Only Box Set

by Lane, Shawn;

  Sick to his stomach, Calvin had heard enough of the vile words. He turned on his heels and hurried in the opposite direction, hoping he’d made it to the men’s room in time. As soon as he stepped inside, he ran into a stall and hurled.

  No.

  It couldn’t be true. Matt couldn’t have had sex with him to win some twisted bet. It couldn’t be some stupid joke. But it was. He’d heard them.

  Calvin blinked back tears and rinsed and wiped his mouth. God, now he felt like a fool. A broken-hearted one.

  He left the bathroom and headed for the elevators that would take him down to the cafeteria.

  “There you are,” Matt said, coming up behind him. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  His ears were buzzing and his head pounding. Calvin couldn’t look at Matt. He turned his head, praying the elevator would hurry.

  “Calvin, are you okay?” Matt touched his arm and he wrenched it away.

  He pushed the elevator button again, his throat clogging. He couldn’t have formed words if he tried.

  “Babe.” Matt tried to turn him.

  “Don’t,” Calvin whispered, tears pricking his eyes.

  “Hey, did something happen? Did you lose a patient?”

  The elevator doors opened and Calvin dashed inside. He pushed the close door button frantically. When Matt went to get in the car, Calvin shook his head.

  “Please, leave me alone. Go away.”

  Matt’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “Stay away.”

  The doors closed finally on Matt’s shocked face.

  Calvin moved like a zombie when he walked into the cafeteria. He started toward the hot water dispenser, moving automatically without really thinking, his actions routine enough they required no effort. He chose his usual mint flavored green tea bag, stuck it in a cup full of hot water, and took it to the register.

  He was heading toward his usual table in the corner when Matt appeared. Calvin froze in his tracks as Matt approached.

  “Calvin, can we talk please?”

  “Not here.”

  Matt nodded. “Where then?”

  His jaw tightening, Calvin glanced at the few occupants of the cafeteria and then walked down the long hallway beckoning Matt to follow. He knew of a little used break room two corridors down.

  Calvin did not want to have this conversation here. He didn’t want to have it at all, really, but Matt seemed determined.

  The room was empty, as he expected it would be. He closed the door after them. He sidestepped when Matt attempted to reach for him.

  Swallowing, he said as fast as he could, “Let me make this as clear as I can. Leave me alone, Matt. I don’t want to see you again.”

  “Oh, my God. What? Why?” Matt’s face lost all its color.

  “I fully intend to see that our schedules at the hospital never coincide.” Calvin shook his head. “I ask that you respect my wishes and just leave me alone.”

  Matt sat heavily in a nearby easy chair. “I-I don’t understand. Why? I thought…I thought—”

  “I know what you thought. What you and your friends thought as you all laughed at me.” Calvin felt his face burn with humiliation. “I hope making a complete fool of me was worth the four hundred dollars.”

  “No.” Matt’s expression went from shock to stricken. He stood. “Babe, it’s not what you think. It’s not like that.”

  “I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say. Save your stupid high school pranks for someone else.” Calvin turned his back on Matt, opened the door and walked away, never once looking back.

  * * * *

  When his shift ended the next morning at seven, Calvin didn’t want to go home. He called Barnaby. He knew it being Memorial Day his brother would be home.

  “Hi, B, it’s me.” He sat in his car in the hospital parking lot and leaned his head back.

  “What’s wrong?” his brother asked. “God, you sound terrible.”

  “I need to talk. I…Matt and I…we broke up.”

  “What? Oh no.”

  “Yeah. It’s bad. Can I come over?”

  “Yes. I’ll get rid of Nathan. Send him grocery shopping for a little while.”

  Calvin nodded, even though he knew Barnaby couldn’t see him. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he wiped them angrily away. “Thanks, kid. I love you, B.”

  “I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Yeah. Bye.”

  The whole drive to Barnaby’s house felt like it was on autopilot. Calvin had never felt like this. So broken. For the first time, he’d allowed himself the luxury of hope. Something he hadn’t even had as a child. Certainly not after his father tried to kill him. But he suspected he hadn’t even had it before that point.

  And now he was left thinking hope was for suckers.

  Calvin pulled up to the curb in front of his brother’s house. He noted Nathan’s car was not in the driveway so he guessed Barnaby had sent him off as he said he would.

  Barnaby had been waiting for him, because as soon as he approached the front door it opened. Without a word, his brother pulled him into the house and into a hug. Calvin made sure it was brief, because too much and he would start balling like a baby. He was on the verge as it was, and Calvin did not cry.

  “I got some of that green tea you like, just for you,” Barnaby announced. “I’ve made some for you.”

  Calvin forced a smile. He thought he had cracked his face doing it, but at least he’d made something of an effort. “Thanks.”

  Barnaby eyed him sadly, took his hand, and led him into the kitchen where his tea was steeping. “Tell me what happened.”

  Calvin accepted the mug of tea after Barnaby had discarded the tea bag. “Well, I guess Matt was never really in to me at all.”

  “What? I can’t believe that.”

  He nodded, forcing away the pain as best he could. “It’s true. I found out it was all some stupid game.”

  Barnaby frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  For a moment he wished the earth would open up and swallow him. Stupid, of course. Life would go on. Hell, he’d survived worse as a child than the fool’s broken heart he had now.

  “Some of the other nurses at the hospital bet him four hundred dollars he couldn’t get the ice queen into bed.” He closed his eyes briefly in self-recrimination. “He won the bet, didn’t he?”

  “What?” Barnaby just stared and then shook his head. “Are you sure?”

  Calvin slowly nodded. “I heard them talking about it myself.”

  “I…my God. Did he admit it himself?”

  “Well, sure, when he was talking to them. He didn’t know I was listening. Afterward I told him to leave me alone. I don’t want to see him or hear from him again.” Calvin put the mug of tea on the counter untouched. He didn’t want it or anything at that moment.

  “I’m so sorry. I totally misjudged him,” Barnaby said, hugging his brother.

  The tears clogged his throat so suddenly he almost choked. He rested his head on Barnaby’s shoulder. “Me, too. I thought…I thought he really liked me.”

  “I hate him.” His brother squeezed him so tight Calvin thought his head might pop off, but he didn’t care. “I want to kick his ass.”

  Calvin laughed. He couldn’t help it. The idea of his skinny little brother kicking Matt’s ass was too funny. And it was just want he needed. He gently pulled away and wiped a tear of Barnaby’s off his cheek. “Shh, stop. Don’t cry for me. I’ll be all right.”

  “I’ll go to the hospital and kick all of their asses,” Barnaby vowed.

  He smiled. “I’m sure. What did you do with Nathan?”

  “Just like I said, made him go to the store.”

  “It’s a holiday. You guys should be spending it together.” Calvin picked his tea up and took several swallows. It tasted better than he expected considering how he felt just then. “I need to go home and get some rest before tonight’s shift.”

  “You can’t call in sick
?”

  “No way. I’m a doctor. I can’t let patients down just because I let some asshole break my heart. That’s not ethical.” He took several more sips. “Believe it or not, coming here and talking to you has helped. I’ll be okay, B, I promise.”

  “You could rest here,” his brother suggested.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it, but no. I’ve got to stop feeling sorry for myself.”

  “Well, even if that jerk wasn’t the guy for you, you’ll find someone. I know you will.”

  Calvin shook his head. “I think I’m going to swear off relationships. Some people are alone their whole lives and do fine. I’m probably one of those people.”

  “Calvin—”

  “Just let it go, Barnaby. Okay?” He hugged his brother briefly. “Thanks for the tea. I’ll call you after tomorrow’s shift. Maybe we can have dinner or something.”

  * * * *

  Calvin realized after he got home that he was finding it almost impossible to sleep. The conversation he overheard kept playing in his head, and once when he did doze off he had a dream they were all laughing and pointing at him wherever he went at the hospital, including Matt, who in his dream had made a necklace out of his four hundred dollars.

  Finally he gave up and took a shower. He was just getting out of the shower when he heard his doorbell being rung over and over. He threw on his robe and went to the front door just in time to hear Matt talking from the outside.

  “Calvin, please, open the door. I know you’re home. Please. I want to explain.”

  He almost did open the door. His hand went to the dead bolt, but stopped short of sliding it across. Calvin shook his head. He would not put himself through this. Likely, they’d made another bet Matt could make a fool out of him again.

  “Please.”

  He closed his eyes and willed his heart to close also to the pleading in Matt’s voice.

  “Calvin,” Matt rasped.

  He heard a thud against the door as though Matt hit it with his forehead.

  “Okay, I’ll go away,” Matt said after a moment of silence. “But I’m not giving up, Calvin. I know you hate me. I know I deserve it. But I won’t give up until you let me talk to you.”

  Calvin shut out the words and headed down the hall back to his bedroom and closed the door.

  Chapter 10

  Calvin rubbed his eyes, more exhausted than he’d been in a long time. He’d barely slept for the past two days. He was glad his shift was nearly over and he’d have the next three days off. He planned to sleep the whole time.

  “Are you all right, Dr. Lassiter?”

  He ignored the question posed by Donna. He did not want to make polite conversation with one of the very nurses who had no respect for him as a doctor or even as a person. He scribbled notes on the patient’s chart just outside the patient area where his patient was getting dressed.

  “Doctor?”

  His jaw tightening, Calvin looked at the red-haired nurse. “What is it, Donna?”

  “I just asked if you were okay. You look a little pale.”

  He stared at her with his coldest look, hoping she would remember he was just a big prick to make fun of. “I’m fine.”

  “Doctor, may I speak freely?”

  For God’s sake.

  “Is this about a patient?”

  “No.”

  “Then I’d rather we just stick to business, Donna. I’m very busy.”

  Donna sighed. “I just wanted to talk to you about Matt.”

  “I have nothing to say to add fodder to your little club.”

  Calvin was startled when she put her hand on his sleeve. He was severely tempted to flick it off, but instead he just looked at it.

  “Listen, I understand why you’re angry and hurt. We were being immature assholes. Most of us realize that now. But we never thought far enough ahead to realize anyone would really get hurt. And we were wrong about Matt.”

  He didn’t respond, just went back to writing on the form.

  “I just thought you should know, he refused the money. He wouldn’t take it. Matt called us all jerks, said you were the best thing that ever happened to him, and said to shove our money up our asses. Just thought you’d like to know.”

  He handed her the patient forms without a word. Donna took them with a shake of her head and walked away. Calvin frowned and glanced at his watch. Only an hour to go.

  His head was swimming and he couldn’t think straight. He didn’t want to think about Matt or anything Donna said. Pushing it away, Calvin went to check on the woman who’d come in to with severe stomach pains.

  * * * *

  Matt pulled his motorcycle in front of Calvin’s house. He was there to try again. He didn’t have much hope at this point, but he couldn’t give up.

  Probably completely idiotic and futile. Calvin wanted nothing to do with him. And he couldn’t blame him. He hated himself right now, too.

  The last few days had been torture. A few times, as he worked with the other emergency doctors, he’d seen Calvin from a distance. To see his lover…former lover…across the room and know Calvin wanted nothing to do with him was horrible. Calvin was clearly avoiding him, and he just wanted to punch everything and everyone in sight.

  And he was completely to blame.

  He approached the front door and rang the bell. “Calvin,” he called.

  As he suspected there was no response. He tried ringing the bell several times. “Calvin, please. Can I just talk to you? One time. And then I swear, I won’t bother you again. Please?”

  He leaned his forehead against the door as he had the last two times. Tears pricked his eyes and desolation took hold of his heart. How much longer could he do this? At some point he’d end up looking like some pathetic stalker. Or had he already passed that point?

  Matt straightened when he heard the dead bolt sliding across the lock. His heart pounded so loud he could hear the racing beat.

  The door opened so slowly it reminded him of one those old haunted house movies. He half-expected Vincent Price to be on the other side of the door.

  But no, Calvin stood there, looking pale, with dark circles under his blue eyes. “Come in,” he whispered.

  Swallowing the lump in his throat, Matt tried not to let the burst of hope overwhelm him. Calvin might still want nothing to do with him. He stepped inside, and Calvin closed the door.

  Calvin walked toward the living room and he followed after him. He knew he was very close to begging Calvin to forgive him and, in fact, he was not above it. Not at all.

  His lover sat on the sofa and before he could protest, Matt sat next to him, almost on top of him really. He took Calvin’s hands in his and was a little too euphoric when Calvin didn’t pull away.

  “I know I hurt you,” Matt whispered. “I’m sorry. I should have told you about that stupid bet. I just…it never meant anything to me. It’s always been about you for me. None of the rest of that mattered.”

  Calvin didn’t say anything, just stared at Matt, a deep sorrow in his eyes. It tore at his heart.

  Matt shook his head. “They were jerks and so was I. My only excuse was I didn’t know you very well then. I know that’s stupid and doesn’t make any difference. But even then, I knew I wanted you, I wanted to pursue you anyway. That’s why I didn’t care about the bet, because it wasn’t why I pursued you. The first time I saw you sitting in the corner of the cafeteria drinking your green tea, I wanted you.”

  Calvin lowered his gaze to their entwined hands. “Well, I thought you were really interested in me.”

  “I was. I am. Baby, I know I’m a gigantic ass. I hate myself. It was fucking stupid and immature. But I didn’t take their money.”

  His lover nodded. “Donna told me.”

  “You’re what I want. Even if you still never want to see me again, it’s not going to change how I feel. I love you, Calvin. And I don’t care if anyone thinks it too fast or what anyone else thinks of me. I only care about you.”

  “Af
ter everything, it’s hard to believe. It’s hard to trust you.”

  “I know. I’ll do anything to convince you, though. I’ve never loved anyone like you. Please, give me a chance.”

  “My…my father supposedly loved us and look what happened.” Calvin shook his head. “I don’t know if I can be that vulnerable again. I left myself open and then—”

  Matt dropped to his knees in front of Calvin. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I swear. I love you so much. I won’t hurt you again.”

  “How can you promise that?”

  “I can promise you I’ll never knowingly hurt you.” He pulled up the hem of Calvin’s shirt to reveal his scars. He spread his fingers over them. “When I look at these scars, I think of how you might never have been here. I might never have known you. I can’t imagine how empty my life would have been if I hadn’t met you. I’ve never met anyone as good as you.”

  He rose on his knees until his face was next to Calvin’s. With his other hand, he encircled the nape of his lover’s neck and drew their lips together. Calvin’s lips softened under his. He closed his eyes, his heart hammering. “I love you,” he said against those amazing lips.

  A shudder went through Calvin, then a sigh. “I…love you, too.”

  Matt could have yelped with joy. Instead, he hugged Calvin fiercely. “Thank you.”

  “Take me to bed,” Calvin whispered.

  And now his pulse jumped for an entirely different reason. He got to his feet and pulled Calvin up with him. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Arm in arm, they headed for the bedroom. Matt stopped them a couple of times so he could kiss Calvin’s soft lips. He’d never get tired of them.

  When they reached the bedroom, they undressed each other slowly, pausing for kisses. Matt trailed kisses along Calvin’s jawline up to his lips and back again. He wanted to show Calvin how much he worshiped him.

  Matt’s hands moved down Calvin’s back to his ass to cup the gorgeous roundness there. Someday soon he intended to introduce Calvin to spanking. He had a feeling his lover would be into that. But now, Matt wanted it to be about making love. To show Calvin how very much he adored him. There would be time for kink. Calvin loved him. He could barely believe he’d gotten so lucky.