I wouldn’t tell Mom that the doctors also wondered about a couple of different types of cancer, which definitely scared me straight, and about something called chronic fatigue syndrome. Oh, and mono too. Fatigue can be a symptom of all those things.
“Honey, we can come home early.”
“Please don’t. All I’m going to do is sleep.” I so didn’t want my parents hovering over me. Except, part of me wanted to be cared for too. “I promise to check in with you every day.”
“I don’t know, honey,” she replied in a wary voice. “I’ll talk it over again with your father.”
“Mom, it’s gloomy and miserable here. You’re looking at mountains. Please stay and enjoy yourself.”
She sighed, and I wasn’t sure I convinced her, but hoped I did.
When we finally hung up, the apartment grew silent again, and that hollow place inside me ached a bit more. As I dragged myself out of bed to take a leak and get something to drink, I considered calling her back and asking her to come. I’d never wanted anyone to make a fuss over me—or maybe I just pretended I didn’t.
I opened my pantry, which was virtually empty, and managed to find some canned soup. I heated it up, took a few bites, then sank down on the couch with the remote in hand, mindlessly flipping through Netflix movies.
Until I came across the German show I’d never finished watching with Caden, and my fingers froze on the remote. I considered texting Caden something about it, just to sort of break the ice between us again. But I hadn’t heard from him since I said my goodbyes a few days ago, and I certainly didn’t want to worry him or make him think I was needy. I’d be on the mend soon enough and then off to Europe.
My phone rang again, and I bit off a curse when I saw it was Christopher. Fuck. I’d already fended off calls from a concerned Finn. He and Garrett were out of town for the holiday, but he vowed to visit as soon as they got back.
“What’s up?” I asked, trying to make my voice sound normal.
“You sound like shit.”
No such luck, then, which was probably the aftereffect of sleeping your days away. “Gee, thanks.”
“What’s going on with you?” he asked, and at the concern in his tone, I relented.
“I’ve been sick.” I told him about my diagnosis and the fact that I was already on the road to recovery. No use worrying him too.
“Fuck, that sucks. Let us know if you need anything. Will you have to put off your work schedule?”
“I don’t know.” The idea of getting in bathing trunks on some beach in freezing water made my stomach revolt, so I pushed the thought aside.
“Promise you’ll take it easy.”
I rolled my eyes, but also appreciated the concern. “Promise.”
“So, you and my brother…” He went there. Holy crap.
“Got to know each other better, yes,” I said, feeling protective of what we’d shared. “What has he said?”
“He… I don’t know. Not much.”
“Listen, your brother just came out to you guys. That’s a big deal. You have to give him time and privacy.”
“Yeah, okay, I get it. Thanks again for being there for him.”
I felt a pang in my heart. “Always.”
22
Caden
Being back home was cold and dreary, so I slid into my winter coat to run some errands. Already I missed the warmth of the sun and of one very sexy man, who was currently jetting around the globe. I couldn’t help checking in on his social media, but besides the Instagram video of our kiss cam, where fans kept shipping us, he hadn’t posted anything more.
I considered texting him a dozen times and read his note even more, but I didn’t know how to bridge that gap. We were friends, turned lovers, and I needed to let that settle a bit before I reached out, or I’d give myself away.
“But it felt different with you.”
Yeah, me too. But where did that get us?
As I drove to the grocery store, I tuned in to my sports station to listen to another on-air personality I was friendly with. I’d gotten some teasing from friends and coworkers about the video, but nothing too terrible, and thus far, I’d been able to avoid confessing too much other than horsing around at a hockey game. I wasn’t sure I was ready to share anything more personal, especially since it really wasn’t anybody’s business. Even if I did kiss my brother’s best friend in public.
My biggest worry had been Lauren, and we’d spoken once more since I’d gotten home. I trusted her to keep my confidence until I was ready, and I admit the conversation felt a bit stilted, as was inquiring about the new guy in her life. But I was also happy for her.
In the produce section, my phone buzzed with a text from Christopher, who’d been acting strange since I left the beach house—like he was walking on eggshells around me. I wanted to confess my feelings for his best friend, but I also wanted to keep them sacred.
I sighed. What did it matter, anyway?
In time, maybe I’d be able to put myself out there again. But for now, I had no desire.
Blair had sort of ruined me for other people. Truth was, I ached for him and wanted more, but it was an impossible situation.
When I glanced at Christopher’s message, I gasped.
Did you hear Blair is sick? He had to cancel his travel plans and stay home on bed rest.
My hands shook as I replied.
What’s wrong with him?
Severe anemia and an ulcer.
Oh wow, that sucks.
As I let the thought settle in my brain, it all began to make sense. Him not being so keen on certain foods—even though his eating-disorder history also figured in—and sleeping so damned much. Now I felt terrible that I didn’t recognize it sooner and encourage him to go to the clinic in town.
Anyway, just thought you of all people should know.
Why? I winced, wondering if my brother was about to lob some sarcastic remark my way and how I might respond. Instead, his answer stunned me.
Why do you think? He’s home alone. Here’s his address.
Holy shit! Was my brother giving me the green light?
I immediately set the lettuce down and then put the milk back on the shelf. I loaded some plain Greek yogurt in the cart, along with some waters and soups. Once I was checked out, I practically jogged to my car and punched his address into my GPS.
There was no way I wouldn’t see him.
As I drove up the interstate toward his place, I replayed some of our conversations in my head. I remembered that stark loneliness I saw inside him and knew I needed to try even if he turned me away. At the very least, I could check on him and make sure his fridge was stocked. If he was alone, that was because he’d convinced his parents not to return home. Maybe he had even managed to keep his friend Finn away.
I shook my head, turning up the radio for the remainder of my ride, or I was sure to crawl out of my skin. Thankfully, the snow that started falling was light and only left a thin coating on the freeway. There weren’t any accidents or construction zones to impede my trip, and I arrived there in record time. I parked in the lot and looked up at the modern building. Blair definitely made good money, but he never rubbed it in and you’d hardly notice it. Unless you checked the labels on his clothing. Sure, he could be over-the-top with his sarcasm, vibrant colors, and bling. He could also take a bit too long on his skincare and hair—not as high maintenance as my brother in that department, though—but everything else seemed pretty understated. Even this apartment complex.
After being let inside by someone coming out the door, I rode up the elevator to the fourth floor, thinking my building had a bit more character than this place. I didn’t know why it surprised me, unless it was because he wasn’t here enough to care. That made the most sense.
When I knocked on his door, he didn’t answer right away. So I persisted, likely waking him up, which I felt guilty about.
“Christ, hold on,” I heard him grumble from the other side of the door.
/> I almost smirked at the shock on his face upon seeing me. But my anxiety won out. I decided if anything, I had come as a friend because we had developed that sort of kinship at the very least.
“Caden?” He blinked like he was coming out of a dream. And damn, I got it because I was feeling much the same. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to take care of you,” I stated plainly as his lips parted. His hair was damp, either from a shower or sweat, and there were bags beneath his eyes. “You obviously need some help.”
He groaned, seeming mortified, as he pushed his fingers through his hair. But when he sighed and his shoulders dropped as if releasing tension, I felt more solid in my decision. “Come inside. It’s not much… I just… I’m never here.”
“None of that matters.” I had the urge to touch him, so I lifted my hand to his face, hoping I wouldn’t be rejected as my thumb traced his cheekbone. “Just needed to make sure you were okay.”
His eyes shut, his lashes fanning against his cheeks. “I…I wanted to tell you. In fact, you’re the first person I thought of, which sounds stupid, I know,” he murmured. “But you kept telling me I looked tired, remember? And I…well…”
“Shh, come here.” I pulled him into my arms, and it was like everything clicked into place as soon as I felt his warm body melt against mine. But he seemed dead on his feet, so I walked him over to his couch, taking in the apartment as we went. It was modern but plain, not even a single piece of artwork on the walls. Blair was bright and vibrant, like a burst of fresh air in my lungs, so seeing this drab place made my stomach feel unsettled.
“I brought some groceries because I’m going to guess you don’t have much,” I announced as I headed to his kitchen to load his fridge.
“I haven’t had much energy…” He motioned to the table, where a bowl of soup sat nearly empty.
“Well, I’m here now, and I’m not leaving unless you kick me out.” I looked pointedly over my shoulder as I slid the yogurt on the empty shelves. “You need someone to look after you.” There, I said it, then held my breath as I waited for him to argue or make excuses, but none came.
When I sat down beside him on the couch, he angled closer, then laid his head on my shoulder. “Fuck, I missed you.”
My pulse surged at his plain but powerful admission, and I adjusted my arm around him to grip him closer. “I missed you too,” I replied, and he turned his face to nuzzle into my neck. “Besides, I’ve been sleeping for shit.”
Blair shivered against me, and I knew I’d done the right thing. His hair smelled like his fancy shampoo and his skin like soap as I encircled him tightly in my arms.
Glancing around the space, I focused on the large flat-screen television, paused on the familiar opening credits of a show.
“Have you been…catching up?” I swallowed thickly, staring at the screen.
“No. I was just thinking that I wished we could…sometime.” He sounded so vulnerable, so needy, I wished I’d been able to come sooner so he wouldn’t have been alone.
“Now that I’m here, we can do anything you want.” I hummed against his hair. “Even if I sit right here while you sleep. Which I hear you need more of.”
He lifted his head to stare at me, gratefulness in his eyes. I held my breath when he leaned forward to brush our lips together, remembering how his mouth felt against mine.
“Cady.” Blair’s finger gently outlined my lips, like he couldn’t quite believe I was there. “Thank you for coming. I know I probably look—”
“Gorgeous,” I supplied, and his eyes softened. “Like you always do. Maybe just a bit more tired.”
And weak in my arms, but I didn’t want to make him feel self-conscious.
“Thing is,” I said as he laid his head against my chest and my fingers forked through his hair, “I couldn’t not come.”
He shook his head as if he didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”
“I…fuck.” Here goes nothing. I’d even practiced it in my head on the way up, wondering if I’d ever find the courage. “The thing is, I’m already half in love with you.” I heard his gasp, and then he stilled as he listened. “It must’ve been the Barbie runway show, or maybe the sandcastles, or how much you live for my mashed potatoes.”
I felt him smile into my skin, and his shoulders shook a little as he chuckled.
“Well, I don’t know…” he said with a sigh, and I grew motionless, waiting for the fallout. “For me it might’ve been the Greek yogurt, or the subtitles, or maybe your magic cock.”
I was smiling so hard, my cheeks hurt. I missed laughing with him. Missed it like crazy. “Is that so?”
“Mm-hm,” he hummed into my chest.
I reached for his jaw, drawing his gaze up to mine. “You’re not just fucking around right now?”
“I’m not messing with you. I’ve had this ache in my chest ever since I left you. And now you’re really here, and I’m sorry I look like hell and you might not—”
“Shut it.” My hand slid to his nape, and I sealed our lips together. Tasting him again was heavenly.
“Damn,” he murmured against my mouth, like he needed to absorb the moment.
“So, what do we do about it?” I asked with some trepidation. There was so much to weed through, not to mention our schedules and travel. Feeling something did not necessarily equate to probability.
“Well, I know you’re just figuring stuff out, and I don’t want to rush you. But I wish we could…”
“Yes,” I replied without any forethought. “I wish that too.”
“You do?” he sputtered. “You sure you don’t need to…”
“Right now, I only need you.”
“Fuck.” Wetness dotted his cheeks, and he buried his head in my shoulder.
“Shh…” I stroked his hair, my throat thick with emotion. “How about you nap for a while? Then we can eat and watch our show.”
And when I felt his limbs melt into me as he floated into sleep, I knew this was the real Blair, the vulnerable one, and I vowed to always make sure he didn’t feel alone. But first, he needed to get well. Still, I felt so relieved, so settled and happy, that I shut my eyes as the tension drained from my body and I drifted off as well.
Epilogue
Blair
I’d been at Caden’s apartment for the past week, and I hoped he never asked me to leave because his place was so much cooler and cozier than mine, with a kickass view of the lake as an added bonus. It was finally starting to sink in that we were doing this, trying to be a couple. And though I knew he enjoyed cooking and taking care of me, I just relished being with him. It almost didn’t feel real, and soon enough reality might come crashing in, but for now I was going for it. It felt right in my bones, and whenever he came through the door, he felt like home.
“Feeling better, sleepyhead?” he asked as he delivered coffee to my bedside after his shower. Yeah, a guy could get used to this. He was only wearing a towel, and his work clothes had been neatly laid out on the chair in the corner of the room.
“Much better,” I replied as I reached for his hand and dragged him toward the bed. I’d been feeling mostly back to normal, which meant I wanted to get as much of him as possible. We hadn’t worked everything out yet, and I had contracts to fulfill on a couple of campaigns, but after that I was going to stay put for a while and try to make this thing with Caden work.
Our families and friends were all on board, so why not give it a good shot?
Maybe I’d even get a dog. Okay, that might be stretching it.
Figure out what an actual healthy relationship looks like first.
“You’re gonna make me late,” Caden complained even as he clutched at my hair and fastened our mouths together. And that was all it took before we were a mess of mouths and hands, kissing in that overwhelmingly needy way, like we couldn’t get enough and wanted to devour each other. We’d taken it easy the first few days, Caden blowing me in the shower a couple of times and tonguing my ass just th
e way I liked.
Last night was the first time he fucked me, nice and slow while we lay on our sides in bed, making sure to be gentle since I was still on the mend. He told me how beautiful I was even though I’d lost more weight and my face still looked sallow. But fuck if that didn’t make me shudder and shoot off way too soon. The idea that he accepted me—and wanted me—just as I was. Harry would probably poke fun at me for admitting that, but goddamn, I adored Caden. Those other voices were beginning to matter way less. Because deep down, this was everything I’d ever longed for. And it was time to own up to it.
My fingers unfastened his towel, revealing his thick thighs and hard cock, and I shivered at the sight. Such a beautiful temptation. “Fuck, I need you again.”
“Jesus, Blair,” he murmured as he pushed down my briefs. I straddled him on the mattress, and as soon as our stiff cocks slid together, we groaned in unison. He palmed my ass, his fingertips dipping inside my crease as I gripped both our shafts in hand. I stroked jerkily as his thumb circled and probed my hole, already on the verge of losing it.
I licked into his mouth and sucked on his tongue as he thrust sloppily into my palm. It didn’t take long before we were both moaning loudly—now that we could—and shooting jizz over my fingers as we kissed and panted into each other’s mouths.
After he used the towel to clean us up, I watched him get dressed while I sipped on my coffee and thought about what we might get up to later that night now that I was feeling more like myself. Finn had been bugging me to meet them for dinner, so maybe we’d do that, though the idea made me nervous. Was I ready to share Caden with everyone else?
He turned to me with a dazzling smile, and I sighed at how freaking gorgeous he was. Yeah, I was ready and all in.
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