I push my back from the frame of the window.
“Wrap your legs around me,” I grit out.
She does and I stand us up, placing her back on the opposite side of the window. My hands cup her ass as I dive back into her mouth with a fierceness I’ve yet to show her. God I need to be inside her like I need my next breath. Her small hands cup my face with possessiveness that makes me want to tell the word she’s mine and I hers… fucking finally.
“Cut!” Chauncey calls.
Noooooo…. Bruh! No!
“He was supposed to kiss her?” Jagger growls.
“Yup,” Cam says.
“Last minute change,” Jessica adds.
“Leads up to the love scene,” Chauncey joins in.
“Love scene?” Rhys asks.
“Holy fuck this is hilarious!” Koi says and doubles over in laughter.
At least he doesn’t appear to want to end me.
Henley and I are still trying to catch our breaths, staring into each other’s eyes.
“Whoops,” I say.
“Whoops? That’s all you’ve got?” she asks.
“I kinda forgot they were here, and you didn’t exactly stop me. You’re supposed to be the responsible one.”
“Oh, so this is my fault?”
“Of course. You were licking your lips. I can’t be held responsible for my actions when you do that shit. You started it.”
“And you ended it?” she raises an eyebrow.
I lean in to her ear and whisper, “No. When I end it, I’ll be inside you.”
“Fuck,” she says.
“Exactly,” I say with a wink.
I right her on her feet, and turn to face the inquisition.
“That’s it for today folks. See you in the morning. Kip, dinner?” Chauncey asks.
My savior.
Chapter 25
Henley
I arrive at set the next day and head straight for makeup and wardrobe. I didn’t see Kip after we left set late last night. He sent a text to tell me “sweet dreams” while he was out to dinner with Chauncey. Koi has said nothing about the kiss, he can’t get past laughing every time he looks at me. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Jagger looked pissed on the way back to the hotel last night, but said nothing. Cam, Memphis, Rhys, and Jessica smiled at me knowingly and I rolled my eyes so many times it was painful.
While I’m in makeup I try to come up with a way I could cry. I listen to Boyz II Men, and every sad ass ballad I can think of. Fuck this is not happening. I can barely tear up at this shit. I tried so hard to manufacture emotion yesterday, and I ended up laughing instead when I thought about that sad puppy commercial. Fuck me.
I think back to the only time in my life I ever really cried hysterically, the biggest loss of my life. The night Caleb died, my entire world was tipped upside down and it took me years to right it again. God, it seems like every time my life got back on track something tipped it upside down. One step forward and two steps back.
I plug my earbuds in while stylists finish my makeup and hair. I find the most depressing shit I can and think about the night I lost Caleb. It takes no time at all for the emotion to come. I close my eyes and remember the sound of metal scraping as the car flips before unconsciousness swallowed me. The sounds of panic in the bystander’s voices as they attempted to gauge my condition. The sound of Jagger’s voice when he came up on the car. I couldn’t find Caleb and I remember the panic like it was yesterday. I couldn’t find Caleb and I thought he was outside the car at one point. I was right, he wasn’t in the car with me, but I thought he was out there fearing for my life. I didn’t fear for his in that moment because I swear to God I thought he was alive. Never would I have imagined when we left that show it would be the last fucking time I played on stage with him.
He was twenty-three years old and your best friend isn’t supposed to die so young. At the tender age of twenty-two I was naïve and untouched from any harm or broken heart. It’s similar to not being able to remember how easy you have it when you’re a kid because you don’t know how fucking hard life will get. You take your own innocence for granted. I know I did. I thought I was invincible, hell we all do at that age. But I think I really felt untouchable because I was sitting on top of the world with a guitar in my hand and Caleb by my side. I had everyone I loved by my side. Koi and the guys were touring with me, my parents and grandparents were often present. Hell, my friend’s parents were often present. I had everything I ever dreamed of and didn’t dream of. Life was easy, and fun. I can’t tell you when I last cried before Caleb’s death. I don’t remember. I don’t remember crying since I was child.
I’ll never forget when I heard a man say Caleb had been found, because however many seconds passed between his announcement and him saying he was thrown, I was happy. I’d honestly thought, my God we escaped death. We skirted it together. I felt immortal for those few seconds. I think something deep inside me knew of what I would face when I reached his body, but I held onto hope until those last moments when I realized his lips were cold. The last time I tried to give him the air from my own lungs, I knew we had not skirted death together. I wasn’t immortal and Caleb sure as fuck wasn’t, but walking away was the hardest part. I held him for the longest time, his body temperature already dropping. I held him for as long as they would let me because I would never get to touch him again. I couldn’t wrap my fragile mind around the concept. We were talking in the car, fuck we’d just rocked Atlanta, and then he was just… dead, gone, mortal.
It wasn’t until Kip, forever my protector, was worried the bystanders would capture my goodbye to Caleb that I had to let him go. If I had known that would be the last time I touched him, maybe I would’ve hugged him more. I would’ve spent more time with him, or maybe wrote more songs to hold onto. I sure as hell would’ve made sure he knew he was my other half, my brother.
I ask one of the stylists to request Chauncey visit me in the dressing room so I can tell him what I need in order to give him what he needs for Kip’s piece of art to live through image.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“Yes,” I give him a small smile.
“Kip…” he starts.
“Kip will be fucking pissed right along with whoever shows up with him. He’ll tell me not to do this, and he’ll try to stop me because he’d do anything to protect me and take my pain away,” I say.
“He would,” Chauncey nods in understanding.
“It’s going to be fine,” I assure him.
***
Kip
When I arrive to the set with Koi and Rhys, Jessica, Memphis, Cam, Griffin, Samantha, Kathrine, Meghan, and Jagger are waiting in front of the entrance. They’re huddled around smoking in the cold weather. I hug Kathrine who just joined the tour for a few weeks to spend time with Cam.
“Hey gorgeous,” I say and wrap my arms around her.
“Behave yourself Paxton,” Cam warns.
“Why are y’all outside?” I ask. “It’s fucking cold out here.”
“Closed set,” Koi says and shrugs.
“That’s not until later today,” I say.
“Not what Chauncey said,” Jessica announces and blows into her gloves.
The front door opens and the devil himself sticks his head out, “You can come into the dressing room, but you can’t go onto the set.”
He opens the door and we follow him to the dressing room.
“Where’s Hen?” Memphis asks.
“She’s on set,” Chauncey answers.
“Uh… am I late?” I ask.
“No. She will do the scene where the angel cries on her knees.”
“Okay, why is the set closed?” Koi asks
“She’s requested privacy. She’s… also requested something a little unorthodox to help her create the emotion for this scene. Before I go any further, I want to clarify that she came to me with the request and not the other way around. I asked he
r to be sure before she did this but she’s adamant this is what she needs,” he states.
“Bruh, what the fuck is going on?” Rhys asks.
I have a bad feeling. I can feel her, and it’s not a good feeling. What’s she doing?
“She’s asked to see the video of Caleb,” Chauncey looks down at his shoes.
“What video?” Koi grits out.
“THE video,” Jessica answers knowing Henley so well.
“What? NO!” I yell.
“She said you’d try to stop her, and she needs to do this,” he continues to look at his shoes. “She made me promise that if any of you were on set she wouldn’t know you were there. She also wanted you to know what would happen on set before you decide to walk out there, she wanted you to have a choice.”
“Chauncey, she’s never seen the video,” I say.
“What?” his eyes snap to mine in genuine surprise.
Any suspicion I had about him pushing this on her dissolved with the shock written on his face.
“This is not happening,” Koi says as he rakes his hands through his hair.
“Oh fuck,” Rhys adds.
“I didn’t know, honest,” Chauncey admits.
“She will do this whether we like it or not,” Jagger says.
Tears spring to my eyes, “No.” I shake my head fighting the emotion stuck in my throat. “She doesn’t have to do this. Not this way.” I continue to shake my head and fight my tears.
“She said you would say that,” Chauncey says.
“My sister is doing this for you, Kip, but she may be doing this for herself to. My overwhelming urge to protect her is front and center right now, but she’s never seen it. Maybe she needs to see the damn thing. Maybe she can make peace with whatever is left for her to make peace with. Maybe she needs to cry because she’s being told it’s okay for her to break down and cry like the night we lost him.”
“No,” I shake my head again. “No harm comes to her.”
Kathrine steps forward and pulls my hand into hers, “Kip, the harm has already been done, honey. She was in the car that night, and you were there when he was pronounced. The pain from that has lived inside of her for a long time. She made this decision, and when Henley decides she will do something, us bitching and even begging won’t change it.”
Rhys steps up to me, “She gave us the decision to make for ourselves. I will stand on set and I’ll be as quiet as a mouse so I can support her. What you gonna do?”
“This is all my fucking fault. What did I do?” I look at Koi who has tears in his own eyes.
“Nuh-uh, you ain’t wallowing around in pity. She made this decision on her own because she’s stubborn and sometimes a little fucking crazy. You will put your big boy panties on, go out there, and support her with your silence,” Jessica says.
I nod.
“You don’t interrupt her either,” Jessica says to Koi.
“I won’t,” he manages.
***
Rhys
We remain in the dressing room for another thirty minutes until an assistant tells us we can enter the set. No one speaks. I’m not sure we know what to say. It may seem crazy to some that Henley would want to see that video, but I get it. She wants to see what happened to her from another vantage point other than the one she’s lived through for so many years. I’m hoping she takes something positive away from this. It’s not crazy at all. She’s using this opportunity to do something she needs to do and to give someone she loves what they need. That’s what love is isn’t it? Sacrifice, compromise, loyalty, and understanding.
Kip is a miserable prick right now, feeling all guilty and shit, but he shouldn’t. I should’ve seen Henley and Kip coming a mile away, but Jagger’s overwhelming presence shadowed it. It makes sense, I see it now, and honestly when we were younger I thought they would be married long ago and have babies by now until she started dating Jagger. Kip and Henley, fucking Kipley, those two are something else. Watching him kiss her yesterday was both hilarious and shocking. There was a moment when I wanted to ring his neck, but I took a step back and you know what I saw? I saw a man kissing a woman with every ounce of his being. I saw a man kissing the woman he loved, and the love was so fucking obvious and pure. His love burned red hot and so intense I thought we might all get burned. I saw a woman who felt safe with a man, and trusted him completely, implicitly because he was her other half. I saw a woman who kissed the man she loved back and cupped his face in her hands because he is fucking precious to her. Her love was bright and warm and I can’t think of a reason in the world to be mad about any of it. Yes ladies, Rhys Ryan is fucking poetic. I’ll be here all week.
I guess we know who’s getting married next. I love bridesmaids and open bars that shit makes me horny.
The assistant opens the door, sticks her head in, and announces, “Chauncey said you can come to set now. He wanted you to know you’ll be able to see the video, so prepare yourselves for that.”
We follow her out and I immediately hear some sad acoustic shit blaring through the speakers on set. We quietly walk into a door and feel through the dark area behind the camera, so Henley won’t hear or see us.
My eyes find the wall where a video is playing, but the video is of her and Caleb playing at one our first shows. Man they look like babies, dueling against each other. I take a look a Henley who’s standing in the middle of the set with all these eyes on her, but she’s smiling at the video as if it’s just her and Caleb in the room. It’s one of those smiles people have when they remember what something felt like, something they had forgotten or thought they’d lost forever.
The video quickly changes with an old film transition on it and Caleb’s Porsche is flipping. I look back at her in time to see her visibly gasp, her hand to her mouth. So many people took video that day, it’s all one big compilation of the accident. When the car stops flipping, it skids to a halt with her still inside. I don’t know what all she remembers about this night as it isn’t something she’s ever spoken freely about.
She takes a step towards the screen when the car stops, and she’s looking all over the film. Fuck, she’s looking for Caleb. People have pulled over to the curb and are surrounding the car. An image of Henley’s body trapped inside the car comes on screen. Her face is bloody and her eyes closed. I can see the people yelling inside the car attempting to illicit a response from her, but she doesn’t move. She looks so peaceful, even with blood covering her. She was so close to death in that moment, with blood and a bruise on her brain. They always said it was a miracle she woke up in the car.
Maybe this is what being close to the veil feels like… peaceful.
Another clip begins, and I look at Henley who has tears running down her face. Jesus. My own emotion fills my throat. I’ve not seen this shit in so long. I should’ve never watched it the first time, but I was in a dark place and I thought it would help me understand that he was really gone.
The clip shows Henley’s eyes blinking open, but she doesn’t look coherent at first, you can look in her eyes and see she’s not there. She blinks some more and comes around, but looks confused at first. She’s looking around the car. I’ve never seen this clip and almost hit my knees when she speaks. While I can’t hear her, I can read her lips through the windshield.
Caleb.
She’s looking for Caleb.
She stands on the set shaking her head trying to tell the version of her on the video that Caleb’s not in the car. Out of nowhere, Kip runs into the frame, shoving people out of his way. You can see him screaming for her. His body is tense, eyebrows furrowed, mouth open, panic on his face… screaming for her.
Jagger runs into the frame as Kip gets as close as he can to her, and he screams more. He runs all around the car, trying to find another way into the car, but he can’t find one. When his face comes into frame, I see Jagger mouth Caleb’s name and Kip shakes his head no.
Henley hits her knees on the set and bawl
s.
“I’m so sorry,” she mouths to the Jagger and Kip on screen.
Kip attempts to push past me to go to her, but I pull my arms around him. It’s difficult to hold him, and luckily Jagger and Koi help me restrain him. The four of us stand there holding each other up the best we can. She has a right to see this, the moments she can’t remember because her mind blocked them out or because she was fading in and out of consciousness.
The loop of clips continue, showing Kip and Jagger running in and out of the frame, and finally after what seems like only seconds, she emerges from the vehicle, a bone protruding from her arm. She shouldn’t even be conscious. Kip runs into the frame and as Jagger speaks to him, Kip shakes his head and hands Jagger what appears to be a towel or blanket. Kip stands in front of Henley who looks up to him. He looks at Jagger who nods causing Kip to pull her to his chest, holding her so tightly it looks like he might break her. Jagger wraps her arm, and her back arches away from Kip, her body’s attempt to survive, fight or flight from the pain. Kip holds her steady and there’s only a moment where her face is visible as she screams out in what looks like excruciating pain.
Kip’s face is soaked in tears, and then all hell breaks loose. Hen looks to her left, pulls away from Kip, and runs. There is compiled video of her running across the interstate from so many vantage points. Covered in her own blood, half conscious, her broken arm wrapped, she looks like a warrior who jumps across the barriers and heads into battle.
The video switches to one of someone running as the frame shakes and it’s unclear at first. They’re running behind Kip, Jagger, and Henley. From behind it appears that she trips and falls, but her landing shows she collapsed onto Caleb. Jagger and Kip run after her, and once they’re no longer obstructing the view, the camera zooms in on her face. Her eyes are rolled back into her head, and she appears to be losing consciousness. Kip is holding her in his arms, screaming for help, screaming at her to wake up.
She sobs on the set floor as she watches him panic as she sees what happened when she slipped from this world. Her eyes suddenly open and she looks around confused, but registers Caleb. It doesn’t take her long to understand she needs to listen for a heartbeat and breath sounds. Kip moves behind her, his arm keeping her from collapsing and harming herself. Jagger moves across Caleb’s body as she attempts to resuscitate him with a broken arm. I see Kip counting and rarely takes his eyes off of her. Neither does Jagger. They only look away to look at Caleb, and their sorrow streaks down their faces.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 82