Dark Heart Rising

by Lee Monroe

  ‘You didn’t?’ Soren was alert now. He looked like a fox. Angular, keen.

  ‘No. Because it’s not real, is it … ?’ I felt my thoughts blurring. ‘It’s just a trick.’

  Then Soren started saying something. I lifted my eyes and saw his mouth opening and closing, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I put my palms on the table and pushed my chair back – the sound of the chair-legs scraping against the wooden floor was piercing. My head thumped. With an enormous effort, I rose from my seat.

  ‘I’m just going to the ladies’ room …’ I murmured. ‘Don’t go away …’

  As if in slow motion I turned, saw the waitress looking bemused, her hands on her hips, and then the floor moved and my feet struggled to follow it.

  ‘Jane?’ I heard someone say. ‘Jane, are you OK?’

  I nodded, and my head seemed to weigh a tonne. It felt horrible. My limbs started to feel disconnected. How could I possibly be so drunk on just one glass of champagne?

  And then the lights dimmed. The last thing I saw before darkness fell was long legs in dark jeans standing in front of me. And nothing there when I put my hands out for help.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The sun was scorching as I ran through the corn field. The heads rasping against my hands, stinging. But a rush of adrenaline kept away any stinging, any pain. I saw it in the distance. Pretty rose bowers framing the gate. I saw people inside. Familiar faces.

  As I came closer, I saw long dark hair in a loose braid, and a grey tunic. She was playing ball up against the garden wall, but she heard me breathing and turned as I reached her.

  ‘You?’ Her eyes were wide with shock, but a smile caught her mouth.

  ‘Dalya!’ I knew I sounded weird. Hysterical, maybe. I was just so happy to see her.

  She took a step towards me, her face brightening, her hands outstretched, but as I reached out to take them a shadow fell across her face.

  ‘You shouldn’t have come here,’ she said sadly. ‘There are people—’

  ‘Shhh.’ I put my finger to my lips.

  Dalya picked up her ball, turning it over in her hands. ‘Let’s go to the Water Path,’ she said. ‘It’s nice there. Peaceful. Remember?’

  ‘Dalya,’ I said quietly, ‘it’s all right. You don’t have to protect me.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘There is nothing I can do.’

  I shook my head. ‘It will be fine. Luca would never leave me. Not after everything. He wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘You don’t understand. You mortals never really do.’ Dalya sank on to the grass, plucking an ear of corn and stroking the rough spiky hub with her fingertip. ‘Luca is promised to her. Once the decision has been made. He will abide by it. He will make the best of it.’

  ‘Oh.’ I dropped to my knees, feeling a wave of pain come over me. ‘He is so honourable.’

  ‘I wish it wasn’t so,’ she whispered.

  ‘Dalya!’ Henora’s voice rang through the hubbub the other side of the garden wall. ‘Where are you, child?’

  Dalya tossed the corn on the ground and lifted her head. Her eyes, big and dark, searched mine.

  ‘I must say goodbye now.’ Her voice caught and I thought I saw the hint of tears in her eyes. She took my hand and gripped it in her own smooth pale one.

  ‘Dalya!’ This time the voice was male. Dalya and I locked eyes in panic, but it was too late.

  Footsteps advanced to where we were sitting. I swallowed. Half of me triumphant, the other half frightened.

  Now that I was here. I felt so insignificant.

  ‘Dalya, go back inside. Henora is nagging about you to anyone who’ll listen.’

  Not looking at me, Dalya got to her feet and walked stiffly back through the garden gate.

  Leaving us alone together.

  ‘Why did you come back?’ My heart contracted at the dull tone to his voice. He wasn’t pleased to see me. He sounded … annoyed.

  I looked up at him, standing so familiar: willowy, strong, lean. His floppy brown hair cut short, his green eyes a little lifeless.

  ‘I came back for you,’ I said. My voice sounded weak and distant. ‘I thought—’

  ‘You thought I would change my mind. That I could pretend I don’t have to do this.’

  Have to do this. A little hope stirred inside me. He doesn’t want to, he has to, I thought.

  ‘I don’t know. I suppose I didn’t think …’ I stood now, remembering how tall he was. Wanting so badly to press myself against him, bury my head into his chest and feel his strong hands stroking my back.

  For a moment I saw him waiver. I saw a tremble in his cheek and his eyes flickered. His wide soft mouth seemed to be struggling to stay set, stern.

  ‘Luca?’ I moved cautiously closer, my heart pounding.

  ‘Dearest, don’t disappear. You can’t leave me alone with all these strangers.’

  The garden gate creaked open and behind Luca glimpsed a full-skirted kind of cocktail dress, a low bodice, smooth honey skin, and silky blonde hair in a pretty chignon.

  Even from this distance I saw her green eyes – green like his.

  Luca’s own eyes shut, as though he were in pain, then snapped open again quickly. The light had gone out of them again, I noticed.

  ‘I’m coming, Lila,’ he told her, turning and smiling. ‘This young woman has lost her way.’ He kept his head turned. He didn’t see the hurt in my face.

  Somehow my pride took control of the situation.

  ‘Yes,’ I said briskly, ‘thank you for your help … I’ll be on my way.’

  I moved quickly, before my brain caught up with what had just happened, before the horrible finality of Luca’s behaviour bored a hole into my heart.

  ‘You’ll be OK.’ Luca’s voice betrayed a tiny note of regret, and he had stated a fact rather than asked a question.

  ‘Yes,’ I said as brightly as I could, ‘of course.’

  In front of me stretched the muted yellow of the corn field, and beyond that a patch of tall green trees. I focussed on them, picking up speed bit by bit until I was running, forcing through the heavy corn, ignoring the tears forging uncontrollably down my face.

  ‘Jane!’ I felt a rush of breath coming up through my throat and my eyes flashed open. ‘Are you all right?’ Soren’s hand took hold of my wrist. He pulled me up. Confused, I looked around me. His canvasses leaning up against walls, a cold draught coming through the windows. I seemed to be lying on an ancient sofa. A chaise longue. I leaned back on my elbows.

  Soren held out a glass of water. ‘Drink,’ he ordered.

  I took the water and swallowed the whole lot in one go. I felt a bit more human at least.

  ‘What day is it?’ I asked, taking in Soren’s bright almost-black eyes. With a sharp pain I remembered the field, and running, miserably, away from Luca.

  Soren sighed. He shrugged off his jacket and tried to put his arm around me.

  ‘You got a little … drunk,’ he said. ‘I apologise. I didn’t think a little champagne would have such an effect.’ He tucked my hair behind my hair.

  ‘I had a dream,’ I said. ‘But it didn’t feel like a dream. It was so clear. I can remember everything.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Soren studied my face. ‘A dream.’

  ‘I’ve had champagne before,’ I said. ‘I had it last Christmas. It was fine. I was fine. I don’t understand.’

  Soren chewed his lip and his eyes flickered away from me. All of a sudden his face looked so pale against the black of his hair, his cheekbones more angular.

  I felt a cold feeling run through me. I couldn’t explain it. I shut my eyes. I had had this feeling before, the last time I was with Evan … I had not realised then how dangerous he was until it was nearly too late. Maybe I had trust issues, but Soren was hiding something.

  ‘I have to get back. My grandmother will be so worried.’ I looked around, flustered, for my bag.

  ‘I called your hotel,’ Soren said calmly. ‘I explained you would b
e a little late back.’

  ‘But I want to go back now,’ I said. I wanted to see Granny. She was safety.

  ‘Of course.’ Soren stood, running his hands through his hair. ‘I will take you back in a taxi.’

  ‘I don’t mean to be rude,’ I said, more apologetically. ‘It was fun. I think.’

  At this Soren laughed out loud.

  ‘I like you, Jane,’ he said. ‘You’re funny.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad you think this is amusing, Soren. I am never drinking alcohol again. It’s evil.’

  And then he sighed again, deeply, and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. I watched him, wondering what was going on.

  ‘OK,’ he said, addressing the ceiling light, ‘it is time for me to tell you the truth.’

  The chill returned. As if on cue, a gust of wind seemed to blow in, through what I saw now was a broken window.

  ‘What?’ My voice quavered and I crossed my arms around me, hugging myself.

  ‘I took you back,’ he said. ‘I took you back to find him … I’m sorry.’

  ‘Sorry?’ I frowned.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, a half-smile on his face. ‘You know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘I …’

  ‘To Nissilum,’ he went on. ‘To your beloved Luca.’ He paused. ‘It didn’t go quite as I thought. I guess I underestimated the boy.’

  My heart felt like a butterfly in my chest.

  ‘I knew there was something off about you,’ I breathed. ‘You’re telling me you’re one of them … What do you want from me?’ I knew my voice sounded panicky and scared. ‘Are you a werewolf?’

  Soren said nothing, simply looked at me.

  I put my hands to my face. ‘I really was there. It wasn’t just a horrible dream. It actually happened.’ I glared at him. ‘How could you play with me like that!’

  And in the moment of silence that followed, another tonne of questions rolled through my head.

  ‘Answer me then? Who are you?’

  Soren’s smile was calm, infuriating me further.

  ‘Stop it!’ I said angrily. ‘Stop scaring me. I thought you were—’

  ‘You thought what?’ Soren’s voice was more gentle now. He moved closer to me. ‘OK. You need not be frightened. You are not in danger. I came to find you here … in Paris, because I thought we could help each other.’ He paused before continuing. ‘Luca is about to marry the girl I have loved my whole life.’

  I sank down on to the chaise longue.

  ‘Lila,’ I breathed. ‘She’s the one?’

  He nodded sadly. ‘So. You see. This really is not about you. You have no reason to fear me. I am on your side. I thought that together we could reclaim what is meant for us.’ He paused. ‘I need you. Without your remaining link to Nissilum through Luca, I cannot get back there.’

  I looked up at him questioningly.

  ‘I have friends on Nissilum, who told me about you … I too can communicate through my dreams.’

  ‘Which friends?’ I narrowed my eyes, but he shook his head.

  ‘Just people I am still in contact with. I needed to find the link on Earth to get back to Lila. You are that link.’

  ‘Using me.’ I sighed.

  ‘Don’t you see? Your link with Luca is still strong,’ he said eagerly. ‘It means that Luca hasn’t let you go yet … If he had, I would never have been able to take you back … So whatever my motivation, this is a mutually beneficial arrangement.’

  My eyes lingered on him for a while. I still had a link with Luca. Luca hadn’t forgotten me. It was a glimmer of pathetic hope. I took a deep breath. ‘Well it hasn’t worked out so well so far, has it? Your clever little plan – it’s just made everything worse.’

  ‘There’s still time,’ Soren said slowly. ‘The wedding is not for a while yet.’

  ‘They don’t want me there. He doesn’t want me there.’

  ‘Who cares?’ Soren gave a short bark of a laugh. ‘They cannot stop you going … any more than they can stop me.’ He dropped his head, as though regretting speaking out, but I was still caught up in my own thoughts.

  I gazed down at the floor for a few seconds, my mind whirring, then lifted my head to look Soren in the eye.

  ‘You and I against the force of Henora’s will …’ I smiled sadly. ‘The force of family unity – I don’t see how we can possibly win.’

  Soren dropped to his knees in front of me. ‘Luca and Lila are not meant to be … whatever the highers intend. It will be a lifetime of regret and unhappiness.’

  I thought of Gabriel, tortured by his weakness, by his disloyalty to his own kind.

  ‘Maybe not.’ I lifted my head. ‘Maybe his family duty means more to Luca than me … in the end.’

  Soren’s lips curled in a gesture of disappointment.

  ‘I thought you were stronger than that,’ he said wearily. ‘I thought you would fight for him. Not just let him destroy his life.’

  ‘Well.’ I sniffed, a mass of conflicting feelings tumbling inside me. ‘You were wrong about that, I guess.’

  There was a silence and Soren got to his feet. I stayed looking down at the floor, unable to meet his eye.

  ‘I won’t give up,’ he said softly. ‘I will leave you to think about it.’

  ‘Wait,’ I said. ‘All this stuff – studying at the Sorbonne … your childhood in Hungary … is it all a lie?’

  ‘It’s complicated,’ said Soren. ‘Let’s just say it is partly true. I belong to this world as well as to Nissilum.’

  I lifted my head then. ‘So, you’re not a wolf? You’re mortal? I don’t understand.’

  Soren hesitated, putting his long pale hands in his jeans pockets. ‘I am whoever I choose to be,’ he said. ‘I came from there … but I am able to pass from this world to Nissilum, as long as I have a link. I can move from place to place.’

  ‘You’re an outcast,’ I guessed. ‘They threw you out of Nissilum.’

  He shrugged. ‘I suppose I am not quite “loyal” enough. I just couldn’t face a world where all my natural desires … all my dreams … are forbidden to me.’

  ‘So how would it ever work with you and Lila,’ I said, ‘if you can’t live with her?’

  ‘Lila wanted the same as me …’ he said, ‘until family got in the way.’

  I frowned, not really understanding what he meant by that. A figure of speech, I guessed.

  ‘Does it really matter what she wanted before?’ I asked. ‘She wants Luca now.’

  As I said the words, I felt the injustice of it all. It was cruel. A burst of anger shook me. I clasped my hands together, trying not show it.

  ‘Hmm.’ Soren paced the floorboards slowly. ‘I underestimated you, I think, also.’ He swung back to me. ‘Luca is a foolish boy. To give you up. You are strong after all.’ He gave a dry laugh, then spoke more gently. ‘To let the one you love go.’

  My eyes pricked with tears. Right then I didn’t feel strong. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice. But I knew there was no point in fighting … How could I win over Luca’s family, his obligations, his traditions?

  I bit my lip, not daring to speak.

  ‘If you change your mind,’ said Soren, ‘you only have to say my name and I will be with you.’

  I stared at him. Part of me wanted to do it. To go along with his plan. The other part felt it was too hopeless. This was beyond my power.

  Or was it?

  ‘I had an interesting time,’ I said, ‘meeting you. But now I just want to forget. I need to forget. Don’t you understand?’

  Soren looked at the clock above the studio door.

  ‘I’d better get you back to your grandmother,’ he said. He picked up his jacket and put it round my shoulders. ‘I am glad to have met you too.’ He gave me a wan smile. ‘I don’t feel as alone somehow.’

  ‘No,’ I took his hand. ‘Me neither.’

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘How are you feeling about college?’ Mum put a chicken in the oven and moved towards th
e kettle.

  ‘OK.’ I shrugged, leaning closer to the radio.

  Mum filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘Good to see you’re feeling better. Must be your grandmother’s magic touch.’ She smiled, glancing through the doorway then pulling out a chair to sit opposite me.

  I could tell she was trying to get me to talk, but I didn’t feel like it. I closed my eyes and hummed along to the track playing.

  Eventually I opened them again. My mother was staring at me, affectionately. It bugged me for some reason.

  ‘What?’ I said, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

  ‘Nothing.’ She gave a light little shrug. ‘I’m just glad all that stuff is over.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I hate to say this, because I know how strongly you felt for Luca … but it would never have worked. Not in the conventional way.’

  ‘Well, maybe I’m not conventional,’ I snapped.

  ‘OK!’ Mum held her palms out, defensively. ‘No need to bite my head off.’

  ‘Sorry.’ I sighed. ‘I’m just feeling a bit … you know …’

  ‘Yes. I do know. But you’re on the brink of such an exciting time. You’re going to meet so many new people. New boys …’ She reached out and took hold of my fingertips. ‘Boys who live in this world.’

  I sniffed. ‘Yeah. I know that …’

  ‘You’re a special girl. You’re right. Not conventional in the least. But, believe me, there are plenty of unconventional men out there. Flesh and blood, non shape-shifting, Earthly boys … Your father is one of them.’

  I laughed. ‘Dad?’

  ‘Yeah, your dad.’ Mum scratched at the vinyl tablecloth. ‘He’s uniquely reliable, and patient, and good. He’ll never let us down. He would never leave us.’ She paused. ‘I just know.’

  ‘Even if he found out about you and Gabriel?’

  She didn’t flinch. ‘He just wouldn’t understand … it would be too much. And none of that matters any more.’

  ‘But it means he doesn’t properly know you,’ I said. I knew I was being unfair to her but it was true.

  ‘Sweetheart. I’ll let you into a little secret. Sometimes it’s better that your husband doesn’t know everything about you. Sometimes, you need to keep some things to yourself. Things that have no bearing on your relationship.’