Elizabeth Tudor- Ancestry of Sorcery

by Theresa Pocock

  The gardens were beautiful, and I spent several hours walking them each day, so I knew where to lead him so we could be alone.

  I stopped and looked into his eyes. “I have missed you terribly, Robert, and I do not know that I will ever forgive you for leaving me the way you did.”

  “Well, what was all that blubbering for then? I usually do not let girls cry all over me for nothing. I thought for sure I was off the hook when you started sobbing the moment you saw me.”

  It looked as if today were one of his courtier days. I would get no serious answers from him now. Why had he come to me if not to have a serious conversation?

  I pushed him away and scowled at him. “Well, Robert,” I accentuated the name, showing him I saw that he would not be my Robin today. “If you did not come to make any apologies, and you have no explanations for your actions in February, then I am afraid we have nothing—”

  “Explanations! Apologies!” His voice shattered the peaceful sounds of chirping birds and running water. “I do not think I am the one who has explanations and apologies to make, my Princess!”

  I thought he had understood, that he was willing to…no, I don’t know what I had thought, but obviously I was entirely wrong. He had been mad at me the whole time. He was just acting now, trying to manipulate me into telling him my secret.

  Anger washed over me like the ocean tide. I did not understand why I did not just walk away from this infuriating boy. My blood seemed about to boil, and instinctively I called the power to me. I stood there with my nose in the air, arms folded beneath my breasts, and I almost flipped my skirts to walk away, however I caught a look in Robert’s eye. It was only a flash, but they were emotions I knew well, for I knew Robert; awe, love, remorse.

  Slowly the power purged my anger and I turned back to him.

  His eyes were running slowly up and down my body, pausing at my arms, hands, neck, face—all the places where my skin was wrapped in the light of my power. He openly wore those emotions now and when our eyes met I saw something new.

  Betrayal.

  As quickly as I saw it, it was gone, and words were pouring mechanically out of his perfectly sullen lips. “Father said that Admiral Seymour has all but announced to the court that he will be asking the king for your hand. Since he is the brother of King Edward’s mother and also the brother of the Lord Protector, I do not think he will be refused. Father wanted me to warn you that this would be a very bad match for you, and he pleads you to do whatever you can to stop it from happening.”

  He looked away for a moment, squinting into the afternoon sun. I saw how his dark hair shimmered with strands of red, the same colors as his long eyelashes which glittered feathery and full in the light. He was remarkably beautiful inside and out and I had hurt him deeply.

  His voice cracked as he continued, and I did not think it was puberty breaking it because other emotions clouded his face. “I have not seen Father so concerned in a long while. He mentioned pleading on bended knee in front of the king himself, requesting him to refuse the suit.” He turned back to me, a severe look in his eye. “He even suggested that I—” He turned away again. “It would not matter.”

  Clearing his throat, he took on a businesslike tone. “Regardless, I do have something more to add. Admiral Thomas was at your residence in Chelsea with the dowager queen, and I am very certain that, as I walked up, that I saw him streak past a window wearing only his small clothes. Not only that, I fear it took a very long time for the door to be answered and Katherine herself, who was quite out of breath, was the one that did so. She seemed all politeness. I asked if she needed any assistance, for she said that all the servants were away for a spring holiday of some sort. But she said ‘No thank you’—with unnecessary vigor.

  “This information connected with some other that I received yesterday from Lady Jane Grey leads me to believe that your stepmother and the Admiral are having an affair.” He said it without batting an eye. “Yet he is telling everyone that he wants to marry you.” A small consolatory smile graced his face and he added, “I am sorry to tell you all of this. It is obvious you can see the problem and are in shock. I just hope you realize that he is a trickster, Elizabeth; a rogue, and wholly unworthy of you…or the dowager queen.” Breathing in heavily, he bowed and brushed a kiss on my hand. “I have delivered my message. I hope that it will help you decide, and to heal if you have been trespassed on.” He still held my hand. His eyes went down to it as his thumb slowly brushed over my light-infused knuckles. Bowing down, he kissed it once more, though slowly this time, and afterward he would not meet my eyes. “If you will excuse me.” With that he released me, turned on his heel, and walked quickly away.

  I wanted to call after him. I wanted to scream his name, but I was in shock. His words ran through my head over and over again. “Your stepmother and the Admiral are having an affair.” How could this be? I did not understand. I felt as if I now coveted something that I had not known I considered mine. Thomas was mine. I needed him. I wanted him. I would have him.

  I could still see Robert as he walked away, and I knew that what was between him and me was what was real. My mind was mine enough to see that. Yet my body asked why I did not feel the overwhelming sexual draw to him that I felt toward Thomas? I loved Robert with all my heart. I would love to have him in that way, but I just could not. Perhaps that was the difference. I loved Robert. I cared about what happened to him. I did not want to take things, like fatherhood, away from him. I wanted him to be happy.

  I did not feel that way toward Thomas. At that moment, all I wanted was to torture him, to make him feel the anguish of body I felt now as I believed that I would never have him. Most of all, I wanted to be that girl he tossed over a table and made love to, unconcerned with discretion and completely unattached. I felt the obsession take over my mind, and in that moment, I knew I had done this to myself. If only I would have been more vigilant in controlling my thoughts, for I could not see a way back now.

  Episode 4

  June 1547

  Old manor in Chelsea, London

  The truth was that, while I was gone, Katherine and Thomas were married in a secret ceremony. I had no idea what Edward and his council would make of that, but a very tiny, yet very loud part of my mind, hoped he would send them both to the Tower. Living with them was torment. I did not know what to do with the rage that seemed to fill me at every moment. I was sure my face would betray me as I watched them share a kiss over dinner or caress one another in the sitting room. I did notice that after these actions, Thomas’ eyes would find mine and there was a boldness there that I detested.

  I was of two minds about Katherine. I was so angry with her, yet I loved her, a conflict that caused me much anguish. She’d been so stoic and nurturing, but ill-fated with father. Now she seemed beyond happy and completely unconcerned with the gossip spreading about her. I did not like to hear the gossip, but again, a small voice in me said that it was completely warranted, for it had only been two months since Father’s death.

  However, my anger was a gentle simmer compared to how I felt when I learned that Edward himself had given them his blessing and that the council, and world, only just found out about the marriage.

  I wanted revenge. I felt almost out of control about it. Having fits of crying and red-faced anger. Stomping around and yelling at most anyone. Kat said it was my age, adolescence and all, but that couldn’t be it. It was Thomas. I wanted him, I thought I had him and now he was very violently ripped out of my daydreams and living under my same roof, making love to my step-mother.

  Also, it seemed that Thomas’ eyes were never far from me, and that in and of itself was enough to make me crazy. I was mad at him for all he done to me; how he had trespassed on my good will, made me love—or rather lust—after him in a way that I could not ignore, and then removed himself from my grasp. I tried to be cold, but a month and a half later, something changed with their marriage. I wasn’t certain what, but I started seeing Thomas everywher
e I went. At first it seemed happenstance, but then he began making a point of being where I was.

  When he followed me out to the stables, he would stand and look at me, not saying a word the whole time I waited for my horse. Then he would take his horse out too, only he would ride behind me, never approaching.

  It was unnerving.

  He would walk around the gardens at the same time I would and admire the flowers, but it was as if I were the most beautiful one in the garden, for his eyes found me more than anything else.

  Then I realized something. If I was looking at him every time he happened to look over at me, was it he or I who was doing all the staring? I forced myself to not look at him. I considered it a battle of wills and my angry side won…most of the time.

  It went on like this for months, and sometime around Christmas, Katherine asked me about it. “My dear Elizabeth, do you like the Admiral?” She glanced at me sullenly and then continued her needlework.

  Do I like your husband? Let me see…I dream about him every night. Every time he walks into the room my heart begins to race. I fantasize about being in his bed and I hate every last bit of him for making me feel like a hussy that cannot control her thoughts as my Lord would have me do.

  I did not want to admit even to my own self how much of my time on that prayer bench was spent thinking of Thomas. I was going to be struck down for my blasphemy.

  I cleared my throat and ducked my head so that she would not see my blush for what it was. How could I answer? “I do not think I dislike him.”

  Katherine stopped her stitching to look at me again. “But you do not like him?” She sounded scandalized.

  I was instantly angered by her tone. Why was she asking me this? I did not want to talk about it! “I do not even talk to the man. How do you like a man you do not talk to? Of course, I used to have many good talks with him but that was before you and he married. He is your husband. Why do you care how I do or do not feel about him?” My voice betrayed everything. I knew it did. Thankfully, Katherine was far too shocked that I would speak to her in such a manner to hear all I had betrayed.

  “Goodness, all I wanted to know was why you do not speak to him.” She had gone pale and rigid. The woman did not like conflict.

  “I do not talk to him because I have nothing to say to him,” I said with false sweetness that I hoped would cover up my anger.

  “Well I do not want you to be put upon, but I think that there are a great many things you could talk about with him. He is very interesting.” She looked at me with sincerity in her lovely face. “It is just that the Admiral has complained that he cannot be a proper stepfather to you if you will not talk with him or spend time with him. I think he is right. You have not had a father like most girls have, and so I thought that Thomas would be very good for you, but you cannot benefit from this congenial situation if you will not let him get close to you. When you have finished mourning your father, I hope that you will give Thomas a chance to help you have a more normal youth. He loves you already and is eager to guide you however he is able.”

  Those last words were his, I was sure, for their meaning was twofold.

  “Thank you for telling me this, Katherine. I shall try to follow your wishes and become more friendly with the man. His heart, I am sure, is in the right place.” I said the last with a tiny sneer I hoped she would not see.

  From then on, I tried to treat him in the way I would anyone else. I tried. At supper he would make friendly conversation with me and I returned it with equal civility, but that and that alone was enough to start a whole new wave of sickening thoughts and schemes in my mind. I had to have him or get away from him, and yet I was still mad at him. The power this man had was equal to mine in every way, for I was completely under his control.

  That gave me an idea. What if I were to use my power to make him crazy about me and only me, for I was sure that he was only playing right now. A man with his reputation could not be happy in a marriage with one woman. He needed the hunt, the game. I was sure of it. I had seen this at court and I knew that he was the worst one of them all. But I had never manipulated someone to love me or to have any kind of regard for anyone, and I wondered if it would work. It seemed completely wrong, yet I was tempted to try.

  Over the next few days, it seemed he was growing tired of how slow his game was progressing with me and thus began to heighten the intensity. I soon understood his desperation, for Katherine announced she was with child, due in the late summer. She had been ill and only became more so, and I was quite sure that Thomas was not allowed to go to her as a husband for fear of the baby’s health. As a result, he began to search me out, and though he would have very little to say when he found me, he would always find some excuse to touch me. It reminded me of when he courted me the summer before. Of course, we were limited to the indoors, for it was January, the deepest of the winter season, so I was many times cornered in a doorway or hallway, or in the library, for he knew I spent a lot of time there.

  One day while in the library with Dr. Grindal, who was very involved in some book, Thomas entered and lingered near my side. I tried to ignore him, but his hand kept brushing mine.

  I looked at him and then he would pretend to be ignoring me. How childish were these games that he played, and how strange it was that they drove me crazy.

  I walked away from him and stood behind a tall book shelf that blocked out most of the rest of the room. I did not realize that I had put myself in a bad position until Thomas was behind me, hands around my waist, pushing his chest against my back, and breathing into my ear. “I think it is time to stop playing games, as enjoyable as they are. We must start putting some action into the play.” And he ran the tip of his nose from my ear to my temple, his bottom lip skimming my cheekbone as he breathed heavily onto my skin.

  Pushing against the shelf, I broke away and turned to face him. The haughty smile he had on his face and the lusty look in his eyes stopped me from slapping him right across the face. Instead I decided it was time that I play a game of my own, a game he did not know existed.

  Surrounding myself with the power, I pulled courage around me like a cloak of supremacy.

  Standing on tiptoe, I leaned as close to his ear as I could and said, “Your mind will think of me more often than you should, your body will react with pleasure at my coming, and you will want me and no other from this day forward.” With that, I pushed the biggest ball of light I had ever used into Thomas.

  And then I walked away.

  Glancing back, I saw the hunger enter his eyes and felt the desire he had for me as I sauntered away from him. I smiled. Now we would see how he enjoyed being controlled.

  For the rest of the winter, I was particularly careful to never be alone. Between Kat, Blanche, Katherine, and our newest guest, Lady Jane Grey, it was not a difficult task. I wanted to be in the open, yet completely inaccessible to him. I watched Thomas closely at dinner time and in the evenings when we sat around the fire. Several times he trapped me into playing a game of chess with him, and during said games, his whispered words told how he longed for me and implored to know why I was not going to the library anymore. I would ignore these comments completely and engage someone else nearby. I laughed with pleasure to myself as he got more fanatic day by day.

  When spring arrived, I stayed in my room instead of spending time out of doors. When I did emerge from my rooms I was always in the company of someone and only then would I walk the grounds. I had no idea where I got the courage or the know-how to play this game with him. All I knew was that I was acting out as a powerful yet angry and spurned woman. I made the game up as I went along. I wanted to drive him wild, but it seemed that doing this only made me feel more so.

  Before long, Thomas started showing up at my door in the morning and Kat naturally would let him in to sit and talk with us. Of course, he acted the perfect gentlemen and stepfather, even getting playful at times. Then one morning, he was feeling more deprived than usual and he chased me aro
und the room when I told him I would not go for a ride with him. Kat came in to see what the ruckus was, and he began chasing her around the room too, as if he were playing a fun game with me instead of hunting me as his prey. At first, she was affronted, but after pushing him away, he began chasing me again and tickling me, and she laughed as if it were all very funny. He took her and tickled her a little and all I could think was that she was partly under his spell too, for why would she not think something strange of a man playing thus with a young lady? As things progressed and this chasing became common place—meaning Kat did not watch so closely—Thomas took it to the next step, sometimes he would slap my bottom and even throw me on the bed to tickle me.

  Soon he was coming to my room almost every morning. I would get up early to try and avoid him, but I could not, my studies suffered, and I would need to nap in the afternoon. Plus, where was I to go? I would be alone anywhere I wandered so early in the morning and that was exactly what Thomas wanted.

  Soon Kat did not even bother to check when she heard a knock at my door. He’d worn her down and was now wearing me down. I did not stop him or inform anyone about him because, though I was petulant that he could not be mine, this new situation felt like he was mine and I was still eager to have him near me.

  I was addicted to what my body felt like when he was close. Several times he came so early that he was still in his night shirt and I in mine. He was careful too, always making enough noise that Kat could hear everything—everything except what he whispered in my ear.

  “I want you. I will have you, my rosebud. I think of only you.”

  Episode 5

  April 1548

  Old manor in Chelsea, London

  My studies were done for the day and I wanted to be as far away from Thomas as possible, and so I sat on the ledge of the fountain in the lower garden where the branches of a great oak sheltered me from the house and from the afternoon sun.