I was panting, my stomach was trembling, and fuck, my pulse was going crazy.
“You’re so gorgeous,” he said in a tone filled with wonder. “I know you’ve had plenty of experience, and I don’t want to—”
“Give yourself some credit. I’m so fucking turned on right now,” I replied in a tight voice. “My cock is leaking all over the damned place, and I’m dying here.”
He moaned openly, and I wanted to pull him on top of me and kiss him breathless. But I needed to let him set his own pace.
His thumb brushed over my hole, and it was so unexpected, I gasped. “Holy Christ.”
“Is it true about the prostate?” he asked as he sucked on his finger, then continued to tease me with it by circling my hole.
“Why don’t you see for yourself by—” And then I nearly came all over myself when he inched the tip of his finger inside.
It was difficult to stay still, so I rocked forward, wanting to feel him, really feel him. When his finger slid farther inside, I clenched my fists and cursed.
“Fuck, that’s so hot.” His finger seesawed inside me, twisting and curving deeper. “It makes me want to…”
“Want to what?” I asked, panting toward the ceiling.
“Drive you crazy, make you beg for it.”
“I’m about there, so—” And then his finger brushed against my prostate and I saw stars.
“That feels good?”
“It feels amazing,” I hissed as my back bowed off the mattress. “Suck me while you’re doing that, and I’ll come in one minute flat. Jesus.”
When his tongue lashed out to lick around his finger, I fisted the sheets until my knuckles turned white. Sure, I’d been rimmed plenty, but something about Caden trying something so intimate, so sensual, precarious, with me? I thought my brain might splinter into a million pieces.
Then he went to town, licking and sucking and fingering me and ignoring my cock as the head turned an angry purple and bowed against my stomach. He was bound to ruin me by being all growly and taking charge like this.
And just when I thought I was done for, he leaned forward and finally—finally—engulfed the tip of my cock in his mouth, making every nerve receptor in my body tingle like I was a live wire on the verge of sparking into fire.
Once he got used to the feel of my cock, he sucked more of me down, and damn, seeing how it stretched his lips as he looked up at me was so freaking sexy.
It only took another brush of his tongue and the fumbling scrape of his teeth to make me shoot off like a pyrotechnic display. I must’ve made a substantial noise because his hand was back against my mouth as I shuddered and my eyes rolled in the back of my head.
He kept his lips around me, even though he gagged a little. Come dripped out the corners of his mouth, and he looked so debauched—his mouth shiny, his hair a wreck from my fingers—that I gave him an A for effort. When he pulled off, the come dripped down his chin and over his hand, which was still around the base of my cock.
Using my spunk for lube, he fisted his shaft and stroked himself hard and fast, his lips parted, his eyes taking on a blissed expression.
“Fuck, that’s hot,” I murmured, watching him chase his release, and it was so sexy, my dick tried to plump up again. Tried and failed.
I was so drained, I barely remembered him cleaning us up with a T-shirt from the floor before I tugged him down to lie next to me.
“Stay a little longer,” I mumbled as his arms wound around me, and fuck, it felt so perfect that I sighed as I settled against him.
“Who knew you were such a cuddler?” he mused in my ear.
“It’s your fault. You feel too good,” I admitted. It was probably too much of an admission, but I was so sleepy and sated, I didn’t care.
I didn’t remember him escaping to his room, but when I woke up alone, I missed his warmth immediately.
18
Caden
It was late morning on Christmas Eve, and as I sat at the counter with the peeler for my contribution to the dinner my mom had planned for tomorrow, I couldn’t stop thinking about last night.
Christ, that was something else. Fucking powerful making Blair squirm with my hands and mouth. I had the urge to sink my cock deep inside him, but not in a house full of people. My family hearing us would be mortifying. It was enough that Blair was having trouble and I kept having to quiet him down with my hand on his mouth, which now made me smile to myself.
And the way he pulled me into bed with him, how he sighed when I wound my arms around him… “Stay a little longer.” But maybe that was how he was with all his lovers, so I shouldn’t pretend I was special or that this was anything new for him.
That thought sobered me right up. Besides, what did I think would happen? We’d try to date or something? You couldn’t even pin the guy down to one location.
Still, when he finally came downstairs, adorably crumpled from sleep, and made his way to the coffee pot, I felt my skin prickle. When he brushed past me, I knew it wasn’t an accident, but I kept my features neutral.
“What are you making?”
“You’ve never had his famous mashed potatoes?” Mom asked as she rolled out the dough for her sugar cookies. “Oh, you’re in for a treat!”
He scrunched his nose, and I wondered if it was a texture thing for him.
“You can just pretend if you’re not up for it,” I whispered, and his eyes softened.
“It’s been a while,” he replied. “I’d love to give them a try.”
Charlotte and Blair helped Mom decorate the cookies while Tabitha made the stuffing Christopher loved. Once the dishes were cleared and our workspace cleaned, we all played a board game Charlotte had chosen, and then Christopher pulled out a giant puzzle on the dining-room table. It felt comfortable and homey, but I was also crawling out of my skin.
I wanted to be alone to think. Or alone with Blair, and I was feeling increasingly frustrated again that my family had shown up. Only a couple more days, I reminded myself. Then all this will come to an end. Be grateful for the time you had. At the end of the day, he’d helped me figure some things out. And muddied the waters too.
After a light dinner, making use of the groceries Blair and I had bought before my family showed up, we all went for a stroll on the beach, Charlotte still determined to find a sand dollar, which were apparently scarce this season, according to the manager at the aquarium gift shop.
When she finally found a partially formed one, she squealed and nearly dropped it. She refused to place it with the other shells in the bucket Tabitha had brought along, which was understandable.
“Okay, kiddo, it’s time for bed. We don’t want to run into Santa,” Christopher said, and that made her more eager to head back to the house as she babbled away about putting out the sugar cookies for him and his reindeer.
“We need to wrap our gift and get it under the tree,” Blair whispered, and it felt so private and endearing. And a bit too intimate. I nodded and stepped toward the water to clear my confusing thoughts.
Once they said good night, that left my parents. Ever since I came out to them yesterday, I knew they had questions for me, but they didn’t push it. Mom had spoken to me earlier that morning in the kitchen, wondering if Lauren had known. When I told her she didn’t because I barely had, she squeezed my shoulder and let it go. Maybe she understood better now why I originally asked for time alone.
But she also seemed to be aware that Blair and I had grown closer—who in the house couldn’t?—and either she was giving us space to talk or thought we needed to, because she handed us the beach towels she’d brought and encouraged us to stay put for the sunset. “It’s chilly. We’ll watch from the house.”
I didn’t dispute the idea and neither did Blair, and when they walked away and we could no longer see them down the beach, it became almost too quiet between us.
He spread out the towels. “You sure you don’t want to head back?” he asked in a hesitant voice, which seemed unusual
for him.
“I’m good,” I replied, sitting down beside him as the sky grew darker.
There was a certain solemnity in the air between us, like we both knew we were on borrowed time and needed to make the most of it. My emotions felt right at the surface, and I wanted to ask him what might happen after. But that was ridiculous. More than likely, I wouldn’t see him again for months or perhaps years.
Damn, the very idea made my chest feel tight and achy.
When our fingers brushed on the towel, his hand clasped mine, bringing it to his lap. “Is this okay?”
A solid lump formed in my throat as I stared at the muted watercolors on the ocean instead of looking at him. I tried to make light even though my fingers were tingling. “I had your cock in my mouth last night, so I’m pretty sure this wouldn’t rate too high on—”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend this means nothing,” he said in a rough voice. “I may have had tons of sex, but I haven’t held many hands.”
And something about the anguish and earnestness in his voice made my breath catch.
“Well, now we’re even.” I turned to look at him just as the sun was disappearing beyond the horizon. “Since, you know, you were my first kiss.”
“It wasn’t your first,” he countered.
“No…” My gaze focused on the bright moon above us. “But you were my best.”
I heard him inhale a sharp breath, but I didn’t dare look at him. Holy fuck, what the hell was I admitting? He did know how to kiss, and it definitely was the best I had. Just was. But I hadn’t had much to compare him to, so what the hell did I know?
I felt his hand trace my jaw, and I held my breath as his fingers burrowed in my hair. My heart pounded in my chest, and my stomach filled with a warmth I hadn’t experienced with anybody before.
“Cady.” His voice sounded wrecked, and when I turned to him, his eyes held a tenderness I could barely endure as a whole army of moths took flight in my stomach.
Our lips met in a slow, sweet kiss, and I breathed him in. Ocean, salt, and the decadence of Blair. Mouths pressing eagerly, I parted his lips with the tip of my tongue. He sighed low in his throat, and goose bumps raised the hairs on my arms. Fingers tugging at my hair like they had last night, Blair hauled me against him, his lips greedy as his tongue delved past my lips. I gave back in kind, groaning and intruding inside his mouth, slicking over teeth and gums, never wanting to come up for air. I could feel his hard cock aligning with mine, providing the perfect friction as our bodies melded together in the sand.
We stayed that way, completely tangled, with fingers scraping against backs or twisting in each other’s hair for who knew how long. My lips felt bruised, but the steady pressure of his mouth against mine somehow flooded me with overwhelming relief from my aching desire to be near him. I wanted to stay connected like this for as long as possible.
But time was not on our side, and I knew we needed to get back, so I dragged my mouth away, offering him one final peck on the lips. Then we stood and swiped sand from our legs.
I straightened my clothes and ran my fingers through my hair. “Oh God, are they going to be able to tell? What if they—”
“Shh,” he whispered, then fused our mouths together, his tongue rubbing against mine in a deep and breathless kiss.
We walked hand in hand until we got close enough to the house that someone might spot us.
When we stepped inside, Christopher and Tabitha were just finishing putting Charlotte’s gifts under the tree. I stiffened briefly, thinking they’d be able to tell what we’d been up to.
“I’ll go wrap our present if you get us something to drink,” Blair said, throwing me a warning look. One that said, Chill the fuck out.
By the time I threw the towels in the wash, used the bathroom, and retrieved sodas from the refrigerator, Blair was back down with a perfectly wrapped present, bow and all.
“You didn’t have to buy her a gift,” Tabitha said as he bent to place it under the tree.
“Of course we did,” he replied, smiling at her. “I hope she likes it.”
“Blair picked it out when we were in the toy section the other day.”
“Thank God,” he quipped. “Because I’m way better at this than you.”
“He’s got a point,” Christopher said with a laugh.
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes, feeling like it was old times with the two of them ganging up on me.
Except this time, I had a secret, and I felt like my brother could see it written all over my face. That I was already a goner for his best friend.
19
Blair
The following morning I felt a bit ruined, my head fuzzy with emotions that were as bewildering as they were complicated. It was Christmas Day, my time here would be coming to an end, and I felt all sorts of conflicted about it. I wasn’t sure I was any closer to figuring out what I was going to do with my career, but I had also crossed a line of sorts—several lines—with my best friend’s brother.
Totally fucking stupid. But that was my life. I had no filter and was also apparently a needy bastard. Needy enough to get my fix with meaningless strings of sex acts with different people. But this thing with Caden didn’t feel meaningless.
Speaking of which, my phone buzzed with a text from Harry, in London.
Merry Christmas, lovely.
Back at you.
Normally my brain got up to all kinds of ideas of what sort of trouble he and I might get into my next visit, but now the thought of threesomes and lines of white powder fell flat, a boulder in my stomach.
The memory of Caden’s gentle hands and tender kisses from last night on the beach crowded my chest. Like my heart had been flayed open, the raw edges of my emotions too obvious to his probing eyes. Until Caden dragged me closer, making me ignore all my fears and reducing me to pure sensation. He made me wish for things I probably didn’t have the right to. Not with someone like Caden.
So maybe having his family as a buffer today wasn’t such a bad idea.
Instead of obsessing further, I decided to get my ass out of bed and make the most of this holiday with the people I considered my second family.
It was as if no time had passed at all as we watched Charlotte enthusiastically open her gifts. Seeing the purity of her joy warmed my heart a few degrees more.
“I love them,” Charlotte squealed, throwing her arms around Caden and me as we sat beside each other on the couch, pretending that our thighs weren’t pressed together beneath the blanket.
I looked over her shoulder when I heard Christopher clear his throat. He had the same guarded expression he’d thrown us when we walked in from the beach last night. And I admit we most likely looked suspicious as we took off in opposite directions and barely made eye contact.
What would Christopher think of me screwing around with his brother?
He’d probably be pissed, which only felt like a punch to my gut. After all, it wasn’t like I’d somehow hoodwinked Caden into messing around with me. It happened naturally, which made my mix of emotions somehow worse.
Guilt clawing at my stomach, I hopped up to refill my coffee mug, then helped Mr. Bell get the turkey in the oven. Once we were all bundled up for a chilly morning, we walked along the shore as the sun occasionally appeared from behind fluffy clouds. This time Charlotte found two sand dollars, which seemed to matter more than all her gifts combined.
That afternoon, Charlotte and I included the new Barbies in a fashion show and extended the paper runway so she could properly allow them their debut. Then we watched Christmas movies until the smell of dinner overtook the house and made my stomach growl.
When we were all gathered around the table, Mrs. Bell raised her glass of wine in a toast. “I’m so grateful we’re all together. My beautiful family is all I need.”
I blinked rapidly as tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t understand why I was feeling so emotional, and more than likely it was only nostalgia. But something told me it had everythin
g to do with the guy across the table I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off.
Fuck, these emotions were foreign, but I was trying to weed through them better. I supposed being around him all week made me realize how alone I’d been feeling—which was silly because I was currently surrounded by his entire family as well as my best friend, who’d always been there for me. Still, I knew our time was brief and would be coming to an end in mere hours.
Solidifying my growing affection for Caden was the look on his face when I tasted his famous mashed potatoes and raved about them. “Damn, I could eat these every day of my life.”
There was a wistfulness in his gaze that made my chest ache, and for a split second I wondered if we could give this thing between us a shot.
The moment was ruined when Christopher asked when I was taking off.
“My flight is tomorrow morning,” I replied as Caden shifted across the table. “I’m heading home for two days to make sure my apartment is still standing, then to meet my parents in Switzerland for the New Year.” Reality clapped back so swiftly, I felt the sting of it across my cheeks and the back of my neck.
“What’s on your agenda afterward?” Mrs. Bell asked as she helped cut the turkey breast on Charlotte’s plate. “I have no idea how you keep up with it all.”
“I have a bathing-suit campaign,” I replied, then stuffed more mashed potatoes in my mouth. “And yeah, it’s really starting to catch up to me.”
“Take better care of yourself, or I’ll have to get on the phone with your mother,” she warned, and it reminded me of when they would discuss plans or concerns when we were younger. I always got the feeling that she thought my parents needed to be more attentive, but she never voiced anything out loud. Instead, she doubled down on making me feel welcome and loved. And fuck, did I appreciate that about her.
“All those carbs probably won’t help,” Christopher pointed out, and Tabitha elbowed him, somehow knowing it was a sensitive subject for me.
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