Cabana Boy

by Jenny Gardiner

  His dad held up his hands. “Son, don’t get me wrong. I’m fine if you’re planning on teaching that woman a lesson. She needs her comeuppance, no doubt about it.” His dad gave him two thumbs up. “I knew you had it in you.”

  “Yeah, no worry, Dad. I wasn’t gonna let her treat me like shit forever and get away with it.”

  Fletch looked at the clock and got up. His father patted his shoulder with a meaty hand. “Good luck, son.”

  Fletcher turned around and hugged his dad. “Thanks. I think it’ll work out fine.”

  AT SIX ON THE NOSE, Fletcher pulled up across the street from the inn and turned the car off to wait. Not ten minutes later he saw that idiot Luther weaving his way down the street, then stumbling up the front porch of the inn. He’d called over the night before, after he knew Justine would be asleep, to make sure Luther had authorization to enter the room this morning.

  He watched him enter the building, then a few minutes later saw the light go on in the room over the front of the inn where he knew Justine was staying. For amusement’s sake, he started counting backward from a hundred.

  “Fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven,” he said, watching the front door as he drummed his fingers on the dashboard. He pulled out his phone and opened to the camera, pointing it toward the inn. Then he heard a loud crash and Luther racing down the steps, a nearly naked Justine, pie smeared across her bruised nose, hot on his tail. Fletch slunk down in his seat to avoid having his boss see him, all the while enjoying the fireworks. It was priceless to see her in such a state, and he could only imagine how badly Justine flipped out when Luther disrupted her beauty sleep with that pie. He knew she would go apeshit on him—with good reason—and he figured the minute she started freaking out on Luther he’d take that pie and lob it at her. Clearly things went according to plan. He wasn’t going to lose too much sleep having set Luther up for this scenario. He was perfectly happy mocking Fletcher about Justine; now he got to see what a charmer she was in person. So much for his career as a gigolo.

  Fletcher pulled a U-turn to slip out as soon as Justine stopped chasing Luther at the end of the block; then he looped around a block away and tracked Luther down, whistling to him out the window and passing him the bottle of Jack he’d promised.

  Luther unscrewed the cap and took a fat swig. “Man that woman is a real bitch.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” Fletch said as he put the gear into drive. “Thanks for your help, Luth.”

  Luther nodded. “Thanks for the Jack.”

  “Any time. Any time at all.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cricket was finishing up reading Fletch’s screenplay when he showed up at the pastry shop. Darby was working downstairs and let him in.

  She pointed to the ceiling. “She’s upstairs.”

  He nodded and took the stairs two at a time till he was greeted at the entrance to her apartment by Dingo, who jumped up, her paws on his chest, tail wagging.

  Cricket leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Well, well, well, what a difference a few days make.” She nodded toward her dog. “From guard dog to welcome wagon.”‘

  “Good to know the best pastries in town will work on even the most obstinate dog.”

  Cricket grinned, then elbowed him in the ribs. “Hey,” she said, reaching for his laptop. “So I stayed up all night reading this thing.”

  “What’d you think about it?”

  “I think it’s fucking awesome.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his lips.

  “Seriously?”

  Her eyes twinkled. “Do you think I’d lie to you?”

  “Well, if there was any doubt, I was prepared to bribe you with pastries.”

  “No need. This is a terrific story. Funny and poignant and superbly written.”

  “You think it has legs?”

  “Hell yeah,” she said. “Though I don’t think I’d pitch it to Justine.”

  He laughed as Darby came to the door.

  “Knock, knock,” she said, pretending to knock but walking right in.

  “Morning,” Cricket said. “What’s up?”

  “Thought you’d like to know I fielded a call from a certain psycho queen named Justine.” She grinned.

  “Really?” Cricket said. “Calling about the event tomorrow night?”

  “You might say.”

  “But?”

  “But she’s canceled on us.”

  Cricket lifted her brow. “What?”

  “She was a little hysterical. Or enraged. Hard to say. She was in an Uber on her way to the airport.”

  “Airport?” Fletcher said.

  “Something happened to her. She’s pissed. She said she hates this town and she couldn’t wait to get the hell out.”

  “So there’s not gonna be a premiere?” Cricket said. “What about my breakout job?”

  Fletch looked at her. “Seriously, even if you have to eat the cost of this thing, consider yourself spared.”

  “I wonder what happened, why she chose to skip town?” Cricket said.

  Fletcher started chuckling, then filled them in on what he’d set up. They all had a good laugh at the idea of a nearly naked Justine being smacked in the face with a crème pie.

  “Karma’s a bitch.”

  “And so is Justine,” Darby said, roughing up Dingo’s fur and getting her all rowdy till she started barking in agreement.

  Fletcher thrust out his lower lip in a pout.

  “Why the long face?” Cricket said, stroking his hair. “You bummed you have to go back to work now?”

  He shook his head. “Actually, no. I tendered my resignation this morning. By text message.”

  Cricket clapped her hands. “That’s fantastic! But what does that mean for you? You should be happy, right?”

  He reached for her left hand and pulled it toward him, holding it up to inspect her cheap fake engagement ring. “I’m sad this means you’ll be taking off our engagement ring now.”

  Cricket pursed her lips. “I guess no need keep it on anymore, eh?” Her face fell.

  “Oh, stop it you two,” Darby said. “This is my cue to get the hell out of here before things get icky.” She turned and took the steps back down to the café.

  “I have to admit it seems bittersweet that you’ll be taking it off now, Crick.”

  She nodded. “Same here.”

  “But I was thinking...” He paused. “Maybe the next time I slip a ring on your finger, it’ll be the real thing. And maybe then you’ll have forgiven me enough to say yes?”

  Crickets eyes filled with tears. “Are you serious?”

  He leaned over and pulled her into a hug. “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. I have no idea what I’m going to do professionally, but for the first time in my life I know who I can’t live without in my life, and that’s you.” He slid the ring off her finger, then kissed where it had been. “Next time—and it won’t be long, I can promise you that—it’s going to be for real and forever. Because I love you, Cricket Ferguson, and I can’t wait to take my time falling even more deeply in love with you.”

  Thank you so much for reading Cabana Boy! I hope you enjoyed it! If so, please help others find this book:

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  Keep reading for a sample from Bird Dog – the next book in the Confessions of a Chick Magnet series.

  Bird Dog

  Chapter One

  Elise Jackson groaned as she stood smack dab in the middle of Main Street and reluctantly let Candy Patterson tie a blindfold around her eyes.

  “Really?” she muttered as he
r thick blond hair got tangled into the knot with a tight tug. “Blindfolded?” She let out a growl. “This bridal party forced frivolity thing is starting to pluck my last nerve.”

  Candy patted her on the back, which wasn’t the least bit reassuring.

  “Now, now. Trust me, it’ll be fine. All we need to do is follow these directions and all will be right with the world. It says: Do something intimate with a strange man, then have your picture taken with him and post it on Instagram. We’ll do this, knock out the final thing on the list, and then we can get busy drinking martinis.”

  At the rate things were going, Elise was gonna need to be two-fisted with those cocktails.

  “Can you define ‘intimate’? I mean am I supposed to get down on my knees and give some dude a blow job for the cause?”

  Candy laughed. “Have faith, Elise. How long have we known each other? Do you really think I’d make you do something like that?”

  She wanted to give her a deadpan look but she was blindfolded. “Let’s just say ‘no comment.’”

  Candy burst out laughing. “Thanks for that ringing vote of confidence.” She placed her hands behind her former college roommate and steered her over to the street corner, where a group of people had suddenly started to gather. “Hugs for Henry,” she said aloud as she read a sign tacked onto the lamppost.

  “What’s that?” Elise said.

  “I dunno. There’s this sign hanging up with a picture of some cute kid who must be Henry and people have lined up to hug a couple of handsome men. Not sure why. But that seems kinda intimate, no?”

  “And doesn’t even involved a strange guy’s dick in my mouth. It’s a win-win if you ask me. Quick get me in line to hug one of these idiots and let’s get outta here. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic with this thing pressing up on my eyeballs. And it’s so far over my nose I can’t comfortably breathe.”

  They were on the final step of a bachelorette party scavenger hunt that had found the two of them blowing up condom balloons with a couple of guys coming out of Nick’s Delicatessen; persuading a strange dad of two small children to sing “Like a Virgin” along with them as they pretended to be back-up singers; and asking a sixty-something woman to write sex advice on a cocktail napkin for Jennifer Lipton, the bride-to-be-slash-college friend Elise was thinking of disavowing at this point.

  These supposedly wacky adventures were part of Jennifer’s bachelorette party fun and games extravaganza, all of which only served to reinforce in Elise’s mind that she was one hundred percent down with a quickie elopement sans all of those nuptial-related frills that she had grown completely sick to death of after having attended and/or partaken in at least ten weddings in the past year alone. That is if she ever got married, which was about as high up on her priority list as having emergency dental surgery, so a bit of a moot point.

  Candy kept ushering Elise forward in line until finally they got up to what must’ve been the front of it, because now some guy was speaking to them.

  “Aha, we’ve got a little Fifty Shades action here?” the guy said. Ugh, the last thing Elise wanted was for someone to think she was some sort of S&M fan-girl.

  “Yeah, I’m so desperate for a bit of bondage I even walk down the street blindfolded,” she said, snarling her lip. “I was just bummed my friend here left my ball gag back in the hotel room.”

  “I see you’ve got yourself a sassy one,” the guy said, giving her a nod.

  “Yeah, sorry. She’s a little cranky right now,” Candy said. “See, we’re on a bachelorette party scavenger hunt. My friend here has to do something intimate with a strange man and then Instagram the picture. Because I’m a trusty friend, I’m going to keep it PG-rated and nothing that would humiliate the poor thing. Besides, she’s got a bit of anxiety about this thing around her head, so please, be gentle.”

  Elise could hear the guy rubbing his hands together. She kind of felt like a stallion with blinders on about to be auctioned to the highest bidder.

  “Cool. Cool,” he said. “Just so you know, I don’t normally hang out on street corners hugging people, but my friend’s kid Henry needs some surgery and they just lost their insurance and can’t afford it. So a bunch of us decided we’d do a fundraiser hugging people to raise money to help Henry out.”

  “Oh, my God, that is so sweet,” Candy said. “Isn’t it sweet, Elise?”

  Elise had kind of lost her warm fuzzies over this project. “It is sweet, and I hope Henry gets his day in the O.R. Now can we get on with this so I can remove this blindfold before a full-blown panic attack sets in?”

  “Your friend’s a little testy, eh?”

  “Seriously she’s not normally like this. I think she’s officially wedding’d out and the blindfold was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. After this we get to go drink, so we’re totally incentivized to get it over with and move on to the real fun.”

  “In that case, let’s do it.”

  “Oh, but Elise, you really should see this cute dog that just waddled over to us.”

  “That’s my buddy, Sherlock,” the guy said, leaning over to scruff the dog’s head.

  “What kind of dog is he?”

  “He’s a Basset Hound.”

  “I could eat him up with a spoon, with those hang-dog droopy eyes and the ears—Elise, they go all the way to the ground!”

  “Well, crap. You know now I have to pet the dog.” She pursed her lips, trying to figure out the logistics. “Here—help me so I don’t fall flat on my face.” She reached out her hand to steady herself on her friend as she bent down. Candy guided her hand to the dog’s head. “That’s a good puppy.” She puckered up her lips and let the dog lick her face as she made kissy noises to him while he slurped his tongue along her face. Finally, she stood up, dusting her hands off on her jeans. “Okay, now let’s get this done with so I can actually see the dog and give him the proper attention he deserves.” She paused, her hands on her hips. “How exactly does this work?”

  “Well normally when two people hug, one reaches out opened arms and wraps them around the other person, whose arms are also extended. They clasp, hold tight, then release.”

  “Oh, we’ve got ourselves a real rocket scientist here today,” she said, opening her arms. “Alrighty, then. Arms open wide,” she spread her arms wide. “So let’s insert Tab A into Slot B already.”

  Just then she felt a warm body press up against hers in a manner she hadn’t felt in far too long. And then warm arms that snaked around her body, pulling her tightly up toward his. Against her better judgment she could feel herself sinking into hard chest—how could she not, he felt so very yin to her yang? But yikes—was that... his Tab A she was noticing, suddenly nudging its way practically against her Slot B? Because whoa, that was so not okay. Even though it felt kind of like old home day for some bizarre reason. But no, she could not be pressed up against a stranger who was rapidly growing a hard-on. In broad daylight. Without her even seeing the guy. Ewww. Even if he did have a supposedly cute dog.

  Elise stiffened at the, well, stiffness, diplomatically pulling back from the man before he embarrassed himself on her, or worse, she embarrassed herself right back by being more receptive than the occasion dictated.

  “Okay, then,” she said, shoving her hands in her pockets, making it clear the touching thing was over. “I’m all good to take this thing off, Candy? Let’s get that picture and vamoose.”

  Candy worked to loosen the tight knot behind her until finally Elise was able to draw it over her head. She squinted and rubbed her eyes as they were suddenly accosted by brightness, then opened them to see standing before her the man who owned the most prime piece of real estate on her Shit List: Wilson T. Montgomery. The high school boyfriend who took her virginity then dumped her in the douchiest of ways, leaving her reeling and weeping and hating the very soil he walked on for years afterwards.

  “You!” she said, her eyes wide, pointing at him as if fingering a criminal. “How dare you touch me with
your grubby little paws.”

  “Elise?” he said, his brows furrowed as he stared at her. “That was you beneath that blindfold the whole time?”

  “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you touched me with your, your, your cooties!” Not beneath making a scene, Elise shrieked.

  He lifted a brow. “Cooties? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “You know damned well what I’m talking about.” She grabbed for Candy’s hand. “Let’s get out of here. Now!”

  “Wait a second,” he said. “You can’t leave yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you have to pay up.” He pointed to a woman who sat nearby with a cash box. “That’ll be fifty bucks.”

  “Fifty bucks? To hug the guy who ditched me on prom night for slutty Samantha Cadbury, who never met a guy she didn’t do on the first half of a date? For that matter, even if wasn’t her damned date to begin with?”

  He shrugged. “First of all, you are talking nonsense. Second of all, you agreed to the hug, and we hugged. You did the crime, you gotta do the time.”

  She glared at him as she pulled money out of her wallet and slapped it on the little card table where the cashier worked.

  “I’m only doing this so that little Henry gets his surgery. By the way—for what it’s worth, hugging you was like hugging a cactus: stiff and prickly.”

  “Oh yeah? Well maybe you needed something stiff in your life.”

  “I’ll show you stiff,” she said, rearing back as her arm seemed to get a mind of its own, powering her hand across his face, with a loud smacking sound. “Something I should’ve done years ago, buster.”

  With that, she stormed across the central plaza, not even bothering to wait to take the requisite photo for Instagram.

  Chapter Two

  Will was starting to get into the rhythm of this hugging-for-dollars thing. At first when his friend Ricardo had suggested it, he laughed it off.

  “As if people would pay us to hug them.”