The User's Manual for the Brain Volume I
Page 13
How does this phenomenon that we call “communication” work? How can the “saying” and “listening to” words have that much creative and re-creative power? How do words (as mere symbols) work anyway? How do written and spoken symbols alter actual internal physio-psychological processes? Can we say that some words function in a “healing” way and other words actually generate “hurt,” “trauma,” “distress,” etc.? What mechanisms govern this?
So, of course, ultimately I took my doctorate in Cognitive-Behavioral psychology, with an emphasis in psycholinguistics, and wrote my dissertation on Languaging: The Linguistics of Psychotherapy. How Language Works Psycho-Therapeutically. Our ability to use words as symbols describes our uniqueness as humans. We humans have this tremendous power (and a dangerous one at that) of speaking our “reality” (subjective, internal reality) into existence.
Now, given this crucial role of “communication,” symbols, symbolism, language, words, higher level processing of information, etc., in human experience, the more we know about how “communication” (sending and receiving of messages) works, and the more skilled we can become in “communicating” effectively and with power—the more effective we will become in getting the outcome we desire from our communication. This brings us to the…
6.2 Three Qualities Of Exceptional Communicators
When the founders of NLP observed professional communicators in many fields, they discovered that successful communicators possessed three qualities. Thus anyone can become an exquisite communicator by developing these three skills. An NLP presupposition states, “The person with the most flexibility of behavior controls the system.” Successful communicators will change their communication and behavior to attain their outcomes.
In this chapter we address the first of these qualities. We have already studied number two (Chapter Two) as we considered reading non-verbal feedback through our sensory acuity. In the same chapter we studied rapport building skills, which applies to number three as you begin to learn flexibility in communication. This entire work concerns itself about giving you more flexibility of behavior as we assist you in filling up your communication toolbox with a vast array of tools. These tools will enhance your proficiency in communication through many choices which provide for more flexibility in communication.
The Three Qualities Of Exceptional Communicators
Identify explicit and achievable outcomes. Successful communicators know from the outset the direction and purpose of their communication.
Use sensory awareness to notice responses. These skills enable them to live in the now, in sensory-awareness, and provide them with necessary feedback about their progress toward their outcomes.
Flexibly alter behavior to achieve outcomes. Successful communicators develop the flexibility of behavior to continually change and adjust their communications to achieve their outcomes.
6.3 Well-Formed Outcome Model: Keys To An Achievable Outcome
Consider “goal setting.” In recent decades, many have written about the process of effectively setting goals. Many years ago I (BB) memorized the acrostic for S.M.A.R.T. goals:
S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Attainable/Assignable
R – Realistic/Rewarding
T – Timeable/Tangible
Goal setting functions as a prerequisite to success in most areas of life. Yet sadly, 95% of Americans still do not set goals. Who do these 95% work for? The 5% who do!
An outcome represents a goal developed with specificity that endows us with a very clear understanding of what to do.
The NLP model enables us to go beyond mere “goal setting” into desired outcome development. Here we do not talk just about setting goals but about setting outcomes. How do they differ? Goals are described in general terms, outcomes in specifics. An outcome represents a goal developed with specificity that endows us with a very clear understanding of what to do.
Suppose you set a goal to “increase participation in a work team” or to “enhance the dynamics of the group.” Both represent worthwhile objectives. Yet neither describes anything specific enough for a behavioral outcome. Those two phrases lack specificity. What plans do you plan to use to achieve them? In what areas do you expect to accomplish these desires? How will you know when you have reached them? A good outcome statement answers such questions. Once you have taken a goal through the well-formed outcome model, you greatly increase the probability of achieving your outcome.
The specificity of the well-formed outcome model facilitates concentration on what you internally see, hear, and feel. Your attention will direct itself toward external and internal resources necessary in achieving the outcome. Notice what happens internally when you think about the following:
sound … internal sound … pleasant internal sound
… low-pitched internal sound
As you became aware of each of these words and phrases, your attention becomes more focused. As you become aware of how you represent them in your mind, you notice the increasing specificity in the language—and that specificity focuses consciousness. Your internal processes make the necessary adjustments in order for you to experience the meaning of these word and phrases. Specifying an outcome immediately changes what you see, hear and feel.
None of us has the ability to experience “conscious awareness of everything.” Roughly two million bits of information per second impinge on the human nervous system. Yet our consciousness can only entertain seven plus or minus two pieces of information at a time (Miller, 1956).
The well-formed outcome model enables us to direct our attention toward our desired outcomes.
Few of us hold more than two or three items in our mind, consciously, at a time. Our minds must select. A well-formed outcome enables us to create specific pictures, sounds, feelings and words. Then that image activates our abilities and resources for achieving that outcome. This empowers us to take advantage of what we find presently available in our environment to attain our outcome.
The well-formed outcome model aids us in specifying who we will become. The model will enable us in the development of an image that we find both achievable and appropriate. Often people ask, “Isn’t this just positive thinking?” We explain, “Not exactly. For while positive thinking obviously helps, NLP goes beyond mere positive thinking to providing a way to think productively so that we can get ourselves to take the kind of effective actions that will move us to the fulfilment of our objectives.”
Now, given the value of this well-formed outcome process, a well-formed outcome should have the following characteristics:
Stated positively in terms of what we want.
Described in sensory-based language.
Self-initiated and self-controlled.
Appropriately contextualized.
Maintains appropriate secondary gain.
Builds in/includes the needed resources.
Ecological for the whole system.
6.3.0.32 1. Stated Positively
In fact, the human mind does not directly process a negative.
A representation stated in the positive motivates the mind more than a negative representation. Actually, the human mind does not directly process a negative. Suppose someone says to you, “Don’t think of poverty!” To process that statement, you will have to think by mentally representing “poverty.” You may then try to negate it by crossing it out, letting it fade away, etc., but first you have to represent it. If you tell a child to not go into the street, then first of all, the child will probably see themselves “going into the street!” And children, unfortunately, often forget to negate the representation after creating it! (“Don’t eat those delicious cookies!”) This realization about mental processing informs us about how and why we often end up doing exactly the opposite of what we ask of others or ourselves. We need to ask ourselves, “What kind of image does my question or statement create in the person’s mind?”
By definition, an outcome describes what
we positively want to accomplish. It describes something you want, not what you don’t want. We feel far more motivated to accomplish a positive outcome than a negative outcome. So we should not state outcomes using negations: “I am going to stop smoking.” That describes what we aim to not do (a negation). Every time you think of your outcome of stopping smoking, you internally imagine doing that very thing you want to stop doing. You have to think of what you don’t want to be doing—smoking. And, as we think, so we will become.
We should phrase it as a positive outcome: “I will take care of my health.” To think of this outcome, we imagine looking and feeling healthy. And if we think (represent) health, we will more likely experience health since we continue to send positive messages not only to our “mind,” but also to our neurology.
We also recommend that in your visual construct of your outcome you make the image of yourself having your outcome dissociated. So, once you have created an image of yourself having your outcome, make sure you see yourself in the picture. Why? Well, think of it this way: if you formulate your outcome associated (you do not see yourself in the picture), then your brain will tell your body that you already have your outcome. The reason—the brain does not know the difference between imagination and reality. Imagine yourself going over to your refrigerator and opening the door. Next open the vegetable drawer and pull out a lemon. After closing the vegetable drawer and the refrigerator, imagine yourself going over to your counter and taking out a knife and cutting board. Next, slice the lemon in half, then in quarters. Afterwards, pick up a one-quarter slice of lemon and imagine squeezing the lemon juice into your mouth. Now, is your mouth watering? For most people, this simple exercise will cause your mouth to water. How come? After all, you don’t have a lemon in your mouth. It happens because through the processes of imagination your brain activated your salivary glands and your mouth watered. Likewise, if you recall your outcome images associated, your brain will instruct your body that you already have the outcome—and you will not have as much motivation to obtain your outcome as you will if you recall it dissociated. Your brain will tell your body from a dissociated position, “I want that. I don’t now have it but I can have it. Let’s go get it!”
To begin designing some well-formed outcomes, use the following questions to formulate your outcome (or a client’s outcome). These questions assist in establishing a well-formed outcome:
What specifically do you want?
What will having that do for you?
Have you stated your outcome positively?
Do you see yourself having your outcome?
6.3.0.33 2. Described In Sensory-Based Language
We will reach our outcome through the mental processes of creating an internal map of our outcome in terms of sights, sounds, and sensations—what we will see, hear, and feel.
Having stated our outcome in positive language, we can now ask, “What will I see, hear and feel when I have my outcome?” This step will let us know when we have our outcome—our evidence procedure. In NLP, we base outcomes on sensory experience (seeing, hearing, feeling). Why? Because the mind processes information in these terms. Our individual skills arise from how we develop and sequence our rep systems. In other words, we will reach our outcome through the mental processes of creating an internal map of our outcome in terms of sights, sounds, and sensations—what we will see, hear, and feel. These processes, in turn, determine our internal state. And our internal state coupled with our physiology ultimately drives our behavior. And by means of our behavior, we create our outcome.
Further, code the desired outcome in a dissociated image so that you see, hear, and feel it as “out there.” This will set up a neurological direction so that you will have a feeling of wanting to move toward it.
How will you know when you achieve your outcome?
What will you see when you have your outcome?
What will you hear when you have your outcome?
What will you feel when you have your outcome?
6.3.0.34 3. Self-Initiated And Self-Controlled
While we can control our own thinking-and-emoting responses to life, we cannot control other people—especially their thoughts-and-emotions. Often we hear someone ask, “How can I change my spouse’s behavior?” Easy. “Change your behavior and responses in some way that leaves your spouse without the need for their old program. Now what do you need to do that?” Changing others directly lies outside our control. Changing them indirectly by changing ourselves—we can do that! The well-formed outcome works with changes that we can initiate, maintain, and manage. To put our outcome at the disposal of others only disempowers us and invites failure.
Changing others directly lies outside our control—changing them indirectly by changing ourselves—we can do that!
Do you and you alone control your outcome?
Does your outcome involve anyone else?
Can you both initiate & maintain the responses needed to reach your outcome?
6.3.0.35 4. Appropriately Contextualized
We need to design our well-formed outcome to fit into all the appropriate contexts of our lives. When we fail to do such, we build an over-generalized outcome that can cause problems in other areas. So we ask, “Where and when do you want this particular outcome? Under what conditions? What other constraints of time, energy, context, etc., do you need to consider as you build the outcome representations?”
In what situations would having your outcome become inappropriate or useless?
Where, when, how & with whom do you want this outcome?
Do you want your outcome all the time, in all places and without any limitations?
6.3.0.36 5. Maintain Appropriate Secondary Gain
In changing behavior, if we do not preserve the secondary gains from the old behaviors, and provide alternative ways of attaining them, the desired
behavior changes will probably not last.
All of our present behavior provides us with positive values and outcomes. If it didn’t, we would not perpetuate and maintain it. In psychology, clinicians refer to this feedback as “secondary gain” We talk about this in NLP as the ecology of the entire system (a personal, human system of thoughts-emotions, relationships, etc.). A person who smokes gains something from smoking. If they did not, they would not smoke. An individual who eats too much gains something from overeating. If they did not, they would not over-eat. Therefore in changing behavior, if we do not preserve these secondary gains, and provide alternative ways of attaining them, the desired behavior changes will probably not last. This undoubtedly explains why so much change doesn’t last. Use the following questions to discover the secondary gains you may have hidden inside your current behaviors:
What would you lose if you accomplished your outcome?
When, where & with whom would not having your outcome feel OK?
Would you have to give up anything that you deem important to have this outcome?
6.3.0.37 6. Build In The Needed Resources
To reach our desired outcomes—we need resources! A well-formed outcome will therefore have the needed resources included within it so that we imagine and represent such as part of the outcome achievement. Many people set goals which they simultaneously “can’t imagine” themselves really experiencing! This indicates that they have not built in the needed resources.
What do you have now, and what do you need, to get your outcome?
Have you ever done this before?
Do you know anyone who has done this before?
6.3.0.38 7. Ecological For The Whole System
Changes made at one point in a human system must fit together with, and adapt to, the other parts of the system in a healthy way.
A major strength of NLP concerns ecology. Ecology, as the science of the relationship between an organism and its environment, in NLP speaks about our concern that changes made at one point in a human system must fit together with, and adapt to, the other parts of the system in a healthy way. In definin
g a well-formed outcome, we therefore give consideration both to the individual and to other people in the system. Human systems include family, work relationships, school, friends and community. If we gain from one area at the expense of another area, this benefit will not last. NLP says that “We need to evaluate behavior and change in terms of context and ecology.”
The following four questions derive from Cartesian logic. These four questions offer some useful and powerful linguistic patterns. The theory of Cartesian logic asserts that if an outcome (or any theory) will hold true in all four questions, then you can view your outcome as attainable. As you process your outcome through these questions, notice if you get a negative internal feeling (Ki-) or an objecting thought. If so, you probably will need to alter your outcome until you have positive thought-feelings about outcome. These questions provide a powerful means of discovering if your outcome truly fits your needs. You may want to memorize these questions and see just how helpful they become in your communications and changework:
What will happen if you get it?
What won’t happen if you get it?
What will happen if you don’t get it?
What won’t happen if you don’t get it?
6.4 Cartesian Coordinates
Note: In the chart on the next page the ~ symbolizes “not.” So this illustration reads: Theorem = AB, Inverse = A not B, Converse = not AB, Non-Mirror Image Reverse = not A not B. Or, I (BB) like to think of it in terms of (–) and (+). In this manner it would read: Theorem = (+) (+), Inverse = (+) (–), Converse = (–) (+) and The Non-Mirror Image Reverse = (–) (–).