“Home? I don’t want to go there. He’ll find me there. We have to run,” I screamed.
I cringe when someone touches my thighs.
I jerk, my back arching when my legs are spread and something warm pressed against my tender thighs. Someone is talking; someone is washing me up.
Oh, God. I want to die.
I didn’t want to be here trapped in my mind. Reliving a nightmare that women think would never happen to them.
A statistic. That’s what I’d become.
A victim of a violent and brutal rape.
Tattered and torn and bruised.
Scars on the outside that would heal, the ones on the inside were going to tear apart, day after day — night after night and year after year for the rest of my life.
As the tears continue, I allow my imagination to watch the young woman I used to be float away from my body, the only evidence of whoever she was going to become, was the steady thump of a fast heartbeat and the hot burning embers of air in a set of too tight lungs.
I told her to fly away and find peace. That somehow, someway I would make sure she remained strong and vibrant and free. And, maybe someday we would meet again.
Something cold touches me between my legs, and I jump. My eyes are flying open to that god-awful bright blinding light.
The scents of antiseptic, sickness, cancer, diseases, and death slid down my throat with each strangled breath, as I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of what happened to me.
Reality. It is a cruel, cruel bitch.
“Don’t touch me,” I screamed as hands pinned me down, and a woman’s unrecognizable voice told me to calm down.
I didn’t want to calm down. I wanted to run. I wanted to be anywhere, but here where the woman was slipping something cold between my legs. It did nothing but cause the burn to become ten times worse.
“Please,” I whimpered. “Don’t do this to me, don’t touch me down there. Shadow did, he hurt me. He stole my innocence, and I’ll never get it back.”
Confusion and chaos. It hung in the air, the same as it’s doing now.
That’s what Shadow does to you. He’s a walking denial that fucks with your mind.
Chapter 4
Logan
A bright light shining in my eyes when I open them has me grinding my teeth. I squeeze them right back shut. My memory is coming back with a vengeance to maim and destroy. I try breathing through my nose as the rage surfaces, constricting my throat.
My temper spikes. That need to demolish Shadow once and for all surges through my veins.
The failure of not protecting Ellie as I promised hurts more than the physical pain coursing through my body. I wasn’t even going to be able to look at myself without seeing the guilt written across my face, especially if he hurts her or worse.
“The fuck, if I’m in a hospital, I’ll kick someone’s ass.” I divert my gaze toward the light that’s pounding through my skull, realizing I’m in my bed.
“Fuck, he has her.”
My blood boils with the need to pummel Shadow’s fucking face. Every part of me tenses in worry, pumping through me, urging my body to push up and out of this bed. Fucked up thing; I have no idea where she is.
Please baby, be alive.
Ellie’s voice. I can’t hear it, but her scream, it slowly fills my ears for several drawn-out seconds, minutes. Hell, I don’t know how long, but it hits my eardrums and shakes them until I break away in violent shakes.
My throat dries as I struggle to breathe. I’m sweating. My thoughts are scattered all over the damn place.
That fucker shot me and left me swaying on the cusp of hell.
“I told you you’d pay for what you’ve done. Don’t worry. I’ll take excellent care of what belongs to me before I cut Ellie to pieces. Isn’t that what you did with my sister? Took care of her before you decided you’d had enough? I could kill you right now, but I have plans to make you suffer. Payback’s a bitch, Logan. You started this war; I’m going to end it. Victoriously. Welcome to the prison of your mind, motherfucker. It’s worse than living behind bars.”
Shadow’s words smash me in the head like a sledgehammer, they don’t crush my skull, they send terror and worry ricocheting throughout me, ripping through my guts.
No one teaches you how to deal with those feelings that scare the hell out of you. No one tells you that terror can cause your heart to race and create a chilly sensation that travels up and down your arms. Not a soul lets you know you’ll get this tingling in your hands, feet, and legs that immobilize you in place when you are worried out of your goddamn mind. They don’t tell how you become light-headed with the helplessness that you’re stuck in a bed unable to do a thing.
No. Feelings, they don’t give a fuck.
They grow with each passing minute as if I’m strangling to death by the air around me. They pound through my veins, wrap around my ribs, squeezing the cage that surrounds my heart and lungs until I’m forced to take a breath.
The worry is becoming so intense that I’m afraid of the outcome. My mind is quickly turning into a danger zone because once again, feelings don’t give a fuck if they destroy your way of thinking. I can tell you they enjoy tearing apart your guts and bleeding you out.
Piece by piece.
Weakness.
Now isn’t the time to have it. But it’s there. The dam ready to burst and drain the blood from my face, the rage from my body and drown me.
Blood pounds in my ears. Panic climbs with each passing second, and I swear to all things holy, I can hear the tick-tock of the clock back in New Orleans from here. An alarming reminder that with each tick, it drips another drop of fear into Ellie’s beautiful soul.
“Ellie,” I groan, peeling my eyes wide open and preparing my mind for what lies ahead.
An arm stops me from shooting upright as it pushes down on my stomach when a wave of pain through my shoulder feels like someone set a torch to my flesh.
It’s exquisite and debilitating. It burns to the point I arch my back and clench my teeth to get through it.
“Mother of God that hurts.” It’s the worst fiery sensation I’ve ever felt.
It tears through my muscles as my heart pumps so hard it feels like it wants to jump out of my chest. I’m burning up as it crawls up my arm, plunging deep inside my bones.
“Take it easy, Logan.” Fisting my hands, I try to force my body to relax. “Do you remember what happened?”
Dazed, and not a bit surprised, I turn my head to the sound of Lane’s voice. My brother sits in a chair next to the bed; dark circles are under his eyes. A bruise is on his cheek. He looks like shit, much like me, I’m sure. There isn’t any other way to describe it.
I remember it all — Lane’s phone call, running, the bullets. Not able to move. Shadow. Ellie with her face down beside me, holding my hand. My fucking dream about our mother. I’m not about to open up that can of worms with Lane. There’s too much of a different kind of suffering stored. The hell we went through though ended up at a happy ending. Angelo ended up being the first man I killed. Shot him point-blank in the head while he slept. Bastard never saw it coming.
“Yeah, everything leading up to your face. Do me a favor and shut the blinds.” I let out a groan, then clench my teeth as the memory of wanting to feel the rain hits me. “Shit, I feel like I’m dying.”
“For a minute, I thought you were dead. Scared the hell out of me finding you laying in the storm like that. Your shirt was soaked in blood. Face was blue. I don’t know if it was luck or what but sometime before I got here, the bleeding had stopped. You went into shock, and I couldn’t wake you. Then when you did, I tried holding you down so you wouldn’t hurt yourself worse. You decked me, asshole, which caused you to start bleeding again. For a man out of it, you sure have one hell of a right hook.” Lane shakes his head, picks up the remote for the blinds, points it toward the window and slowly they close.
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“No need t
o apologize, Logan.”
Right. I owe more apologies than I care to add up.
“Where else besides my shoulder did he hit?” I was struck twice, that I recall.
“Two bullets went through the same shoulder. About an inch apart. There’s no significant damage. Nothing that time won’t heal.”
Time? It isn’t going to pass quickly. It’s going to drag and drive me insane.
I wasted so much of it during my life that whatever day it is might be my last tomorrow. The thought of not spending time with Ellie, the idea of her not breathing the same air makes me want to fucking die.
“No wonder it burns like a bitch. Also, goes to show Shadow is still a lousy shot,” I mutter and wince. Asshole used to miss the target every time we practiced. “It wouldn’t have mattered if he had perfect aim, we both know why he shot me where he did.”
He’s scared that if I find him, I’ll beat him to death.
Coward is just another name to add on the list that makes up Shadow.
Dragging in a breath, I take a look around the bedroom — the one I spent so much time visualizing how I wanted it to look. I drew the blueprint up myself, perfected it with my mind guiding my fingers. I loved the idea I was creating something. It had been a long time since I drew a damn thing. Once I had it right, I hired contractors to strip it down to the studs, along with every other room upstairs. I wasn’t sure what bedroom was Ellie’s, Shadow’s or Whitney’s, so I gutted them all. I made the entire back of the house the master bedroom with three sets of French doors that lead to a deck the same length of the house. The master bath has a claw foot tub set on a platform that faces the ocean.
Ellie loved it. It put a smile on her face, and that smile took away a little of her heartache. I saw it the minute she took it all in. She loved the whole remodel and now she might never be able to enjoy it.
I bought this house with a chunk of Whitney and Shadow’s money. Did it all under Whitney’s nose. Guess the joke is on me, she found out about it and told Shadow. Makes me wonder how long the bitch was conspiring, probably as long as me.
“Was there a note, anything that rat bastard left? What about the ring?” My throat feels like I ate handfuls of sand. Dry and scratchy.
When Lane’s throat bobs, and he looks away, I have my answer. Shadow left something behind to taunt me.
“When I pulled in, I didn’t know what the hell I was going to walk into, so Gabe called Lazaro. By the time I got to the airport, a doctor was waiting. He flew with me; you’re all stitched up. I put him up in a hotel; he left pain pills if you want them. The ring is in the top drawer in the office.” He shrugs, sure sign that is not the reason he didn’t send the doctor packing. He’s here in case we need him for Ellie.
I fight to adhere to anger instead of giving in to the ache of wonder. All that build up hurt of our loss. Fuck, Ellie has to be aching everywhere.
Slowly I breathe in and out, hand clutching the sheets as what feels like an electric shock winds through my upper body.
“I don’t want pain pills; I want a drink. I want Ellie. I want you not to be sitting here, thinking you need to take care of me. I want you to tell me everything, damn it.” Like is Ellie lying in a morgue somewhere?
“Alcohol is not what you need, brother.”
“You don’t know what I need,” I snap, feeling guilty as soon as the words leave my mouth.
I need to dull the pain, numb what’s left of my brain. I need Ellie to lie beside me so I can close my eyes and sleep. I need to finally kill a man who has outsmarted me every step of the way. That’s what I fucking need.
Now my wants, yeah, those are a whole different set of emotions flying through me like an uncontrollable fire — the wanting not to feel so fucking helpless at the top.
Every minute without her is hell — a battle of emotions. If I thought I knew what guilt and terror were before, they were nothing compared to now.
It’s like someone has twisted everything inside me and the only way they’ll untwist is when I hear Ellie’s sweet voice tell me she’s alright.
“Is she alive?” Shit, saying those words is like pouring straight-up acid in my mouth.
“I don’t know.”
Worry stares back at me from eyes like my own.
I think back to what Shadow said about Whitney and making me pay. He wants to make me suffer, and in doing so, he’s going to take it out on Ellie. I know this because that’s how his mind works.
“I’m not staying in this bed. Do you hear me? There is not a chance in hell I’m lying around while the woman I love is fuck knows where. Now tell me what’s going on? How long have I been out?” With those words, rage rockets through my veins. It blasts throughout me. Not at Lane. At Shadow. He fucked me in my ass and took. I’ll be damned if he gets away with taking again.
Anger. I need it to crawl across my chest. I want it to blister me and burst into my blood. That’s the only way I’ll make it through this — the only way.
I haven’t the first clue where to look for Ellie, or where the bastard took her. Has he raped her again? Dumped her in some goddamn ditch? Christ, Logan, if you let your mind go there, you’ll be no good. She’s strong.
In most situations, it’s true. Ellie is strong. Shadow having her on top of what she’s been through has to be weakening her to the brink of going insane. Lord knows I’ve done lost my mind. For the life of me, I can’t grasp hold of what she has to be thinking.
“You’re frustrated, you’re worried, and you’re pissed. I get it. You want to take it out on me; then I’m your man. All that aside, I do know what you need, and you will bite your pride and let me take care of this, Logan, or I’ll knock you the hell out and shove a pill down your throat.”
I chuckle as I use my uninjured arm to push myself up. The room spins, and I sink right back down, doing everything I can not to close my eyes and drift.
Fuck. I feel helpless. The last thing I’m doing though is taking some drug that knocks me out. I need to let the pain course through me. The only way it’ll subside is when I touch that spot on Ellie’s neck and feel her pulse underneath my fingertips. See that she’s unharmed and freed from the clutches of a certifiably insane man.
“Right brother, might want to take a look in the mirror. If I can deck you after being shot, think of what I’ll be capable of.”
“Fuck off; we’ll get her back. I’m not letting you do anything stupid; you get me?” He pauses. “This time you’re listening to me.”
“I’m not taking a pill, that’s the end of it. Where’s Lexi?” Damn him, he better not have brought her. This is no place for our little princess.
“Lexi’s with Lazaro. There wasn’t anyone else who’s not involved she knew that I trusted her with, other than worrying about Ellie, she’s fine, Logan. Knowing Lexi, she thinks she’s on vacation.” I sigh in relief. “How long have I been out?”
“Twenty-four hours. A lot has happened. First, you need to know Ellie tried to save you. There’s video footage from the security cameras. I transferred it to your email. Shadow leaned over her for a bit; then he walked out the door. She was up and grabbing her phone and a knife. She called Gabe before she flew through the door. She dropped her phone. I have yours and hers.”
I freeze, pride mixing in with the emotions that are rippling through me.
I don’t comment on what he said. There’s no need to, not on either end. There are security cameras everywhere in this house. Even though I didn’t think I needed them, I turned them on anyway.
“She’s strong, Logan. You need to remember that. I’ll get to everything else in a minute. I’d like you to know what you’ll face when your stubborn ass goes downstairs. You might be pissed, but I felt I needed to tell Renita and Norah. They’re here along with Sandy. They flew down with me. I set Norah and Renita up in the bedroom across from this one. Sandy is on the couch.”
Shit, I bet they are a mess.
“I’m a bit of everything right now. Pissed at you doin
g the right thing isn’t one of them, Lane. Tell me what’s happening.” In spite of the throbbing in my shoulder, I sit up, twisting my body to where Lane frowns and looks beyond me. There in the doorway leading into the bedroom stands the last person I expected to see. The man a ghostly outline of what he once was. His face is tan, body quite a bit thinner, hair cut short, but his eyes, they are as clear as I’ve seen them in years.
“You climb out of this bed, and you won’t have an arm left to wrap around your woman when we get her back. I’ll chop the damn thing off.”
Now, this does piss me off.
“The fuck, Seth? This one I can understand wanting to help.” I cock my head toward Lane and hiss when the movement shoots more pain through my shoulder. “You, on the other hand. No, man. You need to high tail your ass back to rehab.”
I try tamping my anger down. Neither of my brothers should be here. Hell, I shouldn’t be lying here helpless either. That’s what I get for letting my guard down, for thinking Whitney and Shadow were smarter than I gave them credit for.
“What we all need is to be here as a family — helping you when you need it. As soon as we find Ellie, and she will be found, Logan. I’m going back. I’m so sorry about the baby. So damn sorry.”
I swallow around the knot of grief. It lingers in the air.
I close my eyes; having both my brothers here to look out for Ellie and me chokes the hell out of me. Wouldn’t surprise me if Rocco and Gabe aren’t here or out looking for Ellie.
I tamp the emotions down and jut my chin toward Lane. “He shouldn’t be out of rehab. I thought you said he wouldn’t be made aware? Goddamn it, Lane. I have enough to worry about; I can’t worry about something happening to the two of you.”
I trust my brothers; it’s Shadow I don’t. He’s a man on a mission and fuck all if I know what he has up his sleeve.
“Nothing’s going to happen to any of us. If you want me to tell you what’s going on, especially where Gabe is and what he’s doing, you need to pull yourself together and promise me you’ll let us take care of everything. If not for Ellie or yourself, then for those women downstairs who are freaking the hell out.”
Untwist Page 4