13.2 The Categories
Satir Categories
Blamer
Placater
Computer
Distracter
Leveler
Virginia Satir noticed that people tend to consistently use one of five different language behaviors. She labeled these five patterns: Blamer, Placater, Computer, Distracter and Leveler. These categories describe large chunk styles of communication, which give reliable information about people’s preferences in how they tend to converse with others.
The Blamer usually looks for somebody else to place responsibility on for things going wrong. The blamer projects their feelings and thoughts towards other people. Some refer to them as skunks, for they always spray people with their language. They use stiff gestures and usually point their fingers at the other person. Universal quantifiers, complex equivalences and lost performatives provide the blamer with invaluable tools in their quest to “let ‘em have it”! Unless the blamer chooses to change, they will usually find themselves very alone.
The Blamer Position
The Placater Position
The Computer Position
The Distracter Position
The Placater in some ways mirrors the blamer in that they want the blame placed elsewhere. However, they try to shift responsibility in such a manner so as that others will perceive them as nice. A Placater may even accept the blame for everything. The Placater utilizes the Meta-model violations of cause and effect, unspecified verbs and modal operators. Unlike the Blamer, the Placater does not use forceful language or threatening gestures. The Placater operates more like a turtle than a skunk. Instead of spraying the other person, the Placater will draw into their own shell. They try to trigger guilt in you with the “poor little me” attitude. The statement, “How come I care about the world and nobody cares about me?” summarizes the feelings of the Placater.
The Computer type uses language that hides emotions. Their defense lies in their never giving themselves away. They mirror Mr. Spock of Star Trek: logical, always under control, unemotional, etc. The Computer type appears like Mr. Cool. Some may say they have a cold and unfeeling personality. In marriage and other close relationships, the spouse or significant other to a Computer may very well experience them as cold and aloof. This often causes many problems. Often they live dissociated. The Computer type uses words as buffers. They give many “you” messages. Often they will deflect responsibility by saying, “One must conclude…” Listen for the Meta-Model violations of lost performatives, nominalizations and deleted referential indexes in identifying the computer. Most bureaucrats and accountants function like the Computer type.
The Distracter at one moment will appear as a Blamer. At another moment they will give off the characteristics of a Placater. Then they will switch to the Computer type. They just jump from one mode of behavior to another, hence the name Distracter. They cause confusion and their mouths run in high-gear overdrive. They use lost performatives, generalizations and deleted referential indexes.
The Leveler Position
The Leveler does not have many distinguishing characteristics. The major characteristic of a Leveler comes out in the absence of any of the other Satir categories. A Leveler comes across as factual and congruent. You can rely on what a Leveler says as true to their perception. The physiology and language display the congruency of the Leveler. The one negative thing we can say about a Leveler concerns the challenge that many people do not want to know the truth. This will lead them to respond negatively to the Leveler.
By observing body language, you can usually identify the Satir category in use. The Blamer often uses posture, breathing and gestures that correspond to a visual Person. They point their fingers a lot with the finger and palm down. The Placater matches the kinesthetic. Often their palms turn up as if to say, “Please.” The Computer mirrors the auditory digital. Often the Computer will stand with their arms crossed. The Distracter will take on the physiology of all the above as they switch from one mode to another.
After spending a good deal of time with a person, you will identify their preferred Satir category. When under stress, we usually give away our preferred category. So, have your sensory acuity attuned when gathering information from a stressed person. Do not jump to a quick conclusion concerning someone’s preferred Satir category. Listen and watch over a period of time before forming your conclusion. As situations and contexts change, our use of Satir categories may very well change. In all probability, you operate from a different Satir category when under stress then when utterly relaxed.
13.3 Pacing Satir Categories
In pacing Satir categories, as a rule, you do not match as with predicate matching. If you match the Satir category, you will break rapport and enhance whatever mode they use. Satir herself always recommended that you mismatch except when with a leveler. As mentioned in the chapter on building rapport, you can match the physiology and volume of an angry Blamer, but do not match their threatening tonality and words. To answer a Blamer with Blamer leads to an argument. Placating a Placater leads to a whining contest. Distracting with a Distracter will lead to chaos. Matching a Computer type with a Computer type may work, but the conversation will sound stale and cerebral. Most committee leaders lead meetings in the Computer mode, and therefore come across as boring and, therefore, unproductive. This leaves only one Satir category that you can safely match, the Leveler.
How do you use Satir categories in communication? First go to the Computer mode if you do not know what to do. Computers take no risks but they also communicate little substance. This response will give you time to decide what to do. Always avoid the Distracter mode. Operating from the Distracter mode tends to cause others to perceive that you have serious personality problems.
Satir suggested that there is often incongruency between what a person’s physiology communicates and what one actually feels inside. A Blamer may have a stiff and pointing finger and at the same time have a judgmental and confident attitude. However, such a position may very well cover up a feeling of loneliness and lack of success. A Placater may say with their posture that they experience helplessness, but inside they may feel worthless. On the outside the Computer may seem calm and collective, but inside they may feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. The Distracter may sound and act like a scatterbrain, but they may actually feel unbalanced and unloved.
Stress almost inevitably pushes us out of leveling and into one of the other categories. Most people have learned to feel comfortable in a preferred Satir category. However, that may provide a poor means of coping because it reduces rather than expands a person’s choices. Under stress, we need all available means of communication. By going to our preferred Satir category, we limit our response to others. We need access to a rich variety of ways of responding when under stress. A wise communicator will develop proficiency in the use of all the categories.
We need access to a rich variety of responses when under stress. A wise communicator will develop proficiency in the use of all the categories.
13.4 Exercise
13.4.0.73 Satir Categories (3 people)
“A” role plays a fourteen-year-old teenager who wishes to go on a date. “B”, the parent, has just said, “No. You know that the rules around here say that you must turn sixteen before you date.” “A” responds, “Why can’t I go? You don’t trust me. All my friends at my age date. Their parents trust them, but you don’t trust me. I will never, never forgive you for this!”
“B” replies using each of the Satir categories in turn. At the end of each response, “C” helps “A” and “B” process their thinking and feelings during the various replies. Pay particular attention how different replies will access different internal states each time in “A” and “B.” As “B” replies by matching “A’s” words with appropriate posture, tone, gestures, facial expression, etc.
13.5 Example Of Replies:
BLAMER: “I am fed up with listening to that kind of talk. You know th
e rules around here. I have told you since you were a child that you will never date until you are sixteen. You never listen to me. I am the parent and you are the child. As long as you live in this house and eat at my table, you will always do what I tell you to do. Just keep it up and I won’t let you date until you are eighteen!”
PLACATER: “Now, honey, please don’t act like that. I do trust you. You make me feel so bad when you talk to me like that. I am having PMS today and I may have been a little harsh. I don’t want to be mean. I sincerely wish to be a good parent. Please don’t be angry with me. It hurts me when you are angry with me. Forgive me, please.”
COMPUTER: “You may think that I am the only parent who exercises responsibility by not letting their children date before sixteen. However, I know for a fact that other parents have the same rule. In any case, I am not responsible for other parent’s children. I am responsible for you and I accept responsibility for determining when you are mature enough to date. Studies prove that most teens are too immature to date alone until they are at least sixteen. And I was fourteen once, you know. As a responsible parent, I am concerned about your welfare. Would you have me be any other way? Forgive ness is yours to give. Responsibility as a parent is mine. And, because I love you, I choose not to let you date alone until you are sixteen. Any further discussion will be fruitless. Therefore, our discussion is complete.”
DISTRACTOR: “What do you mean I do not trust you? You make me so mad. You hurt me so much when you act this way. You know, honey, that I wish to give you as much latitude as possible. I desire for you to grow into a responsible adult. In order for you to do this, I understand that I must allow you freedom. However, I must make decisions based on what I believe is your present level of maturity. Oh, you aggravate me so much when you tell me I don’t trust you. You know better than that. Please don’t tell me that I don’t trust you. You make me feel like I am some kind of a tyrant. However, one must realize how easy it is to make a bad decision based on hormones and not reason. And, you have heard about AIDS haven’t you?”
LEVELLER: “Honey, I love you very much. Whether I say, ‘yes’ or ‘no’ does not change that. In this situation, I believe ‘no’ is the answer love would give. Thus, the answer is ‘no!’”
13.6 Satir Categories In Public Speaking
The Satir categories provide invaluable tools to the public speaker. Learning to use all the categories will help you establish rapport with everyone in the audience.
The Satir categories provide invaluable tools to the public speaker. Learning to use all the categories will help you establish rapport with everyone in the audience. Put on the tone and physiology of each of the categories during the course of your speech. Use Blamer when you want to make a strong point. Having served as a preacher for many years, I (BB) have great confidence in my ability as a Blamer. Many times I went overboard with it. Lots of people get tired of having a guilt trip laid on them. So, when engaged in public speaking, use wisdom in how often you utilize the Blamer mode. Use placater for sympathy. Use Computer to garner the perception as dissociated and logical. Use Distracter for fun and to grab the audience. Use Leveler for candor and to convince the audience. Run through these categories at will and you can put people through an incredible set of states.
13.7 Thought Questions to Assist Your Learning:
How would you use all five Satir categories in expanding your own communication style?
What use or value do you see in knowing, recognizing and using these categories?
3
The NLP Neurology Model
14
Anchoring: Managing Neurology
Speaking The Silent Language
14.1 What you can expect to learn in this chapter:
The NLP user-friendly form of Pavlovian conditioning
How to “anchor” experiences and states
Numerous things to do with the anchoring process
Patterns of transformation using anchoring
I (BB) grew up in the rural mountains of North Carolina. My father thought and behaved like a typical mountain man. He sternly disciplined us. While he did not physically abuse, he expected and received the behavior he wanted. To this day I can still remember that special look he would give when my behavior did not meet his expectations. When I saw that look, I knew that wisdom lay in immediately changing my behavior! The consequence for not changing my behavior—a trip behind the corncrib and a special visitation of a branch. A nearby bush had narrow branches that felt like leather when dad wrapped them around my backside. So, when dad gave that special look, I immediately responded. He had me anchored to that look.
Following the success of the allied forces in Desert Storm many felt a sense of pride in victory—so when we saw an American flag widely displayed it re-induced those feelings every time.
When we drive down the road and approach a rectangular box with three lights on it, we notice on the top the red light, yellow in the center and green on the bottom. When the light changes to yellow, we slow down. When the light changes to red, without thinking, our foot leaves the gas pedal and touches the brakes.
Before the death of his wife, Joe went to church regularly. But since having her funeral at his church, he hasn’t returned to church. When he even thinks about going back to church, he creates a mental image of his wife’s casket at the front of the church. This image brings on a sense of overwhelming grief and he begins to sob. So, in an attempt to lessen the grief, Joe stopped going to his church.
14.2 The Stimulus-Response Concept
What do all of these experiences have in common? In each of these something elicited memories, feelings and behavior. This stimulus-response reaction goes back to the early Russian psychologist, Ivan Pavlov, and his experiments with unconditioned and conditioned responses. As Pavlov studied dogs, he discovered that they would salivate upon seeing, smelling, and tasting meat. He added the sound of a bell or a tuning fork when he gave the dogs the meat. After a few repetitions of conditioning, he would only sound the bell or tuning fork to elicit their salivation response. This became foundational in behavioral psychology and learning theory.
Bandler and Grinder discovered a “user-friendly” use of conditioned responses (classical conditioning) as they recognized that they could use the triggering stimulus (the anchor) as a mechanism for moving “experiences” around in time and space.
In NLP, anchoring refers to the natural process by which any element of an experience (any sensory modality component) can recreate (re-evoke) the entire experience.
Because much of our “learning” follows this model, we also get various internal/external responses (thoughts-feelings, states, behaviors, etc.) linked to or connected to various stimuli—some of which lie outside of awareness. In NLP, anchoring refers to the natural process by which any element of an experience (any sensory modality component) can recreate (re-evoke) the entire experience. And, inasmuch as individual skills result from the development and sequencing of rep systems, stimuli that evoke any part of the representation will often trigger the entire experience.
Since anchoring occurs all the time, it actually represents nothing new. Normally, we just do not notice it. Perhaps we don’t have a model (conceptual schema) for thinking about it. So it occurs—but occurs outside of our conscious awareness. This very fact itself makes it such a powerful communication mechanism—one that we can now learn to use more systematically and strategically.
One of the highlights of my life (BB) consisted in receiving my Doctor of Ministry Degree from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. In my memory of that experience I can vividly see the splendor of the chapel, the packed auditorium, the march of the professors down the aisle at the opening of the ceremony. As I do, I feel the feelings that I had then. They come back. Each professor wore the robes and hoods of their respective institution and discipline. The sounds of the large pipe organ reverberated through the building. I recall hearing Dr. Elmo Scoggin giving the address.
To those receiving the doctor’s degree, Dr. Scoggin said, “My father told me when I received my doctor’s degree, ‘Son, that doctor’s degree is like a curl on a pig’s tail. It is mighty pretty but it ain’t worth nothing.’” The day’s highlight came when President Randall Lolley placed the hood around my neck. Today when I wear the robe to conduct a wedding, the very sight of it re-evokes that whole experience. The robe acts as an anchor for the entire experience. Even the sound of a pipe organ can recall the experience.
An anchor refers to an internal or external representation that triggers another representation.
14.3 What Do We Mean By “An Anchor”?
An anchor refers to an internal or external representation that triggers another representation. The external sight of the doctoral robe or the sound of the pipe organ re-triggered my thoughts-feelings about that experience. The sight of the robe triggered the entire memory with all the internal representations of the memory. If the memory contains all the rep systems, we call that a 4-tuple. Why 4-tuple and not 5-tuple? We do that by combining the olfactory and gustatory rep systems into one. So, the term “4-tuple” refers to VAKO with “O” combining both olfactory and gustatory rep systems. Any one of these representations when triggered will cause the recall of the entire memory. Dilts (1983) noted,
The User's Manual for the Brain Volume I Page 30