by Toni Aleo
Reaching out to take Mena Jane, he didn’t even take offense when she hesitated to give her to him. Finally, she gave her up and Jordie cuddled the sweet baby in his arms. Walking into the light, he drank in the sight of his gorgeous goddaughter and smiled. She had a roundness to her face, her dark lashes kissing her cheeks. Her lips were bright red, a little chapped, and she had a head full of dark brown hair. He had seen this face before. Loved this face, and it honestly knocked the air out of him when he realized who she looked like.
Moving his finger along her rosy cheeks, he whispered, “She looks just like Kacey.”
“Striking resemblance, for sure. Thankfully, she has my chin or I would be convinced Karson and Kacey made her.”
Jordie grinned. “Yeah,” he whispered before leaning over to kiss Mena’s nose. “Must be why I love you so much already, huh?”
When he looked up, Lacey was watching him, her eyes dark with wonder, and he promptly looked away. “Don’t read into that,” he said and she laughed without humor.
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “Because hearing that you love my daughter because she looks like your ex isn’t something to read into?”
“Nope, not at all,” he said, flashing her a grin. But he knew Lacey, she wasn’t going to let go that easily.
“Whatever. So you still love her, then?”
“You know I do,” he answered simply. He was tired of holding back how he felt. If rehab did anything, it taught him that he had to be open with his feelings. No matter how badly he wanted to keep all his vulnerability locked up tight, he had done that for way too long. And that’s what had often led to his drinking since he couldn’t handle all his feelings. As much as he hated that place, he was thankful for it. Thankful that Elli knew what he needed. That woman really was a gem.
Shea Adler had really hit the jackpot with her.
Lacey eyed him, not that he was paying attention to her because Mena Jane had stolen all his interest. She really was a pretty baby. He usually said that about all babies to make the mommies happy, even though most of the time, those other babies came out looking like hairless rats. But this one, man, she was a gorgeous little thing. Tears stung his eyes as he looked her over, her little hand grasping his finger. He was her godfather. He got to love her for the rest of her life, and he never had to be all disciplinarian with her like her parents had to. He could be the cool dad, the one she could come to whenever she needed anything. The one who would kill anyone that hurt her. A huge, overwhelming feeling of protectiveness washed over him as she slowly opened her eyes, the same color as Kacey’s, and he vowed that no one would even come close to hurting her while on his watch.
Clearing her throat, Lacey said, “I do, but it’s still crazy hearing you say it.”
He looked over at her and shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
“So what’s your plan? Gonna try to get back with her?”
“If she’ll have me,” he said, finally looking over at her. He shrugged again, his eyes held hostage by her inquisitive ones. “I don’t deserve her though.”
“No, you don’t. Not after what you did,” she said, a little apprehension in her voice.
He nodded, completely in agreement with her. He knew good and well that he could see Kacey and she could tell him to fuck off. He deserved it, but unlike before, when he would have gone to get drunk and let her go, he wouldn’t let go this time. He was going to fight and he would get her back. No matter what. For the last ninety days, he’d gone over and over all the ways he planned to win her back. He even got some ideas from his buddies in rehab. He also had to come clean to Karson, which was going to be hard, but she was worth it. He needed her. It was that simple. He had already apologized to Karson, Lacey, and Karson’s family for all the wrong he’d done over the years, but Kacey would take more than a simple apology, he knew that.
“I was fucked up, Lacey, and I regret it every single day. You don’t need to remind me.”
“She’s still hurt,” she said, moving her hair out of her face. His heart cracked a bit, so he snuggled into Mena Jane for a little extra support.
“I know, but that also gives me hope. A little push that she still thinks of me.”
“But it doesn’t mean she won’t try to kill you.”
“She won’t,” he said with a grin. “She loved me at one time.”
“I think she still does,” she admitted and Jordie nodded, his heart pumping faster in his chest.
“That’s all well and good, and I pray to Jesus you’re right, Lacey, but that’s an issue I need to fix. Because only I can do it,” he said simply. “But enough about me. When was the last time you showered?”
She made a face. “Why?”
“Because you stink, and you have baby shit on your shirt along with something crusty and white in your hair. Since Karson isn’t home, I’m gonna guess it’s not what it should be, so you need a shower.”
He said it to make her laugh, but she wasn’t laughing. Instead, her lips pressed together as her eyes started to fill with tears and he shook his head. “What the hell is going on, Lacey? I’ve never seen you like this.”
She looked away sheepishly as he turned to look at the disaster that was her living room. Tissues were everywhere, dirty diapers, little circle pads, bottles of soda, and clothes littered the floor.
“You’re drinking Coke now?”
She was a clean eater, something she believed in since having breast cancer. She always told him, “You’ve got one body. Keep it healthy.” Apparently, she wasn’t living by that anymore.
She shrugged. “I guess. It keeps me awake.”
“Lacey, what’s going on?”
She looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks, and her little lip wobbled. His heart broke for her. He didn’t understand what she was feeling. Hell, no one probably did. This girl was fighting an internal battle that only people in the same boat with her would understand. It killed him, but he had to help.
“I’m scared twenty-four seven, Jordie. I know Karson is freaking out and trying to think of ways to help me, but all I can think is that she’s gonna die. My sweet little Mena Jane will be taken from me, and I can’t handle it. It’s like I have this weight on my chest and I’m struggling to breathe, to get out from underneath it to save her. I don’t know what to do. I won’t leave her and I won’t take her anywhere because I’m so scared. I just don’t know what to do. People call all the time to come and visit, and I make up excuse after excuse. Half the time I don’t even answer the phone. I’m a train wreck, and I don’t know how to make it better.”
She started to sob and Jordie couldn’t take it. As much as he wanted to just hold Mena Jane, he knew that he needed to hold Lacey. Laying Mena Jane in the bassinet by the couch, he turned, taking Lacey in his arms, hugging her in close to his chest and almost squeezing her too hard. Snuggling her nose into his chest, she let out a sob that rattled his soul.
He hated when women cried; it always made him feel an inch tall. It used to kill him to watch him mom cry over all her failed marriages. It would make him so mad because he would want to rattle her, scream at her that she didn’t need anyone, that he was enough, but he never did. He just comforted her. Why he did, he still didn’t understand. She never loved him enough to just be good with only having him, but this was different. Lacey loved Jordie for Jordie. Maybe because she had to, but she did and that was enough to make him want to do anything to help her.
Kissing the top of her head, he fought back his own tears as she just sighed again, her eyes fluttering shut. She was exhausted. “When was the last time you slept the whole night?”
She shook her head under his lips. “I don’t even remember. I can’t sleep. I’m always worried something will happen.”
“Didn’t they prescribe you something for that?”
“They did,” she said with a nod. “But I’m so worried that I won’t wake up to tend to her and Karson is such a heavy sleeper. And I don’t want to depend on Kacey to care for
her.”
“Okay, well, I’m here now,” he said, pulling her back by her shoulders so she could look up at him. “You depend on me. You’ve gone above and beyond to help me. Now let me help you. Take the meds tonight. Sleep, Lacey, you need it. Me and Mena will chill in the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch. Then tomorrow, I want you to take your anti-anxiety meds.”
Her brows pulled together, and he hadn’t noticed how bloodshot her poor eyes were. “Why? I’m—”
“Don’t say fine. We both know that’s not true. You need them.”
“But—”
“No, give them a chance. You need them, and I know Karson hasn’t said that to you or even Kacey ’cause they are worried about your feelings and they love you. And I love you too, but I won’t sugarcoat shit. You’re tiptoeing on the line between batshit crazy and sane. We both know you need them.”
Her lip wobbled a bit more, and then she nodded and sounded oh so defeated as she whispered, “I do.”
“You do.”
“I just feel so weak taking them. I should be strong for her.”
“But you can’t be. They can help you; everyone else can help you. Just take the help, Lacey.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he said with a triumphant smile. “Now go shower and take the meds. Sleep.”
She nodded again, looking toward where Mena Jane was sleeping. “Are you sure?”
His head fell to the side, holding her gaze. “Do you trust me?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
“Then go.”
She nodded again and let go of him, heading for the hall that led to her room. When she turned, he smiled. “I’ll even clean,” he added with a wink.
She smiled, the first true smile since he had been there. “Payback’s a bitch, but thankfully those tissues are only full of snot and tears instead of dead little sperms.”
Jordie laughed, thinking of his very first interaction with Karson’s new wife. It was back when they were living in the apartment and Karson had been gone marrying Lacey, leaving Jordie alone with a stack of porn, some lotion, and a box of tissues. The aftermath of the tissues was downright disgusting and he was the first one to admit it, but being the trooper she was though, she cleaned everything. He was pretty sure that’s when he knew Lacey was a good one. How many women would clean up come-filled tissues for their new husband? Not many.
“Thank God. But for you, I’d clean up anything. No more tears, okay?”
She nodded, her eyes watery along with her smile. “I’ll try.”
“Good, off you go.”
She turned and disappeared down the hall. When he heard her door shut, he looked over at his sleeping goddaughter and smiled.
“You sleep, I’ll clean, and then we’ll get to know each other once you wake up,” he whispered to her, but she didn’t even stir. As he watched her sleep, he honestly couldn’t believe he was standing there in the state he was in. He felt good. He felt alert and healthy, and he was thankful that he wasn’t who he was ninety days ago. He was a new Jordie, and he was ready to share himself with the world.
Especially with Kacey.
When Liam suggested that he drive and go to the training convention with Kacey, she was sure that meant they were going to get down and dirty. She was convinced. It had been six weeks, it was time. But apparently, she was the only one who’d thought that. Sitting back in the passenger seat of his Prius, she glanced over at him and just drank him in. They’d had fun in Chattanooga; he was funny and very upbeat when she didn’t want to wake up to go to the seminars. She loved training, but she hated waking up early. Wasn’t her thing, but apparently Liam was an early riser and wouldn’t stop knocking on her door until she answered it.
No, they did not share a room.
It was just wrong, really. Was it her? Did she not wear a revealing enough tank? Were her pants not tight enough? Has she not grazed his dick right? How could someone do that wrong? Ugh, it was stressing her out and giving her a complex. She was actually starting to like him, more than as a friend. Or at least she was telling herself that she needed to. The more time she spent with him, the more she knew she needed to fall for this guy. He always asked about Mena Jane, which she thought was just dreamy. He showed interest when she spoke of her parents and even offered to go help them move. He was a damn good guy and, damn it, she needed good in her life!
As she let out a long breath, he glanced over at her, taking her hand in his. “You all right?”
She smiled as she nodded. “Yeah, tired.”
“I bet,” he agreed with a nod.
And she was. They trained the shit out of her this weekend. She was pretty up-to-date on the training for athletes but, man, she learned a lot more this weekend. She was ready to get back home and start on her plans. She had to turn them in to BJ on Monday morning to cover the next three weeks. She was excited to start training the guys, but she was also really nervous. They had been nice to her and even joked with her, but that was because she was being nice Kacey. When trainer Kacey came out, it might be a different story. At least Shea Adler loved her, and Karson had to love her, oh, and apparently Liam loved her…that she still couldn’t fathom. If he loved her, why didn’t he want to poke her with his dick?
When her phone sounded, she looked down to see it was from Lacey.
Lacey: Did you guys do it? I haven’t heard from you all weekend. I’m figuring so.
Kacey: lol, no, not at all and I’m sorry. They worked me like a dog this weekend.
Lacey: No biggie, but really? Why?
Kacey: No clue. It’s weird.
Lacey: It is.
Kacey: Yeah, I’m ready to get home, make some plans, and get to work tomorrow. Maybe even think this through because I really don’t understand him.
Lacey: Have you asked him? Honesty is not hard for you.
Kacey: True. Maybe I will.
Lacey: Good.
Lacey: So off the wall question, but have you talked to Jordie?
Kacey made a face as her heart sank. Why would Lacey ask that? Scrunching her face up, she texted her back quickly.
Kacey: wtf? No, why would I?
Lacey: No reason, but rumor is, he is back and he’ll be there tomorrow.
Her heart sped up in her chest as her hands went clammy.
Lacey: You’re not gonna kill him the first time you see him, right?
Kacey scoffed and Liam looked over at her.
“Lacey is a nut,” she said and then looked back down.
Kacey: For me to want to kill him means I still care. No, he is the least of my concerns. I’ll do my job, no biggie.
Lacey: Good to know.
Kacey: Who told you he was in town?
Lacey: He did.
Kacey: You’ve seen him?
Lacey: Yes.
Kacey: Well? How did he look?
Lacey: Like shit.
That made Kacey’s lips press together in a straight line.
Kacey: Oh. Okay.
Lacey: Yeah.
Kacey’s heart was racing in her chest, but she knew she had to make it stop. Jordie had no control over her anymore. She was over him. He didn’t want her, and the quicker she accepted that, the easier her job would be. She couldn’t be in the same room with him and still want to be with him. No, she had until tomorrow to get her shit together. Jordie had no control over her. None. She was with Liam now. He was her boyfriend and, damn it, they were going to have sex!
When she saw the sign for Nashville, she knew she couldn’t get out of the car until she was sure of that. Looking over at Liam, she let her phone fall to her lap and stared at him as he drove. He had the most delectable jawbone, but she still felt it needed a little hair. Just a dusting. Or a massive beard, ugh! No! He was perfect and gorgeous and would make sweet babies with her! He was everything she needed.
He must have felt her staring at him because he glanced over, a goofy smile on his face as he asked, “What?” She sm
iled as he chuckled, squeezing her hand. “You sure you’re okay?
“Yeah,” she said, waving him off. “Are we together?”
He seemed a little surprised by that but recovered quickly. “I thought so.”
“So you aren’t fucking anyone else?”
He scoffed. “No, Kacey, I’m not.”
“So why aren’t you fucking me?”
He glanced over at her a little surprised, and really, she probably could have delivered that better, but the thought of seeing Jordie tomorrow had her in knots. Her heart still hadn’t slowed to a normal rate, and she felt like she was coming out of her skin. She had to know she was in a relationship with a good guy so she wouldn’t falter and fall vagina first on top of Jordie’s face when he smiled at her. He had that power over her, but she wasn’t a cheater. If she were in a relationship, she wouldn’t be interested. She knew she wouldn’t. But fuck, was she using Liam?
Damn it.
No. She liked him. He was nice. He was her match. Cosmo said so. It also said Jordie was her match too, but that was beside the fucking point! What the hell did Cosmo know anyway?
Dumb magazine. Who even read it anymore?
Waiting for his answer, she watched as he looked out at the road and shrugged. “To be honest, I wanted to wait.”
“Why?” she asked, and he gave her a sidelong glance.
“Because I don’t want to rush this,” he finally admitted and she held her breath. “Every time I rush into sex with a girl, she’s gone just as fast. I love you, Kacey. I want this to last for, if possible, ever. And the thing is, I know you’re not there yet. I know you like me, but you don’t love me. Call me old-fashioned, but I want you to get there before I take us to the next step. I want to know that, once we are together, it will be the last time either of us has sex with anyone else.”
Whoa.
Who the fuck said that anymore?!
Ugh!
When he glanced over at her, he shrugged. “I’ve been burned too many times, Kacey.”
“No, I got you,” she said with a nod, and maybe he was smart to think that way.
So why did she think he was a complete idiot? Maybe she was a slut, because that seemed dumb to her, but then maybe... Okay, yeah, she did think it was sweet. He was sweet. Which is what she wanted.