by L. B. Reyes
I’d been with several women before, and while all of women were pretty in their own way, no one ever lived up to her. If I had tried to start a relationship with anyone, they would have lived in her shadow.
My fingers left her body, and she whimpered in return, a whimper I stopped with a kiss. Desperately, Hannah kissed me back, her tongue mingling with my own in the most passionate way possible. She turned in my arms, placing her hands on my chest, over my heart, and feeling its beat. Only for her.
I walked her back to the shower wall, lifting her by her waist so her legs would wrap around me. When they did, I took her hands in mine and pinned them over her head, capturing her mouth and hearing her muffled whimper.
“I want you inside me,” Hannah panted, looking up at me through hooded eyelids. She was desperate, and so was I. I shifted slightly, giving her what we both wanted with a single thrust.
Hannah squeezed her eyes shut, moaning out my name as I buried myself in her as deeply as I could. She was tight, warm…my fucking home. My eyes caressed over her face, her pleasured expression, and the way her breasts moved up and down with every breath she took. My free hand roamed her body, every curve, the swell of her breasts, her legs.
All I wanted was to memorize her.
There was something about having her vulnerable, so lost in pleasure she couldn’t think properly, that drove me insane. Maybe it was because outside the bedroom she was a strong, independent woman, yet in my arms, she let loose.
I pulled back, feeling the way her body clung to mine with every slow thrust, paying close attention to the way my name left her lips. Her pleading eyes met mine, and I gave her what she wanted, picking up speed and burying myself in her body over and over, kissing her once more before she threw her head back in pleasure.
Her cries increased in volume, and I knew she was close. Her sweet pussy started clenching around me, tightening until I felt her tense and a loud moan left her lips. Her fingers dug into my shoulders while I thrust her gently through the orgasm that left her body trembling. She was the most beautiful sight, completely immersed in pleasure, free of any other concern.
This was what I wanted.
I pulled out, and Hannah whimpered softly when I set her down, but she took me in her hand, stroking me until I came with a groan. She kissed me, her tongue teasing and loving. Without a single word we finished showering, and then I laid her back in my bed, holding her until she was fast asleep.
***
“Can I stay with you?”
I nearly choked on my food. We were eating breakfast and suddenly she’d broken the silence with those words. Hannah’s eyes were wide, surprised she’d asked the question at all.
“Sorry.” I looked up at her, her reddened cheeks showing how embarrassed she was after blurting the words out. “Not like, move in yet. But today. I want to stay with you. I’m off. And maybe if you talk to Lisa, she can…you know…take care of the restaurant. If you want. You don’t have to.”
I smirked, watching her struggle to find the words to say. “We have to work on you not being afraid.” I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it. “I’ll text her and we can spend the day together, okay?”
Her lips tilted up to a small smile, and she chewed on a piece of pancake. She wore only my shirt and her hair was down, long and falling over her shoulders.
We spent most of the day in my apartment, learning more about each other than we’d been able to before. I knew there was something on her mind. She kept checking her phone, her expression changing every time she would see it. It wasn’t until it began ringing and she was in the kitchen that I realized who it was that was calling her, and immediately, I saw red.
“He’s bothering you, isn’t he?”
I saw her swallow, and she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “It doesn’t matter.”
I hated that she tried to give the matter less importance than she should. His call was the reason she’d been so restless. Anxious. I shook my head, standing up and giving the phone to her. “Are you going to answer?”
With a shaky breath, Hannah set the phone to the side. “I already know what he wants.” I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. She hesitated but nonetheless spoke up, avoiding my gaze. “Money. That’s all he calls me for.”
Bastard.
It was such bullshit he couldn’t get a fucking job of his own and had to bother his daughter—a daughter whose life he’d ruined to keep himself afloat. He didn’t deserve a fucking penny from Hannah or Evelyn.
She was torn, though. I could tell part of her was about to give in and ask however much he wanted. It was infuriating to know she hadn’t told me, though. I didn’t want lies or secrets between us; it was the only way this would ever work.
“What are you going to do?”
Hannah opened her mouth to say something but ended up saying nothing. She looked at the ringing phone again and frowned when she realized he was calling again. I could see her worry, the way he was keeping her from being at peace. He was a reminder of the past and the things she’d done. He was hurting her and didn’t even know it.
He was a loose thread that she needed to cut off completely unless he changed.
“Derek…”
I snapped out of my thoughts, meeting her eyes. By her expression, I could tell I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.
“I think I need to go see my dad.”
Chapter 28
Hannah
Her eyes were tired. She was exhausted.
Deborah splashed her face with water while I held her purse, anxious and worried. I was afraid she’d faint there at the airport with everyone watching. I wouldn’t know what to do. I would have no idea what to tell the rest of the family.
Derek and I had driven Evie and the rest of the family to the airport. They were getting ready for their trip to France, and though I was excited for them, I hated the thought of being alone at the house but looked forward to making them proud when it came to handling the finances of Nathan’s gallery. It was my opportunity to prove to myself I knew what I was doing and that I was going to do it right.
But my worry was standing in front of me. Others wouldn’t pick up on the signs because Deborah was a great actress, but I knew. I could see she was worn out. My chest constricted because I didn’t know if this would be the last time I saw her, and I wanted nothing more than for her to be alive and well so she could be there with the people she loved.
It had been only a week since our conversation, but deep down, I knew if it wasn’t for her, I’d still be afraid of opening up to Derek. I wouldn’t be with him the way I was now. In many ways, I owed my happiness to her.
She needed to be okay.
“Have you told Frank already?”
She smiled, drying her face with a paper towel. “No, but he knows. I told him I’d be getting checkups in France so…he knows.”
I bit my lip, feeling tears form in my eyes. There was an ache, one I couldn’t explain, because I felt like I wasn’t going to see her again, and it broke my heart. “You have to tell them it’s back, Deborah. You can’t hide this from them. Nathan deserves to know. Evie…Lily…they all need to know.”
“Not yet.” She smiled warmly, placing her hand on my arm. “I’ll be fine, Hannah. If not, I’ve got everything prepared already.”
I swallowed thickly. This wasn’t the direction I wanted the conversation to go. “Prepared? What do you mean?”
“My will,” she said. I didn’t miss the way her eyes turned glossy with the words. “I’ve updated it. I’ve got my affairs in order, Hannah.”
Her words echoed in my head. She’d told me to speak up, to be aware and true to my feelings and not keep them hidden, but this was difficult for me. The two mother figures I’d had…it hadn’t been easy to tell them anything. And now that I had the chance to have a semi-normal relationship with someone who could have potentially been a mother to me, well, there wasn’t much of a chance for that when she
was dying.
But I could tell her how I felt.
“Can I tell you something before you leave?”
“Of course, Hannah. Whatever you want.”
I shifted on my feet nervously, wanting to do away with the nausea I felt having to say exactly what I felt. This was my only chance. I didn’t know if she’d be alive tomorrow.
“I…uh…I wanted to thank you for everything, I guess.” My voice broke, and I hated it. I felt too exposed. “You took the time to give me advice, and that advice—it’s changed my life. I’m with the man I love, and it’s thanks to you because your words—” I cleared my throat, hoping to do away with the sob that wanted to escape but wasn’t able to. I cried softly. “—your words gave me the courage to tell him how I feel, and you deserve to know that I feel very grateful for you. And I really, really wish things were different and that there was more time because I feel you…you would be the mother I never had, just like you are to my sister. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it earlier.”
Although I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, I felt my heart break. I couldn’t wrap my head around why life was so cruel, painful. A woman like Deborah didn’t deserve to be sick or in pain, and yet she was. She hid it well, but why her? Why a woman who was so loved and cherished? Needed? It wasn’t fair.
Deborah stepped forward and opened her arms. I didn’t hesitate. I hugged her as tightly as I could, closing my eyes.
“You are a strong, fearless woman, Hannah. I just gave you the little push you needed.”
“I know, but I wish things were different, you know? It doesn’t seem fair. It isn’t fair.”
“It isn’t.”
A familiar voice spoke, but it wasn’t Deborah’s.
I pulled away from her, turning my face to one of the stalls where Evelyn stood, her eyes full of tears but her expression furious. She stared at us, hurt and confused.
“You’re sick again?” My sister looked heartbroken. Betrayed.
Again, that same in look in her eyes.
I remembered it perfectly. It haunted me.
And once again, I’d caused it.
“Evelyn, I can explain—”
“No,” Evie stopped me. “Why haven’t you said anything?”
“I asked her not to,” Deborah replied before I could. She stepped forward, taking hold of Evie’s hand and placing the other on her small belly. “Nathan and you don’t need the additional stress, dear. You have Lily and your baby and—”
“That doesn’t matter, Deborah,” Evie interrupted, looking in my direction. “You should have told me, Hannah. She’s the grandmother of my children, my husband’s mother. We had the right to know.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Evie scoffed, running her hands through her curls and then turning around. I heard her quick intake of breath and the way she tried to keep her emotions in check. She was never good at it. She wore her feelings on her sleeve, while I always tried to hide them.
So that’s exactly what I did. I put up my strong, unaffected façade, but I didn’t do it too well. Because when Evie turned around and her voice broke, it took all my strength to not get down on my knees and tell her how sorry I was.
“Deborah, you have to tell Nathan, please.” Evie looked between the both of us, pleading. I had to look away. “I can’t hide this from him. He’s my husband, Deborah…Hannah, please. I need to tell him.”
Before Deborah could say anything, I spoke up, knowing my words would probably hurt Evie, but Deborah didn’t need the added stress, and Evie, she needed to relax. This wasn’t good for her pregnancy. So I pretended this didn’t hurt me. “It’s not your place to say anything, Evelyn.”
Her face drained of color. Wounded, she looked back at me with disbelief on her features. My tone of voice likely reminded her of the way I’d spoken to her in the past, and it hurt her. “He’s my husband and her son and—”
“And it’s still not your place,” I interrupted, keeping my voice calm. Steady. Emotionless. “If Deborah doesn’t want to say anything, she doesn’t have to. It’s her life, and all you can do is respect her wishes. You have your daughter and the baby to worry about. Stay out of it and pretend you didn’t hear a thing. You can’t make this decision for her.”
It was silent for a moment, but the silence spoke louder than words.
Deborah cleared her throat, taking Evie’s hand once again. “I thought you’d gone to the cafeteria, dear.”
Evie avoided her statement, instead ending the conversation the best way she knew. “You two should go back or they’ll get suspicious. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Deborah nodded, squeezing her arm before walking out and leaving us alone. Only until she’d left did Evie cover her face and cried. “Please, just give me a minute, Hannah. I won’t say anything just…I need a minute.”
“I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position,” I said, sighing. Evie and Nathan didn’t keep secrets, and this would hurt their relationship, but I didn’t feel like I could betray Deborah.
I followed behind Deborah, who was just outside the restroom. “I’ll talk to her once we’re in France. It’ll be okay.”
Her words did little to reassure me. I would be too far from everyone to be able to do anything.
We saw the men waiting for us, all smiling at Lily, who was talking animatedly about something. They were clueless. Nathan glanced up with a frown when he didn’t see Evie with us, and again, that little voice in my head whispered a single word: traitor.
“Have you two seen Evie?” he asked, concerned. “She went to the cafeteria and—”
“She’s in the restroom,” Deborah said, reaching up and cupping her son’s cheek.
I saw Nathan relax for a few seconds until his gaze went over our head, to the person I knew was behind us. Her eyes were red, and she held her hands together. Evie didn’t meet our gaze, and Nathan, knowing her better than anyone, walked up to her.
“I’m fine,” I heard her say. “I was just a bit nauseous, but I’m okay.”
Evie was never a good liar.
But she tried.
She forced a smile, acting like everything was okay, interacting with Carter and joking with Nathan. She hugged Lily, playing with her while we waited for the flight announcement, but I knew she was barely holding on.
She couldn’t even look at Deborah.
She didn’t even try to look at me.
And when Nathan tried to talk to her, I could tell the guilt was already eating her alive.
When the flight announcement came over the speakers, Derek and I said goodbye to them. I hugged Carter, Frank, even Nathan, and hugged Deborah, who thanked me one more time. Derek did the same, wishing them the best of luck and to enjoy the trip, though I knew Evie wouldn’t. Not anymore. But it was little Lily who ran to me and jumped into my arms who made everything better.
“I’m going to miss you,” I whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“Me too, and Uncle Derek, but you two will have fun, right? Daddy said so.”
Nathan chuckled, while Evie simply smiled as she walked up to us. “Come on, baby. We’ve got to go.”
Lily kissed my cheek, and I set her down, sighing when I saw Evie hug Derek, but hesitated when she turned to me. I understood. She was too mad to say goodbye.
Except maybe she wasn’t.
Evie hugged me tightly and let out a shaky breath. “When we get there, I’ll call you, but promise to tell me everything. Please, Hannah. Do you promise?”
I nodded, running my hand down my sister’s back. She sounded desperate. “I promise, Evie.”
“Please.”
“I promise. I’ll tell you everything I know, okay?”
We saw them leave, and I didn’t feel the least bit joyful. It wasn’t in my hands to fix this. All I could hope for was for Deborah to be okay and for this to not ruin Evie and Nathan’s relationship.
“You okay, babe?” Derek asked, wrapping his arms around my body. He placed his
chin on my head, his embrace soothing despite the circumstances.
I closed my eyes. This was another confrontation I didn’t want to have, but it was necessary. I desperately needed closure, or else I’d never live in peace. My past needed to stay there, in the past, so I could move on with Derek and my family.
I had to confront my father.
“I did something,” I said quietly.
Derek tensed behind me, and I turned around, ready to tell him my plans. “I spoke to Lisa. She gave me a few days off starting tomorrow.” Derek’s jaw clenched. He knew what I was about to say.
Still, he asked, “What for?”
“I leave tomorrow to Pennsylvania.”
Chapter 29
Hannah
My fingers traced delicately over her tombstone.
Years had gone by since my grandmother’s death, and I was barely mourning her. Everything I should have felt during her funeral, I felt now. The regret. The loss. The heartache. And I was feeling it tenfold.
Nana had been an essential part of my life, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Now, she was gone, but the things I should have said while she was alive taunted me. The conscience is an evil thing when you’re trying to leave the past in the past. My conscience haunted me, terrorized me to the point of creating doubt about my character and the woman I was trying to be.
I’d brought Nana a bouquet of sunflowers because their brightness reminded me of her spirit. Truthfully, though, I knew she wouldn’t have wanted anything. She would have simply wanted me there while she was alive. It was too late. I didn’t say anything as I sat there, my eyes staring blankly ahead. I was there, but all I could see was her on her deathbed. The way I’d spoken of her like she was trash. The way Evie was so heartbroken. I’d been cruel, and my mother had been so numb to it all.
Guilt and its friend shame arrived, along with sadness over the things I’d never be able to right.