Of Dreams and Dragons

by Karpov Kinrade

  I am surrounded by a field of grass so green it looks painted. Of trees so lush and bark so thick and rich that it is more real than anything I've ever seen, so real it seems fake in its aliveness. Nothing in my life has ever held so much life, so much presence, so much realness. Flowers bloom around me in pinks and purples and reds and blues. A vibrant garden that renders me unable to imagine anything more beautiful or visceral. The fragrance of flowers overwhelms my senses with honeysuckle and lavender and the scent of roses so pure my mind is spinning.

  I can practically taste the smells carried on the warm breeze. I look down at my body and see it is healed, the blood gone, though the memory of being severed in pieces still lingers, like a bad odor. In the distance, a grassy hill rises to the too-blue sky, and on it grows a silver tree, with branches and leaves that glisten their metallic beauty in a sun I don't see but still feel the warmth of.

  In all of this beauty and wonder, in all this majesty, it takes me a moment to notice the slab of gray beside me. A grave stone, so like the one I visit regularly to commune with my dead mother. But this one does not bear the name of Laura Knightly. This one bears a name much more familiar.

  My own.

  And there are two, side by side. Both with my name.

  "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him." The deep voice surprises me and I turn to see a familiar face.

  Kaden is standing, his silhouette against the light of the invisible sun.

  "Am I... dead?" I ask. I can think of no other explanation for this discombobulated experience.

  "Yes," he says, tilting his head, his black hair falling once again into his too-blue eyes. "And no." He walks forward, leaves crunching under his boots, until he stops before my headstone. "Remember what I said earlier? You are of two worlds now. The seen and the unseen. Even with your body gone, your spirit remains."

  "What is this place?" I ask, though some part of me surely knows. I've been here before, after all, but my memory eludes me.

  "The spirit realm. Well, a part of it, at least. Your part. Your unique space, made by your mind alone." He looks around, smiling. "You have a gentle soul. A kind and protective one. You'd be surprised to see what others form for their realm. Some call it a sanctuary. Others a dream. It is a place Ashlords can go at will. And a place we all go in death."

  I died, I think, though the memory is separate from me. I was sliced in half by Pike, even as he held my baby Kara in his hands. My heart breaks and I fall to my knees. She's gone. My baby is gone with that monster. The tears come, then. Unbidden but full of fury and rage. I dig my nails into the earth, squeezing my hands until they hurt. "It's over then, isn't it? Pike took her."

  "He did." Kaden walks towards me and kneels before me, his hands on mine. "But there wasn't anything you could do. Anything either of us could do."

  I look up into his eyes, the blue of them even brighter in this realm. "Are you even real? Or just some phantom conjured to make me feel better?" If I am dead, the thought occurred to me that this could all be in my mind. An endless cycle of pain and false comfort.

  "I'm as real as you," he says, smiling with a hint of his dimple showing. "With enough practice, Ashlords can visit each other's sanctuaries, at least while in close proximity, and while the sanctuary is being manifested. I saw you come here upon death, and so I followed. I thought you could use the guidance. You could try to get rid of me, of course. Each person is quite strong within their own sanctuary, and each visitor quite weaker."

  I try to process all he says, but my mind is on one thing. "Is there a way back?" I ask. "A way back to the real world?" I have to find Kara. I have to save her, and protect Kyle and Caleb.

  "Yes," he says, but he pauses, his voice hesitant. "In time, your body will recuperate, but it will be weak for days, at least for someone as untrained as you."

  "How long?" There's an urgency to me, now. A hope. A burning need to set things right.

  "A while here, but not long in the physical realm. Time moves differently here, you see. Slower. Every world, every dimension has its own way of gauging time, which is, after all, just an illusion. Time itself doesn't really exist. It's a construct we use to measure the unmeasurable."

  I can't process everything he's saying, but one thing sticks out. I will recover. I will get my life back. "So... I can't be killed?"

  He cocks his head, thinking. "If only it were so... All Ashlords can be killed. First, you must destroy their body. Then you enter their sanctuary and kill their spirit."

  "But... if I'm stronger here, and you're weaker, how does that work?"

  "You are stronger," he agrees, "which would make it difficult. But I can assure you, Pike would have no trouble destroying you."

  My bravado fades at the mention of Pike. He bested me so quickly. So easily. And he took my baby. "Is he coming? Here?"

  Kaden looks to the trees, a frown on his face. "I doubt it. He seems to be leaving us alive. I don't know why. Perhaps it's part of his code."

  "What code?"

  "Whatever code he abides by. Think about it, he must have one. You've seen how powerful he is, and yet he only takes children as part of a bargain. He could, theoretically, just steal them. No one would be able to stop him, and yet, he insists a contract be made and honored. That the debtor pay voluntarily, though how voluntarily is debatable given his methods. Still, it's curious, isn't it?"

  "Not exactly the word I'd use for it," I say, as I remember Pat's hand being cut off... as I remember how my cat looked in that bag, dead. And how Kara looked in that monster's hands as he killed me without remorse.

  Kaden nods his head. "Of course. Apologies. You see, I've been hunting Pike for many years now, and yet his ways seem more and more mysterious."

  "Hunting him? Is that why you were really here, for him?"

  Kaden is still. Quiet. I hear only the sound of a gentle breeze blowing through the flowers as he contemplates his answer. "Yes. I was tracking him. But then I found you, a Broken One, or so I thought, and suddenly I had two matters to deal with. I did my best to keep you safe. Perhaps I focused on you too much." Kaden frowns and rubs his face with his hand. "Enough to let Pike get away."

  "You could have stopped him?"

  "No." He frowns. "I couldn't have stopped him. Not alone. If I find Pike, my orders are not to engage. Instead, I'm to call for reinforcements and attempt to set a trap."

  "And yet, you helped me. Me and Kyle."

  He folds his hand into a fist. "I wasn't about to stand there while he hurt you and the children," he says.

  My voice softens and I reach for his hand, laying mine on top. "Thank you," I say, my mind spinning with all the new information. "You said you've been hunting, Pike, right? Then there must be a way to find him. A way to find Kara."

  "Maybe, but tell me... even if you could catch Pike, how would you defeat him?"

  "I..." I pause, stumped for a proper answer. I don't know how I'd stop him. I gave all I had, and Pike killed me in one blow, as if breaking a toy...

  Kaden puts a hand on top of mine, squeezing gently, his eyes pleading with me. "Come with me," he says "to the place where Ashlords are trained, and I will teach you how to fight."

  I hesitate, not sure how to react to this offer. "You said even you can't beat him."

  "Not alone, but maybe we can together."

  I can't leave, I can't leave the children... but I can't abandon Kara either...

  "You know," says Kaden, his eyes intensely holding mine. "I take back what I said. You are the strongest untrained person I have ever met. And if you don't take control of your abilities, it's only a matter of time before you hurt someone again. Maybe kill them."

  "Kyle..." My hands fall away from Kaden's as I remember the lightning striking my brother. Kaden pushed him out of the way... risking himself. But Kyle didn't escape unscathed. The lightning hit his arm. Burning him. He yelled. Screamed in pain.

  "I need to help him!" I pull myself up, and realize I feel no pain. My foot is truly healed, my body m
ended.

  Kaden stands before me, holding his hand out in caution. "You will, soon. Your body has almost regenerated."

  I look around at this beautiful world and realize how empty it feels without those I love. I nearly killed Kyle, but only because I unleashed whatever spirit is inside me. "I'll go back. I'll wear the leather band my mother gave me. I'll keep the kids safe."

  "But for how long?" asks Kaden. "Your power keeps growing. Right now, you seem a Broken One while wearing the band. How long until you seem a full Ashlord?"

  "What will you do," I ask, "if I don't join you?"

  He holds my eyes with his, his face chiseled from stone. "Traditionally, I would have to kill you, but I won't do that. Not to you. However, consider what will happen if you don't come with me. Even if by some miracle you don't lose control of your powers, it will only be a matter of time before another Ashlord finds you. And I promise, they will not be as considerate as I am."

  I bite my lip and frown. "Maybe I'll fight them off."

  "You wouldn't even know how to enter their sanctuary. You would never be able to kill them."

  "So what then? My only choice is to die or go with you? To train somewhere to be this thing you call an Ashlord?"

  "Put simply, yes. Come with me to the Cliff, and train to be an Ashlord. It's your only chance of saving Kara someday. Or don't, and wait here to die, hoping you don't hurt anyone before you do."

  This choice seems like no choice at all, but I must consider everything. What will happen to Caleb and Kyle if I leave? How do I keep them safe then?

  I look to the gravestone... a sick reminder of the lives that hang in the balance of my decisions. "If this is my sanctuary, why do I have two gravestones here?"

  "It's not uncommon. Usually, they represent the number of times your physical body has died."

  That takes a moment to sink in, and I step back, shocked. "So you mean, I've died twice?"

  He shrugs, as if this is all very normal. "It appears so. The first time must have been when you were young, if you can't remember, that is. And if that's true... you must have had your spirit for a long time. Rare, but not impossible. Some people are born Broken Ones, you know. Kara was one. I suspect it's why Pike wanted her."

  "Kara... how?" And then I remember her traumatic birth... how the effort ended up killing my mother.

  "Of course," continues Kaden. "As I said before, a Broken One has not yet bonded with a spirit. Often doesn't until they reach adulthood. But there are a few exceptions. Like you, apparently."

  "What does Pike want with her?" I ask. "What does Pike want with my baby?"

  "I don't know," he says. "We've never found a child he's taken. But he always takes them alive. One would assume he's keeping them somewhere, but for what purpose, I do not know. You could help us find out. If you came with me."

  He's good at the bait, I'll give him that. "All these things you don't know. How am I ever supposed to get Kara back, even with your help?"

  "Just because something hasn't been done yet, doesn't mean it can't be done. I'm not one for giving up, and I suspect you aren't either."

  No... My entire life I've kept going, even when some days all I've wanted to do is give up... but I keep going... for them... for Kyle and Caleb and Kara. For my mum.

  I sigh, knowing I have very little choice in this. "Tell me what I have to do. How do I get out of here?"

  Kaden rolls a silver coin over his knuckles, the metal glinting in the sun. "It's a lot like waking up, actually. You just have to decide to do it."

  I close my eyes and imagine this place a dream. I think of home... of days cuddled up on the couch with Caleb, Kara in my arms, Kyle sitting next to us on the floor as we watch an old movie together and eat buttered popcorn.

  I open my eyes... and nothing has changed. The trees still sway around me, the gravestones cast their shadows.

  I sigh, letting my head fall, and then I see my hand... breaking apart like burning paper... specks drifting off in the wind.

  "Good," says Kaden, a smile in his voice. "You're learning. When you get back, remember my offer. I must leave soon, and if you wish to have a chance of saving Kara, you must leave with me."

  I nod, and then my body turns to nothing.

  Twelve

  Death Be Not Proud

  I wake up on wet asphalt still covered with my blood. I check my body for severed parts, but it seems that once again I am whole. Everything is healed... physically at least. My heart is still bleeding out. My daughter is gone.

  I call for her, but I know Pike took her somewhere I can't hope to reach on my own. Somewhere not of this world. And then I remember Kyle, and I jump up and run back to the house.

  It's as if no time has passed. He is laying on the grass with Kaden, who stretches to help him up. There's an angry burn covering Kyle's right arm, and tears stream down his face. He clenches his jaw, groaning in pain. "It'll be okay," I tell him, as I lead him into the house. I examine the wound, and it's not as bad as I first thought. "We need to run it under cold water, then put clean bandages on it."

  I tell Kaden where to get my first aid kit as I take care of Kyle. "Where's Caleb?" I ask, trying to distract him from the pain as the cold water wakes up all the nerves in his arm.

  "Sleeping," he hisses through his teeth. "Sky, what happened?"

  He glances at the blood in the kitchen. At Pat passed out and missing a hand.

  "Don't look." I say. "Let's just take this a moment at a time. Keep your arm under water. I'm calling this in, okay?"

  He nods and I step away and use my phone to first call 911, then Blake. I make a tourniquet for Pat's arm, to stem the blood flow. I find his hand and put it in one of the kids' lunch coolers with some ice, hoping it's not too late to save it. I have no idea how much time has passed through all this. There's too much to do and only one of me. I don't know how to help everyone. I don't know what to do about Kara. I'm lost.

  Kaden returns in a flash with clean bandages, and I dress Kyle's wounds and lay him on the couch with an ice pack on his forehead and some pain pills to take the edge off. "Stay here. Don't move. Don't look at anything. We'll get through this."

  He grunts, and I know when he's recovered from this he'll have questions, but for now, he's too out of it to notice that his baby sister is missing. That Pat could be dying. That I did die, but somehow didn't.

  Death be not proud... the first line of an old sonnet by John Donne flits through my mind, and I can't recall why I know it—likely from an old English class, but the words settle into me, helping me process what I just went through in a way my own words can't. "Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me." Death. The one thing you can't walk away from. And yet I did. I walked away from death. Death cannot kill me.

  A strange euphoria stirs in me, and I'm torn between this indestructible power I feel, and the pain and grief of losing my child. What is happening? Nothing makes any sense in my mind, but somehow, I still have to operate in the human world, with human rules and human laws.

  The paramedics arrive with the police. They triage my stepfather and brother, getting them settled into the vans as Blake arrives.

  "I have to go with Kyle," I tell the police, who have questions I can't answer. Kaden stays, surprising me. His hand rests on my back, his eyes unreadable. Blake looks to me, then him, his face full of confusion.

  "What's happening, Sky? Who's he?" There are questions beneath those questions, and I know it. He knows it.

  "I can't explain everything now. Will you go with Kyle? Keep him safe? Caleb is still sleeping."

  He nods, then kisses my forehead. He side-eyes Kaden again, then leaves with Kyle in the ambulance.

  The police question me and Kaden. He answers more than I do, and seems to know how to navigate human procedures. A missing person's report is filed. An ABP put out for a man matching Pike's description.

  All the things that a cop in this town can do are done, and none of them will be enough. They're wasting their ti
me, but I can't tell them that.

  Dean, of course, is one of the officers taking my statement, and he can't seem to stop himself from glaring at Kaden. "Who are you again?" he asked, several times.

  Each time Kaden patiently explained he was a 'good friend' of mine in from out of town. Surprisingly, he was able to provide proper identification and an address located in Swords, England. I raised an eyebrow at that, but said nothing.

  Eventually they left, though I could tell Dean didn't want to leave me alone with Kaden. I would have laughed, if my heart hadn't been so broken.

  And so here we are. The two of us. I've checked on Caleb at least six times, but he's sleeping peacefully. I woke him once to make sure he wasn't in a coma, and he moaned about being tired and fell back into bed. I kissed his cool forehead and pulled the blankets more snugly around him, tucking him in for what would likely be the last time.

  The sun is starting to rise, and I can't believe how long I've been awake, and how much has happened.

  I died.

  And now I live.

  And Kara is gone.

  My mother knew this would happen. Or at least, something like this. But how? Why? I need to know.

  Kaden picks up his coat and slides it on and says he has to leave. "I have a few things to handle. But tonight, we must leave. Meet me at this address," he says, handing me a slip of paper with the name of a winery in Healdsurg. "By the fountain. I'll wait as long as I can. If you don't come, worse things could happen to you and your family."

  "Are you threatening me?"

  He frowns. "No. Some might say I've lost my edge around you, that I'm failing at my job by giving you an option. But I believe people are capable of making the right choice, and in so doing, they have more power on their path." He looks deeply into my eyes. "I hope I'm not wrong about you."

  I watch him walk away, and I pull my sweater around me as a sharp wind digs into my skin. "You're not," I whisper, though I know he can't hear. But still, his head tilts, and he looks back, just once, and just for a moment, and I wonder if maybe he did hear, because there's a small smile on his face, before he turns away once again.