by Gina Wilkins
That was exactly the way it had all taken place with Harry. Until it had crashed and burned.
If it hurt this badly breaking up with Logan now, how much more devastating would it have been if they’d ended up like her parents and their other spouses, like her brother and his two wives? When dissatisfaction set in, when novelty became habit, when bliss turned to bitterness? She’d seen it happen over and over. She’d lived it herself with her ex, though they’d never actually taken vows, thank goodness.
Of course, what she’d felt for Harry didn’t come even close to the intensity of her feelings for Logan—and wasn’t that even more reason to end it? For a time, she’d thought herself in love with Harry—but now she knew it had been mere infatuation compared to her feelings for Logan. In her observation, the hotter the passion, the faster it burned out. She just really didn’t want to take the risk of having her heart in ashes around her feet.
“Hey, Alexis? You okay?”
Dropping her arms immediately, Alexis looked at her assistant with a too-bright smile. “Sure. Just wanting to beat my head against this desk over some of the requests Ellie Reid has come up with for her daughter’s sweet sixteen party. Definitely a case of champagne tastes on a beer budget.”
“Oh.” Gretchen looked a little skeptical about the excuse. “You’ve been a little off your game this past week. I’ve wondered if you’re coming down with something.”
“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”
“You should have taken a longer vacation in Seattle after the seminar.”
“Trust me, that’s just what I should not have done,” Alexis replied flatly, a pang shooting through her with the reminder.
Gretchen’s eyebrows rose, but she let it go. “Did you get a chance to sign that letter I left on your desk? If so, I’ll get it in the mail.”
“Yes, it’s here.”
The phone buzzed and Gretchen started to rush toward her desk, but Alexis signaled that she’d take it, instead. She handed Gretchen the signed letter as she picked up the phone and answered professionally, identifying the company and herself.
“Hi, Alexis, it’s Kinley.”
Her pulse gave a little jump before she reminded herself that she and Kinley were still business collaborators. She doubted that this call had anything to do with Logan. “What can I do for you, Kinley?”
“I have the numbers for you on that catered retirement party you asked about. Just letting you know I’m emailing them to you now.”
“Thank you, I’ll watch for the email. I’m sure my clients will be satisfied with the estimate. You’re always fair.”
“Thanks, I hope you’re right. We can always make adjustments as needed to bring costs down if they want.”
“I’ll discuss it with them. How are things at the inn?”
“Getting crazy as the summer creeps up on us, but I guess you know that feeling.”
“Absolutely.”
“We still haven’t had a chance to have that lunch together. Are you free next week? Thursday, maybe?”
Was she really ready to have a chatty lunch with Logan’s sister? Though she felt like a coward—again—she prevaricated, “I’ll get back to you on that, if that’s okay.”
Kinley didn’t seem to take offense. “Of course. Check your calendar and let me know.”
“I will.”
“So, how have you been, Alexis?”
A little surprised by the other woman’s searching tone, Alexis answered brightly, “I’m fine, thank you. As you said, busy, but that’s a good thing, right?”
“Of course. Although Bonnie and I are both about ready to strangle our brother.”
“Oh?” She tried to speak with only casual interest. “Aren’t your new protocols working out?”
“Oh, he’s staying away from the clients, for the most part. He’s just snapping our heads off. Not to mention his crew. I think his dog is the only one who hasn’t had a chewing-out from him this past week.”
“I see.” She honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Just in one of his moods, I guess.”
“I guess so,” she agreed lamely. “I’m sure it will get better soon.”
“I certainly hope so. Let me know about lunch next week, okay?”
“Yes, I will. Thanks for calling.”
With the call disconnected, Alexis tried once more to focus on work. Only to end up with her face in her hands again, a low groan escaping her throat.
* * *
It was almost dark on Thursday, more than a week after Logan had left Alexis’s house, when his sister called him out on his behavior during the past nine days.
“When are you going to stop moping and do something?” Kinley demanded, glaring at him with her hands on her hips.
He straightened from the flower bed in which he’d just spread a new layer of mulch. His back ached a little from being bent over a shovel and his head hurt because he’d skipped lunch. Again. He’d worked such long hours during the past nine days that his left leg throbbed in protest. “What the hell do you mean, do something? Have you not seen all I’ve gotten done around here this week?”
“I don’t mean do something about your job,” she said with an impatient shake of her head. “You’re working yourself to a frazzle around here. But that isn’t helping, is it?”
He tossed the shovel across the top of his wheelbarrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about Alexis,” Kinley shocked him by saying. “Are you just going to let her go without even trying to hang on to her?”
The silence stretched for a long time between them before he found the voice to reply. “Did she say something to you?”
“Of course not, you idiot. She’s been as closemouthed as you are about whatever has gone on between you. But I’m your sister. And along with Bonnie, I know you better than probably anyone else alive. You’ve been seeing Alexis, haven’t you?”
He wasn’t going to lie to her. “I was,” he admitted curtly. “It’s over.”
“Why?”
His first inclination was to snarl that it was none of her business. The only reason he didn’t was because he knew Kinley wouldn’t back down no matter how much he growled. So he said simply, “She’s not interested.”
“I don’t believe that. I watched the two of you together when you thought I didn’t notice. And I’ve heard her voice when she speaks of you, even though she didn’t realize she was revealing anything. She’s interested. So you must have screwed it up.”
“All I did was ask her to a party,” he snapped, indignant that his own sister automatically placed the blame on him. “How is that screwing up?”
“You must have asked her wrong.”
He ripped off his work gloves and threw them in the wheelbarrow. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand that you’re hurting,” she said more quietly, placing a hand on his arm. “And I hate seeing that.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“Do you really want to get over it? Or do you want to work it out with her?”
He exhaled slowly. “Doesn’t matter what I want. Like I said, she’s not interested.”
“Maybe she’s scared. Trust me, I know what that’s like. I was terrified to fall in love with Dan and risk being left heartbroken again.”
He thought of the night Kinley had come to his door in tears after a quarrel with Dan. His first instinct had been to find the guy who’d hurt his sister and pound him. Typical of Kinley that she yelled at him instead, when he was the one brooding.
“Maybe Alexis has been hurt before and is afraid to take another chance. You won’t know until you ask her, will you? I know it takes a lot of courage to risk being shot down again,” she added with a misty smile.
“But will you ever forgive yourself if you give up this easily?”
He pushed a grubby hand through his hair. “Don’t say anything to Alexis about any of this, will you?”
It was her turn to be indignant. “Of course not! It’s not my place to talk to her about something this personal.”
He couldn’t help but be wryly amused that she didn’t see the irony of her words. She sure didn’t mind getting into his personal business. “I’ll think about it, Kinley,” he said wearily. “But I don’t want to talk about it again, okay?”
She patted his arm once more. “I won’t bring it up again. Just know that I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
“I know. And thanks.” He leaned over to brush his lips briefly against his sister’s cheek, then turned away to put up his tools.
Had he screwed up with Alexis? Pushing the wheelbarrow down the path to the cottage, he replayed the breakup with an attempt at objectivity. Maybe he’d come across as too pushy. Maybe she thought he was making decisions about their future without consulting her first, though he’d considered a simple invitation to a party as an opening to that important conversation. But maybe he’d gone about it all wrong.
Realizing that there had been little romance—even little emotion—in his airy comments to Alexis about moving forward with their relationship, he grimaced. Had he been too pragmatic? Hell, had he actually started to say they’d probably get married someday with the same casual tone he’d used to tell her about his friend’s going-away party?
Would it make a difference if he told her how much he’d missed her during these past nine days? Would she care if she knew how much it hurt him to think it might really be over for good between them?
Thinking of the good times they shared, all the special moments between them, the way he felt when she was in his arms, he thought perhaps Kinley was right. He’d be a fool not to try at least one more time. And as terrifying as the idea was to him, he was going to have to bare himself to her—emotionally, this time.
Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment, he thought with a grim shake of his head. He could only imagine how he’d react if she shot him down again. He didn’t like to think of himself as a coward, but he had to admit the thought of that potential scene made his gut clench.
He would talk to her tomorrow. Perhaps his sister had been right that he would never forgive himself if he didn’t give it at least one more shot.
He unlocked his gate and pushed the wheelbarrow into the backyard, whistling for Ninja as he entered. Maybe a long walk would clear his head tonight, maybe help him get some rest before making his play tomorrow. If nothing else, it would keep him from spending an extra couple of hours moping alone in his living room.
Dropping the wheelbarrow handles, he brushed off his hands, then looked around for his dog. “Ninja? Let’s go for a walk.”
Odd. Usually the dog was all over him, bouncing around in excitement at the very mention of a walk. It was almost fully dark now and he narrowed his eyes to search the shadows for the black-and-brown dog. “Ninja? Hey, buddy, where are you?”
The silence in the yard made him nervous. He walked every inch of the fenced area, looking behind and beneath the storage shed, under bushes, under the chairs on the small back porch, picturing the dog hurt or sick. There was no sign of him.
Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a wisp of white at the darkest back corner of the yard, but when he whipped his head around he didn’t see anything moving. Still, he moved that way to look. He didn’t find Ninja. What he found was a sizable hole beneath the fence, obviously dug by a dog’s eager paws.
Torn between relief and aggravation, he grimaced. Great. Who knew what havoc the mischievous escapee was causing around the grounds? Kinley was going to strangle them both.
He tugged his phone out of his pocket and called Bonnie. “Just letting you know Ninja’s gotten out of the yard. You might want to let your guests know that he’s harmless before he pops out of a shadow and terrorizes someone.”
“I’ll send Paul out to help you look for him in case he decides to play hide-and-seek with you.”
It wouldn’t be the first time Ninja indulged in the game. “Thanks.”
Leaving the yard, Logan headed toward the fountain, where Ninja usually hung out when he escaped. He whistled again, called the dog’s name, mentioned “walk” and “treats.” And was still met with no response.
Twenty minutes later, he and Paul had to admit that the dog didn’t seem to be on the grounds. It was too dark to search the woods, though Logan walked a few yards down the trail, whistling and calling, before he gave up and returned to the inn.
Having joined the fruitless search, Bonnie looked distressed. “Where could he be? He’s never run off like this before. He always wants to be here with you.”
“I don’t know,” Logan admitted, wishing he had a different answer. “I guess he started exploring and wandered farther than usual. I don’t even know what time he got out. I haven’t seen him since around noon.”
“He’ll come back, won’t he?”
“Sure, he’ll come back. Probably clawing at my door in the middle of the night.”
“I hope so. I hope he’s not hurt somewhere,” Bonnie fretted, wringing her hands in front of her. “I really love that silly dog.”
“He’ll be fine, honey,” Paul assured her, wrapping an arm around his petite wife’s shoulders. Over her head, his eyes met Logan’s, and Logan could tell that Paul, too, was concerned about the dog’s atypical disappearance.
As for himself, he couldn’t deny that his muscles were tense with worry about the dog. Ninja had just wandered up one day from who-knew-where. What if he’d gone walkabout again, even though Logan had thought the dog was happy here?
He didn’t even want to think that his pet could be gone for good, not when he was still reeling from losing Alexis.
* * *
It was late Thursday evening by the time Alexis returned to her house from a family dinner to celebrate her stepfather’s birthday. It had been a particularly exhausting ordeal, with her mother lecturing again on why Alexis should be married and procreating and Alexis doing her best to conceal her emotional turmoil. Suffice it to say, she was glad to be home.
She parked her car and opened the driver’s door, which turned on the dome light above her. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the rearview mirror as she reached for her purse. The face in the glass looked weary, melancholy. A far cry from the strong, independent woman she always considered herself to be.
She had always known falling in love would be a mistake. That she would be hurt. And yet, she thought with a sigh, she was the one who had walked away, not Logan.
She couldn’t help thinking about the things Kinley had said on the phone yesterday. About how Logan was especially grumpy and moody lately. Was he missing her? Had she truly hurt him when she’d sent him away or was he just mad that she hadn’t gone along with his agenda?
How hard had it been for him to take that step toward her? To make the decision to ask her out, even though he’d known being seen in public would raise eyebrows among their mutual acquaintances?
Had he really thought they were headed toward a serious relationship, despite the casually calculated beginning to their relationship? Had he really believed it might even lead to marriage, regardless of his wariness of that particular institution? Had he maybe believed that they’d be one of those rare couples who somehow made it all work out?
Dare she even hope that the odds just might be in their favor this time?
Maybe she should have talked to him about these questions, rather than freaking out, as he’d correctly labeled her reaction. She was becoming more and more convinced that she’d acted like an idiot, but now she wondered if it was too late to do anything about it. How could she face him now and try
to have a rational conversation about their future? After she’d said all those terrible things?
She climbed out of the car and closed the door, darkening the interior again. An overhead pole lamp and her yellow porch light provided illumination for her to trudge safely toward her front door, though her mind was still filled with those unsettled questions about Logan. She jumped nearly a foot backward when a dark shape separated from the shadows beside her porch, growling.
Only when her heart began to beat again did she realize that the shape was Ninja and that the sound was his happy rumble-purr. Her knees went weak with relief, then stiffened again in anticipation. She looked around eagerly for Logan. Where was he?
“Logan?”
Ninja nudged against her, and she noted that he was panting a little. She rested a hand on his head. “Where’s Logan?”
He couldn’t be in her house; she’d never given him a key. Besides, Logan wouldn’t leave his dog outside like this. But surely Ninja hadn’t escaped the inn and come several miles here on his own?
She opened her door and he bounded inside with her, both of them greeted by her happy cat. She filled a bowl with water and set it on the kitchen floor, then watched as Ninja began to lap at it. She was becoming increasingly convinced that the dog was a runaway.
“Something tells me you’ve been a bad boy,” she said to him even as she drew out her phone.
She hesitated a moment before dialing Logan’s number, but then swallowed hard and pushed the call button. He could be frantic about Ninja’s whereabouts. He needed to know his dog was safe.