“Did you know he was going to kill himself?”
He jerked, the pain twisting him up. “How could you even ask that? Don’t you think, if I’d known, I would’ve stopped him?”
She laid her cheek on her knees, watching him. “You said he made you promise to take care of me if something happened. I just wondered. Not that it matters.”
He glanced at her, as he laced his hands together. “You shouldn’t blame Cam. You should blame Willie.”
“I did. I know why Cam drove off so crazy and drunk. It looked like an accident to everyone but me. And you. But Cam left me alone.”
Her voice was so calm, but his gut churned. He leaned forward, hands on his hat and rubbed it back and forth. He’d tried. He’d known Cam was on the edge. Out of control. But he didn’t realize he would actually follow through on his occasional mention of suicide. How many nights had he lain awake wondering if there was something he could have done to change the outcome?
“I tried. I was so fucked up. I didn’t know. I tried to help you. I failed at it all. Failed my parents…” It just went on and on. “I was never good enough for them. Didn’t fit in with their little ideals of perfection. Pissed as hell I was friends with the Daltons. Fucking failure.”
He grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. The door he kept firmly locked burst open. It had taken him a while to shove all that shit in there and lock it down. The guilt. The pain.
It flooded him.
Smothered him.
It was a vise squeezing his chest, making it hard to breathe.
The image of Cam lying lifeless in that casket, while Cassie cried on his shoulder—Thrand took the blame for it. If he’d been in the truck with him, he wouldn’t have done it. Cam wouldn’t let him go with him that night. He’d gone alone.
Then he’d driven off that goddamn bridge.
“I should’ve been able to save him. Save you.”
Chapter 14
Cassie sat numbly as Thrand shot to his feet. She got a glimpse of his face and her breath caught. She jumped up and grabbed his shaking hands. “Thrand, look at me.”
He tried to push her away but she clung harder.
“No. Don’t you do this. You’re not the reason he died. You didn’t fail me, and fuck your parents.”
He wouldn’t say anything. His entire body trembled, the pain etched in his face pierced her heart. His eyes were frantic, as though searching for some way to escape.
“Dammit. Look at me.” Scared out of her wits, she shoved him back onto the couch. Before he could get up, she straddled him. She placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to focus on her. “There’s nothing you could’ve done. You know how stubborn he was. Once he got a thought in his head, no one could change it.”
His chest rose and fell with his rapid breathing and his panicked gaze bored into hers. “I should’ve known. I failed. If I’d been in the truck with him—”
“No.” She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have stopped him. If not that time, another time. You did not fail.”
He was so crazed for a moment, he resembled Cam when he left that night. She shook her head as tears flowed unchecked down her face. “Even if you had known, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I only asked if you knew. I don’t blame you for it. You didn’t fail me or anyone else.”
How she wished she could take back those words. He’d hid it so well. She thought he was past all this. His life seemed fine. He was easygoing, not the high-strung young man she’d known. How wrong she’d been.
He gripped her face and his thumbs brushed away her tears. “Don’t cry.”
She choked, and more tears flowed. Here he was, dealing with all that baggage, yet he was concerned with her tears.
“Promise me you won’t do that. Ever. For any reason,” she begged. Her tears slowly turned into sobs. “Please.”
“I promise. I won’t.” His breathing slowed and the crazy left his eyes as he focused on her.
She clutched his shoulders, fear forcing her to make sure. “Promise me. Never. You can’t do that to me.”
“I won’t. I promise.” His words were nothing but a strangled whisper.
A scream built inside. Her mind twisted the image of Cam’s body, lying in the casket, replacing it with Thrand’s. The agony congealed into a mass of ugly cries.
Strong arms wrapped around her as she collapsed on his chest. She clung to his shirt while he caressed her head. She hadn’t really cried over Cam, not since the day of the funeral. She’d dealt with her brother’s death, but wasn’t strong enough to deal with losing Thrand. If he left her, it would kill her.
“Cas, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
She clung tighter. She thought, if she could just hold onto his shirt, he wouldn’t disappear. Like everyone else in her life. She lifted her face to look at him. She was a mess, but what if she never got the chance to tell him?
What if something happened?
What if she missed her chance?
Panic seized her.
What if he rejected her? But her fear of him never knowing was greater. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“I love you,” she stammered. Heart in her throat, she begged him with her eyes not to walk away. Her hands fisted tighter in his shirt, hanging on for dear life. “I always have.”
He appeared shocked and his hands stilled. She thought her heart might thump out of her chest if he didn’t say something. Anything was better than silence. She could see he was thinking hard, but she would scream if he didn’t say something.
She expected surprise, so when his face relaxed, she released a breath.
“Do you think Cam would be glad?”
Her mouth dropped open. She thought anything was better than silence. How dare he bring this up again? Anger boiled the tears away. “You can’t be serious?”
“About this.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly, his fingers sliding under her hair to her nape.
She closed her eyes, blocked what he did to her senses, and concentrated on what he said. “I don’t care what Cam thinks, and I need you to not care about it, too.”
“I can’t not care. But I think he might be happy that his best friend, and his little sister are together.” He laid a kiss near her ear.
Her body hummed, she wanted so badly to sink into him, but she couldn’t figure out what he was saying. She backed away from him but his arms kept her from going too far.
“You have to want me for me. Not some idea that you’re taking care of his sister.” She was seething. Not comprehending how he thought that would be enough.
He tilted his head, and looked at her askance. “I want you. That crazy-ass girl who knocked me flat on my ass. The one who has my head spinning until I don’t know which way is up. The only girl who has me wondering what the hell she’ll do next. The one who lit that fire I’d killed when I got out of Oklahoma. I promise you that has nothing to do with Cam.”
Rendered speechless, she could only stare as his lips slowly curled up into a wicked grin that made her mouth dry.
“Yeah, crazy girl. That’s you. It’s an added bonus that maybe, just maybe, he would like that I’m in love with his little sister.”
Her heart thundered in her chest. Did he really mean it? Was he saying it just to make her feel better? Did he feel sorry for her? She had the insane urge to run out the door.
His calloused hands held her face, his gray eyes filled with emotion.
“Quit overthinking. That’s my job.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead on hers. “Belong to me. So I can quit driving myself nuts. Let me love you, Cas.”
She was afraid to believe he wanted her. But the intense look in his eyes told her this was the real deal. For once, she didn’t have to hide her feelings. Her shaking hands traced his face. Lips. They parted and he nipped her thumb. “You realize if you ever try to leave me, I will hunt you down, right?”
He grinned. “Is that right?”
“Mhmm. I’d be that psycho, trailer trash, white girl stalking you until you came to your senses.”
“I can see that. But that’s okay. If I’m ever that stupid, I give you permission to take out all your insane on me.”
“Promise?” She curled her arms around his neck, pressing her body flush against his. She slid her hand up the back of his neck and nudged his hat off and onto the floor.
“You got it, Buzz.” He pushed his hands into her hair, and bit lightly at her lips. He kissed along her jaw, sending jolts through her body. She felt his lips twitch against her skin. “Crazybuzz.”
“Not Buzzkill?” She sank lower, gripped his hips with hers, and tilted her head to the side, giving him total access to her neck.
“Hell no. You’ve had me buzzing like a bee from the moment you puked on my boots.” He chuckled and she laughed with him—until his palms skimmed under the hem of her shirt. She gasped, loving the feel of his rough hands on her skin.
He caught her lips with his. Gentle was his game, but she wanted that oblivion only he could make happen. Impatient, her tongue met his wildly. He pulled back.
“No. We’re doing this my way. And I’m going to make love to my girl.”
She frowned. He shook his head, moved her off of him, and waved for her to go upstairs. Her nerves were stretched taut as she walked in front of him. This wasn’t how they did this. Normally, it was like adding fuel to fire, instant combustion.
They’d barely reached the top floor when his hands landed on her hips, and jerked her against him. He snagged her shirt, whipped it over her head, and his eager fingers flicked off her bra. She smiled. This didn’t seem slow at all. She wriggled her ass against his straining jeans, gripped the back of his neck and arched. She peered up at him and licked her lips.
“You play dirty.” His words hot and heavy in her ear. He pulled on a nipple, shoved his other hand into the front of her shorts and slid a finger into her. She gasped, her knees threatening to buckle beneath her.
“Stay right there,” Thrand ordered.
Her nails dug into his neck as he slid his finger back and forth. His other hand did wicked things to her breasts, as his teeth tugged at her ear. It was slow torture. His movements unhurried.
“Just like whiskey.” He breathed the words into her ear. “You leave that same burn. Except you burn only for me.”
He turned her head, kissed her, and his tongue mimicked the slow slide of his fingers. She moaned and tried to move her hips faster, but he tightened his hold on her face. All she could do was stand there and take it.
“Please, Thrand.” It was painful being so close to release, yet not there. He turned her, shoved her shorts down, as she pulled off his shirt and unbuttoned his pants.
“Dammit, Cassie. I can’t be slow. I want you.” He pushed her onto the bed. “Now.”
He growled as he fell on top of her. His weight settled between her legs, and in one move, slid in.
“Yes!” There was nothing like him over her. In her. She was whole. Complete.
He shoved a pillow under her hips so every drive hit the nerve that made her body quake. He grabbed her hands and held them over her head as he ground to a halt, buried deep within her. He filled her. Stretched her. But held still.
His breath was harsh and fast as he searched her face. With her wrists firmly pinned in one hand, his other wandered down her neck and over her breast. She tried to move, but she was once again unable to move.
“What are you doing to me?” She panted as his fingers rolled a nipple back and forth.
“I wanted slow. You won’t let me have it. So I’m taking it.”
With his eyes fastened to hers, he stroked in and out. She strained against him and closed her eyes.
He stilled.
“I want to show you how much I love you.”
“By torturing me?” Sweat beaded on her skin.
“Keep your eyes on mine and I won’t stop.” He dropped a kiss to her nose and his stubble scraped along her cheek.
He moved again, but she obediently kept her eyes open. Love and lust swirled in those gray depths as he drove in measured strokes. It rocked her. Thrilled her. She whimpered, as he did exactly what he set out to do.
Made love to her. With this body, with his eyes.
“I love the little sounds you make. And the way your eyes light up every time you look at me.”
He drove in harder, and she cried out louder.
“Mmm, and that one.” He licked at her neck. “And the way you taste. And the way you want to taste me.”
He pushed her deeper into the mattress. She was lost in his words. Her world narrowed to him. Everything he’d ever meant to her. He stripped her. Left her soul exposed, and bare for him to see. She’d been his forever, but now he owned her completely.
He dropped his head and kissed her. Hot, demanding. She opened to him. Their tongues tangling together as he thrust faster.
“I fucking love you.” He groaned as he released her hands and gripped her hips, driving in deep.
She hung on as he kept up a pace that brought tears to her eyes. Spasm after spasm hit her in waves that seemed never-ending. She screamed his name, as he pulsed within her. She drifted on a daze of wonder, as he lay heavy on her. He ripped the pillow out from under her and they fell flat on the bed. His damp head rested on her breasts, and her hands slid around his wide shoulders.
“I fucking love you, too.” She licked parched lips, placed a kiss on his neck, and giggled.
He lifted his head. “What are you laughing at?”
“You still have your jeans on.”
She couldn’t see them but had felt them with her legs.
“Damn, I didn’t notice.” He kicked off his jeans, and pulled her in close.
Chapter 15
A few weeks later…
Thrand’s life was anything but boring. He and Cassie were settled. Sorted through their issues, at least the big ones, and he was over his doubts about whether Cam would approve or not. He would never know for sure, but he knew he loved that girl. That was enough, and there wasn’t any way he would let her go at this point. Although settled might not be the right word to describe their relationship.
Cassie argued about everything.
She pushed his hot buttons like no one else, and he never knew what crazy stunt she would pull next.
He laced his hands with hers as they walked toward Booseys, and he stared at her upturned face. Those green eyes danced with excitement. Her honeyed hair loose and wild framed her face as she smiled at him.
He wouldn’t change a damn thing about her.
Dooley sat in his usual place at the entrance and pulled down his dark shades. “Thrand, you’re one lucky bastard.”
Thrand smirked and gave him a fist bump. “Don’t I know it.”
“Good thing you got over your stupid. ‘Cause if I was few years younger, you would’ve never gotten the chance.” Dooley waggled his bushy brows.
“We were both stupid. And you know, if Thrand wasn’t around, you might have your hands full.” Cassie’s eyes twinkled with mischief as she kissed Dooley’s cheek. “You’re sweetie, Dooley.”
“I’ve been called a lot of things, darlin’, but sweet hasn’t been one of them,” Dooley chuckled. “Don’t tease an ole geezer like me. I’m good with watching Thrand try and rein you in.”
Her head fell back on a throaty laugh. Her bare neck tempted Thrand because he knew exactly how fast he could make her pulse throb right there.
“Not happening,” Cassie said, and those wicked eyes landed on him. “He knows better then to even try.”
Thrand winked at her. “Why would I want to?”
She curled her hand around his arm, and leaned up to kiss him. “Smart man.”
He returned her light kiss, and shook his head when her teeth tugged at his lip before he pulled away.
“Like I said, lucky bastard,” Dooley muttered then pointed at a flyer on the window. “You ready for your set?<
br />
DirtSlap was printed in big jagged font, with a picture of their band in the background.
Cassie had taken all the pictures, and designed the whole thing. It looked amazing. She’d even signed up for photography and graphic art classes. He was damn proud of her.
“I’m stoked, man. And we’re as ready as we’ll ever be. Just hope we don’t empty the place with our sound.”
“Gotta say, I’m looking forward to hearing this.” Dooley popped his large knuckles and flexed his hand. “Mick said you guys got it.”
“This was Mick’s idea. I just hope we do him proud.”
*
Cassie grinned at the flyer. She was thrilled with how it turned out. She’d taken a ton of pictures of the guys, settling on one had been hard. But this one, with Ethan front and center, was awesome. He was the perfect lead singer.
She glanced at Thrand as he talked to Dooley. She hadn’t paid much attention to the last of bit their conversation. Hearing the gravelly tone of Thrand’s voice and feeling his hand cupping the back of her neck was enough.
He was hers. She felt it every time he touched her.
She leaned against Thrand, and said to Dooley, “You’ll love them. Trust me.”
She went inside, Thrand following closely behind.
Her skin prickled. It gave her a little thrill knowing he couldn’t keep his eyes off her for long.
“Hey, Jailbait.” Mick put a beer in front of her.
“Thanks.” She placed her camera bag on the bar, and turned in time for Thrand to nuzzle her ear, his hands on her hips.
“Looking good in those jeans, Buzz. You think you can behave yourself?” he whispered and gave her a little squeeze.
She slid her tongue along his lips. “What do you think?”
“I think you don’t know how. But try, ‘kay?”
“All right, you two. Break it up.” Lila slid beside her, and wagged her finger at Thrand.
He grinned, and smacked Cassie’s ass, making her squeak. “Keep her out of trouble, Lila.”
He walked off to greet the rest of the band as they carried in their equipment.
Lila sighed, and draped an arm over Cassie’s shoulders as they watched him stride away. “Girl, I’m sorry, but that’s one fine man. Such a nice ass.”
FUEL (DirtSlap Series Book 1) Page 12