An Awakened Heart An Awakened Heart

by Jody Hedlund

  She reached into her other pocket and retrieved the two hard rolls she’d also found. She’d gotten lucky today. Usually when she went scrounging for food on Sundays, the garbage canisters behind the grocers were already picked over. But today she’d discovered a barrel that hadn’t been touched. Even if the cheese had been moldy when she’d first come upon it, she was able to scrape the mold away. She divided the cheese four ways, split the rolls in half, and passed out a piece to each of them.

  “You have some too,” Marianne said, breaking her piece of cheese in half.

  Elise shook her head. “No. I’m not hungry.” It was an outright lie because even as she spoke, her stomach rumbled.

  “Are you sure?” Marianne said.

  The others were devouring theirs in ravenous bites. Sophie, of course, had already broken off half of hers. She always claimed she was saving the portion for another time. But Elise knew she gave the saved portions to Olivia and Nicholas later, after their little bellies began to complain once more.

  “I’m fine, Marianne.” Elise looked away before Marianne could read the truth in her eyes. She watched the friendly face of Reinhold as he walked down the street with his purposeful stride. At the sight of her, he waved and veered toward her.

  Reinhold’s overlong, unkempt hair curled over his collar, and he’d hooked his suit coat over his shoulder with his thumb. His face was ruddy from his days spent in the hot sun. He was one of the few from their building who didn’t sew. Instead he’d found work on a construction crew erecting new tenements. The pay was better, but the work was brutal. Reinhold came home every evening at dark utterly exhausted, usually sustaining one injury or another.

  At nineteen he was the primary earner in his family, taking care not only of his mother and five siblings but also his mother’s sister and her two children. While his mother and aunt were both seamstresses for Mr. Schmidt, working alongside Elise and Marianne, they couldn’t bring in enough to support their families.

  Reinhold wasn’t overly tall, yet he was brawny and broad-shouldered. His strength and agility had earned him the job doing construction in the first place. Months of grueling work had honed his muscles and chiseled away the roundness that had once defined his face, leaving lean angular features instead. Gone was the boy. In his place was a man. A good and kind man.

  He greeted Sophie and Marianne with his usual teasing while at the same time he picked up Olivia and Nicholas, one in each arm. He blew bubbles into both of their bellies and earned their delighted giggles. Over the tops of the children’s heads, he caught Elise’s gaze and grinned at her. When he returned the two infants to Sophie’s waiting arms, he tickled Sophie and gained a laugh from her as well.

  Elise relaxed against the warm brick wall and for just a moment pretended that all was well. With Reinhold there, it was an easy fantasy. He always made her feel safe. She supposed that was why they’d had a faithful friendship the past three years since her family had moved in with Uncle. She’d met Reinhold the first day here, and she’d found him to be a good listener. His steady, unwavering spirit had kept her from drowning in sorrows many times, especially in recent weeks.

  He pulled a pouch from his pocket and gave each of the children a gumdrop. He had no money to spare for such an extravagance, not when his family counted on him. But he always found ways to make life more bearable, especially for the children.

  “There now,” he said, tousling Nicholas’s hair. “Make it last.”

  Nicholas touched the piece of candy to his tongue carefully, his eyes wide with adoration for Reinhold.

  “And I have one for the queen too.” Reinhold’s eyes sparkled as he held out a piece of candy to Elise.

  She shook her head. “Save it for your siblings.”

  “Elise.” He tone dropped in reprimand even as his smile widened. “Don’t make me force this into your mouth like I did with the licorice last week.”

  The others watched her expectantly. They would enjoy seeing Reinhold follow through on his threat. It would make them laugh, just as it had the last time. With so little laughter in their lives, she decided to play along with Reinhold. Sure enough, as Reinhold wedged the gumdrop between her pursed lips, their sweet giggles filled the air around her.

  Only after the fruity piece of candy was melting on her tongue did she glimpse a shadow in Reinhold’s eyes, a shadow that expanded when he stared back at her once more above the heads of the others. The mirage of peace dissipated as wariness took its place.

  After Marianne left to take the children to get a drink of water, Reinhold slid down next to her on the sidewalk. His shoulder brushed against hers, and she tried to take reassurance from the solidness of his presence. He was more than just a friend. He was like a brother.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” she said quietly, “and don’t try to protect me.”

  He sighed and stared straight ahead. Now that the others were gone, the curtains were pulled back to reveal his true feelings—despair and frustration. “Your uncle has found another family to board with him.”

  The gumdrop turned sour as Elise’s mind spun with the implications of Reinhold’s revelation.

  “I’d heard he was looking for someone else,” Reinhold continued, “and this morning I learned that the family is moving in this week.”

  “How many?”

  “Six.”

  “Uncle won’t allow us to stay much longer,” Elise said.

  Reinhold nodded as though he’d already come to the same conclusion. “I want you to come live with us.”

  “We’ve been over this before, Reinhold. And we both know it won’t work.” When Reinhold had seen the bruises on her face after Uncle hit her a couple of weeks ago, he’d been angry enough to kill Uncle. But, as usual, Uncle was lying unconscious on the bed.

  “I’ll look for a bigger place that will fit all of us.” The thread of desperation in Reinhold’s voice told her how unlikely that was. She guessed that was what he’d been doing all morning on his day off—searching for an apartment.

  “Even if you could find something,” she said, “we wouldn’t be able to afford it.” She hadn’t told Reinhold she’d already been trying to find another place to live. Uncle hadn’t made mention of prostitution again. In fact, Elise wasn’t sure if he even remembered his vile suggestion since he’d been so drunk. But ever since he’d mentioned it, fear had sprouted inside her and taken root. She didn’t think she’d ever rest peacefully again until they were safely away from the man.

  The sunshine beat down on her with unrelenting heat, making her feel suddenly faint. She’d promised her mother to protect and take care of everyone. And she’d vowed to herself that she would do whatever it took to give them all a better life, to get back to the way things used to be when Father was alive, before Count Eberhardt had destroyed their lives. But so far she’d failed to do anything to improve their situation. Now, with Reinhold’s news, it appeared things would only get worse.

  “I’ve been trying to think of a solution,” Reinhold said, “and I could come up with only one idea.”

  “What?”

  “Marry me.”

  A burst of laughter tumbled out of her. At the flash of hurt on Reinhold’s face, she cut the laughter short. “You’re serious?”

  “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” he responded.

  “Because that would be really awkward.”

  “It wouldn’t have to be.” His brows came together in a scowl. “I’d make a good husband, Elise.”

  Seeing he was, in fact, being serious, all the humor she’d found in his suggestion fell away. She studied his profile for a moment, the rippling muscles of his jaw, the maturity that had developed in his face in recent months. He’d been the man of his house for the past year, shouldering more responsibility than most other young men his age. Not only was he faithful and hardworking, but he was tender and kind. She’d seen the sweet way he treated his younger siblings, the same way he did Nicholas and Olivia and Sophie. He’d not only make
a good husband, but he’d make a good father too.

  But marry him? She couldn’t imagine it.

  “You’ll make an excellent husband,” she said cautiously. “But you’re my brother and friend. It would seem strange—”

  “You mean more to me than a sister.” His voice cracked over his raw confession.

  “Reinhold, please don’t.” She didn’t want to hear that he had feelings for her. If he admitted he liked her beyond friendship, things would become uncomfortable between them, and she couldn’t bear that.

  “It doesn’t matter how either of us feel,” he said quickly, changing his tone back to the brotherly one she needed. “The fact is, if we get married, then my mother can’t say no to you coming to live with us.”

  Mrs. Weiss wasn’t unkind. She was just anxious. About everything. Having five more children move into their family’s cramped apartment would give Reinhold’s mother an attack of nerves. The attack might lead to her inability to work, which would only make the anxiety worse. It was a vicious cycle that Elise had witnessed Reinhold deal with on other occasions.

  Elise didn’t want to cause Mrs. Weiss undue stress and anxiety. All the more reason not to discuss marriage with Reinhold.

  “If Uncle Hermann forces us to leave,” she said, “I’ll find someplace for us to live.” She had no idea where. All she could do was pray for a miracle.

  Chapter 8

  Christine circled the table, stopping to offer a word of encouragement to each woman. After almost a week, she could see improvement in their handiwork and she wanted to make sure she let them know.

  Their steady chatter filled the upstairs workroom, which was a change after the first two days of tense silence. She prayed she’d finally convinced them that even though she was their supervisor, she had their best interests at heart.

  Yes, she’d been strict. She’d made it clear from the first day that she wouldn’t tolerate laziness or sloppiness. In fact, Guy had laid down several rules too. The first was that the women had to cease from prostituting themselves. The second was they must make a pledge of total abstinence. And the final rule, they must regularly attend worship services. Anyone who came to work intoxicated or who relapsed into former vices would be immediately discharged.

  So far they’d only had to dismiss one woman. The rest had adhered to the rules with exemplary effort. They’d shown an eagerness to learn the honest trade that had even impressed the seamstress Mr. Devlin had sent over to supervise their training.

  While Christine was pleased with their progress, she was surprised that her burden hadn’t gone away. If anything, her heart was heavy with the need to do more. On the first Monday they’d opened the workshop, over forty women had lined up at the door. They were able to accept only twenty.

  She hadn’t wanted to complain to Guy about her discontent. She should be happy he agreed to have the shop at all. But she couldn’t deny that something inside was still stirring her to do more. When she mentioned this to Ridley, he shook his head sadly and said she didn’t have access to any more of her funds.

  “Your stitches are very even, Mrs. Watson,” Christine said to the tall woman who’d stood up that day at the chapel service and so passionately begged for employment.

  The woman glanced away from her work for just an instant and smiled up at Christine. Her gaunt face was too thin and still streaked with grime and sweat. Though the windows were wide open, the room was wretchedly hot, and Mrs. Watson’s listless hair clung to the perspiration on her neck. Even so, there was a gratefulness and relief in the woman’s eyes that caught at Christine’s heart.

  At the familiar purposeful footsteps on the stairway, Christine’s pulse charged forward and her hand flew to her cameo pin. Guy was finally returning. He’d been gone all morning to meetings. He’d been absent all day yesterday too. And she found that she’d missed him more than she cared to admit.

  A tiny, secretive thrill wound through her every time she thought about his kisses and then his proposal of marriage. Half the time she told herself he’d only made the offer out of guilt for kissing her, that he hadn’t really meant it. The other half she wondered if she’d dreamed the whole incident.

  She didn’t want to be thrilled for fear she’d indeed discover that his proposal wasn’t genuine. But she couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way his lips had felt upon hers, and she was embarrassed to admit she longed for it to happen again.

  As he climbed to the top step, she eagerly took in his broad, stocky build. His unruly hair was tamed momentarily by his hat. His face was clean-shaven and tanned in contrast to the white collar of his shirt. He scanned the room before his eyes landed on her. At the warmth in his expression, she could almost imagine that their relationship really could work, that she could say yes to his proposal. While he hadn’t said anything more about it all week, Ridley assured her numerous times that Guy was only giving her time to think it over, that he didn’t want to pressure her.

  “Miss Pendleton,” Guy said across the now-silent room, “may I have a word with you in private?”

  The women looked first to him and then to her, and Christine ducked her head lest they see anything in her expression that could be deemed inappropriate. “Of course, Reverend Bedell. I shall be right down.”

  As Guy descended the stairs, she continued around the room with her inspection. She didn’t want to appear overly enthusiastic to be with him, even though she was. When sufficient time had passed, she regulated her steps, slowly and evenly, until she was finally away from the women. Then she flew the rest of the way down.

  She stopped abruptly at the sight of him on the front bench of the chapel, his elbows on his knees, his shoulders slumped, and his face in his hands. Her pulse skidded to a halt, her anticipation doused with dread.

  Something was wrong.

  She started hesitantly toward him. Had he changed his mind about marrying her? Was that it?

  Stopping in front of him, she twirled the narrow gold bracelet that encircled her wrist. When he didn’t acknowledge her presence, she twisted the bracelet faster. Her heart warned her to run before he could speak words that would hurt her. But she pressed her lips together, determined to stay and be brave. After all, this was why she’d resigned herself to spinsterhood so that she wouldn’t get her hopes high only to have them come crashing back down.

  He expelled a long sigh.

  “I can see you have difficult news to share with me,” she said, deciding that at the very least she could make this easier on him. After all, he hadn’t really known her well enough when he proposed. “Whatever you want to say, I give you leave to speak your mind. I’d rather have the truth now than later.”

  He nodded but still didn’t look at her. “I was praying things wouldn’t come to this.”

  Her stomach began to tie itself into little knots. “I understand.”

  “I’d hoped they would listen to reason. But they are so stubborn.”

  “They?” What was he talking about?

  He lifted his face from his hands to reveal a haggardness that hadn’t been there before. “I met with the Ladies Home Missionary Society yesterday, along with their board of advisors. They’re against our workshop.”

  She had to hold back a sigh of relief as the cause of his distress became clear. He wasn’t withdrawing his proposal after all. “We knew the Society might oppose our plans. But after a week of watching the transformation in the women, how can we doubt God is behind the work?”

  “Yes, I met with the board again this morning hoping to convince them of that.”

  Did she dare reach for his arm? She wanted to offer him a measure of comfort, to reassure him. But would he think her inappropriate if she touched him? “Perhaps we should invite them to come down and watch the women at work. Then they’ll see for themselves—”

  “They won’t come. I begged them to visit, but they want nothing to do with the workshop. Until . . .”

  Something in his tone put he
r on edge. “Until what?”

  He reached for her hand and tugged her toward him, leaving her little choice but to sit down on the bench next to him. She overcame her shyness and placed her other hand on top of his. She had the sudden urge to lean into him further, comb his hair back, and kiss his cheek. Surely that would distract him from the seriousness of his thoughts. Surely it would help him remember that they were in this together, that he wasn’t alone.

  He abruptly shifted so he was looking at her, his face only inches away. His eyes were wide, revealing his frustration and fear. “Until they find a different donor.”

  A chill rippled up her back. “That makes no sense. I’m giving freely. Without any stipulations.”

  “I didn’t want to mention the truth to you, Christine. But I’ve always been honest and I can do nothing less now.” When he looked at her again, this time the pain in his eyes was undisguised. “I don’t know anything about your father or his business practices, but apparently the chairman and several other board members don’t want to be a part of a charity that involves working with you or your father’s money.”

  She sat in stunned silence, unable to move. While it was true her father had made more enemies than friends during his life, she never expected anyone would oppose charitable efforts as a result of past grudges.

  “I’ll step down,” she said.

  “Even if you walk away, they won’t take the money.” Guy shook his head. “They’ve made up their minds to close the workshop for now, with the possibility of opening it again if they find a different donor. But who knows if or when they’ll do that. After all, they’re not convinced they need to shift the focus of this ministry.”

  And Guy wouldn’t have been either if she hadn’t pushed him with all her new ideas and convinced him that was what God wanted. Guy was humble and kind enough to listen to her. He’d granted her freedom to make the changes she thought were necessary. He’d trusted her wholeheartedly. And now she’d caused him problems.