Rockstar Romance Boxed Set (12 Book Bundle New Adult BBW)

by Emme Rollins

  “You wouldn’t leave me.”

  “I will. When you’re ready to talk and deal with this, I’ll be there. But I won’t stand by while you drink yourself into oblivion.”

  “Bull. You won’t go, because you love me and you know I need you.”

  I wanted to punch him. And hug him. And tell him, “Yes, I do love you, but I hate you right now.”

  But I didn’t do any of those things. I put my cup of coffee down on the table and walked out the door without saying a word.

  Outside, I ran into Matthew. He was holding a whole carafe of coffee and a few bottles of water.

  I smiled at him. “Thank you. Take that in to him if you want. I need a break.”

  “Okay. Hey, wait a second.”

  I turned around. “What is it?”

  “He’s crazy in love with you. Whatever happens, don’t give up on him.”

  Shaking my head, I sighed and continued down the hallway.

  *

  Calling the fact that Dex managed to play the show a miracle felt like the understatement of my life. His performance was far from perfect, but some combination of a little sleep, a lot of coffee, and the deafening noise sobered him up enough to get through the set without embarrassing himself. I watched from the wings, holding my breath most of the time.

  Most shows, Dex was magnetic and constantly in motion. Playing off of Joe and the others, drawing the audience into his music effortlessly. This time was different. He got through the songs fine, but there was no action. He stood in one spot and connected with no one. But considering the state I’d found him in, it was a triumph of professionalism. Relatively speaking.

  Once the encore was over, he headed out the back and into the waiting van. I made eye contact with Ryan to make sure he saw I was leaving too, and followed.

  “Jesus, please not another lecture,” Dex said darkly as I climbed up and sat next to him.

  “I just wanted to see how you’re feeling.”

  “Terrible. But I’ll get a few shots in me and be fine.”

  “Don’t you think a good night’s sleep would be better?”

  “Bloody hell, Becca. Don’t you ever let up?”

  I gritted my teeth, but didn’t speak.

  Dex groaned, pushed past me, and walked out of the van. He took a few steps, and then turned back. “A million times I’ve told you you’re not on duty with me. I don’t need you to organize me, fix me. Why can’t you just be with me?”

  “I can. But this isn’t you.”

  “What if it is?”

  “Then I’ve been fighting to make us work for no reason. I know you’re hurting, but digging yourself a deeper hole isn’t going to help. You need to talk. To be surrounded with people who love you. You have to let us in.”

  He stared at me, and for a second his eyes softened. But just as quickly, they went cold again. “Not tonight, I don’t,” he said, and walked away. It was becoming a pattern with us, and one I didn’t care for one bit.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I didn’t wait up for him that night. And in the morning when it was time to go to the airport, I didn’t expect him to show, and he didn’t. A part of me worried if he was dead in a ditch somewhere, but I knew he wasn’t. He was either still drinking, or sleeping it off somewhere.

  After making sure everyone else was prepared for the flight and saying a real goodbye to Liss, I took Ryan aside. For once, he actually listened to what I had to say.

  “Are you sure this is the right course of action?”

  I nodded. “I have to try, at least.”

  “All right. I’m trusting you with this. Keep me posted, and we’ll work out the details.”

  “Thank you, Ryan. For believing me.”

  “I may not agree with all of your choices, Rebecca, but I acknowledge you know what you’re doing. So do it.”

  “I will.”

  He sighed, and turned to get in the vehicle with the others. I stood in front of the hotel, watching as the van pulled away, and then went back upstairs.

  A few hours later, the door opened and Dex came in.

  “Why are you still here?” he asked.

  “Waiting for you.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

  “No, you didn’t. Just like you didn’t ask me to smooth things over with Ryan and the other members of your band. But I did that, too. Or assure your aunt that you’d be in touch soon. But I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m stupid. And a fool. I love you, and there’s nothing I won’t do to help you, even when you won’t help yourself.”

  He pulled a bottle of something out of a pocket and took a swig. “Fuck, who knew when my mother died, I’d get another.”

  “I’m not trying to mother you. I’m just giving you one last chance to keep from messing up your whole life in a way you can’t fix.”

  “You don’t know anything about my life.”

  “Fuck you, Dex. I know everything about your life. I am here. I have been here.”

  “Maybe I don’t want you here.”

  “Then tell me to go. Break up with me.”

  “No!”

  I approached him. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I…I don’t want you gone. I just want you to stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop caring so much. Stop trying to make me well. I’m not. I’m sick. Poisoned from birth, and slowly dying. And you can’t make that different. All you do is push and pull me, make me love you, need you. Make me want to be better. Be something you deserve. But I can’t.”

  He slammed a flat palm against the wall.

  “I can’t be anything but this. I’m a fuck-up. All I’ve ever been good at, aside from fucking up, is music. I can sing and play and write. So that’s what I do. And I’m good at it. But I’m not a good man, and I never will be.” A sob escaped him, and he turned away.

  I went over and put my hand on his shoulder, turning him around. “Don’t say that, Dex. You’re just in a bad place right now.”

  “Not just now. Always. My whole life. And I won’t let you fall into this pit with me. I can’t. You’re the most wonderful thing in this fucking wasteland of a world, and I won’t be what ruins you, too.”

  I took his hand and dragged him over to the bed. We sat down. “How long have you felt this way?”

  “Since the first time I saw you. God knows I tried to stay away. To let you be. But how could I? I’m weak. And I crave you like a drug, Becca. I live for the way your hair smells, and how your hands feel on me. How your smile lights up a room, and your voice reverberates through my bones. I’m hooked on every word you say. Every look you give me is a fix. I’m not strong enough to stay away from you. And you’re so brave.”

  His fingers graze my cheek.

  “I need you to end this. Get away from me, before it’s too late.”

  Through the tears streaming down my face, I smiled. “I won’t.”

  “Please. I’m begging you. I’ll never be happy without you, but I won’t let you be miserable with me.”

  “Dex, you’re an idiot,” I said softly. “These weeks with you have been the happiest of my life. I spent so much time just going through the motions. Doing what I know, and getting by. All the pleasure and pain of this – us – has brought me to life. I wouldn’t trade any of it. And as long as you care about me, I’m not giving up on you. Or on us.”

  His shoulders began to shake, and he cried in earnest, collapsing against me. I wrapped my arms around the strong body that had held me, and curled up with him, limbs entwined, faces inches apart while he wept.

  I have no idea how long we stayed there like that. Only that when Dex finally sat up, my legs and arms ached from being in the same position so long. He gathered me close again, and cupped my face in his hands.

  “I don’t know how to do this, Becca.”

  “Do what?”

  “Live a real life. Face my issues. I only know how to hide. But I’ve never be
en able to hide from you. You see me.”

  “I do. Better than you see yourself. You’re not weak, Dex. You’re scared. But I know you can get through this. Get better.”

  “See, that’s what scares me. The faith you have in me. I can’t stand to think about disappointing you. Hurting you.”

  “You’ve already done both. But I’m still here. Shit, Dex. We’re both a mess of bad histories and unsure futures. I don’t know if that’s something we can ever overcome completely. But I do know my life is better with you in it. And I know I’m willing to try, if you are.”

  “I am. I think. It’s just…”

  “Tell me.”

  “When we first got together, it felt like magic. Like I could be that guy, the one you see. But before long, I was fucking up again. And that look on your face. It killed me. And so I just fucked up more. It’s all I know how to do.”

  “No it isn’t. You know how to be kind, and sweet, and make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Those are superpowers, Dex. Not traits of a fuck-up.”

  “But what if I fail? What if I bollocks it all up again?”

  “Then we’ll fight. Yell, maybe not talk for a few days. But as long as we’re both alive, there’s a chance to make it right.”

  He nodded. “Damn, you’re really smart.”

  “I know. So listen to me, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I kissed his cheek, and gripped one of his big hands between mine. “When I took this job, I was just hoping to work. Make some money and get back into the business that’s in my blood. I know you understand that. But touring with you guys, and falling in love with you, changed all that. Just doing the job isn’t enough for me anymore. I don’t need everything to be orderly and on schedule. There are more important things than that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like waking up next to you. The way your mouth feels against mine. How romantic it was to look out over all of Paris with you. How ridiculous that fancy dinner was. Every adventure I have, whether it is sitting at a café with Liss, or meeting strangers on the street, or just ordering room service with you.

  “All of my lists are fine for work. But life isn’t pages of things to check off. It’s every experience, good and bad. Everything that brought us to this moment right here, and everything we do after.”

  “What will that be?”

  “I have no idea. But I know I want to find out with you by my side.”

  “That does sound good.”

  “I think so.”

  “How did I get so lucky that you came into my life?”

  “I wonder the same thing about you every day. Even when I want to strangle you.”

  “You’re an angel, Becca.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m a self-conscious weirdo, with giant thighs and a tendency towards being anal-retentive.”

  “I like your thighs.”

  “That’s because you’re insane.”

  Dex laughed, and his smile stretched wide across his face.

  “Feeling better?”

  “A bit. But I’m still not sure what to do next. I know I have to deal with stuff and my dad. But I don’t know how. Go back there? Pack up his place? Plan a funeral?”

  “Yes, all of those things. But you don’t have to do them alone.”

  “Aunt Karen is a nice lady, but I barely know her.”

  “I’m talking about me.”

  “No, I can’t ask that of you.”

  “What part of ‘in this together’ did you not understand?”

  “But, in order to do all of this, I have to leave the tour. Probably miss the rest of the dates over here.”

  “I know.”

  “But…your job?”

  “Right now my job is getting you well. Supporting you through this process, whatever that means.”

  “Like a project?”

  “No. Like family. You said I was part of the family, so let me be part of the family and help you.”

  “But Ryan and the guys…the other cities…”

  “Will all understand. It’s all over the news that your father is gone. Besides, there are only three more shows. You’ve gone one man down because of illness before. This is no different.”

  “So we have time.”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s kind of scary, this ‘doing the right thing’ business.”

  I smiled. “I know. But nothing’s so bad we can’t beat it. Not your demons. Not the weather in Scotland. Or Ryan and Rick. Nothing.”

  Dex kissed me lightly, and then rolled us over so he was on top of me. “Can we stop talking now?”

  I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Yes, please.”

  He bent his head to my neck and kissed it tenderly, before pulling back long enough to slide down my body a little. Pushing my shirt up, he planted another kiss on my belly button, and then moved back towards my breasts. Cupping them in his hands, he bent to run his tongue along the edge of my bra, where satin met skin.

  I shuddered and hooked my legs around his, pressing us closer together.

  Dex chuckled, a low masculine sound, and flicked the clasp to release my breasts. Chest heaving, I shut my eyes. He sucked one pebbled tip into his mouth, taking long, slow draws that I could feel from the tip of my toes to the top of my head.

  Not content to only drive me half mad, he reached between us and pushed his hand down between my legs. Even with the denim of my jeans between my damp flesh and his gifted fingers, I arched my back from the pleasure, spurring him on faster.

  Dex took the hint, wordlessly doing exactly what I needed. In life he might be a mess, but in bed, he was sure and perfect.

  But as his fingers worked to open my jeans, I stopped him. “Let’s take this slow, okay?”

  He nodded and sat back on his heels, lifting the t-shirt over his head and throwing it far away. His eyes glittered with desire as I sat up and took my shirt off too, dropping my bra onto the floor.

  Dex got off me long enough to help pull down my pants and underwear before getting himself naked, too.

  Not long ago I would have been embarrassed, or at least a bit shy for him to see me completely naked in the light of the room, but that meant nothing anymore. Dex had seen into my soul, and let me see his. A flabby tummy and cellulite were inconsequential in the face of that depth of connection.

  Besides, the look on his face as his gaze caressed every inch of me was intoxicating. He didn’t see the flaws I did. Well, he saw the same parts, but instead of thinking them as imperfections, he adored them.

  As if confirming that fact, he ran long fingers up from my ankle, sliding over my calf and knee, skimming and squeezing my thighs lightly, reverently. I sighed and lay back, spreading myself open for him with complete trust.

  “What happened to slow?”

  “There’s slow, and there’s teasing. Don’t tease me.”

  He laughed and pulled me up to a sitting position. “Nope. You said slow, you’re getting slow.”

  I flashed a fake frown that turned to a very real smile when he buried his hands in my hair and pulled me in for a kiss. It was warm and sweet, deep and soulful. The softness of his lips and smooth slide of his tongue entranced me, and all I could do was try to keep up. Dex was master of my body, every response and reaction, and I loved it.

  But when I felt the brush of his erection, I realized slow wasn’t going to cut it. So, with a devilish grin, I pushed him back so our positions were reversed, and settled myself between his legs. The muscles in his thighs tightened as my hair brushed them. I exhaled, blowing a puff of air across the wide tip of his member, and watched it lengthen before my eyes.

  I wrapped my fingers around the base, and took the dusky head into my mouth.

  Dex made a tight hissing sound that made me smile. He wasn’t the only one who could tease.

  With slow, lazy rolls of my tongue and gentle suction, I pleasured him, using the sounds he made, and the ways his body reacted, to guide me. Having him
prone beneath me, leaving the care of his most intimate flesh entirely to me felt powerful, and I relished it.

  But eventually, after a long time, he’d had enough. Dex grabbed my arms and scooted away. “I need you,” he said. And in those three words I heard a world of things. The physical, the sexual, the emotional.

  “Yes.”

  He grabbed a condom and rolled it down the thick column of flesh, before lifting me above him.

  “Like this?” I asked. “I’ll smush you.”

  “Shut up, Becca.”

  I shut up. Not because he told me to, but because when the tip of him brushed my core, I couldn’t remember how to think, let alone speak. He pulled my hips down, sliding deep inside me, filling me. The tight fit was slicked by my arousal, and I groaned ecstatically.

  “Look at me,” Dex ordered, and I did. Our eyes locked together as he began to move, guiding my body in time with his, slowly, gently, deliciously. And when he was all the way inside, and our bodies were joined completely, I placed my hands on the flat muscles of his chest, smiled, and let my hair fall forward into his face.

  Dex chuckled, and I felt it through our connected flesh. I braced myself on my hands and lifted up, before crashing back down again, taking my own breath away. It was intense, and ridiculously erotic.

  I repeated the maneuver, and Dex flexed his hips to drive deeper, eliciting a tiny scream from me. He reached up and took one of my nipples between two fingers, tweaking the tender skin, heightening my pleasure even more.

  Then, just as I felt the stirring in me that signaled an impending climax, he managed to grip me tight and flip us back, so I was beneath him now.

  I gasped and he thrust again, the new angle sending me rocketing away. As I rode the waves of my orgasm, he never stopped, plunging in again and again, grinding against me, extending my climax forever, or so it felt.

  And when he finally reached his own peak, our gazes locked on each other again, I knew once and for all that everything we’d been through together was worth it. He was still damaged and I was still troubled, but the connection we shared that blossomed into love, was strong enough to make it through. I believed that with all of my heart, and couldn’t have conjured up a doubt if I wanted to.

  But wrapped in his strong arms, knowing that we would always have our struggles, I realized being there for each other made us both better. It’s safe to fall apart when there’s someone there to put you back together again. It was a luxury neither of us had grown up with, but a necessity I knew we could become accustomed to.