The Lonely Lady

by Michelle Sutton

  Man, he was glad he'd walked Tara home. What if that guy had attacked her as she left the building? He would've felt so bad knowing he could've protected her. He started to call 911 back and changed his mind when he heard wailing sirens approaching. They must've gotten his location from the GPS in his phone and sent help anyway.

  He debated on whether he should walk toward Tara's place and alert her, or wait for the police to show up at the salon so he could give them a report of what he'd seen. Before he could decide he noticed the Tombstone police detouring toward Tara's home.

  His heart pounded as he jogged toward her place. The ambulance parked and EMT's ran toward the front door. Tara held it open and spoke to the medics. She'd obviously been crying and his heart squeezed at the sight of her tears. Had her mother died? Had he been the cause because he'd kept her at the salon too long?

  Stepping closer, he waited until she saw him. "What's going on?"

  Through sobs, she said, "It's my mom. She was hungry and burned herself trying to cook something on the stove. Because of her traumatic brain injury, I can't ever leave her alone. It only takes a few minutes for something like this to happen."

  Hysterical sobs came from inside the apartment. "Is that your mother crying?"

  She nodded and wrapped her arms around her waist.

  "I'm so sorry. Anything I can do to help?"

  Tara shook her head, but started breaking down again. "It's so hard taking care of her. I'm so afraid that one of these days I'm going to come home but I'll be too late."

  "Is she hurt bad?" The screeching and wailing coming from the other room was so pitiful-sounding, he wondered if she'd set her clothing on fire.

  He stepped closer to Tara and this time she didn't move away.

  Tears streamed down her face as she told him what happened. "She burned her hand, but it's not severe enough for her to go to the hospital. She won't let me touch it, so I can't do anything to help her. She started banging her head on the wall from the pain so I called 911 so they could see what she's doing to herself. They know how to help her. This isn't the first time she's gone crazy like this."

  "It's not your fault she got hurt. You're a good daughter to take such good care of her."

  "You think so?" A look of hope shined through her watery eyes.

  "I do." He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't resist.

  It felt so right to hold her again. He rested his chin on her head and inhaled her floral scent. She still used the same shampoo. Memories of them showering together and washing each others' hair flitted through his mind. He shivered and pulled her tighter against him. Would he always be tortured by such sensual thoughts? He hoped not.

  He needed to tell her about the burglary, but figured that could wait until the crisis at her apartment was over. She snuggled against him and he'd never felt more like a man than he had at that moment. She needed him and he would be there for her... this time.

  Smiling, he kissed the top of her head. "Tara..."

  She nudged him away and wiped her tear-stained face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get your shirt all wet."

  "I don't mind." He meant it, and in fact, longed to hold her again. Something told him that tonight he'd gotten lucky because she was upset. Would she even talk to him tomorrow?

  He grabbed her hand and squeezed. They stood side-by-side in silence and waited until the medics and police left. Tara then asked, "Want to meet my mom?"

  "Won't she remember me?" Hopefully, with fondness.

  "I don't know. Let's see."

  They walked into the living room and found her mother sitting in a recliner. She held her bandaged hand as if it were broken. "Are you okay, Mom?"

  Her mother glanced up and looked at Tara, then at him. No recognition appeared in her eyes. He could see the scars on her forehead from where she must've worn the halo when she was healing from the accident. There was also a scar where she probably had the tracheotomy. She looked like a child, and when she spoke it sounded guttural and garbled. He had no clue what she was saying.

  "Do you remember Josiah, my boyfriend from high school?"

  Her mother slurred more words together, but she sounded drunk, or like she had cerebral palsy. He couldn't understand a word.

  Glancing at Tara, he raised his brows.

  "She doesn't recognize you."

  He leaned close. "How do you know? What did she say?"

  "I have no idea."

  "How do you communicate?"

  "It's not easy. Like with an infant who's too young to speak, you have to figure out what she wants based on what she is looking at or pointing at. Her mind is about the same as a five year old, so she's a bit smarter than an infant, but her communication is very poor."

  "Wow. I had no idea. It must be so hard for you. Is that why you never went to college for acting?"

  "Yes."

  He stared at her for a minute. "Do you have any help?"

  "Sometimes my neighbors stay with my mom if they're around and I need to run to the store. I can only afford to pay a professional caregiver a few days a week. The money from dad's social security is more than my mom would've gotten for disability from the accident, so we still have the check from my dad to live on. This apartment is subsidized by HUD, otherwise I could never afford to pay for her caregivers."

  "Do you get any help from friends?"

  "Who has time for friends? I haven't had a good friend since high school."

  Something about the look in her eyes told him she referred to their relationship. Regret filled his lungs again and he found it difficult to breathe. "I'm sorry. I didn't know--"

  Tara flicked a scowl in his direction. "You would've known if you'd kept in touch. Everything happened in April, just six weeks before I graduated. Mom was in a coma until June. It was really bad. The insurance money took too long to come through. Then when it finally came in the mail I paid as many bills as I could, but we still lost the house."

  "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

  "Me, too," she whispered.

  Chapter Three

  Once Josiah left, Tara locked the door and went to get her mother ready for bed. Somehow an hour had passed. Her mother rarely stayed up past nine. Sure enough, she found her mother dozing in the chair, the pain in her hand all but forgotten as her chin rested on her chest and she drooled on her shirt. Should she wake her mom and move her to her bedroom, or let her finish the night in the chair?

  It didn't take her long to decide. Her mom could be a bear if she was disturbed from her rest. Better to let her sleep in the chair. Tara washed her face and changed her clothes before returning to the living room. She flicked off the television and the lamp and got comfortable on the couch. As long as she avoided resting her hip on the broken spring she'd be fine.

  With a sigh, she pulled up the comforter and buried her face in the throw pillow. Despite the fact that she had purposed in her mind to think about pleasant things as she fell asleep, the moment she drifted into slumber the ache from seeing Josiah returned.

  Her mind replayed the scene as she stood inside the door of her apartment gazing into his eyes. He said, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

  She'd whispered, "Me, too."

  And that's where the similarity ended. In reality they'd said an awkward goodbye without even touching. Her dream pulled her in a completely different direction and she found herself back in high school a few weeks after her 17th birthday. It was the week before Josiah graduated. She had only one year to go before she could join him in acting school. But Josiah was being awfully quiet as he stared into her eyes.

  She knew he thought about something that made him sad, but was afraid to ask. Instead she offered him the look he understood. The one he often sought when they were together. The one that invited him to take her to her bedroom.

  His vision seemed to clear the moment he realized what she was doing and a lazy smile spread across his face. She thought she spied a twinge of guilt, too, but didn't wa
nt to think about what could be the cause. Josiah wouldn't have time to cheat on her. They were always together.

  But just in case, she planned to love him like never before. She always loved him with everything she had in her. It was one of the few things that made the pain from her present family situation subside. When he stood smiling, yet unmoving, she decided she'd have to help him along. She knew how to make him happy and get him totally focused on her. So she grabbed his hand and led him to her bedroom. "Come on, Joey. Let's play..."

  He followed her like a helpless puppy, as always. While it unnerved her that he had failed to initiate things himself this time, she consoled herself with the fact that she had the power to make him do whatever she wanted. She never wanted to abuse that power, but at least she knew she had it.

  Something different flickered in his eyes as he watched her undress this time. Something that looked an awful lot like grief. His lids lowered and he whispered, "Tara..."

  She waited for him to finish his sentence, but he didn't say another word. He just pulled her against him and kissed her like he wanted to devour her. His kisses were more urgent than usual, and she helped him out of his clothes.

  "You're so beautiful. I can't get enough of you." Those familiar words made her pulse race. Nothing could move her heart like Josiah's tender voice. He always knew just what to say to make her tremble deep inside.

  Now completely devoid of clothing, they began their usual slow dance. Though the act was still fairly new to them, they had some of the movements perfected already. It thrilled her to be able to take him to such heights that he cried out as he clung to her. How she loved that young man. She would die inside if he ever left her. This upcoming year of separation when he went to college would be the hardest thing she'd ever go through, next to losing her father.

  If only they were older, then they could get married and they would no longer have to worry about whether or not their activity was wrong. A few times in the past month Josiah said he'd wanted to behave, but his vow never lasted. They were hopelessly in love. Though Josiah had yet to say the words to her, she knew how he felt about her.

  But she wasn't brave enough to say it first. So she let her body tell him how she felt and he communicated back with her in the same way. They didn't have to say the words. As she rested her head on his chest and sighed, she thought about what it would be like to be Josiah's wife, and to have his child. Though she'd lied to her mother about their sexual activity, her mother had insisted she get on birth control pills or that fantasy could very well have been a reality for them both.

  "Josiah?" She kissed his neck and snuggled against him.

  "Yeah?" He nuzzled her back.

  "Have you ever thought about doing it with other girls?" Now where had that come from? Did she even want to know the answer to that question?

  He pulled away so he could look her in the eyes. "Nah. Why would I when I've got you?"

  Good answer.

  His eyes grew troubled. "Have you?"

  She snorted. "Do it with other girls? I can't believe you'd even ask me that."

  "No, with other guys. You know what I meant."

  She leaned on her elbow and gaped at him. "Are you kidding me? I'm with the hottest guy in school. Who could I possibly want more than you?"

  He chuckled and kissed her. "Good point."

  Closing her eyes, she decided to ask him one more stupid question. "Ever think about getting caught like this?"

  He didn't hesitate. "All the time."

  "And?"

  "It won't happen." He engaged her in a slow kiss and she shoved the thought from her mind. Her mother never left work early without calling home first. She was so predictable. And so were they. Every day after school they would try to do something normal teenagers do, but every day they always ended up in the same place. Her bed.

  Not that she'd complained at the time. Josiah had made her feel alive and she would have denied him nothing. Maybe he'd been too important to her. Maybe--

  A loud groan woke her and she popped up from the couch.

  "Owww..." Her mother clutched her hand like it was broken and tried to get out of the recliner, but the footrest was up.

  "Hang on a sec." She walked to the chair and pulled the footrest down so her mom could get out of the chair.

  The rhythmic vocal groan that came from her mother almost sounded like 'thank you' so she responded with the expected, "you're welcome."

  Her mom grabbed her hand and stood. After several seconds of examining Tara's face, her mother broke into a wide grin and pulled her into a hug.

  For just a moment she tried to forget that she was the one taking care of her mother. For less than a minute she imagined herself as the child and her mother as the parent. Her eyes welled with tears because she knew they would never be like that again. She said a quick prayer for her mother first, and second for the Lord to give them strength to make it through the next day.

  She glanced at her mother, and for the first time ever, she saw a knowing look in her mother's eyes like she understood. Her mom patted her on the cheek and muttered something indiscernible, but sounded like another thank you.

  "I love you, Mom. I'm sorry about last night."

  Her mom's eyes filled with tears and she could swear her mother said, "I love you, too."

  *****

  Josiah woke suddenly in the middle of the night. The burglary. He'd forgotten all about it. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was 3:30 in the morning. Too early to get up and talk to Tara about it. But in a couple of hours he'd get up and head down to her place to tell her about what he'd seen. He was pretty sure the salon wouldn't be open until Tuesday so maybe he could help replace what had been taken. Otherwise her boss would know she hadn't set the alarm before she left. He'd distracted her from her job. She'd warned him about that. The last thing he wanted was for her to lose her job over it.

  Yeah, he'd see her in the morning before he got ready for his part in the show in town. They'd check the salon together. It wasn't like he couldn't afford to help her. In fact, if she'd let him he'd gladly support her and her mother for the rest of their lives. Warmth like he hadn't felt in years pulsed through him as he thought about Tara. A young man never forgets his first lover. And Tara had been his only lover, which made their bond even stronger. But had he been hers?

  For a moment he allowed himself that fantasy. He imagined things being different between them. Like before, only better because of shared faith in Christ. Then he remembered the reason they couldn't be together. No amount of history with her would change the fact that she wanted nothing to do with Christianity. Maybe this time things could be different for them. This time he could tell her about his faith in Christ and nothing would distract him from that purpose. Not even things they'd done in the past.

  What if she'd gone on to sleep with other guys after he'd left her? How would he deal with that? He couldn't stand the idea of someone else touching the woman who had unofficially been his wife back in high school. If they had lived in Bible times, they would've been married for real. His thoughts drifted to the many times they'd slept together and he tensed from head to toe. This would be a good time to take his thoughts captive, he mused as he forced his attention back to things more conducive to sleep. He couldn't let himself go there again. Not this time.

  After showering and getting ready for the day, he sat down to breakfast. His mother had made his favorite pancakes and he drooled as they prayed before the meal. His dad was supposed to come home that evening. As soon as Josiah finished his acting stint as the town preacher, he'd drive his mother to the hospital to pick up his father.

  Too bad his mother had relied so heavily on his dad's expertise in ranching and business management all these years, or she would have been able to maintain the ranch herself. But fear of losing her husband had paralyzed her, so Josiah, being an only child, had no choice but to return even though he was close to graduating. Too close. The timing couldn't have been worse.


  He glanced at his mother, who looked on the verge of tears, and berated himself for being so focused on his own needs that he'd failed to recognize how hard things were for his mother. How would he feel if he thought he was about to lose the one person in the world who was the perfect match for him?

  It didn't take him long to realize he'd been in that very situation, yet he'd walked away from Tara without looking back. He'd known how weak his flesh was and how he could never get right with God and stay there as long as he was sleeping with his girlfriend. Pretending to be married hadn't been enough to keep the guilt at bay. Now he realized he'd done irreparable damage to her soul in addition to his own. Could his purity be restored since he'd recommitted his life to Christ? How did a guy make something like that up to a young woman, anyway? Was it even possible?

  "What are you thinking about, son? You seem really upset." His mom offered him a sympathetic smile.

  A lump formed in his throat. He didn't want to offer his mother TMI, but he needed to get some of the guilt off of his chest. "Just thinking about Tara and how close we used to be."

  If she was shocked, she didn't show it.

  "Have you seen her since you've been home?"

  He nodded. "Last night. I couldn't believe how strong my feelings still were. It was like everything came crashing back on me the moment I saw her again."

  "Just how close were you two?" She raised an eyebrow and peered at him with enough intensity to make him squirm. He was never good at lying to his mother.

  "Closer than we should have been. Way closer." He hung his head in shame.

  "I figured that had something to do with you breaking up with her."

  His neck heated and he glanced up from the table. "You did?"