“I pushed. I could tell he’d been holding a lot inside, and I didn’t want that shit eating him up.”
I tensed. My first instinct was to snap at Griffin that pushing Will wasn’t his job. But I swallowed the words back. I’d known for a while now that Will was holding things back from me. Maybe they were things that he simply felt more comfortable sharing with a man. “What did he say?”
Griffin glanced over his shoulder towards the room where Will was working before returning his focus to me. “He blames himself for what happened that night.”
“What night?”
“When that asshole broke in and terrorized him and his sisters. He knew things were off with your parents, but he didn’t tell anyone. He’s taking everything that happened on himself. And now he’s doing everything he can to keep from being a burden.”
“Oh, God.” I felt sick to my stomach. “None of this was his fault. I can’t—” Tears filled my eyes.
Griffin cupped my face, sweeping his roughened thumbs across my cheeks. “I know. And I told him that. But I think he could use hearing it from you, too. It’s going to take some time for it to sink in.”
I nodded woodenly. “Other than the night I picked them up at the sheriff’s station he hasn’t said a word about blaming himself.”
“He’s ashamed.”
My insides gave a painful twist. My beautiful boy with the biggest of hearts. I couldn’t handle the knowledge that he’d been carrying this around for so long. I took a shuddering breath, trying to get my emotions under control. Me crying all over him was not going to help the situation. “I need to see him.”
Griffin pressed his lips to my forehead and then let me go. “He loves you.”
“I know.” I couldn’t disguise the tremble in my voice, and I silently prayed that I could hold it together through this conversation.
Griffin led the way back into the construction zone and flagged Will down so that he stopped his demolition. Griffin inclined his head to me. “Your sister’s home.”
Will stiffened, and the action might as well have been a knife to the heart. When had Will ever been nervous to talk to me? Acid churned in my stomach. Always, I realized. We’d talked about so many things, but he’d never once shared what was deepest in his heart. I tried to smile. “Hey. This looks pretty impressive.”
Will looked from me to Griffin and back again. “Griffin told you what we talked about, huh?”
Griffin gave Will a comforting slap on the back. “Just a little. But I think it’s time that you and your sister really talk. Yeah?”
Will nodded. “Will you stay?”
Griffin looked to me as if for permission. I swallowed. “Of course, he can stay.” I took a few more steps into the room, hesitant as first, but I couldn’t stop once I started moving. I pulled Will into my arms, wrapping him in a hard hug. “I love you. None of this was your fault. Not a single thing. You got that?”
He nodded against my shoulder. “That’s what Griffin said.”
“Well, Griffin might be grumpy at times, but he’s also really freaking smart, so I’d listen to him if I were you.”
Will let out a little laugh and pulled back. “True.”
Griffin scowled at both of us. “Who are you calling grumpy?”
Will and I grinned at each other. But after a moment, Will’s smile slipped from his face. “I want to quit football.”
My mouth opened and closed a few times. “But you love football.”
He grimaced. “I hate it, actually. I’d rather take some music lessons instead. I can pay for them with what I make working for Griffin.”
I gripped Will’s arm, squeezing. “You don’t have to pay for them yourself. I’d love to get you lessons.” And thanks to Griffin’s generosity, I didn’t even have to check my bank account before I offered it. I surveyed my brother. “If you hated it so much, why did you keep playing?”
Will shrugged. “I was good at it. And Coach said I could probably get a scholarship for it.”
“And you didn’t want me to have to worry about college tuition.” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t put the pieces together until now. Will was never jazzed on game days or overly excited when his team won a game. But I’d always thought it was simply his way of staying centered and focused. Meanwhile, he’d been spending hours on end every week doing something he hated, just to take some pressure off me.
“I didn’t want you to have to worry about it.”
“That’s my job, Will. I’m the worrier here.”
His eyes blazed. “It’s not your job. It was Mom and Dad’s job, but they failed, and it got dumped on you. It’s not fair.”
Anger flared to life inside me. At our dad. At our mom. At the drugs that’d destroyed everything in their path. But I couldn’t rage against my parents or inanimate objects. So, my rage ate at me from the inside out. “It might not have been my job to take care of you from birth. But it’s the job I’ve loved more than anything I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t give it up if you paid me a million dollars. Sure, it’s hard sometimes, but that just makes it all the more worth it when we succeed.”
Will still looked skeptical. I pressed on. “We’re a team. You, me, Ava, and Mia. We figure things out together. That means we’ll figure college out, too. But I don’t want you to hide your dreams from me because you think following them is asking too much. If you want to go to school to study music, we’ll make it happen.”
Will’s gaze flicked briefly to Griffin. “I think I want to study architecture.”
My chest burned. Architecture. Because he’d loved bringing this old house back to life. And Griffin had given him that. “I think you’d be an amazing architect. And look at all the experience you’re already getting.”
“You don’t think it’s dumb?” he asked hesitantly.
“Not dumb at all. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you get there.”
I set the final dish from dinner in the dishwasher and pressed the door closed. The machine whirred to life once I pressed the buttons. Bracing myself against the kitchen sink, I stared out at the night sky. Will, Griffin, and I had talked for hours. Well, Will had talked. Griffin and I had mostly listened. And I witnessed a side to my brother I’d never seen before. The things he wanted weren’t extravagant. They were normal. But he’d been too afraid to reach for them.
There was heat at my back, and strong arms wrapped around me. “Are you okay?”
I leaned into Griffin’s warmth, soaking up the comfort of his presence. “Would you be?”
He grunted. “You’ve had a rough few weeks.”
Understatement of the century. “I feel like such a failure.”
Griffin turned me to face him, searching my eyes. “Why?”
My breathing picked up speed as I tried in vain to shove the tears down. “He’s been hurting, and I didn’t even see it. What kind of pseudo-parent does that make me? Maybe Patti was right. I just don’t have the right instincts.”
Griffin’s expression hardened. “Don’t you dare agree with that woman. You are the best pseudo-parent I’ve ever seen. But growing up, it’s messy and hard, and he’s going to stumble along the way.”
“But you saw it. You saw that he was holding back and knew you had to break through that wall.”
Griffin brushed the hair away from my face. “I saw it because I’ve been there.”
I twisted my fingers in his t-shirt. “I’m so sorry. For both of you. I hate that either of you were hurting. That you felt alone.”
Griffin brushed his lips against my temple. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”
I tipped my face up to his, our lips a breath apart. “And you won’t. Not ever again.”
His mouth crashed down on mine. A searching hunger took over as I lost myself in Griffin’s lips and tongue, in the feel of his body pressed against mine. I pulled back, breathing hard. “The kids are asleep.” He nodded. “Take me to bed.”
He searched my face, looking for something. That I was emotion
ally stable enough to make this decision perhaps. I fisted his shirt harder. “Please. I need to feel you. All of you.” I wanted to get lost in this man who had come to mean comfort and safety, yet at the same time, could set my nerve endings on fire.
Whatever Griffin was looking for, he seemed to find it because he lifted me up in a flash. My legs encircled his waist, and I muffled my shriek in his neck as he took the stairs two at a time. When we reached the master bedroom, Griffin slowly lowered me. The friction as my center passed over the ridge in his jeans had me sucking in air.
As my feet hit the floor, Griffin framed my face with his hands. “You’re so damn beautiful. I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this moment. To know what your body feels like wrapped around mine. The taste of your skin. To be consumed by that light that flickers all around you.”
The burning heat in Griffin’s eyes lit me from the inside out. Never in my life had I felt more desired than in this moment. Wanted for my body and mind, my heart and soul. My hands went to the button on Griffin’s jeans, popping it open and pulling down the zipper. I let out a strangled sound as my hand met the rigid line of him. I took him in my palm, and Griffin let out a groan. “You keep doing that, and we aren’t going to get to have any fun.”
I grinned. “This seems pretty fun to me.”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word.” Griffin froze. “Shit.”
I released my hold on him, looking up. “What?”
“I don’t have any condoms.” His gaze swept over my face. “I haven’t been with anyone for a long time.”
My stomach flipped. “I haven’t either. And I’m on the pill.”
He trailed a finger down my neck, hooking it in my sundress’s strap and pulling it down. “Can I take you bare? Feel every inch of you?”
I shivered. “Yes.”
Suddenly, my dress was in a pool at my feet, and Griffin’s eyes flared. “No bra?”
My cheeks heated. “Can’t really wear one with this dress.”
His fingers hooked in the sides of my panties, and he slowly pulled them down my legs, each millimeter stoking the flame that had been lit in me. He lifted one leg and then the other, his eyes focused solely on the apex of my thighs. His thumb stroked my folds. “Shouldn’t be surprised you’re beautiful here, too.”
“Please,” I whimpered.
Griffin looked up at me through hooded eyes. “What do you need?”
“You.” It was such a simple answer, but it was the only truth I had. I needed to feel him moving in me. To have him sear his essence into my bones so I’d never lose him.
Griffin pushed to his feet, pulling his shirt over his head and shucking his pants. He was in front of me in a flash, moving me back towards the bed. “You have me.”
“Prove it.”
As Griffin lowered me to the bed, I trembled. Not out of fear or nerves but because I knew this moment would change everything. I raised my knees, hooking my legs around him. His tip bumped against my entrance, but he stopped there, staring into my eyes.
Then, without a word, he slid inside, showing me everything I needed to know without another sound. In the gentle sweep of his rough fingers across my nipples. In the trail of his tongue down the column of my throat. In the slow, steady build of his thrusts.
I sucked in a sharp breath as he drove deeper. Griffin stilled. “You okay?”
“More. Please.”
He grinned and began moving in earnest. Driving me higher with each thrust of his hips. The spot he reached inside twisted some invisible cord inside me so tight, I thought I’d surely snap, never to recover again.
Griffin’s thumb found my clit, circling. Each tease and stroke stopped just shy of the place I knew would send me over the edge. With each pass, he came a little closer. Sparks of light danced across my vision as I reached for it, that invisible string holding us together, pulling us closer.
My fingers dug into his shoulders, my eyes locking with his, a million silent things passing between us. I could see it then. The love that shone there. And as Griffin swiped the pad of his thumb where I needed him most, I came apart. And I did it knowing he’d catch every piece of me.
43
Griffin
There was nothing like holding Caelyn in my arms. The knowledge that she was wholly mine, and I was hers. The scent of her filling my senses, and the feel of her body cocooned by mine. It was like coming home. To a home that I’d been missing for so long, I’d lost any hope of finding it again.
I’d had her twice but still couldn’t stop my fingers from wandering, from exploring every inch of her silken skin. She squirmed when I trailed a fingertip over the inside of her elbow. I grinned. “Ticklish?”
“Maybe…”
“Good to know.” I wanted to make a note of every reaction she had. As if I could make a map of her body, discovering hidden paths and secret treasures.
Caelyn let out a little moan. “I’m so sleepy.”
It was understandable. She’d been through the wringer today. I kept stroking her skin. “I should warn you, I have nightmares pretty often.” The last thing I wanted was to terrify Caelyn because I was thrashing around. Worse, I could hurt her.
She turned in my arms so that we were face-to-face. “About your family?”
I nodded, my fingers tracing an invisible pattern on her bare shoulder. “About the boat sinking. My sister. It all plays back like a movie.”
“I’m so sorry. That sounds trite. But I am. I can’t imagine having to relive that over and over.”
Normally, sympathy like Caelyn was showing felt too much like pity. But I knew that she didn’t pity me. Caelyn simply had the largest heart I’d ever encountered. The empathy she felt for others made their pain hers. I pressed my lips to her temple. “Thank you.”
She placed a palm on my chest, right over my heart. “Do you want me to leave?”
There was a flicker of pain in her voice that had me kicking myself and my demons. I searched her face. “Not if you don’t want to. But if I start to talk in my sleep or move around, I want you to go. Don’t try to wake me up. Okay?”
“I promise.” She burrowed into my chest. “Why do I feel like we’ve been like this a million times before? That you’ve held me just like this? …And that sounded really silly.”
I held her tighter against me. “No. I feel the same way. Like I’ve somehow always known you.”
Her head tipped back so that she could see my face. “That’s it exactly. How does that happen?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never experienced it before.”
Caelyn’s fingers trailed across my chest. “Me either.”
I watched as her thoughts seemed to drift. I wanted to see into that beautiful mind of hers and know every thought and dream. “If your life could look like anything, what would it be?”
Her mouth curved. “I love that game. I’d have my own little café. Something small where I could have a real connection with the patrons. A place where I was in charge of the menu but didn’t feel like I had to be there from open to close every single day. I’d be married and have a slew of kids. Our house would be barely organized chaos but filled with so much joy. And Will, Ava, and Mia would love their honorary siblings. We’d have game nights and movie nights and a million different holiday traditions.” She was quiet for a moment. “Everything I didn’t have growing up.”
I couldn’t help seeing myself in the vision Caelyn painted. Chasing little ones with her green eyes around our yard. I wanted her to have it all. Every little piece that she’d envisioned for her life. I swept my lips across hers. “It’ll happen. I know it will.”
“I hope so.”
We were both quiet for a while, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Caelyn’s dreams. About the family she was so desperate to create. About the one she’d already brought together in such a beautiful way. “I want to do something special for Will’s birthday.”
Caelyn’s expression softened. “You’re already letting us ha
ve a party here. And I’m making all of his favorite meals tomorrow. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. None of which I should be doing because, technically, he’s grounded.”
I chuckled. “You know you’d never let Will’s birthday pass without celebrating it.”
“Fine,” she huffed. “I’m a total pushover. Do whatever you want to make this day special for him.”
I brushed my mouth against hers. “Thank you.”
Caelyn looked as if she wanted to ask more but held herself back. “I guess we’ll both be surprised then.”
“I guess you will.”
I gave a wave to the final delivery truck that had stopped at the workshop that afternoon. As I turned to take in the space, I couldn’t believe I’d pulled it off. Crosby grinned at me. “Will is going to flip.”
“I hope so.” I winced. “I also hope Caelyn doesn’t murder me.”
Crosby chuckled. “It is going a tad overboard.”
I scrubbed a hand over my jaw. “Maybe a little. But thanks for helping me make this happen.” I’d called Ford and Crosby this morning and told them my plan. Ford had stayed with Will, keeping him busy while Crosby and I had transformed the workshop. Now, I couldn’t wait to show him.
“Dinner’s ready,” Caelyn called from the back deck.
As Crosby and I headed back towards the house, I took in a sight I never thought I’d see at the farmhouse again. It was full of people. Hunter and Will manned the grill. Ford gave Mia a piggyback ride around the yard, while Kenna shouted for them to go faster. Ava helped Bell and Caelyn set serving platters on the overly decorated picnic table.
“I’m going to need more furniture out here,” I muttered. As it was, we’d had to set up one of those folding tables and chairs for extra seating.
Crosby grinned. “Bet you never thought you’d be saying that.”
“No kidding.”
Caelyn motioned everyone towards the table. “All right, everyone, let’s sit.”
The meal was everything I’d grown to expect from these family dinners. Boisterous and full of laughter, though tonight had the added fun of celebrating Will’s birthday. Everyone had brought him something. From a new video game to a gift card to the local hardware store to continue building his tool collection. Caelyn had somehow managed to get him both a book on architecture and a gift card for the music lessons of his choice in the past twelve hours. Will was beside himself.
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