By the end of the day, I'm sweaty, dirty, sore and exhausted. I'm also the happiest I've been in a long time.
The three moons are out, though two are already waning and my stomach rumbles from hunger, but first I must bathe. I skip the baths inside the manor, figuring they likely haven't even been filled yet, and head out to a lake I remember seeing on the property.
I bring a change of clothes and a towel, and do a cursory inspection to make sure I'm alone. Then I strip off all my clothes and walk into the water.
The shock of cold hits me first, causing goosebumps to appear all over my body. But then my body sinks into the dark depths, the moons reflecting off the surface, the air cool and clean, the sound of water trickling and crickets serenading the night with their unique song. I suck in my breath and submerge my head.
I use a washcloth to rub the dirt and grime from my body and wash my hair, then dive back in and swim, letting the long strokes carry me further into the lake.
I don't know how long I stay in, laying on my back staring at the moons and stars, my breath even and regulated, my heart calm, even with its new and different beat. Instead of lub dub, lub dub, my heart not beats to lub lub dub, lub lub dub. I don't understand the change, or how or why it is even possible, but I can hear and feel the difference. And now, I lay naked in the lake, listening to my own heart, feeling the newness of it. Lub lub dub. Lub lub dub.
A splash of water pulls me out of my reverie, and I lurch to my side, throwing myself off balance. My face is submerged under water, and I pull out, right myself and spit out water I inhaled.
Then, a face appears before me, bobbing on the top of the water like an apple, the moon casting him in silhouette. "I thought I was alone," Kaden says.
"So did I," I reply.
As he swims closer, his face catches the moonlight. He looks ethereal in the water, in the night, with the moons, and for a moment I feel as if we are in a dream, dancing on water and moonbeams.
"You did a good job on the stables," he says, which makes me want to laugh, because what kind of line is that right now, right here. But he is Kaden. And I am me. And this is all we know how to say to each other. All we know how to speak.
But I want things to change. And so… I change it.
I drift my body closer to him, filling in the gap between us, and under the moons, with lake water dripping over our faces, I kiss Kaden Varis.
And this time, neither of us pulls away, and no one interrupts us.
Thirty-Three
Dragoneyes Manor
It takes us a fortnight to get the manor in reasonable living condition. But by the night of the Mother Moon—where one moon is full and the other two are crescent—we are ready to celebrate our achievements with a small feast and copious amounts of locally brewed mead and a sweet wine that comes from further north.
"My family owns the vineyard that this wine is from," Landon tells us, holding up his goblet.
Mabel raises her eyebrow. "It's delicious. And pretty popular in these parts. Is that where their money comes from?"
Mabel is always interested in where the money is, but I don't blame her. Even at my poorest in Ukiah, I still had a roof over my head and food. She's gone through some hellish experiences living on the streets, and I'm sure I haven't heard all her stories. The ones I've heard are fodder for nightmares on their own.
The Great Hall feels less drafty, with a fire blazing, fresh tapestries hung on the walls, rugs on the stone floor, and candles and sconces lit throughout. There's a warm glow that settles on us as we occupy one of the tables. It's covered in large platters of food. Meats spiced and cooked with fat drippings, fresh vegetables from a local farm, salad, fruit, fruit pies, chocolate tortes, nuts and berries, spicy soups and fresh baked bread dripping with hand churned butter. My mouth waters. We were fed at the Cliff, of course, but nothing like this.
The eight of us sip our drinks, and sink our teeth into various delectables as the Keeper and little Appleseed flit in and out removing things and bringing new things. I sit next to Kaden, our knees touching. Each touch between us sends an electrical current up my spine, and I love it. The last few weeks have been magical. Between seeing the manor turned from a dump into a truly beautiful home, to stealing kisses with Kaden in between work shifts and training, I've enjoyed every minute of our time here so far. Part of me wishes we could stay this way forever, but beyond this little bubble are other terrors we must eventually face.
Just not tonight.
I look around the table at my friends. At Landon and Zev talking quietly about something, heads close. Bix is telling Mabel a story with a lot of guffawing and banging his goblet down, splashing mead over Mabel's hand at one point. She doesn't seem to mind though. He's a good distraction from what must be an awful sadness about Enzo.
Raven sits quietly, as always, eating small bites of her food. Phoenix is talking to her, trying to draw her out, but Raven only answers in brief nods or mono-syllabic responses. Still, she's here. Amongst friends. Amongst family.
I smile at Kaden and his face transforms from hard and determined to a radiant kind of joy when he smiles back. I love that face.
"It's been a long time since this manor held so much laughter," Phoenix says, a melancholy in her voice.
Kaden's smile fades, and his eyes take on a far-away look. "Alec was with us then."
"You lived here before?" I ask.
Phoenix nods. "Before so many of our squad members died, this was our home." She tells stories of what it was like back then. What Alec was like. How close they all were. And I learn more about Phoenix herself. About her deep loyalty to those she loves. I can see she would do anything for Kaden.
We stay up late. Drinking. Talking. Singing. Telling stories. I learn about more legends and old tales that children on this world grew up hearing. Dragon stories, mostly. I store it all to memory, and think about the library Zev did a remarkable job restocking and repairing. I don't know how he managed it, but he's acquired a collection of books that would make Master Orcael green with envy. I'm excited to peruse the selection and see what more I can learn about the world I was born to.
Kaden squeezes my knee under the table then stands. "Tomorrow we have an early morning. Your official Ashknight training begins. Don't stay up too late."
He gives me a knowing look and takes his leave. I wait as long as I can, engaging in conversation with Bix and Mabel and laughing at a weird joke Bix tells.
When enough time passes, I stand, excusing myself.
Everyone but Phoenix nods then returns to their conversations.
But Phoenix follows me with her eyes as I leave the Great Hall and head to the Solar. But where I should turn right to my quarters, I turn left. To Kaden's.
It's not that we're trying to keep it a secret. I'm sure everyone knows something is going on between us. It's a tight group and we're always together. Mostly we want to explore this on our own. Privately. Discreetly. Before 'coming out' with anything big. It's all still so new for us, despite how long we've known each other. And technically, what we have is all we're allowed, in the Order of Ash. Dalliances. Physical comfort. Nothing more.
At first I was worried it would ruffle feathers with Phoenix, but Kaden assured me it isn't like that between them and never has been. Friends only, he said. Like brother and sister.
Still, brothers and sisters can be proprietary too, and I see how she looks at me when I'm with Kaden. Something about our relationship doesn't sit well with her, and I don't know what, if not jealousy.
As I reach his door, I push away those thoughts and focus on only one thing, enjoying another night with the man I'm falling in love with.
The man I've maybe always been in love with.
I push the door open and Kaden is standing with his back to me, shirtless. I suck in my breath and close the door behind me as he turns and smiles, then pulls me into his arms.
The next morning comes too early. Kaden and I are entwined in each other's limbs when he w
akes me with a kiss on my forehead. "It's time," he says.
I yawn and untangle myself from him. It's still dark outside, and I sigh. "Can't we at least wait until sunrise?"
He chuckles. "Half the day would be wasted then."
I groan and roll my eyes. "How do you get up at this time every morning without an alarm?"
"Discipline and training," he says.
After another kiss, this one longer, deeper… I leave his room to get ready for the day.
Breakfast is waiting for us downstairs, and bleary eyed and slightly hungover we all suck down tea and nibble on biscuits and eggs before heading to the training arena.
Kaden and Phoenix stand before us. The sun is only barely beginning to illuminate the arena.
"Today you're going to learn about Sanctuary," Kaden says. "Specifically, the importance of it, and how to enter each other's Sanctuary."
My mind flashes to my fight with Pike. To dying. To Kaden meeting me in my Sanctuary. Cold sweat breaks out on my skin. I haven't thought of that day in some time.
His eyes hold mine in understanding as he continues. "As you know, it is very hard to kill an Ashknight or Ashlord." He taps his chest, where his dragon heart lives. "We are immortal now. We will not die a natural death, but we can be killed. A dragon can kill us instantly. It is believed they have the power to kill us both in our physical form and in Sanctuary at the same time. We don't know how or why. But that's not the only way we can die. If the person you're fighting knows how to enter Sanctuary, they can enter yours and kill you there if they've weakened or killed your body. So you must learn how to do this, and how to defend yourself within it."
He paces in front of us. "You will each be assigned a partner and you will practice with them. You will take turns entering each other's Sanctuary and sparring. Since your bodies are healthy and you are not dead, you will not be overly harmed in Sanctuary, but be careful. This isn't the time to let all your powers loose. You are more vulnerable in Sanctuary than anywhere else."
He breaks up the teams, assigning Landon and Zev together, Bix and Mabel. I expect to get Raven, but Phoenix takes her, leaving me with Landon. I smile in relief.
"I figured you wouldn't want someone else in there, after what happened before," he says by way of explanation.
I nod. "Thank you."
I'm shaking as we begin. We sit cross legged in front of each other, and he gives instructions to the whole group as he faces me. "Close your eyes and let your body relax. Connect physically with your partner to help with this initial phase. Eventually you will not need to be touching."
His hands take mine. They are warm and dry, and mine are cold and damp. He squeezes them in comfort.
"Slide deeper into your Spirit, and if you stay calm and observe, you will see a light in the center of your being. This is how you access Sanctuary. Everyone's light will be different, but you will all have one."
I see mine. It's a light blue and glowing. I reach for it mentally, and step into it. Kaden's voice is faint, as if he's talking from very far away. I hear him telling us to go into our Sanctuary and explore, then come back out.
My Sanctuary has changed, as if seasons have passed. It is fall, with golden and red leaves falling from trees. It smells of pumpkin spice and corn mazes. My eyes wander through the space, then I find that light again and come out, my hands still clutched by Kaden's. His eyes are already open when I open mine.
"You okay?" he asks.
I nod.
"Next," he says to everyone, "you will take turns finding each other's Sanctuary and joining your partner in theirs. No fighting just yet. Explore. Talk. And then leave."
Kaden already knows how to enter mine, so he encourages me to enter his. This time I have to focus on his energy. It's harder, but not as hard as I expected. He is glowing a soft orange light, and as I reach for it, I slip in.
"You did it quickly," he says. He's sitting on the top of a cliff overlooking a lake and mountains. There are birds flying above and a deer drinking from the lake below.
"I guess my Spirit knows you well," I say, sitting beside him. I lean my head against his shoulder and he kisses the top of my head as I say, "It's beautiful here."
"Not always," he says. "Our Sanctuary is our inner mirror. In times of great anger or turmoil, Sanctuary changes."
I shudder as I try to imagine what that would look like. "Wouldn't dying have made mine ugly then?"
"It could have. But at the core, you are a peaceful person. Even in the worst of it, your heart is pure and good." He lifts my face to look at me. "It's part of what I love about you."
"It is?" My heart is beating too fast, and butterflies swarm my stomach.
"It is. I love you, Sky. I shouldn't, but I do."
I melt against him. "I love you too, Kaden."
He doesn't explain why he feels he shouldn't love me, and I don't ask. Things are complicated. But I don't care. I'll take it. I thought I could protect my heart by keeping it closed off to love, but Kaden snuck in, and now I realize that we only cripple ourselves when we close ourselves to love. To family. To community. We humans are not islands. We need each other.
I reluctantly return to my own body, but what was said stays in my heart, and I'm smiling when we open our eyes.
We are about to do this again, switching partners, when a black messenger raven flies over us and toward the manor.
Kaden sees it and frowns.
It doesn't take long before little Appleseed runs out and hands Kaden a small slip of paper. Kaden reads it, his brow furrowing.
"A local village is under attack and needs our help. They say that a Corrupted Spirit is killing the children and animals. We must leave now. Everyone, ready your horses and plan to be gone a few days."
Thirty-Four
Corrupted One
Kaden gives us more details on the way. It turns out we are heading to the same village we went to for Mabel's sister's wedding.
"You okay?" I ask Mabel as we ride side by side. The weather has warmed in recent months, inviting an early summer into the usually cold lands. I shrug off my cloak as sweat pools under my arms.
She shrugs. "I haven't heard from her in some time. I just hope she's well, and not one of the victims."
"The message made it sound like mostly children were targets," I say, though this is hardly a comfort.
"I… I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in my life. To survive. To get out of the slums." Mabel glances at me, and I nod to show I'm listening and not judging. "But I'm not ashamed of anything I did that helped my little sister start an honest life for herself. I did my best to protect her from the life I had to live."
"I understand," I say, thinking back to my life. "I suffered a lot to protect my kids. And still, I lost my little girl. It seems no matter what we do, or how much we sacrifice, we can't control the fates of those we love."
As pep talks go, this one fails miserably, but there is a shared camaraderie in the pain we've both suffered trying to take care of the people we love most.
We arrive late in the day, with the sun low and heavy in the sky. Our horses are hot and thirsty and so are we. We stay at the nicest inn this time, the one we ended up in after standing up to the Shadows. The inn keeper's son takes over care of our horses while we make our way in. A plump woman stands behind a well-worn counter. Her weathered hands polish a spot with a dirty rag, but it's clearly a nervous gesture, not an effective one. She is a homely woman in most respects, except for her eyes. They are hazel with hints of green, and in them I see the young woman she must have been once upon a time, with her own hopes and dreams and desires. I wonder what her younger self would think of her current life. She looks up when we approach and greets us somberly.
"Wish we'd be seeing ya on brighter occasion," she says in the thick accent that's common in these parts. "A pleasure having ya here for the wedding before. Sure did make that occasion a better 'un." She stretches the word 'occasion' like she's just learned it.
&nbs
p; She narrows her eyes at Kaden and Phoenix when she spots them. "Don't recognize these two though. And missing another one, aren't ya?"
"You've a good memory," I say, taking the lead, since she remembers me. "This is Kaden and Phoenix, Ashlords who are part of our squad now that we're Ashknights. We're missing Enzo, who didn't make it through training."
A deeper sorrow fills us all as we reflect on our last time here, drinking and talking and getting to know each other. It was our first real breakthrough as a squad. As friends.
The woman, Alba, I remember now, nods. "It does be the way of things, the changing and the coming and the going of folks. Well, your rooms be ready with fresh linen and water. I'll expect you want to freshen and wet your lips before talking to the town council? Everyone's a flutter about the happenings lately. Monstrous beasts stealin' our youngin'. Men sent out to hunt them and never coming home. Whole village is in uproar about it. Had a meeting we did. That's when I suggested calling you. You'd done us so much good before, figured you could help again."
I nod. "Thank you for the accommodations, and yes, if we could take a moment to freshen up from our travels, then we'd very much like to talk to everyone who knows anything about what happened. The sooner we can figure out what's going on, the safer you all will be."
This inn is far superior to the one we started with on our last trip here so long ago, and I'm pleased to see the rooms are still relatively well-cared for. A minimum amount of bugs and dust and spider webs. Water that is mostly fresh. It will do.
I splash water over my face and change my tunic into something not covered in road dust, before joining my squad downstairs.
Kaden and Phoenix are sitting, heads bent low together, talking in whispers. Everyone else is already drinking and eating. I sit across from Kaden and take a deep drink of the watered-down mead to wash the dust out of my throat. "So, what next?"
Of Dreams and Dragons Page 28