To Dream Anew

by Tracie Peterson

  “I asked if you were going to keep moping.”

  “I heard you.”

  Morgan turned and shrugged. “Well, you didn’t say anything, and for all that your father has taught me, mind reading isn’t on the list of accomplishments.”

  She frowned. “How can you act like this? Your brother is dead. Tragically gunned down. How can you pretend that nothing is wrong?”

  Morgan swallowed hard. He couldn’t bear lying to Angelina. He wanted to marry her—he loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone or anything. Including his freedom.

  “Trenton wouldn’t want us to grieve. He was a man who enjoyed life.”

  Angelina looked away quickly and Morgan was certain she was crying again. For several minutes neither of them said anything.

  Morgan hated that he couldn’t be honest with her about Trenton. He wanted to tell her the truth at least a dozen times a day, and if it weren’t for the possibility of the killer finding out that Trenton was alive, he might have broken the silence.

  But I can’t tell her. Not without first talking to Dianne. I promised I wouldn’t say anything, and it’s got to stay that way .

  “When I wake up in the morning, he’s the first one I think of,” Angelina finally said, her voice barely a whisper. “Then as I pass through the day, I can’t help but remember things about him. Little silly things.” She dabbed at her eyes with her gloved hand. “Then when I find the end of the day has come, I feel worse than ever. I think of how we sometimes played a game of chess or checkers. I can almost hear Trenton talking about breaking one horse or another. I’m so grateful for the time we shared—the winter we spent on the Diamond V—but it wasn’t enough.”

  “I guess it never is.”Just like my love for you isn’t enough to wipe out Trenton’s memory . Morgan shook his head. But how could she love me when I’d lie to her about something like this? I thought maybe with Trenton gone she’d realize it was really me she loved, but instead she only misses him more and more. How can I keep lying about it?

  “I never meant for you to get hurt, Morgan,” she said softly.

  That only made it worse. Morgan turned his horse. “I think we should check over there.” He urged the horse to a trot, not bothering to look back. He knew Angelina would follow—sooner or later.

  That evening after completing their selection of stock, Morgan and Angelina joined the family at the dinner table. He was surprised to hear his sister chiding Angelina for her sadness. It wasn’t like Dianne to be so hardhearted.

  “Life is difficult at best in these parts. You need to recognize that—maybe even return to Chicago, where the world is more civilized.”

  “I can’t bear Chicago. My mother would only attempt to marry me off to yet another suitor.”

  “Maybe that would be for the best,” Dianne replied.

  Morgan toyed with the silver fork. His sister set a nice table—almost as fancy as the hotels they’d stayed in once when they’d gone to Denver.

  Angelina got to her feet, bringing every gaze to settle on her. “I don’t know how you can all just sit here feeling right as rain. Trenton is gone, and while that may be easy enough for you to overcome, I find it a tiny bit difficult.” Her sarcasm was not lost on anyone.

  “No one is pretending that having Trenton gone is easy,” Cole said. “He was better at breaking horses than anyone I’ve ever known—myself included. He was also one of the best people to sit and talk to. I could bring him an idea and he was always good at listening and figuring out if it might work.”

  “I miss him too,” Ardith said softly. “I would love for him to watch Winona grow up.”

  “We all miss him,” Dianne said, looking most uncomfortable. “But he’s gone, and the last thing he would want would be for any of us to give up living. We must go on—if for no other reason than to honor his life.”

  Angelina lowered her head. “I go on living, but not because I want to.” She left the room without waiting for a response, and Morgan knew he had to get Dianne’s permission to tell Angelina the truth.

  “Dianne, I want to talk to you—now.”

  His sister looked up. “We’re still eating.”

  “It’s important or I wouldn’t take you away.”

  Dianne looked to Cole and then back to Morgan. “Can’t it wait?”

  “No. Please.”

  “Go ahead,” Cole said, nudging her toward the door. “I’ll see to the boys.”

  “I’ll help him,” Ardith offered.

  Morgan took Dianne by the arm. “Come on.”

  They walked outside, the darkness wrapping itself around them like a shawl. There was no moon and very little light. Morgan was almost glad. He didn’t want to have to look Dianne in the eye and lose his nerve. She was always so sensible, so capable. He had always found it difficult to exist in her shadow. He knew she’d never understand that, but even their trip west had proven her abilities more so than his own. She was strong in so many ways where he failed. But of course, that conversation needed to wait until another day. Right now he really needed to get her to understand the importance of coming clean with Angelina.

  “We have to tell Angelina the truth.”

  “No. It would only jeopardize Trenton.”

  “She’s half sick with grief. It’s not getting any better. Every day I have to live with the fact that she’s bearing such sorrow—sorrow enough to put her in the ground.”

  “She won’t kill herself—she’s much too strong for that.”

  “Listen to yourself.” Morgan took hold of her shoulders. “Angelina is a good woman. She won’t cause Trenton any trouble, but she very well may die from a broken heart. Could you live with yourself if that happened? I know I couldn’t.”

  “Morgan, don’t go on so. Angelina is strong—you’ll see.

  She’ll be fine.”

  “Dianne, I’ve tried hard not to go against you, no matter the decision or choice. You’ve always seemed to know the right thing to do, and I’ve respected you for that. But I won’t do this anymore. Either you go with me to tell her the truth—or I’m going to her alone.”

  He felt his sister’s shoulders slump. “But it might cause all kinds of problems. Have you thought of that? Because I have.”

  “I’ve thought of the possibility—no, the probability that she’ll want to find him.”

  “And what if she does? How will you adjust to losing her, loving her as you do?”

  Morgan dropped his hold. Her words stung him and for a moment he wanted only to walk away and forget the conversation. But instead, he stood his ground. “You can’t lose what you never had.”

  Dianne could not persuade Morgan to let the matter drop, and after a brief discussion with Cole, they agreed that it would be best to explain the situation to Angelina. Dianne worried at what the young woman’s reaction might be. There would be no simple way to tell her the news, and she would be incensed at their deception.

  When Morgan appeared with Angelina, Dianne wanted to call the whole thing off. She worried that even one more person knowing the truth might very well mean Portia Langford would learn it as well.

  “Morgan said you had something to tell me?” Angelina questioned.

  “Yes, please sit here beside me,” Dianne said, pointing to the opposite end of the settee. “I hardly know where to begin.”

  Morgan took the chair opposite them, and Dianne could see in his eyes that there was a mixture of regret and relief. She felt so sorry for him. He’d loved Angelina from first glance. But for equally as long, Angelina had loved Trenton and had made no pretense of anything else.

  “Sometimes things aren’t as they seem, and we make them that way in order to keep something worse from happening,” Dianne began. “I made the decision to do something in order to keep something worse from happening.”

  Angelina shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

  Dianne bit at her lower lip, uncertain as to how she should proceed.

  “Trenton isn’t de
ad,” Morgan blurted.

  Angelina turned ashen and looked to Morgan and then Dianne. “What?” She was barely able to croak out the word.

  “What my brother is trying to say is that because of the attempt on Trenton’s life, and with reason to believe that further attempts would come, we let most everyone believe the attack had been successful. As you know, Trenton’s injuries were so extreme the men who found him didn’t realize he was alive. But he healed quickly and we got him to safety.”

  Angelina jumped to her feet. “How could you keep this from me? You know that I love him. You know that I only desired to marry him!”

  Dianne nodded. “I know how you feel about my brother, but isn’t it better knowing that he’s alive? He isn’t dead, as you’ve believed. Let it comfort you, and then go forward with your life.”

  “Not without him. I want to go to him.” Angelina turned and paced the room. Each time she turned, her burgundy gown swirled out behind her in a dramatic flare. “Where is he?”

  “I can’t tell you where he is. I’m not completely sure myself. It’s for his safety that we made this arrangement.”

  “I won’t just stay here and do nothing. I want to be with him.”

  “But he doesn’t want you to be with him,” Dianne said.

  Angelina stopped in midstep. “What are you saying?”

  “I wanted to tell you the truth from the very beginning. I thought he’d want you to know that he was alive, but Trenton wouldn’t let me.” She saw Angelina’s expression fall. “Listen to me. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Trenton. He did some things before he came to Montana that he’s deeply ashamed of—things that have left him on the wrong side of the law.”

  Angelina shook her head. “I don’t want to live without him,” she cried emotionally. “I know what the sheriff said, but I don’t care what he did in the past—I only want his future. What’s done is done, but I know that together we could have a beautiful life.”

  Dianne knew the woman was sincere, and a part of her felt confident that Trenton would be blessed to have Angelina in his life. But another part of her worried, wondering what kind of life it would be for Angelina.

  “You wouldn’t be able to use his real name or live your life without constantly looking over your shoulder. You would never be able to live your life fully.”

  “I can’t live it this way either,” Angelina said. She threw herself at Dianne’s knee. “Please. Please don’t do this to me. Don’t give me back hope and then keep me from him. You’ve no idea how hard I’ve prayed that something like this might be the truth. You’ve no idea how hard it’s been. You’ve known that he was alive and you could console your heart with the fact that you might one day see him again—but I didn’t have that. Now I do, and you want to take it away from me.”

  “I only want his safety. I only want him to be able to live to be an old, old man,” Dianne said, knowing she was losing the battle.

  “And I want to grow old with him.”

  Dianne shook her head. “Who would take you? It’s a long way, and a woman certainly cannot travel alone.”

  “I’ll take her,” Morgan said without hesitation.

  Both women turned to look at him. The woman Morgan loved wanted only his brother. He wouldn’t recover this loss easily.

  “If that’s the way you want it,” Dianne said, finally relenting.

  Morgan smiled sadly. “It’s what she wants that matters most.”

  “Can we talk?” Levi questioned as Ardith stirred the wash water.

  Winona was playing with Rusty and seemed content to leave Ardith and Levi to themselves. Ardith sighed and looked up to meet Levi’s gentle expression.

  “What about?”

  Levi leaned against the porch post. “About us.”

  Ardith stopped stirring and went to retrieve more wood for the fire. Levi hurried to help her. “I know you think there’s no chance for us, but you’re wrong. We love each other. I know you love me. I can tell by the way you look at me—by the things you say.”

  Ardith straightened abruptly. “I’ve never told you that I love you,” she declared.

  Levi grinned. “You’ve never told me you didn’t either.”

  Unnerved, Ardith quickly bent down to pick up the split logs. How could she continue to fight her emotions? How could she fight both herself and this man?

  “I want to marry you,” Levi said, helping her stoke the wash fire.

  Ardith said nothing. How could she? She wanted to marry him just as fervently as he wanted to marry her. So why don’t I just accept his proposal? Why can’t I shake loose of the past and accept that God has given me something better? Why was it so easy to believe that God would mete out punishment, but not be as confident that He would give blessings?

  “Ardith, I know you’re afraid. I know that other man was cruel to you—hurt you. But I promise not to be like him. I promise to wait until you’re ready. I promise to treat you special and to always take your feelings into consideration.”

  Tears trickled down Ardith’s cheeks and she turned away from Levi, pretending to prepare more clothes for the wash. No one had ever made her feel this way—so loved, so cared for. And it wasn’t only her. He loved Winona dearly. He played with her every evening after supper. There wasn’t a day that went by that Levi didn’t do something special with the child. In a sense, he’d courted Ardith through Winona.

  He took hold of her arms and very gently turned Ardith to face him. “I won’t say the past doesn’t matter, because it’s obviously hurt you greatly. But I want you to know that what we can have together will be so much better than what happened in the past. I love you, and I love Winona. Please marry me.”

  CHAPTER 19

  SEPTEMBER HELD THE LINGERING MEMORIES OF A PLEASANT summer. Amidst the warmth was the hint of a chill—especially at night. The days were growing shorter, but everything was still lovely in tones of green and gold. The year had been a prosperous one for the Diamond V. The hay harvest had been exceptional, and the Selbys had been able to secure a nice winter supply for the horses and milk cows. The livestock had grown fat over the summer, the general health and well-being of the family was good, and even the vegetable gardens had yielded an abundant crop. There was much to celebrate.

  But perhaps the best part of this Indian summer was that Ardith had finally agreed to marry Levi. Dianne was more pleased than she could say. For so long Levi had pined over Dianne, but when Ardith had come to live with them, everything had changed. Levi clearly loved her and Winona, and everyone was delighted to see the couple join in marriage.

  “I have an announcement,” Cole said in his booming baritone. The wedding supper had barely begun, but already the merriment was evident.

  Ardith and Levi paused in their conversations with Charity and Ben and looked to Cole in anticipation of his declaration.

  “I know there has been much discussion about where the newlyweds would live, but Dianne and I have kind of taken matters into our own hands. The ladies have been busy all week.” Dianne shared conspiratorial glances with Koko, Charity, and even Faith. The women smiled. Even one-year-old John laughed and clapped as he sat on Dianne’s lap.

  Cole continued with a grin. “We gentlemen have been busy as well. We’ve been making some furniture and doing some fixing up and adding on to the far back cabin. Dianne and I would like to give this to Levi and Ardith as a wedding gift. It’s a way for all of us to help you start out your marriage on the right foot.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Ardith said, her hand wiping away newly fallen tears.

  Dianne took special pride in her sister’s appearance. She had made the wedding dress for Ardith, spending many hours talking about the future while sewing stitches. The dress was nothing fancy, but rather very practical. The powder blue wool complemented Ardith’s dark hair and eyes. The gown would serve her well for years to come, but for now it would be Ardith’s Sunday dress. Ardith was positively radiant.

&n
bsp; “Thank you for all you’ve done for us,” Levi said, pushing back his hat. “I didn’t expect to have such an easy way.”

  “Well, we aren’t exactly making your way easy. There is one tiny string attached,” Dianne announced. She looked to Cole first and then to Gus. The man was aging fast and it was time for his retirement. He would live out the rest of his days on the Diamond V—at least as long as the ranch belonged to them.

  “What kind of string?” Levi asked, looking to Ardith. When Ardith shrugged and shook her head, he looked back to Dianne and grinned. “What are you up to?”

  “Gus has decided to finally take our advice and hand over the reins of foreman to another,” Dianne announced. “It hasn’t been an easy decision, but we feel that Gus deserves to relax and enjoy life a little. He served Uncle Bram with honor and dependability, and we are blessed to call him family.”

  Gus blushed several shades of red but said nothing. Cole picked up where Dianne had left off. “We would like to offer Levi the position.”

  Levi’s grin widened. “I’d be happy to take the job, but only if Gus will postpone his complete retirement and oversee me in the position. He’s trained me since my first day here at the Diamond V, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for him.”

  “If Miz Dianne and Cole don’t mind, I’d be right happy to take you up on that offer. Ain’t right for a man to sit around and do nothing.”

  Dianne nodded, appreciating the gracious way Levi had allowed Gus to feel important. She could see Gus’s chest swell with pride as what could have been a difficult moment for him was eased over in love.

  “So if we’re all agreed,” Cole said, pulling Dianne close, “I propose a toast to the happy couple, their new family, their new home, and Levi’s new position on the ranch.”

  “Hear! Hear!” everyone cried in unison and lifted their glasses of punch.

  There were other toasts and other gifts, but Dianne knew that Ardith would have been equally as happy if the entire matter were over with Ben’s pronouncement of them as man and wife. Ardith was still uncomfortable with large crowds of people, and since some of the local families from the surrounding areas had come, the gathering was quite large.