Mary stiffened. Her black dress and tight coif made her appear sickly. I thought she looked very ill indeed and worried for her. “As well as it could be, Father. The roads were mostly good, but the spring rains have held out in some of the north county, which was why we were delayed.”
Father cleared his throat and waved to Mary as if she had apologized, then he raised his voice as if speaking to a large crowd, though it was only the four of us in the room. “I am happy to have you all here, for I have something important to tell you. However, we shall eat first so that your minds can be contemplating my news. I do enjoy the air anticipation stirs.” He laughed and popped a grape into his mouth.
We sat and servants began to bring out trays of food. The meal was magnificent, though light, for we had already feasted that day. A thin, flavorful bouillabaisse with stock of pheasant looked beautiful in the colorful bowls, with every kind of bread I could imagine for dipping. The first of the green and yellow vegetables were cut and organized so picturesquely that I hated to take them, though they were deliciously fresh, slightly covered in olive oil and salt to enhance the flavor. I will admit to partaking in more than my fair share of sugared fruits. I could not help myself because only in Father’s house could I have such a luxury.
I was excited and nervous for Father’s mysterious announcement and wanted a bit of conversation. Father did seem in a mood, so I asked hesitantly, “Father, may I ask where the Queen is?”
Father frowned slightly. “That information is too closely linked with my announcement, so no, you cannot ask. Only hurry with your food and I will tell you all when you have finished.” He smiled mischievously and glanced around to make certain everyone was following his orders. It seemed that he himself could barely keep the secret in.
I wondered what kind of secret would keep the Queen away or how it was connected to her.
Finally, when we had all finished, Father snapped his fingers and a man came in holding an easel covered with a large cloth. Father pointed to where he wanted it set down and looked at us expectantly. I met his smiling eyes with wonder and confusion, and finally he laughed aloud.
“Remove the cover.”
The man did so with a flourish and the stirring of the air brought the scent of oil paint to me before I looked to see what was before me. It was a long, almost blank piece of canvas. In the exact middle was a portrait of father sitting on his throne.
Edward spoke up a little uncertainly. “Father, that is a masterful depiction, but whatever is it for? Why is it almost completely blank?”
He laughed, “Oh ho, my wise son! You bring me right to the point.” He looked at each of us intently and spoke quickly. “This is to be a portrait that will hang in this very castle. It will be one of my family, but more importantly, a picture of my heirs.” He said the word slowly. “Edward, you will stand here at my side.” He looked at me and Mary and rushed on. “You, Mary, will be here on my right hand as the second in line to the throne, and you, Elizabeth, will go on my left as the third in line.”
Mary gasped and rushed to hug Father. I could not take my eyes from the canvas as I tried to imagine what all this could mean. But Father interrupted my confusion by saying, “Edward of course will outlive you all and his heirs will be those that take the throne, but before I go away to war I want to acknowledge you all as what you are: my dearest children. No matter who your mothers were, you are mine and I love you.”
Those words made tears spring to my eyes. My father did love me. He did. I ran to his arms and hugged his neck and cried into his hair. Before I let him go, I whispered in his ear, “I love you, Father, and I am so glad that you love me too.”
When I pulled away from him big tears filled his eyes and he pulled me in to whisper in my ear. “I have always loved you, my little Bessy. Please forgive me for taking so long to tell you so.” Tears ran down his face in earnest now.
No wonder he did not want anyone to see this gathering. He was soft, and I liked to see it, but it would not do any good for his reputation.
Later that same evening, we met for the void Father had planned, and he announced this change in the line of succession to the whole court. Again, the queen was not there and so I asked Mary if she knew why.
Her nose rose a bit and she said in a vile tone, “Father will not be including Katherine in the portrait of his family. Jane Seymour will be painted in as the true queen. I think that Katherine does not feel welcome at a void that is so clearly a snub to her relationship and status to us.”
I squashed how incensed I felt at these words. I had to support my father, especially in front of Mary. “Oh, well that would make sense. Father does not seem to play anyone’s pipe but his own,” I said and gritted my teeth. Looking up to my tired-looking sister, I asked, “Mary, are you alright? You really do not look well.”
She sniffed and glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “The traveling was hard on me, and I have been having pains in my stomach and headaches that I cannot get rid of. Furthermore, I think my courses are about to be upon me, though I have not seen them in many months. Perhaps I have just forgotten what it feels like when they are here.”
I had not started that womanly circumstance as of yet, so I did not know what she was talking of exactly, but it did not sound pleasant, and if there were any way to stop that from happening to me soon, I would do it. “I am sorry. Is there nothing to take for your relief?”
“No, one must wait it out with the patience akin to that of Job. You will understand soon enough, my dear young sister.” She caressed her stomach in a tender way and looked over to me, “I hear that you are very friendly with the queen and that you study and pray with her daily.” I nodded. “Well that is good to hear. I only wish that you would take mass with me while I am here with you. I do not believe that the queen is keeping the ordinance pure.” She turned hotly away, and I knew that I must not say a word or there would be a fight, and that was the last thing I wanted.
After a moment she looked at me expectantly, and when I smiled at her, she wrapped an arm tightly around me and said, “I have missed you, Elizabeth. Perhaps I will come to Hatfield and stay with you awhile. I did like living at Hatfield, after I got over the shock of being treated like your servant, that is.” She smiled again and said, “No matter. That changed soon enough and now I am in the succession ahead of you. Isn’t life strange? Yes, I do think I will see you there. I really am fond of Hatfield.”
Before my temper could get the better of me and I told Mary that she was not wanted at Hatfield House, Father rose out of his seat with the aid of a cane and cleared his throat. The room silenced instantly. “I have already made one announcement tonight, but it is getting late and I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow—when I ride for the coast and on to France.” There were great shouts of approval and “Long live the king” before he continued with a smile and a jolly, red face. “So tonight, I say goodbye to you all and I hope that you will keep England’s soldiers and her king in your prayers, that we may ride home alive and successful.”
I was again in shock. Father was leaving tomorrow, and he was going to fight the French. This meant that Katherine would be highly busy taking care of the affairs of state in his absence.
This was going to be a very interesting stay at court. As I thought this, a familiar voice whispered in my ear, “I think this might be a very interesting stay at court,” and I, of course, knew it was Robert.
I turned to my handsome friend just as he swept me a bow so low I thought his nose might touch the floor. “My Princess, I am so honored to stand next to you.”
When he rose, I saw the color in his cheeks and the serious glint in his eye, but I felt a change in him. He was very much the courtier tonight, but an embarrassed one, and I wondered why. It was soon discernible when Robert talked of my new high station and how it seemed possible that his dearest friend might one day take the throne. “What would I be to you then?” he asked petulantly.
With my father recognizing
me as an heir, all prospects of me marrying Robert were out of the question. My marriage would more likely than not be brokered off to some prince as an alliance piece. I blinked at the thought. I might be forced to marry some stuffy old prince from Spain. “Oh Robert, that would be just the most awful thing in the world. How would I get over it?” I answered him with no regard to his question.
“Being queen? Awful? How so?”
“No, not that! What if Father or Edward forces me to marry some old man twice my age and smelly to boot, just for the sake of an alliance or a trade deal or some such nonsense? How will I bear it?” Taking hold of Robert’s arm and turning him away from the crowds, I looked desperately into his eyes. “I love you more than anyone, and if I cannot even make myself marry you, I could never face the institution with someone I loathe.”
“Make yourself?” I looked into his eyes and saw the hurt there. He blinked a few times and looked away from me. Then, sniffing, he said, “I see my aunt. I should go and greet her. “You will excuse me, Princess.” And he stepped around me to enter the crowd.
The entirety of the night was ruined for me then, not only with the startling premonition of a future unwanted marriage, but by the knowledge that I hurt my friend. A friend who could have saved me long ago from this startling fate by becoming my intended husband. However, fool that I was, I meddled in that prospect. And I did it out of fear. Stupid fear. But here I was, afraid again and with a much worse fate on the horizon. This all burned me up inside and the only relief from my torment was to repeat the manipulation I’d done one year ago and hope it lasted. I turned toward my father and pulled the light to me.
In July, I sat for Hans Assouline, a Flemish man commissioned to do the family portrait. I stood in a brightly lit room in my hot, embroidered green and maroon damask. My hair was up and back, and my mother’s necklace was wrapped neatly around my neck. The white starched lace at my wrists itched, but I dared not move for fear the anxious artist would yell at me—though he would be yelling at a princess now, and not Lady Elizabeth. What a difference my Father’s acknowledgment made.
After what seemed like an eternity, the man finished painting my likeness and I went straight away to change out of my gown. When I entered my room, Kat was there. Tears were running down her smiling face and she dabbed at them with a white handkerchief.
I went to her side at once. “Whatever is the matter, Kat? Are you hurt?”
Kat shook her head and sniffed. “No, I am perfectly at ease.” She smiled as if that would convince me.
“No Kat, you must tell me why you are sitting here crying. What has happened?”
“Sir John. He has just—just asked for my hand.” She sniffed loudly. “He has already received consent from all the proper places, but I—I just am not sure how I feel about it.”
“How you feel about it? Kat, are you mad? What did you tell the poor man?” I was very upset now. “Did you tell him that you were uncertain if you wanted to marry him? Oh Kat, please tell me you did not.”
“No, I told him that I needed to discuss it with you,” she said in a frightened tone.
“With me? As far as I am concerned the situation is perfect and I am happy for you both,” I said with utter conviction. “Why on earth would you need to talk to me about it?”
“I did not know how you would feel and I knew that I could not leave you.”
My pulse raced and I swallowed hard. “John has said he wishes you to live elsewhere?”
“No, not exactly. But he wants to have children, and have a life like other people, and not be servants as we are now. Not that either of us is complaining. We are so grateful to be with you, my Lady—Princess—” She sputtered to a stop.
I understood. Of course, I did. But there was no way I was going to allow Kat to be married if it meant she would leave me. “Kat, you will not have to act as my servant, or even a lady-in-waiting. I will find someone else to take over your duties. Only stay with me. And if Sir John is unhappy at his post, we can find something else for him to do also.” I began to cry a little. “Just do not leave me, Kat.”
She grabbed me and held me to her chest. “Of course, child, of course. I promised that I would never leave, and just because I am going to be married does not mean that I can go back on my word. Shhh, it will be alright,” she said soothingly and stroked my hair.
Episode 12
June 1544
The Palace of Whitehall, London
Katherine managed the affairs at home beautifully, and I learned so much as I watched her. If this was my one opportunity to watch the Crown rule, I thought that things were just as they should be, with Father off fighting and Katherine handling the delicacies of home. I saw rulers and those of the Privy come to her and bend ear to all she had to say. They respected her, and, though they did not always do exactly as she wished, they did listen and take her counsel nine times out of ten.
Because I maintained the belief that someday I would be queen (in fact, I had many fantasies of how I would one day rule England), all I gathered in at this time was of utmost import to me.
I began to understand as a woman the measures necessary to keep the council in its place, and without the backing of a powerful king, such as my father, those measures would be grand indeed. It would take all my talents and skills, I knew, for though I saw that they humored Katherine and did as she bade, it was obvious that they were not beholden to her as they were my father.
I began to say such things in my head as, “I want, as queen, to enrich and prosper myself and my people,” and, “As queen, I want men to come to me and do as I bid them.” Thus, I felt a switch in my thinking.
Of course, in all these schemes and imaginings, I had no husband off at war to worry about. One of my dearest hopes was to never to have war in my kingdom. I saw the moral and financial toll war took on a country and its subjects, with the dead leaving orphans and widows everywhere. I privately thought badly of Father for the frivolous act, and yet, all the while, I still felt proud of how brave he was. It was an interesting mix of emotions.
I learned as I watched, and as months turned to years my relationship with Katherine grew so firm that I knew I could not, though the entire world should be searched, find a kinder or more involved guardian.
Our companionship even helped me to become closer with my father, for they were in constant communication and I was one of her most notable companions. When I’d helped with a little thing or two, and we received word back from father on what a smart idea it was, my ego was duly petted. Thus, my love and admiration of my father grew more than ever. I had the feeling that the next few years would hold my happiest memories, and they did.
Returning triumphantly from France, where he won the war, and also defending our shores when the French counterattacked, may not have seemed a big victory comparatively, but for Father it was. He handled the armies with the superb touch of a man in tune with his soldiers. He was again the lion king, fighting for what was rightfully his. As Father told me the story of the French general kneeling at his feet, I knew that God had placed this man, my father, on the throne to head His church and to rule this people.
Sadly, after Father returned he was not the same man as before, though his spirits were high, and he was ever talking of his last hurrah and how even in his old age he’d spat in the face of the French. We all agreed that the war was exactly what his spirit needed, but his body continued to vex him greatly. All sorts of ailments grieved his legs and hands and innards, making us all realize that he would not long be in this world.
Queen Katherine continued to help with matters of state but dealt more with matters of the king’s health. I watched her become a nursemaid to my father, preferring to care for him herself rather than turn the duty over to servants.
This was inspiring to me. As I watched her take him for walks in his chair and feed him and clean him up, I saw Christ in the woman I loved as a great guardian. This service put her in a special place for me and taught me so much
of what being a Christian really was.
Father oftentimes would go into a rage and torture all those around him, throwing things and screaming and cursing. Katherine attempted to shield Edward and me from these behaviors, as well as the rest of the court. When things became too bad she sent us all away, and I left knowing I might never again in this life see the man I loved as my king and father.
Still I felt so grateful. I had grown so much. My mind had been enriched by my time under the tutelage of Doctors Grindal and Coxe. My heart had been warmed with the love of my father and Katherine and God. I had practiced and very closely mastered my skills with my power. I had made choices for my life. I wanted the throne; I wanted it by my own right and not that of a husband. I felt hopeful and useful and wiser than I’d been before.
However, I felt a testing of self on the horizon. I did not know if it was a premonition or if I was calling bad omens my way. Whatever the cause, I felt prepared and willing to grow more if that was what my future held.
Season of Temptation
Episode 1
February 1547
Windsor Castle, London
In the winter of my fourteenth year, I became an orphan.
I had known about Father’s death for a fortnight. The day they would entomb him in St. George’s chapel at Windsor was upon me now. It seemed like it took me weeks and weeks to finally grasp that he was truly gone.
It was too dangerous for me to attend his funeral, so I mourned him in my rooms. I did watch from the window of the Castle as throngs of angry people arrived to protest their dead king’s rites. It broke my heart how the country had turned against him now that the effects of the war were being truly felt, and it further hurt me that I could not pay my respects without being accosted.
Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery Page 17