Casino Infernale

by Simon R. Green

  “Cheat codes!” Molly said happily. “Hidden back doors, blackmail information on the other Players, maybe even passwords to circumvent these bloody annoying null zones!”

  “The safe,” said Frankie. “If there really is one in Parris’ office, which has never been confirmed, is on the penthouse floor. That’s dozens of stories above us! You’d have to defeat the defensive systems on each floor, one after another, all the way up. Which would take forever! And someone would be bound to notice!”

  I looked at Molly. “Burgling the office is what my uncles Jack and James tried, back in the day. They thought it was a good idea.”

  “Didn’t work out too well for them, though,” said Molly, judiciously.

  “So, I think we’d be better off trying a different approach,” I said. “I say, start at the top. Break in through the roof of the hotel, and access the penthouse floor that way.”

  “Brilliant!” said Molly. “How do we get up to the roof?”

  “Still working on that,” I said.

  “It does have the advantage of never having been tried before, to my knowledge,” said Frankie.

  “There you go, then,” I said.

  “That doesn’t mean it can be done!” said Frankie.

  “Watch us,” said Molly.

  “We are, after all, professionals,” I said.

  “How are you going to get up to the roof?” Frankie said loudly. “You don’t have your armour to work miracles for you. The elevators are very heavily guarded, so Molly’s magic won’t work. Or were you perhaps planning to revitalise one of the dead Pteranodons, and fly up there?”

  “Now you’re just being silly,” I said.

  “He may not have his armour,” said Molly, “but he still has me. And the elevators are far too obvious anyway. I could teleport us up there, once I’ve got my strength back. There can’t be a null zone on the roof, or the hotel’s magical protections wouldn’t work there.”

  “No,” said Frankie, very patiently, “but there are all kinds of nulls in the hotel, that could confuse your teleport, and send you somewhere else. And even if you could punch through the nulls, there are all sorts of protections in place on the roof, just to detect things like unauthorised teleports! You’d set off more alarms than World War III!”

  “Keep the noise down, Frankie,” I said. “I’ve got a headache. And, I have an idea. We need to talk with the Scarlet Lady.”

  “Oh, no,” said Frankie, miserably.

  • • •

  We sent Frankie off to do loud and annoying things in public to hold the Casino Security’s attention. Which he actually preferred to having to meet the Scarlet Lady again. Molly and I took the elevator down to the lobby. It played us orchestral versions of old Blue Oyster Cult standards, until Molly blew the speakers out. The moment we stepped out into the lobby, everyone there stopped talking and stopped what they were doing, to stare at me. Many of them openly took a double-take, and there were wide eyes and dropped jaws everywhere I looked. Apparently no one had expected to see me reappear this soon, let alone so manifestly uninjured and undamaged. A few people actually applauded. Others surreptitiously made signs to ward off evil spirits. I smiled easily about me, and headed quickly for the side exit, Molly walking haughtily along beside me. We weren’t in the mood to answer questions. Everyone hastily fell back, to give us plenty of room.

  A private elevator on the far side of the lobby gave access to the underground car park. Exactly where Frankie had said it would be. The door said STAFF ONLY, but it opened easily to the access codes Frankie had provided. He really did know everyone on the hotel staff. An excellent example of the advantages to be found in good fellowship and generous bribes. The elevator descended rather longer than I was comfortable with, but eventually opened onto the private car park underneath the hotel. Just a large concrete cavern, with row upon row of parked cars, illuminated by harsh fluorescent overhead lighting. Molly and I had a good look round, before we ventured into the massive cavern.

  “Where’s the Security?” said Molly. “I don’t see any Security people down here.”

  “Most of these cars can probably look after themselves,” I said. “Frankie assured me there were only a few basic staff here, to raise the alarm if the automatic systems failed.”

  “This is a hell of a lot bigger than I expected,” said Molly. “In fact, I would say this cavern is actually bigger than the hotel it’s situated under. Look at all these cars! How are we going to find the Scarlet Lady in the midst of all this?”

  She had a point. Parked cars stretched away in every direction. I didn’t even know where to start looking.

  “This is probably the result of bigger on the inside than it is on the outside tech,” Molly said wisely. “Pretty much comes as standard in the Nightside these days. It’s the only way they can pack everything in.”

  “I do wish you’d keep out of that place,” I said. “You know I don’t approve.”

  “That’s why I do it,” said Molly. “And anyway, you know you hate hen nights. Hey! I just noticed—there’s no null zone down here! Not even a low-level one, like in our suite!”

  “Presumably because it might disagree with some of the vehicles here,” I said.

  “I’ve spotted some basic security cameras,” said Molly. “And spelled them not to notice us. As long as we don’t hang around here too long.”

  “Then we’d better get a move on,” I said.

  I led the way through the maze of parked cars, being very careful not to touch anything, or even get too close to some of the more arcane vehicles. Depressingly, most of them were just the obvious muscle cars and restored classics. Typical cars of the super-rich and up-themselves celebrities. Overpriced, fancy, bought by people with more money than sense. Or style. A few really old makes that looked like they were held together by only faith and baling wire. And just a few seriously futuristic jobs, floating serenely in their parking spaces as though wheels were beneath them. But given the number of Major Players, there was nothing that really stood out. No pink Rolls Royces, or Black Beauties. And no sign anywhere of the Scarlet Lady.

  “Shouldn’t there be chauffeurs lounging around?” I said vaguely. “Waiting to be called to bring the cars to their owners?”

  “Hotel Security doesn’t allow other people’s staff to just hang around,” said Molly. “I asked Frankie. All personal staff are holed up in their own rooms till the Games are over. The guests have to believe that everywhere in the hotel is secure, or they wouldn’t come. Look at these cars . . . ugly, Technicolor monstrosities. Nothing here with a touch of character. Nothing worth stealing. Just, Look at me! I’m expensive! I feel like exploding the lot of them. Just on general principles.”

  “Let’s finish the mission first,” I said. “You can blow the whole hotel up once we’re finished. I’ll help.”

  “It’s good when couples have interests in common,” said Molly.

  I dug out my cell phone, and dialled the Scarlet Lady’s private number. Molly looked at me.

  “The car has its own number?”

  “Of course,” I said. “Comes as standard, when my uncle Jack has worked on a car. Hello? Scarlet Lady! This is your lord and master!”

  “You wish,” said the car. “What do you want, big boy?”

  “Sound your horn and flash your lights so we can find you,” I said.

  “I’m right behind you,” said the car. “I’ve been watching you for ages.”

  She blasted her horn, and half a dozen rows down, there she was, the Plymouth Fury herself. Parked in her own little area of open space, with all the other cars packed up tightly together as though they were scared of her. Which was only common sense, really. I hurried over to join her, with Molly bringing up the rear and glancing suspiciously in every direction.

  “I’m glad you’ve come down here,” said the car. “It’s so dull!
Nothing to do, no one to talk to. Have you tried talking to a car? It’s boring! These cars have no character, and no conversation. And the few hotel staff on duty down here won’t come anywhere near me, after what I did to that uniformed twit who tried to park me.”

  “What did you do to him?” I said, resignedly.

  The car giggled, a deep, dark, disturbing sound. “He was a real disappointment, in every department. So I chased him round the parking bays a few times and then out the back entrance. Last I saw, he was still running. Teach him to disappoint a lady.”

  “What are you, really?” I said.

  “I’ll never tell!” said the Scarlet Lady. “An old broad like me needs to keep a few secrets. But you wouldn’t believe some of the things I can do. . . .”

  “Can you fly?” I said, bluntly.

  “Fly?” said the Scarlet Lady. “What makes you think I can fly? I’m a car!”

  “I talked to my uncle Jack,” I said.

  “Oh, him.” The car sniffed loudly. “Armourers should be like doctors—sworn to keep confidences. All right, yes, I can fly.”

  “Really?” said Molly. “As in, up into the wild blue yonder?”

  “Yes! Really!” said the car. “I am marvellous and amazing and can do many things. Though not for long, my power coils aren’t what they used to be.”

  “I’m not going to ask,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t,” said the car. “It would only upset you.”

  “Can you fly us all the way up to the top of the Casino building?” I said.

  “Without being noticed,” Molly added quickly.

  “Oooh . . .” said the car. “I do love a challenge. . . . I would have to say: yes and no. Yes, I can quite definitely get you up there, but my stealth fields are no match for the Casino’s security systems. I’d be bound to show up on their sensors.”

  “You get us up there,” said Molly, “and I’ll keep us from being noticed.”

  “Deal!” said the car. “When did you have in mind?”

  “Right now,” I said.

  “Ah,” said Molly. “In broad daylight?”

  I looked at her. “Is that going to be a problem?”

  Molly scowled, considering. “The cover of darkness would have made it easier. . . . Let me think. There are all kinds of null zones scattered throughout the building, of various strengths. So any spell I might cast could fail, at any time, without warning. So, time to get creative. And just a bit sneaky. Frankie told us the Casino has a whole bunch of telepaths down in the cellar, broadcasting Don’t Notice Anything Unusual . . . I can tap into that, and wrap the field around the car. The null zones must be programmed not to override the denial broadcast.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “That is seriously sneaky. Go for it.”

  Molly gestured briefly, and the Scarlet Lady rocked back and forth. “Hey! That tickles! Kinda like it, though . . .”

  “You are a deeply disturbing vehicle,” I said.

  “You don’t know the half of it, big boy,” said the car.

  “Get in the car, Shaman,” said Molly. “There’s no telling how long my override patch will last and somebody notices something.”

  I got in behind the wheel, Molly took shotgun, and the Scarlet Lady drove quietly through the underground car park, careful not to draw any attention from the few hotel staff, who weren’t supposed to notice us any more. Once outside, the car roared back up the entrance road, putting some distance between us and the hotel. So I can get a good run at it, said the car, when I was unwise enough to ask. An answer which to my mind did not actually inspire confidence. She finally slowed, spun round to face the hotel building again, and then accelerated for all she was worth. We slammed down the road, faster and faster, our surroundings a blur, while Molly whooped happily. The hotel grew larger and larger before us, and I couldn’t help but notice that for all our impressive speed, we weren’t actually leaving the ground.

  “Going up, soon, would be good,” I said. “On the grounds that the hotel is getting really very near. Going up, really soon now, would be a really good idea! Go up! Up!”

  “Front seat driver,” said the car, dismissively. “Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, Thunderbirds Are Go!”

  The car’s crimson and white bonnet rose up abruptly, and the car leapt into the air, leaving the road behind. Sheer acceleration forced Molly and me back into our seats. The great curving front of the Casino building loomed before us, but the car’s bonnet kept rising until suddenly we were flying vertically parallel to the hotel front, whipping past the windows so fast they were just one long gleaming blur. The Scarlet Lady laughed loudly, blatting her horn triumphantly. Molly laughed along with her, beating both hands on the dashboard in a sharp paradiddle.

  Sometimes I think I’m the only sane one on these missions.

  “Pardon me,” I said to the car, “but I can’t help noticing . . . we seem to be slowing. As in, not going nearly as fast as we were. Are you running out of power? Are we actually going to reach the top of this building? Do I really want to know the answers to these questions?”

  “Let’s all try to be optimistic,” said the car. “Think happy thoughts.”

  “Are there any parachutes in this car?” said Molly.

  “Safety features are for wimps,” said the Scarlet Lady.

  She shot over the top of the hotel, and the bonnet came down sharply. All four wheels hit the roof at once, and there was a loud squeal of brakes as we hurtled towards the far side of the roof. I gripped on to the steering wheel with both hands, for comfort’s sake, while the deceleration pressed me back into my seat again. Black smoke spilled out from under the rear arches as we slowed and slowed, along with a hellish stink of burning rubber, until finally we slammed to a halt just a few feet short of the far edge. Molly and I bounced back and forth in our seats, and then slumped with relief. The Scarlet Lady engaged reverse, and moved us back a few yards from the edge of the roof.

  “There you are!” she said. “Told you I could do it! Never doubted I could! Not for a moment. Now for the bad news. I don’t have enough energy left to fly us back down again.”

  “Now you tell us?” said Molly.

  “Be fair,” said the car. “You didn’t ask. Nice view, isn’t it?”

  “I am going to have my uncle Jack reprogramme your personality with a sledgehammer,” I said. “Now, Molly and I have work to do. You, stay.”

  “I love it when you’re all masterful,” said the car.

  I got out of the car, slamming the door with more than necessary violence, and looked around. The hotel roof was flat and wide and open, with no one about. A cold wind whipped across the roof, ruffling my hair and tugging at my clothes. Molly came forward to join me.

  “Are we still protected by your distraction field?” I said to Molly.

  She shrugged, quickly. “It’s not an exact science. As long as we stay reasonably close to the car, probably.”

  I walked over to the edge of the roof and looked down. It was a really long steep drop to the ground far below. I started to feel a bit dizzy, so I made myself keep looking until the feeling went away. Molly came and stood beside me. The drop didn’t seem to bother her at all.

  “So, here we are,” she said brightly. “Part One of our Really Desperate Plan has been achieved. Really looking forward to seeing what Part Two might consist of.”

  “Look at that drop,” I said. “I can’t believe Uncle Jack and Uncle James just jumped off here, and trusted to their handholds on the building to slow them down. I wouldn’t like to try it even now, with Ethel’s improved armour.”

  “Which you haven’t got,” said Molly. “And, I think we should at least consider the possibility that your uncle Jack might have been exaggerating, just a bit.”

  “Hard to tell, given all the things he really did do back in the day,” I said. />
  “If they really did do it, you can bet good money that there are security options in place now, to make sure no one ever does it again,” said Molly.

  “Can you See any hidden security systems up here?” I said.

  She looked around. “No. Nothing. Which is . . . odd. You’d expect something . . . if only to dissuade people like us.”

  “There are no people like us,” I said firmly.

  Molly stamped her foot on the roof a few times. “Seems solid enough. How are you planning to get down into the penthouse floor without the use of major explosives, which I don’t happen to have about me?”

  “There’s a trap-door,” I said, pointing. “But that’s far too easy, and far too obvious. Bound to be alarmed.”

  “Agreed,” said Molly.

  I looked back over the edge of the roof. “I was always very good at climbing,” I said. “I used to climb around the exterior of Drood Hall all the time, when I was a kid. So I could get to all the places I wasn’t supposed to go.”

  Molly grinned. “Like the girls’ dormitory, after lights out?”

  “No,” I said. “I’ve always been the shy and retiring type.”

  “I have noticed,” said Molly.

  I lowered myself onto one knee and studied the exterior face of the hotel, with all its sweeping curves. There was a cold hard knot in my stomach.

  “You want to climb down that?” said Molly. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Absolutely,” I said. “But feel free to try to talk me out of it.”

  I swung down over the edge before she could say anything. I needed to do it to prove to myself that I was physically fit and fine again . . . and that my nerve was everything it should be. I couldn’t go through life hesitating and worrying, armour or no armour. I was a field agent, and that was all that mattered. I grabbed tightly on to every extruding curve, and forced my feet into every place where one rounded design met another. And step by step, foot by foot, I lowered myself down the side of the building. It was a lot harder than I remembered from my youth, but then, I’d been a lot smaller and lighter in those days. And, I’d had my armour. And, the drop had only been a few stories. I didn’t look down, just concentrated on finding new foot – and handholds. The cold wind whipped around me, blowing my hair in my eyes and tugging peevishly at my clothes. Trying to pull me away from the hotel face, and throw me down. I pressed myself as flat against the building as I could, and kept going.