‘Sorry, Ma,’ I murmured.
In the light of the setting sun her hair was a brilliant, burning shade, and I could see that her eyes were full.
‘We know you don’t have a crush.’
She swallowed, struggling with words. ‘It feels … disloyal. Even to joke.’
Twenty years later, and still. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. She was such a slight, delicate thing. I stroked her hair gently. ‘I’m an insensitive fool. But don’t you think he would have wanted you to find some happiness without him?’
Ma pulled away and looked up into my face. ‘That’s not how it works,’ she replied simply, then returned to the others. I followed in time to see Ella and Sadie present her with a garland of flowers. My mother looked incredibly beautiful in the golden light as she knelt to accept the crown wreathed in lilac blooms. A strange fey queen, or something equally ephemeral. Something fragile.
That night we slept in a travellers’ inn but Howl and I crept out to sweep the forest and keep watch. The air grew very cold and my cheeks felt frozen. It was nothing compared to how low the temperature would drop as we ventured further north, and I wondered where Ambrose would draw the line – Ella and Sadie would be in danger even in Vjort. Any closer to the ice and they’d perish.
‘The cold is in their blood,’ a deep, scratchy voice spoke. ‘To endure it will forge their strength.’
I looked at my da, standing in the shadows. My chest and arms were filling out now to rival his, but I would never match his outlandish height. ‘And how far is too far to push them?’
He shrugged. ‘Ambrose knows the answer to that.’
‘Are you always watching us?’
He didn’t answer. His breath made clouds just as mine did and he seemed equally as substantial – there was nothing ghostly about him.
‘Are you real, Da?’ I pressed, a strange urgency in my heart. ‘Or am I mad?’
He met my eyes; his glowed incredibly blue in the moonlight. Ma often said we shared the same eyes – I wondered if mine looked as his did now, or if Da’s were different because they held the frost of the otherworld within them.
‘What does it matter,’ he asked me simply, ‘as long as I am with you?’
And I supposed he was right.
Howl chose that moment to lift his muzzle towards the moon and give a long, mournful bay. He sounded very much like a wolf in the night.
Ava
‘Alright, step forwards, please.’
Osric, Finn and Falco stepped towards me as though they’d just been asked to witness the executions of their bondmates.
‘Must we?’ Finn sighed.
‘I’m concerned for the Emperor’s life,’ Osric said drolly, with a sideways glance at said Emperor’s flimsy grip on the deadly weapon. He had a point.
‘It’s not up for discussion.’
They knew why this was happening. Not one of them had even the slightest ability to protect themselves without magic, or in Falco’s case not even with magic. So we were having a sword lesson.
And with the sun on our faces, the stream trickling to our right and the heady smell of lemons from the orchard we stood within, what could be nicer?
I reconsidered as Falco slashed his beautiful sword in a playful arc at Finn’s head and nearly chopped her ear off.
‘Careful!’ she roared.
‘Whoops. Sorry.’
‘Do not swing your blade at a friend!’ I instructed and he flashed me a sheepish grimace.
‘I was just playing.’
‘Well don’t.’
I rubbed my eyes and thought back to my first lessons at the academy. I’d followed Avery to Limontae – the first time I’d ever left the tiny village I’d grown up in – overwhelmed with excitement at the bustling new world before me. It had all moved quickly from then: I’d ranked top in my combat training classes and been recruited by Gidion to join a small force of soldiers being trained for a particularly difficult mission. I’d felt proud to have been chosen alongside Avery; I was thrilled to be given responsibility for the first time in my spoilt young life. I didn’t know then that it was to be a suicide mission, or that it would change the course of my days forever. Avery probably knew. He was much smarter than I’d been.
A lifetime ago. And though I felt a twinge of guilt for thinking it, that same old excitement was making its way into my bones again. To be beyond the walls of the fortress without the heavy weight of my crown and title, to even vacate my duties – dare I say it – as a mother. It reminded me of the woman I’d once been, the fighter. My hands tingled with the feel of my weapon, my muscles made to wield it.
‘Swords up,’ I ordered.
They held out their swords.
‘Firmer, Falco. Why’s your wrist flopping like that?’
‘I normally have people with firm wrists to hold things for me.’
Finn snorted with laughter and Osric looked skyward as though for divine intervention.
‘Is it your intention to get skewered by the first street brat who spies you as an easy mark?’ I demanded. ‘Sancia – if we miraculously make it inside – will be dangerous not only because of the warders, but because street crime is now rampant. Anyone could attack you at any moment. So concentrate.’
We managed to get through about half an hour of clumsy movements. Osric clearly paid no attention to any instructions, and Finn’s blatant lack of respect for combat of any kind meant she didn’t take it seriously. Falco nearly killed himself a dozen times because he was extremely poor at it; when I asked them to raise their swords to block a downward strike at their heads, he lifted his blade so fast it went flying from his hand, and when he was meant to be working on his footwork he tripped and nearly impaled himself as we all screamed. He turned to see the sword a hair’s breadth from his eye and smiled disarmingly at his own good fortune.
‘I think that’s about enough of that,’ I said. ‘Gods help me.’
We packed up and went on our way, and I didn’t feel quite so excited anymore. In fact I felt rather nervous at their cumulative vulnerability: I’d have been better off on a deadly mission with Ella and Sadie as back up.
Falco
We made our way to a town called Glenvale that was small enough – I hoped – not to be monitored by warders. It didn’t make strategic sense for the warders to spread themselves too thin, so I was betting on certain areas being left to their own meager resources. There was a single inn here, and we were keen for a bed after two weeks of making do on the ground. This journey was the first time in my life I’d ever slept anywhere other than a palace or fortress, which was now evident in my sore muscles.
How amazing to walk into the inn and look everyone in the face. In the eyes. Without a gods-cursed blindfold. Strange to see so many expressions at once, on so many unguarded faces.
‘So do you just wear those swords for decoration?’ Finn asked me around a mouthful of damper.
The four of us were in a corner table, trying to mind our own business even as Osric was receiving some seriously dodgy looks.
‘I beg your pardon?’ I replied, hoping she’d get the message and stop talking with her mouth full.
‘You clearly can’t use them,’ she said, mouth even fuller than the first time. A piece of bread sprayed onto the table and I stared at it. She grinned and I realised she’d done it on purpose, having heard my thought.
‘You’re such a brat.’
‘I thought you liked that about me.’
‘I don’t like anything about you.’
‘What a liar.’
‘Now, now, children,’ Osric sighed, bored as usual.
‘She’s needling me,’ I said. ‘As always.’
‘Only because you’ve been acting like a big pile of poo this whole time!’ Finn said.
‘I see the mature part of the evening has begun,’ Ava commented.
I couldn’t help it – I burst out laughing. The others followed suit until even Osric gave a reluctant chuckle.<
br />
I threw a piece of damper at Finn’s head.
‘Infantile,’ she grinned. ‘Why are you so miserable, anyway? Ava and I are the ones who’ve left our husbands but we don’t mope around all day long.’
‘I don’t mope! And just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have the monopoly on misery.’ I met her eyes. ‘I hear you, though. And I’m sorry.’
Finn’s smile grew gentle. I’m glad she didn’t question me further about the swords. I wore them because they were the only things I had that had belonged to my father. They meant more to me than every other possession I’d owned. And who knew – maybe by some miracle I might actually need them one of these days.
The thought of my father left me feeling even more depressed than I’d been a moment ago, and that wouldn’t do. ‘In fact,’ I announced, forging through it with bullish determination in the only way I knew how, ‘it’s time for a celebration!’
I climbed up onto the table, managing to knock several things over at once.
‘What are you doing?’ Ava hissed.
‘Attention, please!’ I boomed, draping the familiar cloak of Feckless about me. ‘In accordance to the new laws of our most knowing rulers, we should all be heading to our beds in time for curfew!’
There were shouts and grunts of outrage from the room crowded with patrons. Someone threw a mug at my head and I could have ducked, but instead I let it clip me painfully on the ear. ‘If you’re quite done,’ I shouted, rubbing my head. Finn was giggling into her ale, enjoying the embarrassing spectacle, while Ava looked ready to murder me.
‘What I say to the new rulers is this: they can shove their curfew up their backsides! Tonight’s ale is on me!’
A huge cheer went up and I grinned, enjoying it. ‘And all women should feel encouraged to show their appreciation as explicitly as they please,’ I added, earning a swell of laughter.
I skolled the rest of my mug and jumped down.
‘You never cease to amaze me,’ Ava snapped. ‘We’re meant to be avoiding attention.’
I ignored Ava and turned to the other woman at our table. ‘Finn of Limontae. I believe you like to have fun, do you not?’
‘I do indeed.’
‘Then dance with me, and don’t be shy about it.’
She took my hand and I swept her into the middle of the floor. We danced wildly and obnoxiously, laughing and twirling and drinking as much as we could. Finn had a hunger inside her that could never be sated and a wildness of spirit that sought risk – I knew it the second I spotted her in that tournament arena. It was exactly what I wanted right now, and loudly enough to drown out all the things I missed.
‘’Scuse me.’ I twirled Finn to a stop and faced the tavern owner who’d addressed me. ‘Could I speak with one of you in private?’
I followed him into his small office behind the bar. ‘What can I do for you?’
‘I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s the man you’re travelling with,’ he hedged apologetically.
‘I know he makes everyone nervous, and I apologise for it. He’s not with the Mad Ones.’
‘Well, that’d be easier to believe if I didn’t know that all of them are with them. If you get what I mean. He’s scaring my other patrons, I’m sorry to say. And the lady with her face covered … that ain’t helping things. It makes them nervous. Plus you and the lass are doing an alright job disrupting the peace and quiet most folk come to my inn for.’
I nodded. ‘Forgive me. We’ll move on. Thank you for being kind about it.’ I handed him a purse of coins that nearly made him faint.
‘No, sire! I couldn’t possibly! Not after pushing you on!’
‘Please. Take it. I appreciate what you’re doing here, making a safe haven where people can escape the warders. I won’t forget it.’
‘Thank you,’ he breathed, his cheeks bright pink.
I smiled and headed back to my table. ‘Looks like the dream’s over, friends. You, my magical comrade, are too pretty for them. Ava’s too sweet, and Finn and I are too boring. Let’s go.’
They didn’t complain, simply finished their drinks and followed me outside. At least we’d had a nice warm meal and a couple of dances. We rounded the corner to the stables.
Figures moved and there was a scuffle of shoes against cobblestone. Before I could see what was happening in the dark, three men had taken hold of Osric, one of whom had a dagger pressed against his throat.
‘Don’t!’ Finn warned quickly, and it took me a moment to realise she was speaking to Osric, not the men.
Before I could make any response of my own, several more men appeared behind us, blocking any retreat. ‘Men who shout and brag about their defiance while traveling with a monster,’ one of the men addressed me, ‘are either fools drunk on their own audacity, or spies.’
The men moved in more tightly around us, and I could see the glint of their weapons. ‘I’m no spy.’
‘Then you’re a drunken fool and this warder is the spy. Either way, we can’t have you leaving.’
‘You truly think you could stop us?’ Osric asked mildly.
There was an uneasy shuffle of feet. ‘Warder filth,’ one of them spat. ‘What business do ordinary folk have with his kind?’
‘Is he coercing you?’ a third man asked. ‘Are you under his influence?’
‘No,’ Ava replied firmly to curb the joke she could see begging to leave my tongue.
‘Then you ought to be ashamed.’ He gestured and I heard the men move to take hold of us.
‘Finn,’ I said.
She nodded once and with barely more than a blink she dropped the men to their knees. They scrabbled for the ground, swaying oddly.
‘What are you doing to them?’ I asked curiously.
‘Just a teensy earthquake. Tweaked their balance and perception.’
My eyebrows arched, impressed. Abruptly the men regained their footing and sprinted away as fast as they could.
‘Os!’ Finn snapped. ‘I had it.’
‘Wasting time with silly tricks.’ He rolled his eyes.
‘What’d you do?’ I asked him.
‘He coerced them,’ Finn answered.
‘How is that different from what you did to them?’
‘I didn’t go inside their heads and insert a direct order. That’s mind control and it’s vile.’ She shook her head.
‘You’re just jealous because you can’t do it yet,’ Osric said with a wink.
‘We wouldn’t have had to do anything if it weren’t for Falco’s gormless behaviour in the tavern,’ Ava pointed out.
I shrugged it off. ‘Bit of excitement. No harm done.’
‘Can you try to act like a normal human being from now on?’
‘I can try.’
They stared at me, and something in my expression made Osric and Finn dissolve into giggles.
As we walked our horses back to the road I said to Osric, ‘We’re going to have to do something about the way you look, my man.’
‘How about this?’ He shimmered before my eyes and I was suddenly looking at a black-haired, green-eyed man.
‘Wow!’ Finn exclaimed, applauding him. ‘Can you make yourself look like anything?’
He shrugged, feigning disinterest.
‘Why didn’t you do that earlier?’ I asked.
‘Because it takes magic, and they’ll sense it.’
‘Well, won’t they sense it now?’
I was ignored.
‘Can you make yourself look like a dog?’ Finn pressed. ‘A seagull? A slug?’
‘What are you talking about?’ I asked her.
‘What? He could walk right into the city. What about a scantily-clad woman carrying a big tray of food? They’d let you straight in.’
‘You’re an idiot,’ Osric muttered. ‘I just said they’d notice the magic.’
‘How about making yourself look like a nicer person?’ she asked sweetly. ‘Because that would be a real talent.’
‘Give it a rest,’
Ava snapped from up ahead. ‘The three of you are worse than my bickering eight year olds and you’re annoying me.’
We shut up and followed her.
By daybreak a week later we’d reached the rocky coast that would make way for the seaside city of Sancia. We’d had a dozen encounters with warders on the journey, each of which had been resolved with Osric’s particular kind of justice, much to Finn’s disgust. Now we stood at the base of a dizzying rock cliff, the violent sea smashing into the coast below our feet.
There were dozens of tunnels into the palace and I’d seen with my own eyes that several of them had collapsed and many had been discovered on the night of the warder takeover. Which left one that the Mad Ones might not know about, because I was fairly sure no one knew about it. Only me, and apparently Isadora. It was cut high into this rock face and almost impossible to access: it would be a risk to reach it and a risk to follow it.
My da had showed me this tunnel when I was five years old. We’d been on a boat, my two brothers and I, and he’d pointed it out to us from the sea, saying it was only ever to be used in times of direst need. Which meant that I had, of course, snuck straight into it at the first possible opportunity. The smack I got in punishment stung so badly I had promptly decided to forget about the tunnel. Now I only had a very hazy memory of where it emerged, but that was better than nothing.
‘If only Thorne were here,’ Finn sighed. ‘He’s so good at climbing. Or just, like, holding people up while they climb. Actually, he’s terrified of heights so he’d probably be a dangerous hazard. Still. If only he were here.’
‘Snore,’ Osric muttered.
‘Don’t pout,’ she said. ‘We all know you have a crush on him.’
Osric didn’t deny it, which made Finn laugh.
‘Strongest to weakest,’ Ava interrupted. Taking a length of rope we’d acquired at the last town, she uncoiled it and prepared to tie us together.
‘Physically? Or climbing ability?’ I asked.
‘Best climber goes at the top. Strongest goes last in case anyone falls and they need to be caught.’
‘That’s going to be a problem,’ Finn said. ‘Because Falco is definitely the weakest climber and he’s also not very strong.’
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