Long Time Running

by Foster, Hannah

  Eric did battle internally as their kiss replayed over and over again in his mind. It had always felt right to kiss her in the past and that feeling had not changed.. But kissing her and loving her were two different things. Kissing her was a long way from forgiving her or understanding her or starting again with her. But much to his own surprise he was discovering that kissing her was making him consider doing all those things.

  He wanted to know what had happened to her with a ferocity that bordered on desperation. He had seen the brutal scars she bore on the outside and knew the ones on the inside were even more vicious. Ruefully, he acknowledged that even if he could one day understand why she had willingly given up her -their- child, it would still not explain why she had run from him. Why raising their child alone was a better option to her than raising Jack together.

  While he had always been clear he never wanted children, he had once believed that they loved each other enough to get through anything. She told him she loved him today with a clarity and certainty that took his breath away. And maybe she did. Maybe it just wasn't enough to believe in him. Or them.

  "Eric?" Jack asked carefully, uncharacteristically subdued.

  Pulled from his thoughts he looked over at his son. "Yeah buddy?"

  "I need to ask you a question" he began seriously. "And....and if you don't know that's cool but will you promise to answer it if you can?"

  Raising his eyebrows, he nodded. "If I know the answer, I will tell you."

  Jack scrambled down from the couch and ran to his backpack. Unzipping it, he reached inside and pulled out a small picture frame. Walking back to the couch, he passed it to Eric before climbing up and sitting next to him.

  A cold sweat trickled down Eric's back as he looked down at the photo. It was a photo of Sarah and Nathalie on the steps of the Art Institute of Chicago; he had been the photographer. The frame was burnished silver with the word 'sisters' engraved along the bottom.

  "Is that Nathalie?" Jack asked pointing to her picture.

  Not trusting himself to speak, Eric simply nodded.

  The young boy eyed him carefully before diving into his next question. "Is she my mom?"

  It felt as though the world landed on his shoulders with his questions. Sarah had only ever answered the questions Jack put to her about his parentage without revealing more than she was willing to. Neither of them had ever said Nathalie's name because until this moment he had never asked.

  "Wh-what makes you think that?" he stumbled.

  "Because Aunt Sarah said my mom is her sister. Her sister's name is Nathalie and she has this picture in her bedroom and it says 'sisters' and so I was wondering if that meant that Nathalie was my mom and this is what she looks like?"

  He couldn't lie to him, not about this. It was hard enough to lie about being his father but Jack had managed to piece together all the information he had been given and come up with a reasonable question: he owed him the truth.

  "Yes" he answered cautiously, "Nathalie is Aunt Sarah's sister and that makes her your mom."

  The young boy pulled nervously at his fingers and bit down on his lip. Seeing the worry etched on his face, Eric slipped his arm around his shoulder and tugged him towards his body.

  "I can see a question on your lips Jack, what is it?"

  Sucking in a breath, he looked up at him. "Where...where is she?"

  Eric's tongue felt suddenly fat in his mouth as he struggled to find the right answer. "Have you...have you asked Aunt Sarah?"

  He nodded.

  "And what does she say?"

  "She says she's in a far away country helping people."

  Exhaling slowly, Eric nodded. "That's true."

  Jack said nothing for several minutes. Taking the frame from Eric's lap, he looked down at the photo and traced Nathalie's outline with his finger.

  "She's very pretty" he finally said.

  Swallowing the acrid lump in his throat, Eric agreed, "Yes, she is."

  Climbing down from the couch, he crossed the room to his backpack and stuck the frame back inside. "Eric?"

  "Yes?"

  "Can we...can we keep it between us guys?"

  Cocking his head to the side, he gave him a curious look. "You don't want Aunt Sarah to know? How come?"

  "Cause I don't wanna make her sad."

  Patting the seat beside him, he beckoned Jack to join him. "What makes you think your question will make her sad?"

  Shrugging, he climbed up next to Eric and curled in to him. "I dunno but she's been kinda sad lately."

  "Are you being good and keeping your room clean?"

  "Yeah" he nodded solemnly.

  "Okay," he agreed. "It's just between us guys for now."

  #

  After Sarah picked up Jack, he reflected on their conversation and there was a part of him that wanted Nathalie to know that his son knew who she was; that he thought she was pretty. And then before he could stop himself, he walked to the hospital and headed straight for her room.

  He had no clue what he was going to say when he saw her. There was no plausible explanation for him to be there other than he wanted to see her but telling her that felt almost cruel.

  Low moans emanated from her room and as he pushed open the door to her room he was stunned by what he saw. Nathalie, clearly asleep, was in the grips of some kind of nightmare. She was thrashing about the bed, crying out with tears streaming down her face.

  Crossing the room in two easy strides, he gently shook her trying to wake her. "Nat! Nathalie, wake up! You're having a bad dream"

  "Jack" she whimpered. "Don't let them hurt Jack"

  He tried again, in vain, to wake her but she would not be pulled from her nightmare. At a loss but feeling like his heart was in a vice grip as he watched her flail at imaginary aggressors, he did the only thing that came to mind. Sliding his arms underneath her, he pulled her to a sitting position and wrapped her in his arms. She fought, at first, her body rigid and trembling but he continued to hold her hoping the heat from his body would soothe her. Her body was racked with soundless sobs as her tears splashed against his shoulder.

  He rubbed her back and pressed his mouth to her ear. "Jack is safe," he whispered. "He's not hurt, he's safe." It was risky for him to say anything about Jack - she could wake up at any moment and everything could unravel - but her anguish was so great that he was willing to risk anything to console her.

  "Th-the h-h-house" she stammered, gulping for air as she gripped his shirt. "It's on f-f-f-fire. I h-have to g-g-get him."

  His own heart hammered inside his chest as another piece of the puzzle fell in to place. He knew there was a link between the scar on her back and Jack but he had not quite imagined this. Murmuring against her hair, he continued to rub her back.

  "Jack is okay," he repeated. "He's safe. You're safe too," he added.

  She slumped against him, exhausted. The soft exhalation of her breath against his shoulder told him that the nightmare, or the terror, had receded back into the darkness. He was beginning to understand what Keith meant about the nights being hard for her. With infinite care, he leaned her back against the pillows.

  Moving to stand up, he realized she was still gripping his shirt. He gently extricated her hands from his shirt but paused as she started to whimper at the loss of contact. Once again his heart raced in front of his head and he climbed on to her bed, gathering her in his arms.

  Bringing her head to his chest, he softly stroked her hair and whispered reassurances hoping they would keep the darkness at bay. Memories of nights spent tangled together reverberated in his mind as she instinctively threaded her legs through his and sighed softly, her cheek pillowed by his chest and her head tucked gently under his chin. A lump formed in Eric's throat at the familiarity of the position. She had fallen asleep like this countless times in the past.

  "Oh, babe." He said deeply, as he placed a gentle kiss on the crown of Nathalie's hair and closed his eyes. "What a mess."

  Chapter 10

&n
bsp; He had not even realized he had fallen asleep until he felt her shift against him. His eyes flew open in a panic as he heard her groan; looking down at her, he realized she was still asleep. Glancing over at the clock he could scarcely believe he had been there for four hours already. Holding her, feeling her breath on his skin all felt so achingly normal. Eric smirked to himself as he noticed his fingers entwined through hers - old habits really did die hard, if at all.

  With his free hand he stroked her silky soft hair and pressed another kiss. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing and knew he was walking the razor's edge but she needed him. And the frightening truth staring him in the face was that he probably needed her too. As much as her return had opened old wounds, he felt complete for the first time in almost 8 years. There were questions that needed answers but whereas before he wanted them at all costs, he worried now about the price that had already been paid.

  Curiously and carefully he gently lifted her shirt up a couple of inches, giving him another view of her scar. Based on the anguished cries from her nightmare he tried to piece it all together. There had been a fire that much he was sure of. It wasn't hard to guess that Jack had been caught in the fire and she had gone in to rescue him. Taking another quick look at her back an image came to mind leaving him breathless - Nathalie on the floor of some house, trapped by a beam burning into her flesh as she tried to save her son .

  "Why didn't you trust me?" he asked quietly. "What did I do to ever make you think you couldn't trust me?"

  "Are you out of your mind?"

  Startled, he gave a slight start as he looked over at the door and found Andrew standing there looking thunderstruck. Peeking quickly at Nathalie and seeing she was still sound asleep, he very carefully edged himself from underneath her and got up from the bed. He stopped to pull the blankets up around her before turning back to his friend. Putting his finger up to his lips to silence him from saying anything further he stepped into the hallway.

  Shaking his head in disbelief, Andrew followed suit. "There is a question still waiting for an answer," he told him as the door to her room closed. "Have you lost your marbles?"

  "She was having a nightmare."

  "Pretty quiet nightmare" he snarked.

  Anger flashed quickly through his blue eyes. "It wasn't when I got here. Drew something really bad happened to her-"

  "And what? You're going to ride to the rescue? You cannot be her white knight Eric. Do I need to remind you what she did?"

  "No you don't need to remind me. I live with it every day," he retorted angrily. "But maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to see there is more to the story." His tone softened as he looked into his best friend's eyes. "Who better than me to be a comfort to her? Jesus Drew, we share a child."

  "A child that she believes has been placed with a loving family. Do you think she's going to learn that her sister has kept Jack all these years, allowed you to parent him and thank you for it? She is going to run for the hills," he told him.

  "Maybe not. Maybe she will want to try to be a fam - "

  "Shit, Eric. Seriously?" Andrew interrupted incredulously. "You and I both know she will be on the first plane back to Africa believing she was right to leave you all behind. Whatever caused her to give Jack up scared her. And then where will you be?" He shoved his hands in his pockets as silence greeted his question. "And what about Jack? Are you going to tell him you're his father and by the way I know who your mom is-"

  "He already knows who his mom is," Eric said quietly, looking back at the closed door.

  Andrew blanched. "What? How?"

  Glancing around the hallway, he shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it out here."

  "Fine. Let's go to your office."

  The two men walked in silence down the hall, each lost in their own thoughts. For Eric there were visions of a family life that would flash in his mind; for Andrew he saw the three people who mattered so much to him destroyed by the truth.

  As the office door closed behind them, Andrew leaned up against it, his arms folded across his chest.

  "What do you mean he already knows who his mom is?"

  Sighing heavily, Eric sank into his chair and rubbed his hands over his face. "He took a picture from Sarah's room - one of her and Nathalie. He asked me if that was Nathalie and then asked me if she was his mom, telling me that Sarah had always told him his mother was her sister."

  "And you told him? What else did you tell him?" Nervous anger permeated his tone.

  "Of course I told him" he shot back. "He figured it out and Sarah has always answered his direct questions."

  "Did you tell him she was here? That she was sick?"

  He shook his head. "I don't know what I'm going to tell him if he asks about his father. Or more questions about Nathalie."

  "How about the truth?" he snapped.

  "It's complicated, you know that."

  Andrew angrily shook his head. "Truth is simple - it's the lies that are complicated. And you two are going to devastate that little boy when your house of cards comes tumbling down."

  "Personalizing a little much there, aren't you?"

  "Maybe," he admitted. "But it doesn't mean I'm wrong." Pulling away from the door he shuffled across the room and flopped on to the couch. "You have no idea," he said quietly, "absolutely no idea what it does to you to find out that the people you love and trust have lied to you about the most basic of things."

  "It might not be the same for Jack," Eric offered.

  "I don't know why you think it would be different. My grandmother and my mother both lied to me. Until I was 12, I truly thought my mom was my sister - every adult in my life who was supposed to love and protect me participated in that lie. And I stumbled on the truth. It felt like the entire world crashed around me, you know that," he reminded him. "I don't understand why you want Jack to feel like I did. If he figures it all out before you tell him you could lose him for good Eric."

  "But Sarah-"

  Andrew interjected. "Sarah is afraid of losing Jack." He paused. "Look, even though I may not agree with her method of dealing with this, I believe Sarah is trying to do the right thing. But she really believes that once Nathalie knows the truth she will take him back to Africa and she will never see either of them again. She's trying to protect herself."

  A small smile ghosted across his lips. "For two people who can't be in the same room without the temperature dipping 20 degrees from the chill, you seem to know a lot about the inner workings of Sarah Grant."

  He dismissed the comment with a wave. "You guys need to tell Jack, sooner rather than later and you need to stick to your plan to tell Nathalie after her surgery."

  "It must be nice to have all the answers." Eric said softly.

  "Glad you finally realized it after all this time."

  "Ass." Eric retorted with a smile tilting the corners of his mouth.

  A mischievous grin covered Andrew's face for a moment before his eyes turned serious. "Be careful, dude."

  Eric paused. "I'll try." Drew nodded in acknowledgement that that was all Eric could offer.

  As the door softly closed behind his friend, Eric privately acknowledged that he was already failing.

  #

  Looking up from her book, Nathalie smiled nervously as Andrew strode into her room. Her friend had clearly blossomed into a self-confident and talented doctor. His talent had never been in question when they were in school but his confidence had been more difficult to find. He seemed to have finally found the footing that had been eluding him.

  "Hey" she greeted him as she closed over her book.

  Giving her a small smile, he pulled over a chair to her bedside and sat down. "How's the pain?"

  With a small shrug, she pursed her lips together. "Not bad. Maybe a 6 or 7." Spotting the file in his hand she gave him a knowing look. "MRI results?"

  He nodded.

  "It's bigger?"

  "Almost another millimeter. I've booked you for surgery on Saturday."
/>   "Oh" Her gaze dropped to her lap as she pulled anxiously at her fingers.

  "You okay?"

  Without looking up, she nodded. "Yeah," she replied hoarsely.

  "Would you care to try again?" he asked gently, touching her arm.

  Lifting her eyes, she smiled sadly. "I'm scared Drew." She exhaled. "Really scared."

  "Well despite you finishing ahead of me in school I really have become pretty good at this whole surgery thing," he teased.

  Chuckling softly, she shook her head. "I'm sure you have."

  "I'm going to take good care of you," he told her more seriously. "I promise."

  Her fingers curled around her locket and she rhythmically rubbed the smooth gold. "I was thinking of you this morning," she laughed nervously. "They gave me pancakes for breakfast - they were awful - but it reminded me of all those mornings the three of us spent at the Original Pancake House."

  He nodded as he laughed lightly. "And you would always challenge me to eat the Dutch Baby."

  "And you always did."

  "While Eric made snorting noises," he added. Falling quiet, he tilted his head to the side. "We had some really good times, the three of us."

  Inhaling sharply, she continued to finger her locket. "Yeah."

  He watched the way she held the locket, like it was a talisman of some kind; his curiosity was peaked. "What's in the locket?"

  Her cheeks flushed, the first appearance of color since her arrival at the hospital. "Just...just something that makes me feel less alone."

  Leaning forward, he brought his arms to rest on his knees. "You aren't alone," he told her. "You never were. I wish...I wish you had known that back then, maybe you would have made different choices."

  "And not wrecked Eric's life, you mean" she finished for him, trying to keep the accusation from her voice and failing.

  "Yeah. Or yours."

  Uncomfortable, she let go of her locket. "So...uh...what about you? Have you finally found someone worthy?"

  Scoffing, he shook his head. "Same question as always," he joked. "You know me Nat, I'm not good with relationships with women"