death grip and swinging me to the ground.
I fell with a grunt, but was back on my feet in a flash, blinded by fury.
“Easy, Viktor,” a deep voice said. A familiar voice.
I blinked, clearing my vision, and looked at Axel, who stood in front of me, knees bent, hands ready for another attack. I straightened slowly and said, “Sorry.”
Axel also straightened, frowning at me. “What the fuck’s going on with you?”
I grunted. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Have you been having problems with strangers showing up?” Axel asked.
“Yes,” I said, frowning. “Why?”
“I found one on my property the other day.”
My blood ran cold. “When? Who?”
Axel shook his head. “A hitchhiker who got lost, apparently. That was his story. I don’t know if I believed it, but I couldn’t very well snap his neck.”
“You should have,” I said darkly.
“Whoa, buddy, calm down,” Axel joked, holding up his hands. When I didn’t laugh or even smile, he looked at the pile of branches on the floor. “What’s this? Are you planning on becoming my competition?”
I grunted again and stomped to my cabin. After all the hard, physical work I’d done to deal with my emotions, I was still in a black mood.
Axel followed me into my cabin. “Looks like you’re sorted for wood,” he commented, looking at the over-full basket next to the hearth, the fresh logs in the fireplace itself, and then at me. “Where’s Angela?”
I didn’t answer that, either. What the fuck was I supposed to say? She left me because she found out what I was? She went home because she doesn’t want to stay? Dammit, it hurt like a bitch and I hated feeling this weak.
“How do you do it?” I blurted instead.
Axel sat in one of the armchairs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Tell me what happened.”
I dropped myself into the other armchair. “She found my guns. And she ran.”
Axel whistled through his teeth. “Occupational hazard for guys like us, I guess. People fear us for what we were. They don’t see who we are now.”
“I don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, I never have,” I insisted. “You know me. I’m up here to stop it from happening again, not because I’m ashamed of myself. But with her… everything is different.”
“You’ve fallen for her,” Axel pointed out.
“The fuck I did,” I bit out.
Axel raised his eyebrows. “You can lie to me and to yourself about it, but you’re pissed off and you look like shit. You nearly snapped my neck without thinking. It’s lucky I’m a big son of a bitch like you and know how to fight back.” He chuckled. “Trust me, Viktor, you’re head over heels about this girl.”
I grunted. What else could I do? Axel was right. I hated that she’d left. I’d chopped all this wood for a thousand fires. Fires that I would sit at like an asshole, alone every night, moping that I’d lost a woman who could never have been mine in the first place.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked. “I can’t afford to lose focus. She was a distraction from the start.”
Axel watched me in silence for a moment.
“What?” I asked.
“Look, I know this is easier said than done. But guys like us do deserve a second chance at all this shit. You can’t keep punishing yourself over what happened when you were a dumb kid.”
I snorted. “All that wisdom, and what about you? You’re single.”
“I didn’t say we needed women. I said we deserve a second chance. Mine looks different than yours. But if you really care about her, you should do something about it.”
I shook my head. “I know what you’re trying to say, Axel. And it’s noble. But it’s not that simple. They’re still after me. Until Maksim finds me, this isn’t over. I can’t drag Angela into this shit. I can’t have her become a victim to everything I did. It’s catching up with me, and she doesn’t deserve any of it.”
Axel nodded. “I get it. But you should let her choose.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” I asked. “She took off.”
Axel shrugged and leaned back in his chair, looking at the fireplace that wasn’t lit. “All I’m saying, is that she might surprise you. I saw how she looked at you, Viktor. If you tell her who you are and what really happened, she might understand. I understood.”
“Because you’ve been there.”
“Are you telling me everything about her life is perfect? That she wouldn’t get it when someone makes mistakes?”
I thought long and hard about that, but I couldn’t bring the two together. After what she’d told me about her father, I was exactly the man she didn’t need. It was nice of Axel to be here and try to cheer me up. But he didn’t have someone he wanted to be with the way I wanted to be with Angela. He was happy alone, as far as I could tell. If he wasn’t, he’d never said so to me.
Then again, I’d been perfectly happy alone until Angela, too.
“My mi
stakes aren’t like anyone else’s” I finally said.
Axel nodded. “No, but you’ll never know if you could have a chance if you don’t go for it.”
She was leaving for Chicago soon. Which meant that if I didn’t go find her now, I would never see her again.
“Thanks for your advice,” I said, slapping my thighs and getting up. “Did you need something?”
Axel shook his head. “Just to check and see if you’d had trouble with unwanted guests and make sure you were good.”
I nodded. “I appreciate it. Let me know if you see any more. And please watch your back. I don’t want my past biting you in the ass.”
“No worries, my friend. My head is always on a swivel and I can handle my business if the need arises.”
I let Axel out, and when he was gone, I walked into my cabin, slamming the door. No need to be polite about anything now. Angela was gone.
Angela
The taxi driver was still talking, rambling on. The sound was soothing, and I dozed off a little. I opened my eyes again when I realized we’d stopped.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
The driver sat behind the wheel. “Car trouble ma’am.”
I frowned. “What do you mean, car trouble?”
He pointed to the hood of the car, although I couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. “The radiator’s busted. I called someone.”
I looked around. We were in the middle of nowhere, one winding road leading between the trees that pressed close around us like giant hands cupping me in. I felt claustrophobic, suddenly unable to breathe.
“Can’t you fix it?” I asked.
The driver twisted in his seat. “It won’t take long for them to come. You’ve been asleep since before I called.”
I opened the car door and climbed out, desperate for fresh air. I took a deep breath, sucking in the forest air. I felt less trapped, but I also felt incredibly small.