A Mother's Spirit

by Anne Bennett

  Gloria didn’t feel like a bride – she didn’t feel married at all – but she told herself not to be so stupid. She had known how it would be for she had seen Helen marry in a similar way in Derry, but she couldn’t help feeling flat and deflated.

  Unbidden came into her mind the day she married Joe and what a wonderful day it had been from start to finish. She tried to smile at Philip but he had seen her face, and guessed some of her thoughts. He put his arm around her and said, ‘Think of that, my love, as just a process to enable us to spend the rest of our lives together. Once we get to New York, I will get lawyers to sort all this out and start divorce proceedings. When you are free I will marry you again, and properly, in any place you choose.’

  ‘I know,’ Gloria said, giving herself a mental shake. ‘I know I am just being silly. The point is, it’s done now and all I have to do is wait.’

  ‘That’s all,’ Philip said. ‘But that is the hardest job in the world.’

  ‘These rumours about troops massing on the South Coast of England are worrying, aren’t they?’ Helen said to Gloria as they made their way to work in early June. ‘Margaret has got to hear about it now. Not that she can say much in her letters without the censor cutting it all out.’

  ‘I know,’ Gloria said. ‘Tom wrote that he had heard the whole of the South Coast was out of bounds to civilians.’

  ‘And the whole of the camp is on high alert.’

  ‘Yes, Philip said that too,’ Gloria said. ‘Something is afoot, all right. I just hope it won’t delay plans for us to leave here. Philip has had a letter from his parents. They say they are looking forward to meeting me, and I can hardly wait.’

  A few days later, on a Wednesday evening, the droning of planes was so loud Gloria and Joe went out of the cottage to see what was going on. They saw hundreds of planes in the air.

  ‘They’re emptying the airfields,’ Joe said excitedly. ‘If we go up to the top of the hills we might see what is happening to the ships on the Foyle.’

  The two of them stood and watched the fleets of ships leaving the Foyle and sailing out against the sky. Gloria shivered and it was not from the chill of the night, but Joe’s words. ‘This is it, then. Make or break. We will know soon whether they have made a grave mistake or not.’

  The next morning, the canteen was very quiet and Gloria thought of the young sailors that had sailed out the previous night to who knew what danger. There had been ships sunk and sailors lost on convoy duty before, but this time so many sailors were putting their lives at risk. Mid-morning they were told of the newsflash from Reuter’s News Agency that announced, ‘Allied Armies began landing on the coast of France this morning.’

  The paper that Gloria bought on her way home from work spoke of Operation Overlord, or D-day. The paper claimed it had been a success, though later they were to hear of the many who gave their lives to achieve victory.

  The year that Tom asked for to make up his mind about the farm was past, and he came back in July and told them after great deliberation he had decided to relinquish the farm, and that it and all in it was to be sold as soon as possible. However, he hadn’t been there long when he saw that Joe and Gloria were trying to cope in a marriage that was in tatters, a marriage that once had been rock solid.

  ‘What’s up with you?’ he asked his brother. ‘I knew there was something amiss and asked you in every letter.’

  ‘How could I explain this?’

  Tom immediately felt guilty. He wondered if his inability to make up his mind, therefore forcing Joe and Gloria to remain on the farm, had anything to do with their unhappiness with one another.

  He was more certain this was the case when Gloria said, ‘I understood you were going to move in with Aggie and Paul, but you haven’t done so yet.’

  ‘No,’ Tom said. ‘Aggie is lovely, and you couldn’t get a nicer man than Paul, but I thought they needed more than a few months together before I landed on them. I thought I would give them a year at least of living together and then as it became apparent that I was going to sell the farm, I thought the flat would do as a start for you and Joe and young Ben, if you wanted to move to Birmingham, as Joe had said you might. Accommodation of any sort is virtually impossible to find in Birmingham at the moment.’

  Gloria smiled ruefully. Tom’s offer had come too late. It would take more than an apartment in Birmingham to save their marriage, especially when her heart now belonged to another.

  It was harder for Gloria to get away to Derry in the evenings with Tom in the house – without raising suspicion, anyway – and each day she longed for news of the ship to take her to America.

  Everything was winding down at the camp, and Gloria and Helen were given notice as only a skeleton staff was being kept on.

  ‘Colin and I are leaving too,’ Philip said, when he went into the canteen one dinner-time and Gloria told him she had been given her cards. ‘We’re being recalled. We more or less expected it because, with most of the young sailors gone, our jobs are really at an end.’

  ‘Any idea where you are going?’

  ‘America, at first,’ Philip said. ‘Then who knows? It would be nice if I was in America for the duration but I doubt it. I am more than ready to leave here now. The canteen won’t have the same attraction without you in it.’

  ‘I’m sorry to be leaving, to tell you the truth,’ Gloria said. ‘I will miss the other women. And to be absolutely honest, I really don’t relish being at home with Joe day after day. Thank God that Tom is there too. He tries valiantly to keep an even keel in a house that is turned on its head.’

  ‘Can’t be for much longer,’ Philip said. ‘And, in the meantime, decide how you are going to break the news to Ben. I’d like to bet that he will not be overjoyed, and if we’re not careful, once Ben knows, this whole thing could blow up in our faces.’

  ‘I know,’ Gloria said. ‘And that’s why I’m not telling Ben that he is going to America till the last minute. I’m going to let him think he is going to Birmingham.’

  ‘Do you think that’s wise?’ Philip asked. ‘I imagine he will be very angry with you if you do that.’

  ‘Wise doesn’t come into any of this,’ Gloria said. ‘And I don’t care how angry Ben is. This is the only way that I can see of doing it, and the safest way for us because, by hook or by crook, I will have Ben on that ship.’

  Philip said nothing. Gloria must know her son, but he reckoned that if someone had tried to take him away from his home without telling him when he was Ben’s age, he would have been as mad as hell. He suddenly felt sorry for the boy, who had had no choice in any of this, and vowed to try to make it up to him just as soon as he could.

  In early August, Helen came to meet Gloria with a smile on her face.

  ‘You have heard about the ship?’ Gloria burst out.

  Helen nodded. ‘Colin told me last night. There will be a liner in Belfast Harbour in just under a fortnight’s time. Couldn’t be better because we will have worked our notices by this Friday.’

  ‘Ooh,’ said Gloria. ‘I can hardly wait.’

  ‘I’m the same,’ Helen said. ‘I just can’t wait to see America, anyway. You’ll have show me round.’

  ‘God, Helen, I’d hardly know the place now,’ Gloria said. ‘It will be like a voyage of rediscovery for me as well, but we will certainly meet up as often as possible.’

  That night over dinner, Gloria began her plan of action.

  She mentioned taking Ben for a little holiday in Birmingham. Ben’s excitement was such that Joe couldn’t find it in his heart to refuse him, though he did wonder what game Gloria was playing now. Tom was unaware of any undercurrent, however, and he was almost as enthusiastic as Ben was.

  ‘I will write to them tomorrow and make the arrangements, shall I?’ Gloria said to Joe.

  He nodded. ‘Aye, I suppose you may as well.’

  Everything seemed to go Gloria’s way. The morning she was to leave was the day Joe and Tom had arranged to sell the calves to a
neighbouring farmer and they had them ready loaded on the cart. She knew it would be difficult for them to drop her and Ben off at the station in Derry.

  ‘Why worry?’ Gloria said. ‘Aren’t I well used to going into Derry by train anyway?’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Tom said. ‘It seems an awful way to go on, with us not even leaving you at the station.’

  ‘We’ll be fine,’ Gloria assured him. ‘I have Ben to look after me, for as he is fond of telling me, he is a big boy now, in double figures.’

  Ben grinned, though he blushed in embarrassment and said a little gruffly, ‘Can we go or we’ll never get there?’

  Ben’s excitement lasted until they reached Derry and there a car was waiting for them. Helen was there too, and a naval officer she introduced as her husband, Colin, was in the driver’s seat. The man beside him was introduced as Phillip. Ben didn’t recognise him as the man he had seen kissing his mother and assumed he was a friend.

  ‘In you get, Ben,’ Gloria said. ‘These kind men are giving us a lift to Belfast.’

  ‘Belfast?’ Ben cried. ‘Not Dun Laoghaire? I thought you said that Belfast was a military port?’

  ‘We have to use Belfast because the boat is bigger.’

  ‘Satisfied, Ben got into the car, squashed between the two women. As it drove off he wondered what Helen was doing there, but then he remembered his mother saying that Helen used to live in Birmingham too, and so he said, ‘Are you going to Birmingham as well, Helen?’

  ‘No, Ben,’ Helen said. ‘I am going to New York. That’s in America.’

  ‘I know,’ Ben said. ‘That’s where I was born.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Would you like to go back and see it?’ Gloria asked.

  Ben considered that, then said, ‘I wouldn’t mind going on a visit.’

  ‘Wouldn’t you like to live there?’

  Ben shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t mind living in Birmingham,’ he said. ‘Uncle Tom says Molly is having a baby. Isn’t that good? Kevin will be an uncle.’

  Gloria let Ben’s voice flow over her because his words about a baby brought to mind the secret she was nursing. She hadn’t had a period since the first time she had made love with Philip on 27 April, and now it was 15 August. She had never even contemplated pregnancy and refused to believe it at first. They had waited years for Ben, and he was now ten. There had been no sign of a baby since, and she’d thought she was barren. But she couldn’t be, for now she was almost sure that she was carrying Philip’s child. She hadn’t had any opportunity to tell him since she had begun to believe that it might be true, but she intended to do that before the boat sailed that day.

  As arranged with Colin, she stopped on the way to send two telegrams from the post office: one to Molly in Birmingham, to say that they had been unavoidably delayed and she would write later; and another to Joe, ‘DO NOT WORRY. BEN IS WITH ME AND HE IS SAFE.’ Then she sat in the car as the docks loomed closer and told Ben where they were really going.

  ‘But you said we were going to Birmingham,’ he complained. ‘I don’t want to go to New York.’

  ‘You’ll love it, Ben. It’s where you belong.’

  ‘No it isn’t,’ Ben said angrily. ‘And you shouldn’t have lied to me.’

  ‘I had to do that, Ben, because, you see, we are not going for a holiday,’ Gloria said. ‘We are going there to live.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Ben said determinedly. ‘I won’t. And what about Dad?’

  ‘You must come with me,’ Gloria said, ‘because I am your mother.’

  ‘Don’t I have a say in any of this?’ Ben cried, and Gloria was not the only one to hear the tears behind Ben’s words. ‘Don’t you care what I want?’

  ‘I’m afraid I can’t, Ben,’ Gloria said. ‘Sometimes adults have to decide what is best for you.’

  ‘That isn’t fair,’ Ben said, and tears rolled down his face. ‘Are we going by ourselves, just you and me?’

  Gloria swallowed deeply before saying, ‘At first there will be just you and me. Later, Philip will join us, but he has to stay in the American Navy until the war is over. He will be your new father.’

  Philip wished that Gloria hadn’t said that. He couldn’t hope to be a father to a boy of Ben’s age, especially as Gloria had said often how much Ben loved his own father. He wasn’t a bit surprised when Ben ground out, ‘I don’t want a new father. I already have one.’

  Philip turned to face Ben and said, ‘Sure you have, and I would never try and take his place, but I sure hope that we can become buddies.’

  Ben glared at the man and then suddenly there was a flash of familiarity. ‘I know you,’ he said. ‘I saw you kissing my mother the day of the Christmas party.’

  Both Gloria and Helen gasped, but Philip met Ben’s outraged gaze and then said simply and without the slightest hint of shame, ‘I sure did. I love your mother very much.’

  What could Ben say to that? He knew against grown-ups he didn’t have a chance. He would be taken wherever they wanted him to go, just as if he were a parcel or something, as if he had no feelings of his own. Tears prickled the backs of his eyes but he was too angry to cry, and resentment burned against his mother for taking him to some strange place just because she wanted to go. He felt sunk in misery and was already missing his father that he knew he wouldn’t see again for years and years. He felt a yawning emptiness inside him at that thought, and he sank back on the seat with a sigh.

  Gloria heard the sigh and she felt for his hand, but he pulled it away. Though she was hurt she accepted that the child was very upset and vowed she would do all in her power to make it up to him. By the time the boat docked in New York Harbour she would have won Ben round, she was sure.

  Joe and Tom had just returned from the neighbour’s farm when the telegram was delivered and Joe was confused by it.

  ‘I know Ben is with Gloria,’ he said to Tom. ‘Where else would he be?’

  Tom shrugged. ‘Maybe she wanted to reassure you.’

  ‘No, Tom, there is something fishy about the whole thing,’ Joe said.

  An hour later Jack came almost running down the lane. ‘Molly has been in touch with Aggie and she phoned the post office,’ he said. ‘Apparently, she received a telegram to say Gloria and Ben had been delayed and she wondered if anything was wrong.’

  Joe felt his blood run cold. He looked at Tom and said, ‘So she hasn’t taken Ben to Birmingham then. So where the hell has she taken him?’

  ‘Where could she take him?’ Tom said. ‘She would never harm the boy.’

  ‘I know that,’ Joe said. ‘But where is he?’ He turned to Jack. ‘Maybe she confided in Helen. The two of them are as thick as thieves. Could I go and ask her if she can shed some light on this?’

  ‘Helen left this morning with that American husband of hers,’ Jack said. ‘Apparently there is a ship moored in Belfast to take all the wives of American servicemen over to the States.’

  Joe felt as if a large lead lump had landed in the pit of his stomach. He remembered the times that Gloria had gone into Derry and he had wondered if she had been seeing someone else. He suddenly felt sick and he knew just where his son was.

  ‘That’s where Gloria has gone,’ he said. ‘She will be on that bloody ship with my son.’

  ‘You could be right,’ Jack said, ‘because sitting beside Helen’s husband in the car was his mate. His name is Philip Morrisey. At Helen’s wedding he was one witness and Gloria another, and Nellie and I saw them holding hands. Then later, at the meal … well, I wondered if there was any funny business going on.’

  ‘Funny business or not, she is not taking my son to America,’ Joe said.

  ‘She can’t,’ Jack said. ‘Helen said they have to be married to be aboard those ships. That’s why they had to marry in a hurry.’

  ‘Then she has false papers,’ Joe said. ‘But I will stake my life that that is where she has gone.’

  ‘Then you have got her,’ Jack said. ‘She is in big trouble.’<
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  ‘Do you think I care a bloody fig about that?’ Joe snapped. ‘All I’m interested in is getting Ben back. How can we get there fast, Jack?’

  ‘Hughie, the taxi driver in Buncrana, will take us, I’m sure,’ Jack said. ‘I will tell him that it is a matter of life or death.’

  ‘It might well be,’ Joe answered grimly. ‘For if I find that one of those men at that camp has anything to do with the disappearance of my son, then I will break every bone in his bloody body.’

  TWENTY-TWO

  All the way to the docks, Gloria talked to Ben about the delights in store for them both when they reached the shores of America.

  Philip butted in at times too. ‘You will be staying with my parents for a little while,’ he told Ben. ‘They sure are looking forward to meeting you, buddy. And I am sure before too long you’ll be my right-hand man. I used to love helping my father when I was a kid.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I like helping mine too on the farm in Buncrana, because that is where my father is,’ Ben said. ‘I don’t want to be your right-hand man or anything else either, because you are not my father.’

  ‘Ben …’

  ‘Don’t you tell me off,’ Ben exploded. ‘He isn’t my father and never will be, and you can’t make me think any other way.’

  ‘I understand how angry you are,’ Philip said reasonably. ‘This has been forced on you and it’s a bit of a shock I’m sure. I really will try to make things as easy as I can for you. And then, when you are sixteen, we’ll get a licence and I will teach you to drive. What do you say to that?’

  Ben was going to say that for him sixteen was a lifetime away, but before he could say anything, Gloria burst out, ‘Oh, Ben! Won’t that be just wonderful?’

  Ben glowered at them both and then turned to his mother coldly. ‘I suppose it would be all right if I had wanted to go to America in the first place,’ he said. ‘But I didn’t, and I still don’t. What’s Dad to do if I just go off and leave him?’

  There was an uncomfortable silence. In her heart of hearts, Gloria was concerned how Joe would cope with the loss of his beloved son. However, it was no good admitting that to Ben and so she said instead, ‘He’ll be all right, Ben.’