The Lonely Lady

by Michelle Sutton

  Cowboy Jimmy pressed his hand against his hat and pushed it up so it covered her cleavage better. "I told you to reform your ways, woman. Givin' my friends here an eyeful is just plain wrong."

  She gasped and shoved his hand away. With a scowl, she tossed his hat at him and fisted her hands on her hips. "I'll do what I want, cowboy."

  Josiah sensed there was some history between the two, but couldn't tell if they were dating and she teased the man, or if she'd dumped him and was trying to show him what he was missing. When he'd introduced himself to her last weekend she was standing alone. He hadn't asked her if she was attached. It wouldn't have been appropriate. So if neither were true, then she was an amazing actress worthy of an Oscar because he could feel the tension between them. Regardless, he had to glance away before his eyes glued to her cleavage.

  Josiah decided to continue the ruse and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, "Forgive my eyes, Lord, for they know not what they do."

  Jimmy jerked his thumb in Josiah's direction and said, "See there, darlin'? You're causing the preacher here to stumble."

  Sammie ignored the comment and rested her hand on Jimmy's chest. She leaned closer and gave him a look that would melt any healthy young cowboy's heart. It was then that Josiah saw the bright diamond wedding band on the saloon girl's hand. He couldn't help noticing that Jimmy wore a similar ring. Of course, they were married. Otherwise, they wouldn't be play-acting in such a hot and realistic manner that it made Josiah squirm.

  She gave her husband a sultry chuckle as she did the itsy bitsy spider walk up his chest with her fingers. He wrapped his arms around the saloon girl's waist and dipped his head for a kiss. She slapped him and held her hand out. "You're not getting this for free."

  "Says who?" Jimmy pulled her to him and she struggled just like in the old westerns. He couldn't help being impressed.

  Tara grabbed Josiah's arm and turned him away from the scene. "I can't stand by and watch a man of God stumbling all over himself. Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

  He could hear some hoots behind him as the couple sparred back and forth. A whistle told him they were up to something that would make his grandma blush.

  Sammie said with a purr in her voice, "Gimme another one of those, sweetheart, and I'll give you a good time tonight."

  Everyone behind him laughed and some offered sporadic applause. Their skit sounded like it was almost over. Bummer that he'd missed the juiciest part. He glanced at Tara from the corner of his eye. She was distracted.

  He turned to join in the applause.

  "Don't look. They're still at it." Tara, or Miss Beasley, blocked his view with her white-gloved hand. Her cheeks were bright red.

  Josiah stopped walking and grabbed her hands. He made sure to have a good grasp on the Bible under his arm so he wouldn't drop it as he said, "Thank you for saving me from myself."

  Tara blinked, but quickly recovered. "Anytime, preacher."

  "Do you have a dinner companion tonight?" He brought her gloved hands to his lips.

  "Are you asking me out?" Her eyes widened as she held his gaze.

  "Indeed I am."

  "I have to be home soon." She looked more relieved than disappointed.

  "Then we'll just stop at the ranch and grab something there so you won't be late. I have to bring my mom to the hospital in a few hours anyway. My dad's coming home tonight."

  She smiled. "That's great, Josiah. Stopping by the ranch sounds good."

  He guided her around the corner and down to Fremont Street as he led her to his truck. "My mom knows about you."

  "What does she know?" Tara's voice had a smile in it as she allowed him to open the door for her.

  Surprised that she didn't seem upset by that, he answered, "That you still live here. That I still have strong... feelings for you."

  As she slid in her seat, she pressed her lips together, but didn't look at him or respond. He wasn't sure how to interpret that so he closed the door and walked around the vehicle. He dared to make eye contact once he sat down and started the engine. His heart clenched at the sight of fresh tears spilling from her eyes

  "I've changed my mind. Take me home."

  "Tara... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said--"

  "Please."

  With a sigh, he clipped on his seatbelt and checked traffic before pulling on to the street. No matter what he said, it seemed like everything upset her. He needed to learn to keep his feelings to himself or they'd never be close again.

  Then again, maybe that was the point. Maybe God was closing the door on their future.

  His heart heavy, he drove her home in silence.

  Chapter Six

  Tara changed out of her costume and said goodbye to the home health aid before checking on her mother. She smiled as she watched her mother napping. Some days she went to bed in the middle of the afternoon and other days she waited until almost midnight.

  The problem was when her mother went to bed early and woke up in the middle of the night. That meant Tara needed to climb in bed soon and get some rest herself, or she might regret it later. Her feet were killing her and she was emotionally drained even though it wasn't yet five o'clock. She crawled in bed in the room across from her mother and pulled the covers up to her chin. She was sound asleep within minutes.

  She watched a video recording in her dreams of everything that had happened during the day. It began with her sitting in church, only in her dream Josiah sat behind her. After the service, they got a quick bite to eat and started playacting. Except she'd ended up in the saloon girl outfit and had the large bosoms.

  If only that were true in real life. Though hers weren't small, they were nowhere near the size of Sammie's. She couldn't help envying the woman.

  She flirted with Jimmy, who muttered something as he tried to steal a kiss. Before their lips met, Josiah shoved Jimmy away from her and picked a fight with him. She tried to break them apart, but Jimmy had Josiah in a headlock and beat his face in. She started screaming for help, and Chet pulled out a gun. "Break it up boys or I'll have to use this on one of yous and it won't be purty."

  Jimmy released Josiah, who was panting and wiping his bleeding face. "You ain't worth it anyway. I'll just find me another wench to play with. You can have this one."

  Tara gasped and started to object when Josiah grabbed her arm and pulled her into the saloon a few feet away. It was cooler inside and air conditioned. She examined his face, which was starting to swell. "Why'd you do that?"

  "He called you a whore. Didn't you hear him?"

  She blinked. "No. I didn't." Her chest tightened. Why would he call her a whore unless he knew about her past? Never mind that she wore a saloon girl outfit. There had to be another reason. Had Josiah told him about their relationship?

  "Well, you're my whore. Ain't nobody taking you from me. You hear?" He squeezed her arm and she howled in pain. He raised his hand as if to hit her, but then let her go and pushed her away from him.

  Tara flinched. He called her his whore. Is that what he really thought about her?

  Josiah walked away from her and headed to the bar. "I need me a drink," he told the bartender as he glanced over his shoulder at her.

  The man with the handlebar mustache poured amber colored liquid into a shot glass and slid it in front of Josiah, who downed it in one swallow. Josiah then slapped a few dollars on the counter and returned to face Tara. "I'm sorry for that. Sometimes I forget that you can have anyone you want. I know you don't want to stick with me. It's just that I love you, Tara. I don't want to share you with anyone."

  She glanced at her outfit, which had morphed back into a spinster's outfit. "I'm waiting for my wedding night. How dare you imply otherwise." She slapped his face.

  Josiah hesitated at first, as if shocked she'd hit him. Then he sneered, "You're not fooling anyone with that wholesome girl act. That dress may cover everything up to your chin, but remember, I've seen what's underneath."

  She frowned and bit her lip. How da
re he accuse her of sleeping around? "You need to bite your tongue, young man. No one has seen me naked but my mother, and not since I was a little girl."

  Josiah laughed and slapped the counter. People stopped talking and stared at them. Why was he being so obnoxious? Didn't he realize people were watching them?

  "Stop it, Josiah. Everyone is watching us now."

  He touched her chin and smiled. "Let's give them something to see, shall we?"

  Before she could stop him, he'd planted his lips over hers and caressed her mouth in that slow, enticing manner that she remembered.

  "Mmmmm... let's get us a room, darling." Her eyes heavy, she took his hand and began to lead him to the stairs.

  People returned to their conversation and ignored her as she tugged on Josiah's hand. "Hurry, I've got to get home and take care of my mom."

  Josiah peered from the corner of his eyes as if worried that someone would see them. "Okay, but just this once."

  She ran up the stairs and he followed like an eager puppy that couldn't wait to climb into her lap. She paused at the top of the stairs, and waited for him to catch up. The man who arrived at the top of the steps wasn't Josiah, though. It was fish lips who had taken her to the prom. The one who had tried to rape her on prom night, but whose friends had rescued her in time.

  Her body started trembling. "Jim Braswell. What are you doing here?"

  An evil grin split his face. "Finishing what I started at the prom."

  He licked his mouth like a hungry wolf, and her pulse pounded. He was serious. She had to get away.

  She turned and started to run, but he pulled the rug from under her feet, sending her crashing to the floor. She tried to sit up, but he slammed her down so hard he knocked the breath from her lungs. She fought even as he pinned her to the carpet. The rug rash from her struggle burned her skin. "Help me!" she yelled.

  A hand rested gently on her cheek and her eyes snapped open. She was breathing hard, but could see that it was dark outside and that she was at home in her own bed. Her mother sat on the bed beside her like she used to do when Tara was little. Before the accident.

  Her mom leaned over her and kissed her forehead. "It's okay," she slurred.

  Tara grabbed her mother's hand and gently squeezed it. "Thank you for waking me up."

  A smile curled her mom's lips. She kissed Tara's hand and muttered something softly. For the second time that week, Tara could swear her mom had said, "I love you."

  Tara's eyes filled with tears. "I love you, too, Mom."

  She would never regret giving up her personal freedom to take care of her mother. This tender interaction between then was proof that she'd done the right thing. Oh, they'd had their bad days and she'd fought with her mother over the dumbest things, but when it came right down to it, her mother was the one person in her life she could count on who would love her no matter what. Other than Jesus, she didn't know anyone who would love as unconditionally as a mother could. Not even someone she used to believe in.

  Someone like Josiah.

  She was better off without him.

  *****

  Josiah lay staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how telling her that his mother knew they were in contact again and that he still had strong feelings for her would shut her heart off so completely. Was she afraid of being hurt again? Was she repulsed at the idea of dating him?

  With a groan, he rolled over and tried to get comfortable. After lying awake thirty minutes, he decided to get up and drink some warm milk to help him rest. Thinking about Tara only served to frustrate him. He sighed.

  He would never understand women.

  At least his mom had the desired company tonight. At first they weren't sure the hospital was going to discharge his dad home as they had planned, but they conceded. His father hated hospitals and though his surgeon was reluctant, he agreed to let Josiah's father go home. Apparently the idea of being cooped up another night at the hospital in Tucson was more likely to stress his dad out and make him sicker than going home to be with his family.

  He worried about his dad's health and the risk of sending him home too soon, but he knew his father wouldn't let up until he got his way. In that manner, Josiah took after his dad. So why had he given up so easily tonight, and not insisted they talk things through? Probably because he worried he would push her further away if he insisted. He couldn't lose Tara. Not this time.

  But then there was still the issue of her faith. If she didn't love the Lord like he did, he had no business dating her to begin with. Hadn't he learned his lesson the first time?

  He was such a hopeless case when it came to Tara.

  His body relaxed as he drank the warm milk, and his eyelids grew heavy. Sometimes he had the most intense dreams about Tara. Dreams that scared him because when he woke up he could swear she had been right there beside him just moments before. They had a bond that was undeniable. And in many ways, she felt like an ex-wife who he longed to win back.

  How much was he willing to risk? Certainly not his faith. His relationship with God was too important to him, and he'd heard from Jimmy a few days ago how much he'd suffered when he'd put a woman first and his relationship with the Lord took a back seat to being with her. That was something he feared could easily happen to him.

  As he climbed back in bed, he prayed and asked God to give him the strength to do the right thing, even if he resisted at first. He had to trust God, because one thing he knew for sure about himself was that he couldn't trust his own heart.

  Chapter Seven

  The next morning Josiah got up bright and early to work the ranch. He climbed onto the tractor and started grating the arena for the cattle roping that he and his father planned to do that weekend. At least one or two days every week his dad had friends over and they'd ride and rope long horned steer for fun. Josiah usually watched, because even though he enjoyed horseback riding, roping wasn't his thing.

  He circled the tractor one last time and saw his mother waving vigorously at him. He turned off the motor and climbed down. Covered in dust and sweat, he wiped his forehead with his paisley hanky and approached his mom. Hopefully nothing was wrong with his dad. Given the look on his mom's face, the matter was important, but not fear inducing.

  "What's up?"

  "Tara called. It seems her mom has an appointment in Tucson today and the cab failed to show up. She said if they don't leave in the next thirty minutes her mom will miss her appointment with the neurologist, and she has no way to get there. The cab company couldn't get a backup in time, and her neighbor isn't home. Poor thing sounds frantic."

  "Call her back and tell her I'll be there in fifteen. I've got to wash up first." He turned to go, but his mom grabbed his sleeve first.

  "You're a good man."

  He shrugged, not sure how to respond. If he'd been such a good man he would never have taken Tara to his bed in the first place. Not when she was so young. But that was too late to fix now. He would do whatever he must to make it up to her.

  As he showered, he thought about seeing Tara again and something stirred in his heart. He needed to redirect his thoughts quickly or he'd start dawdling and be late picking them up.

  Turning off the water, he sighed, and reached for a towel. As much as he wanted to see her, he dreaded it at the same time. He never could resist those pretty eyes of hers or that tender smile. She'd always wanted to please him. It broke his heart how much he'd taken advantage of that sweet quality she'd had.

  Without another self-deprecating thought, he climbed in the truck and drove to Tara's house. She and her mother waited outside. The relief on her face made him smile. He was able to help her in some small way, and it warmed him to his toes.

  He helped her mother into the back seat of his extended cab truck and Tara climbed in after him. As he closed the door, he prayed for their safety. It was a habit, and one that he couldn't afford to forget. Not when Tara's mother had suffered from that horrible wreck. He'd had a friend killed by a drunk driver in
college, too. No, he would never drive on the freeway without saying a little prayer first. One could never be too safe.

  Tara's mom hummed in the back seat. It sounded like the Barney clean up song. How odd to hear that coming from a woman her age.

  Tara glanced over at him and thanked him for the ride. She mouthed, "Sorry."

  He raised his brows.

  She glanced over her shoulder and tipped her head in her mom's direction.

  "No problem. I'd do anything for you."

  Tara examined him for a moment, then turned her face away and stared out the window. He waited for her to look at him again or say something. But she pressed her lips together in silence. It looked like he wasn't going to get her to engage much in conversation for awhile, so he turned on the radio, partly to distract him from her mother's incessant humming, and partly to keep his thoughts pure. He glanced at Tara, and found himself thinking about her lips and how much he wanted to taste them. How much he missed her.

  Forcing his mind back on the road, he saw the Tucson City Limits sign and sighed. "What exit do I get off?"

  "Kolb. Then go down to Broadway and take a left. I'll show you where to go from there."

  He nodded. At the first stoplight, he glanced over his shoulder to check the back seat. Her mother was snoozing soundly.

  Tara giggled. "Mom's like a little kid sometimes. She can't seem to go far without falling asleep in the car. I don't know how she does it."

  "Maybe she feels secure with you taking care of her."

  Tara glanced at him as he waited for the light to turn green. Her eyes were wet. "Thanks."

  His throat tightened and he decided to try less emotional topics. "How long you been with the Tombstone Vigilantes?"

  "About a year. You?"

  "Just a few months. I can't believe I didn't see you before."