by L. B. Reyes
“What do you want?” I asked him.
“You told me to do what I want, and I want to sleep next to the woman I love, but I can’t unless you tell me what the fuck is wrong.”
I sat up, wiping my face for the hundredth time. Nathan seemed unfazed.
“I don’t want you to stay.”
“Liar.” He stood across the room, leaning against the dresser. His gaze was unwavering as he spoke. “You obviously think something is going on, so why don’t you just clear up whatever is going on in that little head of yours?”
There was nothing I could say to that. I knew he was completely right, but for some reason, I now felt like an idiot.
“Ask me,” he said.
For the first time during all the chaos, I was doubting what I so quickly believed to be true. Nonetheless, I knew I had to ask.
“Are you cheating on me?”
Chapter 11
Evelyn
The question was a slap to his face.
And I realized how stupid I sounded.
He started pacing around the room, unsure of what to do or say, and to be honest, I didn’t know what to do either, so I just sat there staring at him.
“I’m hoping this is the last time we have this conversation,” he finally said.
He was angry. In fact, he wasn’t just angry; Nathan was fuming. I’d seen him angry before, but this time it was palpable—I could feel every bit of it, and I knew it wouldn’t be as easy to fix things. Not this time.
“No, I wasn’t at the gallery. I was with Jesse at a cafe discussing a surprise I wanted to give you. I don’t know if it’ll be worth it now because it’s fucking clear you don’t trust me.”
The intensity of his glare completely shut out any response.
“Evie, I keep doing all this shit for you, and you still doubt me. I’m not cheating, and I don’t understand why the hell you’d think that. Don’t you think I wouldn’t leave my stuff lying around the floor? I’ve trusted you with the keys to the gallery, to the fucking apartment. You know the password to my phone and—”
“You were still acting secretive!” I exclaimed.
Nathan scoffed in disbelief. “Well, it’s kind of difficult to give you a surprise if I have to fucking tell you,” he snapped.
I sighed. How the hell did we get to this point? We never argued like this, we were good together, but this fight…it seemed big enough to break us.
“Fuck,” I said, standing up. Unable to hold back any longer, I rushed again to the restroom, throwing up. Almost immediately, Nathan was there, holding my hair back despite our problems.
Once I had finished, I brushed my teeth yet again, looking back at Nathan through the mirror. His whole face was a mask of anger, but I didn’t want to argue anymore. Remembering the words he’d once said about waiting to calm down before having a discussion, I asked if we could leave the conversation until the next day.
He didn’t agree.
So, as I sat in front of him, waiting for either of us to say something, anything that could clear up the doubts, all I could do was think back to what I saw and heard in his apartment.
“I went to your apartment,” I finally said, meeting his gaze.
It was hard to decipher exactly the evident emotions on his face. First there was disbelief, then hurt…then another shade of anger.
“You did what?”
“I went to your apartment,” I repeated firmly.
He scoffed. “This is unbelievable. Okay, so?”
“There were women’s clothes on the floor…wine…and clearly some fucking going on in the shower.”
“What?” The question was breathless, and Jesus, I couldn’t read him. Typically, I didn’t have trouble figuring out what the hell was going, especially not with him. I knew him.
But now everything seemed so blurred; the lines between reality and what I thought was happening were all merging, and I couldn’t separate it. I refused to back down; I knew what I heard, what I saw. He needed to be honest with me no matter how painful the truth could be.
I didn’t want to live a lie.
“Tell me who you were with,” I insisted.
“I told you I was with Jessica, but I wasn’t at my apartment, Evelyn!” He was yelling now, clearly exasperated and losing his patience. “I don’t know what makes you think I’m cheating in the first place, Evie, but—”
“I already answered that! You’ve been distant and—”
“I answered that too! Jesus Christ, Evie…and I don’t know what you thought you heard in my apartment, but I. wasn’t. there.”
I rolled my eyes, unable to believe a word he was saying. “Then who was?”
“I don’t know!” He ran his hands through his hair, frustration evident in his posture. Until suddenly, his expression changed. He cursed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall. “Thomas…fucking Thomas.”
“What?”
“Your former professor,” he muttered. “He’s supposed to be visiting sometime this week, and he’s listed as someone who has access to the apartment. It must have been him.”
I wanted to believe him, but I was terrified. “How do I know you’re not lying?”
Humorlessly, Nathan laughed, letting himself slide down the wall. “I was with Jessica, yes…but I was also with a jeweler. I was looking for a ring to propose to you with.”
***
When I woke up the next morning, I could hear voices in the living room. I dreaded going. I didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to hear anyone. I went on to brush my teeth and face, trying to look less shitty than I felt.
After I finished, I went over to the living room, only to realize that the voices came from the TV and that Nathan was the only one sitting there, his hair disheveled, shirt undone and a glass of bourbon in his hand. He stared at the liquid numbly, swirling it without really paying attention to anything else.
He looked like he’d had a shitty night too.
“You’re still here,” I said quietly.
He glanced up, his eyes traveling down my body and lingering on my empty wrist. Clearing his throat, he set the glass down and ran his hands over his face tiredly. “I can leave if you want.”
“To your apartment?”
“Wherever,” he muttered. “You should eat something; I don’t think you ate at all last night, and that’s not good for you. I know you don’t believe me, but I wasn’t at my apartment, Evie. I don’t live there. I live here, with you. This is my home. Wherever you are is my home.” A shiver ran down my body, but he continued talking. “Jesse is coming over to clear this up. And considering this is somehow Tom’s fault, he’ll be here too.”
I blinked, focusing my blurry vision on Nathan. “It was him?”
“Yeah…it was.”
I felt ashamed because he seemed truly hurt. Why? I didn’t understand, but he was. Awkward silence surrounded us for several minutes until there was a knock on the door. Nathan didn’t wait, and when he opened it, I was immediately met with Jessica’s voice…and my former professor. He walked in cautiously, especially when Nathan glared at him.
“Explain.”
The single word carried a weight that lingered in the air. Jessica was lost, but Thomas…he sighed, speaking up immediately.
“I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. He knew nothing…”
His words should have eased my worries but instead did nothing. I smiled briefly, taking a seat on the sofa and hearing their voices but not truly listening. Everything had taken a turn for the worst suddenly, and I didn’t know what to do.
The room felt cold, and I wrapped my arms around my body to protect myself from my feelings. Except I couldn’t. They were there, taking over without compassion.
Catching everyone off guard, I stood up and started walking toward the bedroom.
“Evie—”
I stopped, hearing my name slip past his lips…so cautious and torn. “I just need to be alone,” I whispered, not bothering to turn around.
Without a further word, I did just that, letting myself fall into the bed, drowning in my thoughts and sorrow.
***
Nathan
There were many scenarios that came to mind as far planning a proposal for Evie—her thinking I was cheating was never one of them. Thomas and Jesse left after a long series of apologies that, honestly, I didn’t care to hear. The damage done proved Evie and I still had a lot to work on.
I shut off the lights in the living room and kitchen, making my way to the bedroom. The lights were off; her body was wrapped in a blanket. She didn’t shift, didn’t move an inch, but I knew she was awake by the quiet sniffling that came from her. I approached her, kneeling next to the bed and watching how a tear ran down her face.
She wiped her face, but the evidence of her sadness was there, too obvious to deny. “I don’t know what we’re going to do,” Evie whispered. “So please…if you know what to do, tell me, because I don’t, but I’m hoping you do.”
She had all the right to think wrong. What she’d heard, what she’d seen, all pointed to cheating, but she didn’t even give me the benefit of the fucking doubt, and that stung. There was a whole world between us now, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it.
“What is it going to take?” I asked, desperate. “I’m here with you. I had a career at the university that I left behind for you. I’ve tried to prove over and over to you that you can trust me, that I love you. What else do you want from me? I’m out of ideas, Evelyn. And I’m going out of my mind trying to figure out what the hell you want.”
“Don’t you understand why I doubted you?” she asked, her lip quivering.
“I do,” I said, softening my tone. “But I don’t know how to get rid of your doubts. I had one failed marriage, and I take full responsibility for it, but you have to know with you it’s different. With you, it’s real.”
Nodding, Evie took a deep breath to calm down, her usually bright eyes dimmed out by the pain she still felt.
“Could you just lie down with me and hold me?”
She didn’t have to ask twice. I laid down next to her and wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her close to my chest while she tried to sleep. We could try to work things out tomorrow. For now, I’d do whatever she wanted.
Chapter 12
Evelyn
We were at an impasse.
My sleep was long gone, so I stood up and got ready for the day. The frail woman staring back at me through the mirror was pitiful.
Finding my way back seemed impossible.
Once in the kitchen, I started cooking, wanting to distract myself from everything that happened. There was no point on dwelling on what happened. All it did was remind me of the trust issues I still had to work through to have a functional relationship with Nathan.
Remembering how much Nathan loved quesadillas, I opted to do just that for him while I’d eat cereal. By no means was I a good cook, but the pressure to not fuck this up was too much. I heard his footsteps before I even finished cooking and could almost picture him leaning against the wall while he looked at me.
My lips tilted up slightly.
I had to believe we would be okay.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m okay,” I replied. “A bit anxious, but okay.”
Nathan cleared his throat, and finally, I turned around to look at him. “Your appetite is back,” he noted with a small smile.
I shrugged. “I have to eat something.” My attention turned back to the food in front of me, because if I was to say the following words looking at him, I’d break down. “I’m sorry I doubted you…I had no clue he was here.”
“I didn’t, either,” he answered. “He told me he’s been having trouble with his marriage, but I didn’t know the extent of it.”
When I finished the quesadillas, I placed them on a plate for him. I then turned to my cereal, the one thing I could keep down. “I’m a mess,” I said quietly. “But I don’t know what to do with all these insecurities I have.”
He tensed at my words. He must have thought he knew what I was going to say, but he didn’t.
I interrupted his train of thoughts by continuing. “I want to try this, Nathan. But you have to be patient with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to,” he replied quickly.
He stood there in silence while I poured us both a glass of orange juice and placed them on the table, eyes following each one of my movements. I didn’t mind, until it was my cereal’s turn and I dropped it all on the floor. Nathan cursed, walking to the island, and grabbing paper towels while I just…stared at the mess.
Everything was a mess.
“Are you okay?” He dropped the paper towels on the floor, trying to clean up while I stood there. “Baby?”
Suddenly his fingers were at my chin, and he raised my face up to look at him. Frustrated, I tried to look away, but he stopped me. His gaze tender, voice soft. “Hey…it’s okay, Evie.”
“It’s not,” I sighed. “Nothing is okay. I don’t know how to fix this, Nathan. We’re falling apart.”
I could tell he was trying not to laugh, and that only infuriated me more.
“Evie, all this over cereal?”
“It was my cereal,” I pouted, wiping away my tears.
“I know, but there’s more. There’s a solution to everything, baby…and we’ll be fine too. You’ll see.” He cupped my face in his hands, pressing his forehead against my own.
“At least I didn’t drop your quesadillas,” I whispered, glancing over to the cheesy goodness. Nathan grinned, leaning down, and kissing me.
It was meant to be brief, I knew that; it was meant to be just a small peck on the lips, but for the first time in forty-eight hours, his lips were on mine. I moaned at the contact, my arms wrapping around his neck to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid into my mouth, and an appreciative groan left his throat. His hand grabbed my hair, pulling my head back as his lips traveled down my jaw and neck.
I missed him.
“You doubted me,” he murmured, biting down on my neck. I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut as his tongue swept over the skin, soothing it.
He hummed, raising the shirt I wore up, removing it completely from my body. His gaze warmed my body as it traveled down, pleased to see I wasn’t wearing a bra and left me only in panties.
“You’re all I want.” Nathan ravished my mouth again, lifting me up almost immediately and setting me on the table, my chest heaving and my heart racing. I felt his finger slide down my abdomen to my panties, removing them from my body and leaving me completely bare to him.
His sweatpants followed, and I licked my lips, staring at his hard length.
He towered over me, gripping my chin with a hand. I whimpered when I felt the tip of him at my wet core.
“You’re all I want.”
I moaned when he thrust into me unexpectedly, his eyes fixed on my face, gauging my reaction. My back arched, and my hands dug into his shoulders as he held me against him.
“You don’t believe my words…so I’ll just show you.” He pulled back, nailing me in slow, steady strokes.
Everything felt more intense for some reason; perhaps it was the way he looked at me or the way he touched me, making me feel like I was the only one for him that took my breath away.
Nathan fixed his gaze on our connected bodies, groaning at the image we made. I whimpered, unable to hold back at the way he admired how well fit together.
He owned my heart and body, and when he looked back up at me, I could tell that he was completely mine as well.
“Kiss me,” I whispered. He obliged immediately, leaning down, and kissing me as his thrusts sped up, taking us both over the edge. My body tensed, and I arched my back, gripping the ends of his hair as I cried out, my walls clenching around him and drawing out his orgasm. He grunted, holding me in place as we both came down from our high.
Blinded with the pleasure, I was hardly conscious enough
to realize when he carried me back to the bedroom, whispering to me how much he loved me. I gave into him that day, allowing the endless abyss of his kisses to consume me.
***
Nathan
Evelyn slept soundly next to me, covered up in the sheets. She was exhausted, especially after the heady morning and afternoon we’d spent together. Her lips were parted, and her arm rested on my chest; she had been sleeping at the other side of the bed and eventually, her body searched out mine and ended up cuddled up next to me.
I hated this situation, hated arguing with her.
On one side, I understood why she’d reacted the way she did; it all pointed to what she thought, yes. However, it had been so easy for her to doubt, I didn’t want it to happen again. For such a long time, I had been trying everything to get her to trust me, and all the efforts seemed fruitless.
She didn’t see it.
She didn’t believe it.
And I was more than ready to form a family with her…to make her my wife. Hell, I was waiting because she wanted to wait; I didn’t want to push her for more if she wasn’t prepared, but now, I wondered if she would ever be ready. The type of pain she had experienced was getting in the way of our relationship, harming it to the point where we needed to put all our effort to mend it.
I was patient, would be regardless of the situation. I just needed her to also stay strong.
She groaned softly, her eyebrows pulling together as she slept.
As frustrated as I was, I couldn’t help but smile. She was fucking beautiful. I smoothed out the crease on her forehead with my thumb, lowering my lips to the tip of her nose. Her eyes fluttered open and her lips tilted up to a small smile.
“I’ve missed this,” she murmured. Turning her face towards the palm of my hand, she placed a kiss right at the center of it. “Even if you make me unbelievably sore,” she added. I lowered my hand to her legs, gently massaging her skin. I hadn’t exactly been gentle, and she was making sure I knew that.