As I was ushered into the next area two male servants were also brought in from adjacent chambers. They had been given only a pair of white linen breeches to wear – no shirt or shoes, and it occurred to me how deliberately degrading this all was. Both men were extremely handsome, with muscled, brown bodies, but both looked like they’d rather be anywhere else.
Three warders entered and one moved to each of us. My warder ran his eyes over me, studying me carefully. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
I took a breath and inwardly sent a silent apology to Penn for what I was about to do. It was the only way to convince the warder that it didn’t matter if he couldn’t read me. ‘Ma said to tell you,’ I said slowly, clearly, ‘that my mind is simpler. My mind is simpler. My mind is simpler. My –’
‘This one’s cracked in the head,’ he told his companions impatiently.
They looked me over. ‘She doesn’t have to open her mouth when she’s that beautiful,’ one of them said. ‘They’ll want her.’
My warder smirked and ushered me forward. The men stepped in after me and we were taken straight to the kitchens. The staff here were abuzz, preparing food and drink as though for a mighty banquet.
‘You!’ A grey-haired man addressed me. ‘Take this in.’
I blinked and was handed a tray of drinks. Really? It was nine o’clock in the morning. And take it where?
There were other similarly dressed girls carrying trays through a door, so I followed them. I found myself entering a vast chamber, its roof held aloft on thick marble pillars. Its center was a long rectangular pool of glistening water, languishing within which was a whole bunch of naked bodies. I had to force myself not to double take as they kissed and made love without a care for who might watch. Around the pool were tables covered in absurdly decadent foods and scattered around the room were softly-playing musicians. At the end, reclined on thrones to watch it all, were Dren and Galia.
I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. It was so disappointingly clichéd. If I were mad and had all the power in the world I’d at least use it to do something interesting.
The only things that piqued my curiosity were the birds: there had to be at least a hundred of them, kept in cages suspended from the ceiling. They sang prettily, or chirped and squawked to get out. I ached to set every one of them free.
We carried our trays to the Mad Ones, who waved us away without a glance. I followed the other girls to a long sideboard where we placed our goods and then apparently had to wait in case any of it was wanted.
I took the opportunity to study the fraudulent rulers, coldly thrilled to be so close to them. If only I had my knives the world would very quickly be a different place. Both had sparkling silver hair and wore crowns made of finely spun gold thread. Dren was small in stature, with a hooked nose and heavy eyebrows. Even indoors, in this sauna of human flesh, he wore a heavy gold cloak. Galia’s hair was long, but exactly the same shade as her husband’s. She wore a jewel-encrusted gown that covered every inch of her skin, except for her face. And when I looked at that face I felt a rip inside my heart, because she was Penn, she was a female version of Penn.
As I watched Galia she sat forward, concentrating on the people in the pool. She shook her head in frustration. ‘More.’
The minute she spoke, several servants who’d been lined around the walls removed their clothes and climbed into the pool. And just started … touching each other.
Dread thundered through me. My skin felt warm with horror and bile rose in the back of my throat. If they told me to get in that pool I would die first. Or kill them.
‘You.’ Dren’s cold voice struck through the room. Everyone froze, fearful that he was addressing them. ‘Red eyes,’ he said more softly, and he was looking straight at me.
I had no idea what I should do, so I just walked over to bow before him.
‘Who are you?’
‘Isadora, Sire.’
‘Where are you from?’
‘Limontae.’
‘Why is your mind closed?’
I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t think my little act from before would work on this man – his eyes were alarmingly shrewd.
‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I shall smash through whatever barriers these are and take the answers for myself.’
‘Please,’ said a voice. There was a soft gasp from someone in the pool. I looked to see that the word had been spoken by one of the men who’d entered with me. He’d stepped forward and was bowing his head respectfully. Those large shoulders of his, I was surprised to see, had whip scars on them. It was a wonder he’d been allowed in. But then again, he was possibly one of the most handsome people I’d ever seen. ‘She isn’t well in the mind, Sire,’ he was saying to Dren. ‘Born with a defect.’
‘Ah,’ Dren sighed. ‘Poor pet.’
Pet?
‘And who are you?’ Galia asked him.
‘Ryan, Sire.’
‘You weren’t given permission to speak.’
‘Forgive me. But I wasn’t sure the girl was able to speak for herself.’
‘You can sit by me here, pet,’ Dren cooed at me. ‘You’re nice enough to look at, at least.’
‘No,’ Galia interrupted. Good. I didn’t want to go anywhere near that sycophant. But then she said, ‘I want what’s between them. Take her.’
What?
I looked around, no idea what was going on. Ryan swallowed and took my hand. I forced myself not to rip my skin from his, the touch abhorrent.
‘Wait –’ I said.
‘Shh,’ he whispered. ‘Trust me.’
My heart hammered as he led me to the pool. The pool I now saw was filled with something that was definitely not water. It smelled odd, and looked too thick. Was it … drugging the swimmers? They all looked so dazed.
Dren and Galia were taking something from them. Some kind of energy? Were they empaths? I understood now, better than I ever had, why they were called the Mad Ones. Draining the energy from slaves forced to have public sex was some truly twisted lunacy.
Ryan took his clothes off. I went rigid.
‘She certainly doesn’t want it,’ Dren chuckled. ‘Poor pet.’
‘Show her what we do to those who don’t want it,’ Galia said.
Dren flicked his wrist and the servant closest to him was ripped apart. Pieces of his body fell in a heap on the marble and blood seeped over the floor.
A dark fury found my heart.
This was it, then. I didn’t have my knives. I couldn’t kill them before they could destroy me. And if I wanted to kill them, someday, then I had to live long enough. Which left me one option.
All of it – this room, these people, the pool, Ryan and the Mad Ones – it all went into a box that was locked tight and shoved to the bottom of the lake. Above it, a long way above it, was the glittering reflective surface. All anyone would see.
Ryan removed my dress and pulled me into the pool. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I won’t hurt you.’
It didn’t matter. I was calm. Because I knew about humiliation. I knew about being treated as an animal. This was a different kind of cage, but it was a cage nonetheless, and I knew all about cages.
Falco
It hit me without warning.
Her fear. True, gut-wrenching fear. And more than that. Worse than that. Humiliation. Skin-crawling humiliation. It hit me so powerfully that I was nauseated. My horse felt the unnatural shift in my emotions and spooked. She reared, toppling me. I hit the ground and rolled over to retch onto the grass.
‘Falco!’
But I couldn’t help it – a scream of fury left me as I smashed my fist into the ground. Whoever was making her feel this way would die very badly.
Isadora
That night when I returned home it was to find everyone in the living room.
‘How was it?’
‘What happened?’
‘What was it like?’
I stared at them, not knowing what to say.
&nb
sp; ‘What did you have to do?’ Jonah asked me.
‘Nothing. Serve drinks.’
‘Oh. That’s good.’
I turned for the bathroom.
‘Did you learn anything?’ Elias asked.
I swallowed and shook my head.
‘So you’re going back tomorrow.’
This time I hesitated longer before shaking my head.
‘Why not?’
A breath of air left my lungs. I locked myself in the washroom and climbed into the empty bathtub. Jonah banged on the door for what felt an age, and I hated him for it. I considered leaving them all. Why was I here? I could steal out of this city and return to my people in the forest. I didn’t need to be here, surrounded by pretty, normal, privileged people who had an abundance of love and intimacy and couldn’t give me a single moment to myself.
I stayed in the bath the whole night through. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t go sleepwalking or thieving. And I didn’t go back to the palace in the morning.
The next time I went back to that place it would be to destroy it.
I hadn’t spoken a word to anyone in three days when it happened. I hadn’t left them, either, which had surprised me. I pondered why as I stood in the courtyard on guard duty. There were several missing bricks in the back wall, through which you could see the alleyway. But the movement I spotted wasn’t through the hole, it was above in the sky. A flash of moonlit white.
I peered up and as I understood my heart ruptured.
The pegasis flew out of the inky night and landed in the courtyard, though her white wings were almost too wide. The creature’s body was as dark as the sky above and she pressed her forehead into my hand. Her brown eyes saw all the way through me and loved me despite everything. How terrible for her.
I stroked her silky nose. My heart was full of our bond.
But.
Radha. I felt the name rather than heard it. And the dizzying, silky, sweet love fell from my heart. This was a creature bound to the two of us, connected by the two of us. And she had been named after a woman I murdered. I couldn’t do it; I didn’t deserve her.
‘Forgive me,’ I whispered to the pegasis. But she didn’t leave, instead she tried to get closer, gave a soft whinny and nuzzled into my side. So I said, ‘I don’t want you.’ And as I turned my back on her I heard her finally take flight. She flew away and I was alone again.
A monster indeed.
Chapter Five
Thorne
The stables reeked. I usually avoided them, the smell not unpleasant, but overwhelming. The earth, the dust, the hay, the horse sweat and shit, and rust and leather, and even the stink of the creatures when they felt pleasure or hunger or fear or anxiety – it was all too much to take at once. But I couldn’t avoid it this morning because I’d heard a concerning rumour. Breathing through my mouth, I entered the stone-and-timber building and made my way quickly to the stalls at the end. Howl padded alongside, panting after our run in the forest.
Ambrose was brushing his stallion down; the creature was still and calm until he scented me, giving an uneasy snort and stamping his hoof. ‘Easy,’ the King soothed him, glancing at me.
Ella and Sadie were in stalls on either side, brushing down their palomino ponies under their da’s instruction.
‘Hey, get out from behind her,’ Ambrose ordered Sadie and the girl quickly moved away from her pony’s back hooves. ‘You know better.’
‘I was just brushing her tail.’
‘You do that from behind the stall wall. El, come on – get a move on, please. We’re not going anywhere until this is done.’
Ella had given up brushing and was simply threading her fingers through her pony’s mane while she hummed sweetly, lost in some distant imagining. She ignored her da completely; Ava was the disciplinarian and everyone in the family knew it. Ambrose sighed and moved to finish brushing his daughter’s pony for her.
‘I’m not doing this for you on the road,’ he warned.
So it was true – they were planning to come. ‘Am, no,’ I groaned.
The King grinned cheerfully at me. ‘Don’t you mean “I’m so excited to have you along, uncle.”?’
‘I need to move quickly.’
‘Which is exactly why we’ll be riding.’ He winked at me. ‘It’ll be a family trip, kid. The girls haven’t had a proper winter solstice yet. Don’t disappoint them.’
‘Also Da said you shouldn’t be left to your solitude or you might turn even stranger than you already are,’ Sadie informed me.
I looked at Ambrose. He gave a happy nod. ‘I did say that.’
I sighed. My uncle knew I grew more introspective by the day without Finn here to draw me out, but I meant to go north into the ice – the cruelest, loneliest place in the world, and to survive there I would need to be as strong in my solitude as I had ever been. Much as I loved my family, they were going to get ditched long before we reached the ice.
By midday we were on the road. Ambrose and his twins rode their horses and Ma drove a carriage carrying our belongings, inside of which the girls could rest when they needed to. Howl and I jogged alongside – horses and I didn’t do well together, not since I’d returned from the ice mountain. We kept a good pace, but even so Ambrose managed to sing every inch of the way. Ella and Sadie occasionally joined in, harmonising perfectly, but they were more interested in making up stories to tell each other.
I listened half-heartedly, concentrating instead on the smells to ensure no danger lurked. It was highly unlikely anyone would be stupid enough to attack a royal party containing both King and Prince, but if someone did decide to challenge us, violence was inevitable and I didn’t want Sadie, Ella or Roselyn to witness it. Plus there were always bandits on the road, ignorant enough to attack without checking who we were.
I watched Ambrose stop singing to listen as Avery’s name came up in Ella and Sadie’s story – he was always at least one of the characters in the tales they concocted.
‘It was Avery’s job to creep into the fortress and steal the dragon-heart blade.’
‘No, he should be guarding it.’
The twins argued about his role for a minute, then turned to Ambrose. ‘Da, tell her Avery would be the thief. He was cheeky like that.’
Ambrose smiled crookedly. ‘You’re probably right, but why do you say that?’
‘Because you are,’ Sadie replied.
‘What do you mean?’
‘He must have been like you, don’t you think? For Ma to have loved you both?’
Ambrose considered this, scratching his cheek. ‘I suppose it’s a fair assumption, but you’re forgetting something.’
‘What?’ the girls asked in unison.
‘The ability of the heart to love different things,’ he explained. ‘Your ma’s a complicated woman – don’t you think she could love opposites?’
Identical frown lines formed between Ella and Sadie’s eyebrows as they pondered this.
‘For example,’ Ambrose went on, ‘are you two exactly the same as each other?’
They shook their heads adamantly.
‘That’s right. El, you’re far quieter than your sister, aren’t you? And Sade, you’re more curious. El’s stubborn, and Sadie constantly changes her mind about everything.’
They nodded, then glanced at each other and giggled.
‘And have you ever thought Ma could love one of you but not the other?’
‘Don’t be stupid, Da,’ Sadie laughed.
Ambrose shrugged, having made his point. Then his face lit up. ‘We’re nearly there! You’re going to love this. Race you!’ He raced his girls towards the lavender fields, more of a child then either one of them.
I smiled as I watched. My eyes met Ma’s and she was smiling too, although there was a sadness to her expression, always. I turned my eyes to the forest looming beside us, and there he was. My da, watching silently. A monster of a man, corded with muscle and covered in ink.
It was one of the reasons I plung
ed into the wilderness each day – because he was always there waiting for me.
We spent hours in the lavender fields. Ambrose, his daughters and my dog played within the sea of lilac flowers, running and dancing and threading the blooms in each other’s hair. ‘It smells like Ma!’ one of the girls squealed in delight while Howl barked his glee. Roselyn and I sat to the edge, relaxing in the afternoon sun. I was getting too much pleasure watching their play to be concerned about the wasted travel time. I thought, inevitably, of Finn – of how much she would love this, and how worried I was for her.
‘She’ll be well,’ Ma said softly, interpreting my thoughts. ‘Who better to look out for her than Ava and Osric?’
‘And Falco,’ I agreed.
Ma raised a sceptical eyebrow and I couldn’t help smiling at her expression. She was very rarely impatient with people, almost never disliked anyone, but something about the Emperor of Kaya got under her skin. Perhaps it was his repeated marriage proposals.
‘You have a crush on him,’ I guessed with a grin.
She blushed bright pink and her eyes widened. ‘Don’t be absurd, darling.’
I laughed heartily. ‘Oh, Ma. Your face.’
‘What’s so funny?’ Sadie demanded as she, Ella and Ambrose arrived, panting, at a sprint. All three had lavender threaded through their hair and flushed pink cheeks.
‘Just teasing Ma about her crush on Falco,’ I said with a wink.
‘Thorne!’ she protested.
The twins exploded into excited laughter; Falco was undoubtedly their favourite person in the world.
Ambrose grinned slowly. ‘Well, he’s unattached, Rose. And sweet as sugar on you.’
‘And my wife,’ I couldn’t help muttering.
‘And possibly every other woman in Pirenti,’ Ambrose added.
Roselyn rose calmly and waded into the field of lavender that grew as tall as her shoulders. As she disappeared behind its curtain I shared a look with my uncle. Ambrose sighed and there were no words between us, only an understanding of all that was lost.
I followed Ma as she wandered through the stalks, running her fingers idly over them, perhaps silently counting them. Her expression was worlds away.
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