by A. J. Wells
“I hope so. I want us to be.” He’s so close, my back’s against the seat. He touches my arm and he’s shaking, but then so am I.
“Steve, you’re shaking again. Why?”
“I’m trying to control myself and it’s not easy. You’re shaking, too. Why?”
“I’m nervous. I don’t know how to act right now. You’ve been distant the last few times I’ve been around. I thought ya wanted some space so I let you have it. Now I don’t know what ya want.”
“I want ya to trust me. I don’t want ya to think I’m like the other guys you’ve known. I want you, but I don’t want to rush ya. It’s hard for me since I don’t know what to do. I want ya to understand I want to try with us without putting pressure on ya to sleep with me. I don’t know if it’ll work out between us, I can’t promise anything. But I want it to, so I’ll wait ‘til you’re ready.” He puts his hands under my arms and lifts me onto the seat and steps between my knees to hug me. “I won’t kiss ya,” he whispers into my hair, “we’d draw too much attention, because I never know if I can stop. I’ll wait for a more private time and you’ll have to make the move.” He kisses my temple and backs away, pushing my legs into the truck and closing the door. “’Bye.”
I watch him go to his truck. I’m shaking so hard I can hardly start mine, back out and head for home. When I get home I call Maria and we talk about what Steve’d said. When we hang up I shower and wonder if I trust Steve. Again, I fall asleep before I have an answer.
The next morning, I decide I need to talk to Mom. She hands me a cup of coffee when I show up in her kitchen for a talk. We talk for a while then she says, “Sher, there’s never any guarantees when it come to attraction, or love. It’s, take a chance, hope for the best and accept it as it is now. One thing for sure, you’ll get nowhere unless ya do.”
At the office I talk to Maria about what Mom’d said, but she has no answer for me, either, other than what we already know--Mom is a wise woman. Then our day begins with appointments and phone calls. Miss Lili doesn’t come to the office today. We actually close the office, go out for lunch and drive by the park. There’s a lot of activity there, but we don’t stop, we have to get back to the office.
At four o’clock the H.P. calls saying the papers to release the dogs will be dropped off tomorrow morning. I’m happy to hear it. I’ve had the dogs for over a month and I’ll have some of them left, but fewer dogs will be less work, less expense.
Maria and I are ready to print the posters for this week’s activities, but we don’t have them. I call the station and Bob answers, just the person I want to talk to. I ask him about the posters. He plans to drop them off on his way home. I ask if Maria can come by for them since they’re ready. He answers “Sure”, so I send Maria over for them. She’s gone for forty five minutes. She had a tour of the station while she was there and got kissed a time or two. Steve was napping. Bob said he hasn’t been sleeping very well.
We print the posters and close the office early to get them out. I let Maria go home early. I go back to the office to check messages, there are none, so I let the dogs out, close the office and go to the park. I help build four booths, before I have to leave. Back at the office, I think about what Mom’d said while I wait for the dogs. I call Maria to ask if I can stop by. She offers to feed me, too, so I go straight to her house, after locking up.
We talk about the “risks and the chances taken” involved in a relationship. We decide by taking chances we risk getting hurt, but we also risk finding someone to love and to love us back. The only way to know if the man involved can be trusted is to take the risk. We decide we should go in for birth control, before we take “some” chances. Maria says she’ll call tomorrow for our appointments.
I go home satisfied with our decision, whether, or not it’s necessary. I fall asleep imagining Steve with me.
I drive out to the falls tonight after dinner with Grams and Bob. I can’t get the picture of Sher skinny dipping in the creek outta my head. That was a close call. When she got outta the creek, but didn’t get dressed right away, I had a hard time leaving so I’d be back before her. Riding hard, I got turned around and didn’t make it. I can’t get her outta my head. I’m not sleeping very well, the pictures of her swimming playing and replaying. I wake up in a sweat and needing a cold shower. Thank goodness Grams’ bedroom and bathroom is downstairs. Bob’s upstairs with me and I’ve had to wait on him a few times in the middle of the night. I’m sure he’s taking cold showers, too.
I hear a truck drive up beside me and know it’s Bob without looking. I get out to sit in his truck, this time. He knows where to find me, but this is a favorite spot of his, too. We talk about the girls and he tells me he’s decided to ask Maria to marry him. I ask him if he thinks she’s in love with him. He doesn’t know, but he misses spending time with her. I know what he means, I have the same problem.
“I’ll be glad when the carnival’s over, I’ll get to spend more time with Maria and then I can figure out when to ask.”
“I know what ya mean. I need to figure out how I feel about Sher and her about me. I want to spend a lot more time with her. I don’t know how Grams is gonna take it, but I want as much time alone with Sher as I can get. I have a control issue when I kiss her, so she’s going to have to make the next move and I told her so last night. That way if it gets outta hand it’ll be because she made the move, and I won’t be rushing her. I just hope she doesn’t take too long. The dreams are getting to me.”
Bob chuckles, “I know what ya mean. I’m having the same problem, but you know that. We’ve each had to wait for the other to finish their cold shower to get our own. We’re a pathetic pair, aren’t we?” We laugh and stare out the windshield at the falls and the moonlight sparkling off the cascading water and the ripples it makes when it hits the pool. After a while we decide to go home and Bob follows me.
Maria and I meet at the door when we come in to work. As we’re cleaning the kennels, Maria remarks, “Thursday, two more days before the carnival. I’ll be glad when it’s over.” I have to agree.
Appointments and phone calls pass the time quickly, ‘til Miss Lili comes in with lunch. She sits down in a chair and making a whooshing sound, says how tired she is. I check her pulse and listen to her heart. All’s in rhythm, so I’m not worried about her. We eat in almost complete silence. Maria asks Miss Lili what’s left to be done, and Lili starts off with a groan.
The booths are being painted, electricity is being run to each booth, the dance floors are being built, tables and chairs are being hauled over and carriages are being delivered for the carriage rides today and tomorrow. The covered wagon will come in later today. We ask if she’s going to need help this afternoon. She admits she always needs help with a project of this size.
Then she launches into what good the money will do; windows and roofs for the storm victims; revenue for the crafters; advertisement for the shops and stores around and in Granite Bluff; and, help to spruce up the town and some of the houses. Maria and I look at each other and our guilt shows in our eyes. I ask Maria to check our schedule, there aren’t any appointments left. We let the dogs out and I talk to Maria. Would she like to help at the carnival this afternoon? She would and so would I, especially since Miss Lili is feeling the wear and tear of the work. We promised to back her up, to her and the guys. Now we need to put our money where our mouth is and deliver on our promise.
As we’re about to lock up the H.P. arrives with the papers that make the dogs mine. We tell the patrolman about the carnival, what it’s for and invite him to stop by Saturday or Sunday and to bring his friends and family. He goes with us to take a look at the park and remarks on how nice it looks. We tell him we’ll have a band and dancing starting at five, so he’s not to forget his girl.
I have to decide how I’m going to set up my booth and get that done tomorrow. But today, we’re going to help get this carnival as finished as possible. Maria and I find Miss Lili and tell her about the papers. Sh
e asks if José can stay ‘til Sunday or Monday. I let her know she can pick him up when she’s ready. We follow her around a bit ‘til she puts us to work painting our booth. Bob and Steve have already made a sign for it and there’s a fence around it for the dogs to run in. No kennels to arrange. Maria makes notes as to the supplies we’ll need and we get to work painting the booth the same bright green as the others. As we finish, Miss Lili rides up on her tricycle with another can of paint for us. She wants us to paint stripes on the booth. She wants each booth to be recognizable from a distance so the carnival goers can find their way back, should they want to.
When we finish we hunt Miss Lili down, to keep her in sight without her knowing we’re watching. She’s riding her tricycle around the park tending to business. We find out Miss Lili has called the out of town carnival merchants to come paint and decorate their booths today. She’s a more efficient planner than we thought, initially. Things are looking very nice, yet carnival-ish. We go over to the gazebo to sit and watch for a while. We’re tired from trying to keep up with Miss Lili. Maria notices the time and has to go. We find Miss Lili to tell her we have to go, but I’ll be back. Maria says she’ll be back if she can bring Shay. Miss Lili says the work is winding down so Shay should be okay. I go to the office to let the dogs out. Bob arrives before I get them in and kenneled. He came to get me. I’m needed at the park. We get the dogs taken care of and get to the park.
They decided to have a semi-circle dance floor and need help getting the last section of the floor in. Steve hands me a drill and a bag of screws telling me to screw down the boards that will form the dance floor to the forms underneath them. I take the screws and start on the floor. Steve and Bob watch for a minute to be sure I’m doing it right. I look up “I made props in the Drama Club, from high school through college.” They chuckle and walk away to work elsewhere. When Maria and Shay arrive, she goes to work helping me while Shay plays in the gazebo. In an hour, Maria and I have the floor finished and are looking for something else to do when Steve and Bob find us.
They compliment us on the floor and suggest we take a look around to see that everything looks good. Maria, Shay and I take a walk around the park. Everything’s neat and organized looking. The center of the park and west a bit is where the petting zoo and the pony ride will be, off setting the gazebo and the dance floor. Folded tables and chairs are leaning against the booths and awning frames, waiting to be set up tomorrow. Then Saturday morning only the products and animals need to be brought in and set up. Well, tomorrow is well in hand. Steve and Bob find us to ask us to supper and it’s a good thing, Shay’s complaining he’s hungry, even tho’ Maria gave him a snack before they came.
Bob picks Shay up, gets a big hug, and we walk to the trucks. Miss Lili’s tricycle is in the back of Steve’s truck tonight. She rides with us to Sal’s for pizza. We get through dinner, but Maria, Bob and Shay don’t stay long afterward, Shay’s falling asleep.
We take Miss Lili home and drop her off and Steve and I go back to the office to the dogs. He again holds me from behind and kisses the top of my head, but he says nothing. We watch the dogs, enjoying their playing and I’m watching them, making sure they’re doing okay. I took the bandage off the dog with the dislocated leg yesterday and she’s doing fine. The muscle and the joint has had time to strengthen.
I notice this time Steve isn’t shaking and I pat his arm. He steps closer and stands holding me, commenting about the dogs, seemingly content to keep things this way. Tomorrow at eleven I have an appointment for birth control and Maria’s is at ten thirty. We hope to switch off at the office and keep it open while we get what we need done. I know I’m not safe ‘til I have the pill, so I stand as I am. Steve’d said I have to make the next move to take this to the next step, and I will as soon as I’m safe to do that. We still have three more days to get through before we can even consider taking time to take risks.
After the dogs are kenneled and the office is locked, we say goodnight. Steve’s shaking again. He wants to kiss me, I can see it, and I want it, too, but I’m not ready to take that step, yet. We hug, get in our trucks and drive away, in separate directions. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day.
Friday morning Maria and I print up blank adoption papers for the dogs , except for their number and breed. We make sure they’re vaccinated and their collars have the tag on them. While Maria’s gone, I make up discounts for the dogs to be fixed at my clinic for twenty five dollars off and a ten dollar discount for the puppies’ vaccinations. That should help business some. Maria comes back from her appointment and I leave for mine.
I find out it takes about two weeks for the pill to be safe and “I have to wait ‘til the ‘right’ time of the month to start them,’period’.” I joke with Maria about the pills to hide my nervousness about what this step means. She admits she’s just as nervous.
Miss Lili comes in, bringing lunch with her. The joking is over ‘til she leaves. She says everything’s going great at the park. The carnival is almost finished and the vendors are all there taking charge of their booths. Signs are going up and everyone’s praising her for the effort it must’ve taken to organize the event. She’s beaming with confidence and pride.
We put the dogs away and have lunch. She goes on about the carnival and all the interesting things she’s seen this morning. The quilts, the jewelry, the toys, and so much more that are being kept in lockers ‘til the carnival. Maria and I are concerned about the boxes of things being kept there overnight, but Lili assures us she’s hired a couple of men to make sure everything’s safe. After a long lunch Miss Lili goes back to work. She says all the prep work is done so we aren’t needed to help this afternoon. We tell her we’ll be by to walk through the park just to look around. Miss Lili mentions the fire department will be cooking ribs, hamburgers and hot dogs at their booth.
Chapter 7
Maria and I close the office an hour early for a stroll through the park. Miss Lili is right, the carnival’s ready for tomorrow. There’re a few people here still setting up, but not many. Miss Lili isn’t here and neither are Steve and Bob. Maria and I walk around, liking everything we see so we leave. Maria goes home to get Shay for supper and I go to “Kim’s”, we’re having Chinese tonight, and fair food tomorrow. After supper we leave, Maria for home and I for the office to tend to the dogs.
The dogs want to play longer so I let them exercise as much as they want then put them away and leave. I call Maria when I get home and she hasn’t seen Bob. I get my shower and go to bed.
Saturday morning Maria and I hit the ground running. We put the box of paperwork in the seat of my truck and take as many dogs in kennels in one trip as we can. Maria transports three kennels and the food and water so I can handle the rest of them on the second trip while Maria and Shay stay at the park. The dogs cause quite a commotion at the carnival, all the vendors coming over to see them as we let them into the fenced area. Some saying they would be back to take one home. That’s when I realize we’d need leashes for them. I have Maria and Shay run over to the hardware store to buy forty leashes to go with the dogs.
I sit waiting for something to happen, anything, it didn’t matter what. I’m bored now that the vendors have all gone to tend to their booths. Maria comes back and I see Dad saddling the horses he’d brought, so I ask Maria to wait here while I help him.
He’s glad for the help and we talk for a while. He asks how everyone is. I tell him they’re all fine, as far as I know. He asks about Steve and I tell him Steve was fine night before last so I’m sure he’s fine now. Then he asks me, “Are you missing him?” I don’t know what to say, I haven’t thought about it. I’m at a loss for words. Dad continues, “Getting too involved too soon?”
I can answer that, “No. We’re not…involved, not that way anyway.”
“You’ve been spending a lotta time with him.”
“Not so much. An hour or so three or four times a week.”
“Has he kissed you yet? No, don’t s
ay anything, the blush answered for ya. Did ya like it? Again, I can see the answer on your face. So what’s the problem, another girl, ya don’t like the way he kisses, the way he eats, or you’re not ready to jump into bed with him?” I’m standing there totally flabbergasted with my mouth open. “Don’t look so shocked, I was young once. Maybe ya don’t like him enough to go that far. Maybe, you just miss spendin’ more time with your friend. No, that’s not it. Ya know how I know? I saw it on both your faces the day of the barbecue. So it’s you that has some kinda hang up. What’re ya gonna do about it?”
I’m still standing there with my mouth open. How and when did my parents get so smart? But Dad continues, “I suggest ya figure out your feelings, everyone else can see you two are just this side of the sheets, get some protection and cut the sexual frustration complication outta your lives. Now, if you’re not gonna finish saddlin’ that horse, move so I can. The carnival’ll be openin’ soon and I’d like to rest a bit before I’m leadin’ the horses around the rest of the day.”
I turn to finish saddling the horse and as I put the saddle on the horse I bust out laughing. Dad comes over, “Over the shock of what I said or that I said it?” I laugh harder and hug him, turn, fasten the belly strap and the cinch, turn back, thank him and hug him again. He kisses me on my head and hugs me back. “Send Maria and Shay over after the carnival starts and I’ll give him a ride.” I walk back toward my booth and Dad hollers after me “Glad I could help.” I turn and wave at him.
I’m laughing when I get back to my booth. Maria asks why and I tell her quietly, while Shay’s playing with the dogs. She laughs, “I guess that’s been our problem this whole time. Well, we’ll take care of that pretty soon. Were ya shocked to hear that come outta your Dad?”
“Absolutely. It was like hearing Santa Claus swear.” We laugh. We notice the carnival goers coming our way, so I tell Maria to take Shay over to Dad for a pony ride. She and Shay leave.