Untrusting (Troubled)

by A. J. Wells

  I stay, talking to prospective owners for the dogs. A few of the older dogs are taken by a couple of senior citizens. The kids want to play with the puppies and a few of them left with their family. Mid sized dogs seem to be popular today. They like finding out the dogs are pure bred and they’re free, or they can put a donation in the box. At two, Miss Lili comes over with burgers for us and stays with us to eat. A dozen dogs now have new owners. She suggests we advertise the fact the dogs are pure bred, that might get more of them taken. After lunch Maria goes to the hardware store for poster board and we make a sign with the words pure bred and list the breeds. It gets more attention.

  At five we hear the band start playing and see the elderly head toward the seats around the dance floor to listen to the music. The younger groups are still roving the carnival. I watch the passing munchers, drooling, as the most interesting smelling food passes by. I send Maria looking for supper. She comes back with a lotta food, all different. She got one of everything, except the burgers and dogs we had for lunch. We sit and gorge ourselves. Shay didn’t like some of it, but he liked enough that he got full. Bob comes by to see if Shay can go with him for a while, he’s been relieved by the other firemen and he plans to have a little fun. I let Maria to go with him, too. She has a son that needs some activity and a carnival is good for him and her with her boyfriend.

  I sit, talking to people and adopting dogs to many of them. I see Steve down the midway with a bunch of people and feel left out, but I have a responsibility to get these dogs a home, so I keep going. At six, Mom comes by and stays to help. At seven she tells me to take a break so I wonder around.

  Miss Lili wasn’t wrong, there are some beautiful things here. I don’t buy anything, but I look. I wander to the gazebo, but there’s no one dancing. I’m pissed. I spent all that time making that dance floor and not for nothing. I expect it to be used. I wonder over to the seats and ask one of the senior citizens to dance, and he accepts. Soon the dance floor fills up. After two dances, I excuse myself and go back to my booth. Mom’s there with Maria and Shay. There’re fifteen dogs left. I’m surprised so many of them are gone. Mom says several people, that were by earlier, had come back for puppies. I’m glad they did.

  Now I have to get back to the office with the last of the dogs so I can bring them back tomorrow. I start getting the remaining dogs into the kennels to put in my truck to take back for the night. Mom stops me, “Sorry to see them go aren’t ya?”

  “Actually, I’m glad they have good homes and that means less work for me.”

  “Then why are ya crying?”

  “Am I? I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired. I’ve been at this all day today and a good bit of the last week. Maybe I need about two days of sleep, or piece and quiet, or something. I don’t know.”

  “By the way, I have to tell ya what Dad said to me today.” I tell her and she laughs.

  “That’s what I was getting at the other day, but I have a mother’s ‘saintly moral status’ to uphold.” She laughs when my mouth drops open like it did when Dad said it. “Sheralyn, we were young and sexually frustrated at one time. We didn’t have “the pill”, but we had our ways of taking care of things when they came up.” When my mouth drops open a little further, she laughs, again. “I didn’t mean to make a dirty comment, but it does seem to fit, doesn’t it?” She grabs me and hugs me laughing hard. Then she pushes me toward the dogs and the remaining kennels, shutting my mouth as we walk with her arm around my shoulders and her hand under my chin.

  Another pickup pulls up behind mine and starts putting empty kennels into the back. I look up to see Steve. “How’d ya do? I see you’ve got a lotta empty kennels.”

  “There’s only fifteen of them left outta forty. We did very well.” Bob comes over to help and asks about Maria. I tell him I’d sent her home, Shay’s frazzled. He helps ‘til all the kennels are in one of the trucks and says he’s going to see if his best girl can come out dancing with him. The band’s staying ‘til midnight tonight. Dad has joined us and he and Mom are going toward the music, saying I should come back and join them for a while. I tell them I will and drive away.

  Steve follows me back to the office and we unload the kennels and the dogs. “Poor mama dog, you haven’t been out all day.” I say as I open her kennel. The puppies are crawling now, all over the place, but she runs out the back door, to Steve.

  “Sher, I got a key from your Dad and let her out twice today. Hope you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind, but why didn’t you come to me?” I’m wondering.

  “I didn’t want to see ya just then. I have something I have to tell ya, but it’ll wait ‘til later. Are ya goin’ back to the dance at the park tonight?”

  “I told Mom and Dad I’d come back for a while. Why?”

  “I want ya to go with me. I want my girl with me. In fact, I insist ya go with me. I need you with me tonight, okay?” He’s acting a bit strange. He’s never been insistent before.

  “Okay, but why’s it so important tonight?”

  “I’ll tell ya later, I promise.” He goes back to bringing in the kennels, so I go back to work, too.

  When we finish, he puts me in his truck and we go back to the dance. Some of the younger group has stayed and they’re line dancing so we join them and soon Maria and Bob are back and dancing, too. Mom and Dad are dancing but they’re two stepping. They’re having fun and so are we. At midnight we head our separate ways. I spot Mom and Dad walking toward his truck with his arm around her shoulders and giving her a, not so quick, kiss. Steve takes me back to the office and we let the dogs out. He walks me to my truck after I lock up the office.

  He opens my truck door and waits ‘til I get in the seat before he stops me. “Sher, the four full time firemen are being sent to west Texas to fight their forest fire. We’ve been trained for that kinda thing and they need everyone they can get. The volunteers will stay here. We leave tomorrow, right after the carnival. We heard earlier today, that’s why I didn’t want to see ya earlier. We should only be gone a few weeks, but I’m gonna miss you, a lot.” He turns me, steps between my knees and hugs me so hard it hurts, but my chest was already hurting with the news.

  “Does this have to be our goodbye? Will I see ya again before ya leave?” He doesn’t know. They have to be in Waco by eight tomorrow night and he still has to work the booth tomorrow. “You’ll be careful, won’t ya? I want ya back in one piece.”

  “And I expect to come back.” I nod. “Sher,” comes out in a groan against my shoulder. “I gotta go pack or I’ll never get finish packing.” he says as he shifts back a bit with his head down. “I won’t kiss ya or I’ll never stop.” He kisses my temple, steps away, pushes my legs in the truck and shuts the door. I don’t say anything because I can’t speak. I reach through the window and pull him over so I can kiss his cheek.

  I drive home through the tears that’re blurring my vision. Mom and Dad are waiting for me. They let me cry without saying anything. Dad finally says goodnight and Steve’ll be back safe and sound in a few weeks. Mom says I should get some sleep if I’m going to make it through tomorrow. I set my alarm for seven thirty instead of six and fall asleep, exhausted.

  I’m late this morning, but a cup of coffee Mom brought over gets me going. I meet Maria at the office at ten. We load the kennels in the truck and head to the park. Neither one of us are very talkative. The word has gotten out about the pure bred dogs and we’re swamped about two with people wanting dogs and puppies. Some want smaller dogs and I tell them about the Spaniels at the office. They want to see them, so I arrange to meet them at the office at five. All the dogs are gone by four o’clock so we shut the booth down and stroll around the carnival.

  We stop for supper at the fire department’s booth. Bob comes to say “hi” to Shay and gives Maria a quick kiss. Their booth is slowing down, not only in sales, but in supplies. They’ve almost sold everything they have. Bob says the band is going to play ‘til seven tonight so the vendors can e
njoy the music, too. He says Steve has gone home to get the luggage and over to the fire station to get the equipment, but he’ll be back soon. They decided they had time to load everything during the carnival, so they could stay for a dance or two with their girls. So they’ll meet us there at five thirty.

  I tell him about the arrangements to meet people at the office that may speak for the puppies there. He says I should hurry, they only have ‘til six thirty. Shay wants a hot dog and we get ribs for supper. Maria and Shay stay with Bob while I go back to the booth to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Miss Lili’s waiting for me.

  Everything’s already cleaned up and the fence is down. The grass is cleaned and the donation box is sitting inside the booth. When I hand her the box, she opens it to find it full. She counts it, takes some of it and gives the rest to me. I don’t understand. “That your’s for the clinic. Each of the businesses is getting their proceeds. You’re a business. Steve mentioned an animal shelter and the mayor’s okayed it and the boardin’ kennels on the lot behind the clinic. And you’ll be running the animal shelter as soon as it’s built.”

  “I can’t afford that. Miss Lili, I told Steve I couldn’t afford the land or the buildings.”

  “He told me, but the land belongs to me and my lawyers have drawn up the papers for our partnership on the land for the boardin’ kennels. The mayor has papers for the animal shelter. It’s all worked out, politically and legally. Once ya sign the papers, you’ll be the brains and muscle behind it.”

  “But, Miss Lili, I don’t understand how it’ll work.”

  “It’ll all be explained Wednesday afternoon. You and Maria have two appointments then, but you’ll have all the information tomorrow afternoon. Both of ya have to okay it, so both of ya need to read it carefully. Now ya have people to see at the clinic and I have to check the other booths. I’ll see ya at the dance when you’re finished.” She escorts me to my truck then goes off to finish the carnival.

  People are waiting at the office. I open the door and take them back to the kennels. I let mama out and the puppies crawl out and over the floor. People are looking at mama and the puppies. They want to see the puppies in about a month before they decide which one they want, but they want a puppy. I take their names and phone numbers and agree to let them all know when the puppies are ready to take home. An elderly woman with her daughter wants to know when mama can go home with them. I tell them as soon as the puppies are weaned and have been adopted I’ll call them. Mama took to the ladies so I agree to visitations with mama. They play with the puppies for a while then I ask them to leave so the dogs can get some rest. Mama and puppies settle down.

  I’m locking up when Steve comes busting through the door. He grabs me saying they have to leave, but he couldn’t go without seeing me. He’s holding me tight against him and I’m wound around his neck. “Can I kiss you? It might take a while but I want to, have to.” I don’t wait for him to kiss me. I kiss him with everything that’s in me. There’re sounds coming from us when he backs me against the wall and takes me further into the kiss. He’s tight against me and I can feel his need and mine. I experience affection and caring through the kiss. I feel, through his hands on me, the fire that’s burning at us and is covering us, its smoke clouding our judgment. I don’t know how long we were like that, but Bob comes in saying they have to go and tugging on Steve’s shoulder to back him off so they can leave. As Bob’s leading Steve out of the door he says, “She’ll be here when we get back and we’ll all have quite a reunion. Sher and Maria will have to put the volunteers on alert, we’ll burn the place down, but there’s no time now. ‘Bye, take of Maria and Shay for me and yourself for Steve, okay?” I nod because I can’t speak and Steve is still as stunned as I am. The door shuts, then the truck doors shut and the truck drive away. I stand there for a few minutes then sink into the chair beside me.

  A while later, I come to my senses from the kiss and the grief and realize Maria must be just as devastated. I grab my purse and go to Maria’s. We cry and talk ‘til we’re exhausted. We talk about the sense of loss we feel, even if it is for only a few weeks. We, finally, talk our way around to how we are adults and can make it through the time without falling apart. By that time we’re drinking ice tea to cure our dry throats. We wind down and I leave. I go back to the office to let mama and José out then go home.

  Mom’s waiting for me when I get home, it’s almost one in the morning, and I’m hungry. Mom and I are talking while I rummage through my refrigerator for some leftover. What I find is I need to clean out my refrigerator. Mom takes me over to her kitchen and takes out ice cream, dishes up two bowls, puts hot fudge, whip cream and pecans over it. We sit there ‘til we eat the whole bowl and talk. Before we finish cleaning the dishes up, Mom decides I’m in love with Steve and Maria’s in love with Bob. I ask her how she can come to that conclusion when Maria and I aren’t sure about it. She says something very profound, ”That’s how. You and Maria have all the symptoms, yet ya don’t know. You two have always second guessed everything instead of just lettin’ it be.”

  I look at her as if she’s crazy, “How can a person be in love and not know it?’

  “Sometimes, you have to be still for things to become clear. And sometimes clarity charges ya, unseen, leavin’ ya stunned ‘til ya get still enough for it to become visible.” She’s smiling at me. “I can see you’re confused, but it’ll be clear when ya finally realize what ya have yet to see.”

  “Mom, I love you, but you’re speakin’ in Shakespearean, and I never totally understood that language. I’m goin’ to bed, it’s going to be a short night.” I hug her and thank her for the ten pounds, slapping my butt, as I leave the kitchen, and go home for a shower and bed.

  I’m not rested and ready to go today, so it doesn’t feel right. Thank goodness, the carnival is over and I’m down to nine dogs. I still have to let José and mama out three or four times a day, but she’s one for now and in a few weeks there’ll be seven. That’ll be a picnic, a walk in the park, a pleasure, after forty eight. It’s going to be quiet in the office today with ‘em all gone. I gotta go or I’ll be late.

  We have three appointments this morning. Maria’s wondering who we’re going to find to make the poster for us. We’ll find someone, or Miss Lili will. She seems to have all the contacts anybody could ever want or need. Maria laughs and I chuckle, the first I’ve heard for what seems like a long time. The appointments come and go and Miss Lili breezes in with lunch and some paperwork.

  The quiet in the office is ambushed and shot dead with Miss Lili’s excitement. She shows us the paperwork she brought with her. It’s a life time lease of the land behind the clinic with the city. It’ll cost one dollar a month and will be run by Maria and me and funded by grants, as needed, which the mayor will arrange through city politics. It’ll actually be the city’s shelter, but they want qualified people to be administrators and that’s me and Maria. Maria’s looking at me like this is crazy. I can only shrug. For our efforts, I will receive five hundred dollars a month and Maria will receive four hundred a month. The difference in pay is because I’ll be the City Veterinarian, in title, and Maria will be my assistant. The pay is small because it’s not a full time job. There will be people to clean the kennels and the yard, we oversee the animals and do any paperwork or owner searches. The city will see to any fines or fees, but we’ll have the authority to issue tickets as we deem necessary.

  As for the boarding kennels, that’s a partnership between Miss Lili, me and Maria. The three of us in a partnership, Maria and I are staggered by the implications. We’ll split any profits after expenses and a percentage is put into a fund for upkeep and expansion. This is strictly our venture. The clinic will remain my business and we’ll be paid to administer the animal shelter. Now all we need to do is figure out the best layout for the kennels, what their needs will be and the best materials to use.

  “So what’da ya think?” Miss Lili is excited and thinks we should be, too.
r />   I look at Maria who’s overwhelmed and speechless. “Miss Lili, can we have some time to talk about it?”

  “Of course, but I wanted to lay it out for ya. You may want a lawyer to check out the paperwork, too. Ya don’t want the fine print to get ya in trouble. Now what do we need to do about the newsletter?” and the subject’s changed.

  We talk about the newsletter and the posters. Miss Lili has a student in mind for the posters ‘til Bob and Steve get back. Maria and I bear up under that statement, but Miss Lili doesn’t. “The house is so empty with them gone. I miss them so much.”

  “Miss Lili, don’t forget you’ll have José and Chief with you now,” I say.

  “That reminds me, Chief’s actin’ sickly today. Can you come over to check on him, or should I bring him here?”

  “We’ll get him and check him out. He needs an x-ray to check his rib, anyway. You wanna go now?” Miss Lili’s ready to go.

  After we get Chief and x-ray him, we stay at the office working on the newsletter. At closing time, I put Miss Lili, both dogs and the tricycle in the truck and take them home. Chief’s rib is almost healed. Since he perked up around company, I believe he’s just missing Steve and Bob. Miss Lili invited Maria, Shay and me to supper. We three women cooked in Miss Lili’s kitchen, turning out a delicious mac and cheese and hot dogs. Miss Lili complained about not being able to cook for just one person, so I agreed to come to supper every weeknight. It’ll help us keep an eye on her while the guys are gone.

  Maria left after the kitchen was cleaned up, to put Shay to bed. I have to leave soon after that to let mama out. I drop by Maria’s afterward. We need to discuss Miss Lili and how to keep her from being lonely ‘til the guys get back. We decide, after an hour of talking, we didn’t know enough about her normal routine to make any decisions about how to help her. We decide I’ll talk to Mom, maybe, she’ll have some suggestions. I head home and over to Mom’s.