There was something else that kept my mind off Father, though; namely, Kat and her lonely state. In midwinter I dreamed of Kat and my cousin, John Ashley, together in a lovers’ embrace. Uncertain if this dream resulted from my gift or if it was just random, I acted on the premonition, asking Sir John to join my household as my senior gentlemen’s attendant.
This would be a great test of my understanding my gift.
Interestingly enough, from the day of Sir John Ashley’s arrival, Kat and he were enamored with one another. From then on, I did not see Kat for two minutes together. Really, I was very happy for her. She and Sir John would soon be married. I felt certain of it.
And with this small test, I knew I had my grandmother’s gift of telling the future.
Still, a part of my heart felt a stab of fear that Kat could leave me, and the notion began to drive me mad. But loving Kat, I did nothing to show my fears. The only solution was to attach myself more fully to my stepmother, whom I wrote almost weekly.
My studies were becoming far more vigorous and thus were also a great distraction, for I enjoyed the challenge very much. The work I did with numbers and languages was always praised by my teachers, and I loved to hear their pride in me.
But I excelled most in gospel studies, and I spent a lot of time at my prayer bench, wanting to know if God had a work for me to do. Finally, I came to the conclusion that if he did, he would put me in a position where I could do good. I realized I had given myself to Great-Grandmother Edith’s ideas. These beliefs cemented into my heart and soul and they instantly gave me a goal which made me more eager and more grateful.
God would guide me, and so I prayed that his will would be made known to me and that I would be ready to do my part, though it took my life from me. I found that my conversation with deity changed, or rather grew. When I talked to him now I spoke as I would to a loving father and divine leader in my coming service. I wanted to do what I could to help my relationship grow with him, so I became devoted to study of the scriptures.
I also felt it my responsibility to practice my manipulations as much as possible and seek within myself any other parts of my gift not hitherto manifested. Though my conscience told me that I needed to set some rules for myself when it came to who and what I manipulated, I recognized that I did not have many opportunities as it was, and thus, had to do it when I could.
I redoubled my reading in the journal to try and figure out what had happened with forecasting the snow. Since seeing Kat’s future, I thought that foretelling came to me in dreams, just as it had my mother. Thus, I assumed that my prediction of snow wasn’t a foretelling.
Perhaps it was water talent, yet I hadn’t had any other signs of it. I learned from the book that Grandmother had her first foretelling when she was fifteen, but Great-Grandmother had not moved water until she was in her twenties. With only these clues to go on, all I could do was watch for any signs in myself that would tell me what I needed to know.
Episode 10
April 1544
Hatfield House, Hertfordshire
In March, Robert left for several weeks. Though I missed him, it was a bit of a relief. Since the girls arrived, Robert and I were flung together as playmates more and more, for neither of us cared to be always bossed around by Mary and Jane. Thus, things had become awkward.
The boys were so besought with Mary and Jane, that every Saturday, they took to the music room and put on plays, for that was what the girls loved. Normally, I loved it too, but one Saturday, I did not feel up to it. However, I decided to go anyway, for what else was I to do?
As I left my room to perform said duty, I found a familiar sight. Robert stood outside my door in a white linen shirt.
I would never tell anyone, but Robert’s face had filled every moment of my dreams the previous night, and most nights since he left. As I looked at him now, sleep still in his eyes, hair tousled, my assessment of him shifted. He was more appealing than my dreams or my memory had portrayed. I could not take my eyes off him. The most beautiful boy of my acquaintance was back, and moreover, he looked relaxed when he saw me, instead of stiff. This gave me hope.
I beamed at him and he asked, “Would you care to go fishing?” He pulled an old fishing pole from behind his back.
I looked at his homemade stick and said what I should have the first time he asked, two years ago. “Of course! I am just hoping you do not expect me to use that hideous thing. I will never catch anything with it.”
He smiled so brightly, I should have looked away at once, for a strange thing happened. My breath came faster, and my face felt on the verge of flushing.
“Of course, if her Ladyship prefers a pole designed by a master craftsman, I would not stop her from acquiring one. However, shabby as it may seem, this was made many moons ago by a world-renowned magician.”
I laughed. “You are trying to tell me you made it two years ago, with a dull knife and little light, out of a castaway limb. Am I correct?” I checked his expression. Yes, of course I was right. “Tsk tsk, Robert! What an opinion you have of yourself.” My voice was playful as I admired his pole. This was a lot easier when I did not have to look into his eyes.
Now it was Robert’s turn to laugh. “Her Ladyship is witty as well as beautiful, and she can fish!” He sighed contentedly then said, “Heart, where hast thou gone?” He was in full courtier mode and I loved it. For it was playful instead of awkward.
Still, I smiled and blushed scarlet with pleasure. My Robin was back, and I could not wait to see how he acted when we were alone. Fortunately, I did not have to wait long to find out, for as soon as he saw that I was serious in my consent, he grabbed my hand and pulled me uncomfortably behind him. We raced down the hall and out of doors just as we had done before.
It was a glorious April afternoon and, as we ran through the west garden, I smelled everything. The sun was high and the rains had not yet started, but I could feel them on their way. It was so magnificent, I almost forgot that Robert was holding my hand.
We quickly got to the lake, but Robert did not stop running. He held my hand tightly and, before I knew what was happening, he ran us right to the water’s edge, leaping with me ungracefully over the high cattails lining the bank, and we splashed into the shoulder-deep water. It was shockingly cold, but wonderful. I came out of the water laughing, and so did he.
“I cannot believe you just did that to me,” I said, and I splashed him right in the face. “Did you even know if I could swim with this bulky dress on?”
Robert laughed. “I was hoping that you could not swim, if you must have the truth, so that I might have an excuse to take you in my arms and rescue you.” He winked and splashed me back.
“Robert Dudley, you have spent too much time in court. You have the flirtations of that place mimicked perfectly,” I answered tartly.
“Well, if I am to someday make a good impression on you in front of all the other gentlemen in court, it seems I should begin practicing now.”
I wanted to cry. He did not mean what he said. He was only practicing—honing his skills on me. What else could I expect? As I tread water in my thick skirts, I thought about why I was suddenly so upset by his teasing. I never had been before, but I found that I had to turn my face away from him so that he would not see how hurt I was. Sometimes of late, it seemed I only had two temperatures, hot or cold, and right now I was ice.
“With that sort of talk, it is no wonder courtiers cannot tell if they are in love or not. I will not be a practicing arena for your games, Robert Dudley. You go practice on someone else. I am sure Mary and Jane would love to have someone new to flirt with.” And with that, I started for the bank.
When I got to the bank I heard him quietly say, “Forgive me, my Lady. I find it difficult…I mistake…” He sighed and splashed at the water with his hand. “Isn’t it hard to try to be an adult when we are only adolescents? I know I botch it up all the time.” Then he laughed. “I am only in my thirteenth year, yet my father is already loo
king for a girl with good blood and fortune to be my wife. I know he is seriously considering you, Elizabeth. But we have talked of this before.”
I turned around slowly. He was bringing it up again. I wondered what had happened while he was gone. When I looked at him, he smiled mirthlessly.
“Watch out or you might get the job, and I know that would be a punishment for you,” he said bitterly. I started to contradict him, but he turned angrily away from me and ground his teeth as he continued. “He sent me back here to woo you. Did you know that? He has all of these plans, but what is he thinking? Scheming against you is absolutely unthinkable! Furthermore, the farthest goal in my mind is matrimony. I would rather talk about the properties of lake moss than the arrangements of a marriage.”
Shocked as I was by these confessions, I laughed and said nothing. Somehow, his words had taken the anger and spurn out of my soul, and looking at him now, all wet-haired and gloomy, made me melt. My dress clung to my beginnings of a womanly shape and so I sat on the green grass next to the water, concealing myself as best I could, and patted the ground next to me. Slowly he swam toward me and when he was about to come out of the water I turned my head to give him a little bit of privacy.
When I felt him sit next to me, I turned back. He had his knees pulled into his chest and was leaning forward, resting his chin on them. His wet hair stuck to his forehead and cheekbones. I could not help but notice how incredibly smooth his skin was and how dark and thick his eyebrows were. He had a small mole near his ear and a little scar near his chin.
“Where did you get that scar?” I asked, wanting to say something.
His hand moved to his chin to touch the exact place the scar was located. “I tell everyone who asks that I got into a knife fight with a brigand last year. It is a thrilling tale—not that people believe the story, but it is fun to tell and to do so is expected of me.” He paused to smile at me and pull a piece of grass out of my hair before continuing. “Do you sometimes feel as though there are two Elizabeths—one that you use in front of regular people and one that you save for special friends and family?” His focus went far across the lake now and he bit on his lip as he thought to himself.
I wondered why he had said deception was expected of him. I certainly could understand expectations, but what was the source of his feelings? His parents? His situation? All of these mysteries I suddenly wanted to know. However, this was a Robert that even I had not seen before, and so I kept my mouth shut and my ears open.
“Only when we are alone am I the Robert who can tell you that deep inside I am a child who wants to run and play—and jump into lakes with pretty girls. I want to hunt snakes and frogs and make wood boats to sail down a stream like we did when we first met.” He looked at me. “I still want to play with children my age and not feel like I have to talk about politics, religion, and the weather with them. I do not want to force my body into court apparel, tights, doublet, and uncomfortable shoes! These things are not for me. I do not want to have to like killing a deer, or jousting, or simpering for ladies, or perfecting the art of a courtesan. I love school—math, mostly—and I love God. I want to spend time learning things and having fun, not focusing on family traditions or Dudley pride.” He breathed in deeply but would not look at me. He focused on the blade of grass he had extracted from my hair and started twirling it around. The next moment he squeezed it between his thumbs, placed it to his lips, and blew. It made a garbled whistling sound and we both laughed. When he pulled his hands away, he touched his scar again and said, “I haven’t a clue about this scar. It is the result of some folly as a child, my parents tell me, though they say they do not remember it either.” He looked at me with a serious face and said, “I think that I must be mad.”
“Or you could be absolutely ordinary.” I said this with a note of finality. “Being here with others my age has been so wonderful, but before I came here, I felt exactly the same things and I know that I am not mad!” We both laughed.
“Are you certain? I just told you that my father was planning our wedding and that he asked me to scheme with him, and yet you still sit here next to me. Think hard, my Lady, for madness is a very tricky thing.”
I just looked at him and thought to myself that there could be worse ways to spend my life than with this honest, good, and beautiful boy, but I said, “You do have a point. I shall have Kat give me the mad test straight away.” We smiled and stared at one another for a few moments before the wind came up. A chill came over me and I realized we needed to get some dry clothes on before we caught cold. With a sly look in my eye, I asked, “Race me to the house?” I jumped up before he could say yes or no and took off running.
The musicians began a slow waltz and dancing lessons commenced. Robert grasped my hand in his and held me confidently in his arms. We began dancing in earnest and I thought how I would love to dance with him in front of a crowd. We were very accomplished for our age, and I was sure Father would love to see how we had improved since the wedding. As I fantasized about this, we turned and twirled.
Robert’s voice took me out of my reverie. “You have particularly slender hands, did you know that? They are graceful and soft. I like them.”
I had always admired my hands and was so pleased that he had taken notice that I decided to return the favor.
I lowered my voice and said right into his face, so others would not hear me, “You, Sir Robin, have eyes that will someday melt a heart so thoroughly that I pity the girl unfortunate enough to fall in love with you, for how will she ever be able to regard another set of eyes with any passion when yours are still on the earth to be seen?”
Robert’s face for one instant held a look of…longing? I did not understand his expression, but it completely changed in an instant. He looked away and then laughed at me.
“Perhaps I shall die early so that I will not cause anyone harm.” His magnificent eyes considered me again. “I do not know if you are practicing on me now. That was as flamboyant a compliment as ever I heard in court.” Before I could become offended, he cleared his throat and a wobbly smile curled his lips. “But I must caution you to worry for yourself, for my father has decided that you will be that unfortunate girl forced to look into my eyes with regard. I received a letter today.”
He watched my reaction carefully, but I gave none, for I did not know how I felt about it myself. So, I continued dancing, but in the back of my mind, I considered what my father might say to such a proposition.
Episode 11
June 1544
The Palace of Whitehall, London
I was excited when Edward and I were summoned to court, for I could see Father and Katherine and hear all the news of the upcoming war. However, in the week since we had been at Whitehall, I had only seen Father on a few occasions. Katherine and I had taken up our usual routine of prayers and scripture study, and I was eager and pleased to spend the days by her side.
She strived to help me improve myself and to help me understand what Christ and the Apostles meant by the different scriptures. Father would occasionally join us in her rooms and sit with us while we sewed or debated, but when he was present, the tone and veracity of our debates was quite subdued.
He would talk of the war with France. It sounded to me that he would be leading the armies himself and that it would be happening very soon. Father was highly pleased with all the men he had recruited, and the gathering of warships around the Isle of Wight seemed to be happening as planned.
He would not invite his children to join him in the courtly gatherings that happened almost nightly. There was a rumor that he planned on presenting us for a special event and was saving us for that. I had no idea what it could mean.
Finally, the day arrived. Father summoned us to join him for supper and I hoped that we would have a wonderful evening surrounded by courtiers, as I had the previous year. Mary had only arrived the day before because she had been far to the north and had to travel. As I looked at my older sister, I realized that I was
almost as tall as her now, and though she was not a tall woman, I was still surprised to see it. I had new dresses, but they were all made long so I could grow into them a bit. I suppose they did fit me a little differently now. I wore my most formal one tonight—burgundy velvet with gold stitching and small jewels sewn around the neckline.
The private dining room that Edward, Mary, and I were led to was lavishly decorated. Thick purple curtains draped the window and plush chairs surrounded the thick mahogany table. A giant bear skin covered the stone tiles and the fireplace was encased with swirls of gold. Sugared fruit stood high on trays decorating the table, and the plates looked as if they were out of a Far Eastern storybook, so beautiful were they with cherry tree blossoms and delicate fans painted so skillfully.
Father sat at the head of the table and, as I stood before him, he had a pleased look on his large, red face. “Edward, my boy, you are in fine form today. I admire your cap.” Edward nodded, and Father went right on. “How are you, little prince? Feeling well? Your tutors say you are keeping up with Bessy as best you can.”
Father patted Edward on the head as he soberly said, “Yes, Father.”
Then Father turned to me, “You have grown, Bessy. I suppose I shall have to call you Elizabeth now, hey?” I smiled and rushed to hug him. He patted me, but said, “Come now, child, go back to your place.” A little saddened by his rebuke, I stepped away and his eyes went critically toward Mary. “So, you are here at last, my eldest daughter. How was your journey?”
Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery Page 16