“Sarah, I said look at me.” And when she finally focuses in, there is sheer determination in those two angry green eyes, but she will be no match for me.
“What did he say to you? He filled your head with all kinds of bullshit, didn’t he?”
Sitting up, with her back against the sofa, she pulls the cover tightly for protection, which pisses me off because the last person she needs protection from is me.
“What he said was all true, Liam. I did lose the baby. His baby. It was my fault. I couldn’t hold on to him and I couldn’t hold on to my baby. His baby.”
What in the ever-loving hell?
Before I can utter a word, Raina is sitting on the sofa right next to her, and she looks even more pissed than me. All I can think is she’s in mama bear mode, and what she’s about to unleash might not be pretty. I can only watch in awe.
“Sarah, I’m gonna say this once. So listen, and listen good. There is no doctor on this Earth that would ever place the blame on you for losing that baby. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t drink, you didn’t take drugs. There was nothing risky about your behavior at all. You. Weren’t. To. Blame. If you don’t believe me, start with the doctors here in town and go to every freakin’ doctor in North Carolina. Tell them the story. And I can guarantee not one of them will place the blame at your feet.”
Raina’s voice is becoming more passionate as she speaks. Thankfully, she’s telling Sarah exactly what she needs to hear.
“Daniel is a loose cannon and spewed crap at you that he had no right to. There is seriously something wrong with him, and you’re right to be worried about Londyn and Sydnee. But we’ll deal with all that later. Daniel’s locked up and can’t get to them. Right now, you focus on you. Sweetheart, you are worth so much more than Daniel or any other man has led you to believe. But I can’t make you believe that. Liam can’t make you believe that. Only you can do that.
“You just have to look at your life, look at all the wonderful things you’ve done. Even at eighteen, you were going to take on motherhood for the sake of that baby, and motherhood is some hard shit. You are an amazing teacher and every child that walks through your classroom door is a better person for having been there with you. Open your eyes, babe, and you’ll see it.”
I watch intently as it all starts to finally sink in. There’s a change in Sarah’s demeanor, her body language. She’s starting to loosen up, her shoulders aren’t squared off in tension, and there’s just a hint of a smile. It was brief, but I saw it. I’m not entirely sure what part of that lecture that Raina just gave Sarah actually hit home with her, and I don’t really care. I just need her to begin to believe in herself, to believe she matters. Because she’s everything to me.
“You’re right.”
“Um...what?” Raina asks, drawing in her eyebrows, seemingly confused.
“I said you’re right. I need to start getting rid of the head trash left from Daniel and start over. I won’t let him get to me again. No more.”
Hearing the determination in her voice makes me smile. She’s gonna be okay. Might take a while, there may be a few setbacks, but she’ll be okay.
“I do need to get to Sydnee, though. I think she’s really in trouble. And that means Londyn is too. I won’t have him hurting either one of them. It’s time to put that behind me as well. She needs me.”
“You and I will do that together. All in, babe, remember?” She gave me those words, all in, before, and she really thought she was, until Daniel tried to lay a damn guilt trip on her. “We’ll go together to help her get out of whatever trouble she’s in.”
“Can I get up now, please?”
And we’re back to sass.
All I can do is smile and wink.
“Wasn’t me who just read you the riot act, babe. That’s all on your bestie there.”
“Don’t use the word bestie, Liam. You’re not twelve,” she replies.
“She’s right, Liam,” Cole interrupts. Jesus, I forgot he was even here. That’s the longest he’s stayed quiet in the entire however many years we’ve been friends. “I’m twelve, remember. That’s what y’all keep telling me, that I act like I’m twelve. Saying bestie is just all kinds of wrong, man. Even I don’t say that.”
“No, Cole, you don’t. Thank God. Now if we could just improve on the rest of your communication skills, we’ll be good,” Zane replies jokingly. Leave it to Cole to lighten the mood.
Sarah leans into my touch as I glide my hands, starting at her temples and down over her pink cheeks, wishing like hell I could magically make the bruises disappear, make Daniel disappear. But I can’t. What I can do is help her through the next hurdle. Helping her sister. I don’t know what the dynamics of that relationship were before Sydnee slept with Daniel, but I do know Sarah barely speaks of her and avoids interacting with her at all costs. My guess is Sydnee’s been good at hiding Daniel’s behavior. But I think it’s all about to come to a head as soon as we get to their house.
Chapter Thirty-One
Sarah
“Turn here. Second house on the right is Sydnee’s.” I’m not sure if my voice cracked when I said that or not, but I’m feeling nervous and slightly angry at the same time. This is the first I’ve been here in years and I’m upset it’s under these circumstances. Liam’s hand reaches for mine, which makes me feel significantly better. I’m so glad he is here with me. He’s determined to make this thing between us work, so I’m trusting my instincts. And trusting him. He’s never given me reason not to, in all these months we’ve been friends.
Liam pulls into the driveway and the first thing I notice is that all their cars are gone. I take a quick peek in the garage door windows and find it empty as well.
“Let’s go to Mom and Dad’s. I hope they’re there.”
Liam called the station before we left to find out the status of Daniel’s arrest. At the moment, Daniel is still behind bars so we figure now is a good time to talk to Sydnee to help her figure out the next steps. I’m certain that if he acted out violently toward me, he’s done it with her as well, and I can only pray to God Londyn was never on the receiving end of that behavior. Liam won’t be the only one who’d like to kill him if he’s touched a hair on that little girl’s head.
Sydnee’s car is parked beside Dad’s in the driveway, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
We get out of the car and head inside, only to find Sydnee in tears, sitting at the kitchen table. Londyn is asleep on the couch, curled up with her blanket and stuffed polar bear I gave her a long time ago. Sleeping like an angel.
As soon as Sydnee and Mom see me, they both stand, rushing over toward us in the foyer. Sydnee wraps me in a hug and cries inconsolably.
“Oh my God, Sarah. I’m so sorry. He did this, didn’t he? He attacked you?” she asks, carefully touching the bruises on my cheek. “He was so m–m–mad when he left. I had no idea he’d come after you. I haven’t heard from him since he stormed out of the house.” Her cries continue as she holds on to me. “We left and came here to stay last night. I’m not...I’m not going back.”
When I finally get a good glimpse of her face, I see a Sydnee that is a shell of the woman she’d been. Her once vibrant and cheerful, and yes, dramatic eyes are now vacant and hurt. Her once shiny, thick hair is now dull and lifeless. What has happened to her? And yet, even after everything that’s happened between us, I know she’s still my sister, and I absolutely hate seeing her like this. Daniel has completely sucked the life out of her.
“He came to the house last night, blaming me for problems in your marriage. He implied that by me not telling him about the miscarriage, I’d caused a major rift in your relationship. I never expected he would have used me as a punching bag or I never would have opened the door.”
“After all I’ve done, all that’s happened, how are you even here?” she whispers hesitantly. “I hate what I’ve done, Sarah. You have to believe that.”
“We can talk about all that later. I want to know what’s going on. Wha
t has Daniel done to you? And please tell me he’s never lifted a hand to Londyn.”
Liam is being amazingly calm throughout the conversation we’re having. Mom, Dad, Liam, and I sit at the dining room table with Sydnee and listen to her tell us about the change in Daniel over the past two years. While he’s never laid a hand on Londyn, he’s been anything but a father to her, never participating in raising this beautiful little girl. By the sounds of it, Sydnee has been a single mother, for the most part. She tells us of his emotional outbursts, his condescending remarks, and how he belittles her often, telling her she’s fat and what a horrible mother she is, and how he regrets ever marrying her. He’s never hit her, yet the years of emotional abuse she’s endured has left her nearly empty. Had it not been for Londyn, she would have fallen apart completely.
“You need to file a restraining order against him, Sydnee,” Liam states.
Dad speaks up right away, agreeing with Liam.
“The process has already started. Yesterday was the last.” Tears begin to fall again as Londyn comes into the dining room, dragging the stuffed bear behind her, and crawling up onto her mommy’s lap. She lays her head on Sydnee’s shoulder while Sydnee holds on to her baby for dear life.
We all spend the next couple of hours talking and catching up. While Sydnee’s actions years ago were ones I never thought I’d get past, I’ve learned so much about her and why she did what she did in just this little sliver of time. Getting over it won’t happen overnight, and though she knows that, she has made it perfectly clear to me that she regrets everything she did, telling me she never meant for it to happen, and that she got caught up with him before she really knew what was happening. The biggest surprise was finding out about Daniel’s gambling and drinking.
Sydnee and Londyn will be staying with Mom and Dad for now. They both feel safe here and with the restraining order soon to be in place, everyone feels certain they will be okay. Physically, anyway. It’s going to take Sydnee a long time to come to terms with what she has suffered. Physical scars heal. Emotional ones can be carried around for life, like a ball and chain, always a reminder. I pray she gets some help, a good therapist, who can help her sort through her feelings and her fears.
And wow. Pot meet kettle. Huh.
As we all walk outside, I sweep Londyn off her feet in a huge hug, kissing all over her adorable face, before saying goodbye. She giggles and laughs like a little girl ought to.
“We getta stay at Mummum’s and Pappy’s, Aunt Sarah! We getta have a bunch of seepovers ev’ry night. And Pappy’s makin’ me panpakes ev’ry morning too.”
“Oh, you’re going to love staying here, my little Londyn. Pappy makes the best panpakes ever.” I love the little slipups she makes with her words, and laugh when I repeat them right back to her. I’ve got plenty of time to fix those. For now, she gets to be little.
Sydnee pulls on my arm, stopping me before I get into Liam’s car.
“There isn’t anything I can say that’ll excuse what I did to you. In a way, though, I’m glad it wasn’t you who married him. I never ever want you to have to go through what I went through. Maybe I just deserved it,” she says, half-chuckling. “Karma is a bitch.”
“Never. Sydnee, don’t even think that. No one deserves that kind of treatment. It isn’t Karma. It was just Daniel being unstable and out of control. That’s all on him.”
“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
“We’ll talk, Sydnee. I promise. We’ll talk.”
“I love you, sis.”
“You take care of Londyn. I’ll be back. I think she and I need some time to shop. She doesn’t have nearly enough girlie stuff, you know.”
Mom looks at me and smiles, wiping a tear from her eye.
We all laugh, and for the first time in six years, I’m starting to feel comfortable being around my sister and mom again. Forgiveness feels good.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Liam
It’s been a week since the attack on Sarah, and in that week’s time, her bruises have nearly vanished, Sydnee and Londyn are living full-time with Mr. and Mrs. Witten, and Daniel has been relatively quiet. The only peep we’ve heard out of him is a text to Sarah, apologizing profusely for how he attacked her. He blames the alcohol and the drugs, of course. He mentioned Sydnee, saying he was honoring the restraining order and was checking himself into a rehab program nearby that was court-ordered. That’s the only way that piece of shit was staying out of jail. Of course, if I had my way, he’d rot in jail, so I’m sure he’s glad I’m not in charge of the judicial system.
Sarah and I are at our favorite Italian place having dinner before we head to the pub. Cole and I are playing a few sets tonight and introducing two new original songs that we hope will be picked up by one of the artists Chrissie manages in Nashville.
We have another meeting with her; however, this time she’ll already be in Raleigh, so she is driving to the pub tonight to meet Cole and me there. This will be the first time she’s heard us in this environment, and we’re both excited to share the new stuff. For whatever reason, Sarah doesn’t talk much about Nashville or Chrissie, so I hope when she meets her tonight, things go well and they get along.
“Sarah, I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to take you home so you can meet my folks sometime. If you’re up for it, that is. I don’t want to rush you into anything. I mean, you’ll get to meet Chrissie tonight. There’s a lot of important people I want to introduce you to.”
Sarah stops mid-drink. She puts down her wine glass, looking at me with a smile, which warms my heart. Dinner is finished and we’re making short work of the wine that’s left.
“I think I’d like to meet your parents. I know how important your family is to you. Maybe a little more time, for the bruises to heal completely, though? I’d hate for them to have to see me like this.”
“What way is that? Stunning? Because that’s how I see you, bruises or not.”
“You might be just a bit biased, I think. But if it’s all the same, I’d really rather wait another week or so. I want to be as comfortable as possible, and if I know the bruises are still visible, I’ll feel uneasy and a bit too self-conscious.”
“Whenever you’re ready, babe. My sister is coming tonight, but she’s cool. You’ll love her, even more than Tatum, and I know you two got along well. I’ve explained about the bruises and told her not to even bring it up.”
“Chrissie and your sister all in one night? Shit, Liam.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. Brooke is just...Brooke. Down to earth, laid-back. She’s the last person to judge anyone. And Chrissie has this big important job with important, famous people, but you’d never know it. She puts her pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. You’ll see.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“I say so. But right now, we better get going. Cole and I have to set up and depending on his mood and his women, it can take a while.” I lean in close to whisper in her ear, “And just so you’re aware, tonight, when I get you home, I’ll be claiming this body of yours. I haven’t been inside you all week, waiting on you to heal, and I don’t think I can take another night.”
The slight hitch in Sarah’s breath is a good indication she’s turned on. Which is exactly what I need her to be. She can think about it for a while...delayed gratification and all that.
“Liam...um, we’ve got a bit of time. We could always take a quick detour. Maybe the office at the pub before your set?” she asks, winking and running her finger along my collar.
“Oh, shit. Look at the time. We need to get going,” I say with a smirk, which earns me a punch on the shoulder and a heavy sigh.
I throw down some cash to cover the bill and take her hand, walking toward the exit.
“You’ll pay for this, you know.”
“Looking forward to it, babe.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sarah
We arrive at the pub at the same time as Raina, and because
Zane is tending bar tonight, she and I find our table near the front and make our way there. Once we order drinks from the server, I excuse myself for a quick bathroom break. My stomach has been in knots all night, and I know it’s because this Chrissie person will be here to listen to Liam and Cole. Brooke, Liam’s sister, is also coming to hang out with us and this will be the first time meeting her. Brooke hasn’t been to see Liam and Cole sing in quite a while and because she has a night off, she decided to drive here to see him, and to meet me. Apparently, Liam’s been yapping on and on about me, and she needed to meet me herself.
I barely make it to the bathroom in time before my stomach swirls with nausea and nearly everything I had for dinner comes back up. I hold tight to the railing in the stall for support as another wave hits, and whatever is left in my stomach makes it way up. Sweat beads on my forehead and my knees tremble with the strain.
“Jeez. What is wrong with me?” I say to no one in particular. I don’t know what it is about meeting Chrissie that has me such a wreck. Maybe she’s prettier than me? When I see her name pop up on Liam’s phone, I have to admit the jealousy monster rears its ugly head. She’s obviously successful and rubs elbows with Nashville’s elite. So yeah, she’s kind of a big deal. My mind tries to wander off, making me think Liam would leave me for someone like her, someone he has things in common with. I’m trying not to let it go there, but that thought just sneaks its way in and it pisses me off. Residual trust issues from the past pop up again.
A splash of cool water on my face brings me back to focus. As I turn to walk out, a beautiful, but older blonde with piercing blue eyes and legs for miles, strolls in, nearly knocking me over.
“Oh, heavens. I’m sorry, hun. Are you okay?”
“Um. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about that? I’ll just...get...get out of your way.”
Hold on to Her (Only Her Series Book 2) Page 15