Overtime

by Toni Aleo

  Except his alcoholism.

  That was the one thing that could make them crash and burn, but he was doing everything to ensure that wouldn’t happen. He was winning, he felt it, and he wouldn’t back down. But he would do as she said, wait until his year, and then he’d marry her and get her pregnant quicker than she could say yes.

  He would have his happiness. His forever.

  Nothing would keep him from that.

  When his phone rang, he glanced down, and everything stopped. It was his mom. His stomach twisted as he declined the call, but she called back almost immediately. Glaring at it, he rejected the call again and tucked it into his pocket before saying, “Come on.”

  He then pulled her toward the door, his pocket still vibrating as she checked everything to make sure that Mena was okay before following him out of the room. Once outside, he shut the door slowly before turning to reach for her, pulling her back to his chest, kissing her neck.

  “I want you,” he whispered and she let out a breathy laugh.

  “Do you?” she asked, turning on the baby monitor.

  “Always,” he said, nibbling up her neck and then her ear as his hands explored the abs on her stomach. Slowly dropping his hands into her pants, he cupped her, his breath coming out in a whoosh and making him hard as a rock.

  “Why’s my ass vibrating?” she asked as his hand stopped.

  “My mom is calling,” he said, continuing to ignore it, but she turned in his arms, looking up at him.

  “How many times has she called?”

  He paused. “That’s the seventh time,” he said as his phone went off again.

  “Should you answer?”

  He shrugged, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I don’t know.”

  “She could be dying or something,” she suggested and he nodded.

  “So I should answer?”

  She gave him a troubled look. “I have no clue, that’s up to you.”

  His phone started going off again, and he glanced up at her before hitting accept and saying, “Hey, Mom.”

  But Stacey Thomas was anything but a mother and every bit the darkness that shadowed his soul.

  “Jordie Scott Thomas, I have been calling you for weeks,” his mother complained. Disappointment and anger laced her words, and for some reason, he felt like he was six again.

  Glancing at Kacey, he looked away just as quickly. Sucking in a breath, he went into his room and sat on the bed, leaning on his thighs. “Yeah, sorry, I’ve been busy. Are you okay?”

  “Oh, I’m fine! But you wouldn’t know that since you don’t call me at all. How sad. I’m your mother and you can’t even call me.”

  Kacey sat beside him and shook her head as he said, “I haven’t heard from you either.”

  “Well, that’s ’cause I’ve been so busy! Roger died, God rest his soul. But thankfully, he left me a nice little amount of money to get me by. But then, by the grace of God, I met Phil. Oh Jordie, you’re gonna love him. He is a doll baby and loves me so much! We are getting married on Christmas! You’ll have to come, of course. But he wants to meet you before that, and we are coming to Nashville in about a month. I made sure you weren’t on a trip with the team, and we are even coming to a game. Glass seats! Only the best for me, as Phil says. So I’ll get to watch my baby, up close and personal!”

  She didn’t even take a breath and, like always, it was only about her. Feeling like he was in a spinning car, he said, “So you’re okay?”

  She paused. “Yes, I’m in love and happy. Have you not been listening?”

  “No, I heard you,” he said sullenly. “Figured since you called nine times in a row, you had cancer or something.”

  “Well, that is a rude and unthinkable thing to say. Jesus, how did I raise such an asshole for a son?” she snapped and Kacey glared, but he shook his head.

  “Okay, Mom, I guess I’ll—”

  “Like I was saying, you should be very happy for me. Phil is my age, so pray God he don’t die. And he is loaded, son, so rich and so sweet. I think he might be the winner, the one that lasts. Isn’t that great?” she asked and Jordie let his head hang.

  “Yeah, great,” he said, and why couldn’t he just tell her to fuck off? Why was he sitting there, listening to how they went all over the country the last couple months? How he helped her get over whatever-his-name-was’s death? By the look Kacey was giving him, he was sure she thought the same. But he said nothing as she rambled on and on about her life. He sat there. Hoping, praying, she’d ask how he was doing. But the question never came.

  “Okay, so we will plan to get together in about a month, I think it’s the twenty-seventh of October. I’ll have Phil make reservations and send you an email. He’s so excited to meet you. He’s a big hockey fan.”

  “Um, Mom, I don’t know,” he started, but she cut him off.

  “Now, you’ll meet me, Jordie Scott. I haven’t seen you in almost a year because you’re off gallivanting across the country, playing with a stick and puck and whatever else you do. You don’t call, you don’t Facebook me, and you sure as hell don’t act like you care one bit for me. So you’ll be there,” she snapped and he closed his eyes.

  Tell her to fuck off.

  “Tell her no,” Kacey whispered but he shook his head. He knew he needed to say it. To stay away from her. But the need for approval was still there.

  He wanted her to love him.

  To be proud of him.

  To care about him.

  “Is someone there?”

  Kacey snapped her mouth shut and he nodded, his throat thick. “Yeah.”

  “One of your many sluts, I’m sure. What did she say? I thought I heard her say no. Tell her I’m not another of your sluts, I’m your mother.”

  Kacey’s mouth dropped and Jordie shook his head. “It’s my girlfriend.”

  She paused. “Like a real girlfriend? You haven’t had one of those since what’s her name, the one whose boyfriend killed that kid you were friends with.”

  “Angie, and his name was Robbie,” he said, looking up, a wave of guilt slamming into him.

  “Yes, him. I saw his momma about two weeks ago. She still hates you.”

  “Yeah, well, her son was killed acting in my defense. I wouldn’t care for me much either,” he said dryly and his mom made a noncommittal sound.

  “Eh, yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said and he let out a breath as Kacey shook her head quickly, her anger radiating off her. “Oh, well, bring her too, I guess. If you think it will last, I guess I should meet her. I really don’t want to though. I’d like it to be just you, me, and Phil,” she said, and he didn’t miss the way she spoke louder.

  “Fucking bitch,” Kacey muttered, standing up and folding her arms, looking down at him as he held the phone to his ear. He couldn’t look at her, not in the eyes. He knew she was mad, he knew she was probably disappointed in him, but he couldn’t just hang up.

  “I don’t know, Mom. I’ll text you.”

  “No, tell me now you’ll go,” she snapped, and he knew when he looked to Kacey, she’d be shaking her head no, so he looked at the floor.

  “I told you, I don’t know. We will see,” he said as sternly as he could. “I have a lot going on,” he said slowly, hoping she’d ask what he had going on. But that would mean she was a good parent.

  And she wasn’t. Not even a little bit.

  “Well, cancel it. I’m your mother; you will be there to meet your new soon-to-be stepdad. I’ll send you the address and info as soon as I get it. Oh, Phil just walked in. Yeah, baby, it’s him. He says hi too! Okay, gotta run, bye, honey!”

  And then she hung up.

  No, “Can’t wait to see you!” No, “I love you!” No, “Fuck off.” No, nothing.

  Closing his eyes, he let his head hang as he shook it. Why had he even answered the phone? He could feel Kacey’s hostility pouring off her, and when he looked up at her, her face was flushed and she was working her lip.

  “Not right
now, okay? I know she sucks, I know she’s a bitch, and I know I should have said no,” he said quickly, feeling like the weakest piece of shit in the world.

  “You’re right, on all accounts,” she said before coming onto the bed and wrapping her body around his like a koala bear. “But I know it hurts.”

  “It does,” he whispered, holding her arm as she held him. “I don’t want to go.”

  “We won’t.”

  “But she’ll find a way to me,” he said and she nodded.

  “You need to tell her in person that she can’t do this to you anymore. That she needs to just stay away.”

  “I know,” he said roughly. “But the shitty thing is, I still want to hear her tell me she loves me, that she’s proud of me, and that she cares. Not once did she ask about me.”

  “Because she’s a poor excuse for a human, and if she hadn’t have had you, she would be on this earth for no reason,” Kacey proclaimed, hugging him tighter. “You are better than her, Jordie. So much fucking better. You’d never treat anyone like she does.”

  He paused, closing his eyes as more guilt washed over him. “I did, though. I used to do it to you,” he said softly, looking over at her. “What if I am like her?”

  Taking his face between her hands, she shook him hard. “No, Jordie! You are not fucking her! You get that out of your head right now. You hear me?” She was screaming, her eyes filling with tears. “No, no fucking way. You are good. You are the most beautiful man in the world, and I fucking love you. All of you. Even this shitty part of you that is basically a wound that she keeps stabbing at! You hear me?”

  His eyes glazed over as he turned, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. Burying his face in her chest, he sucked in a deep breath, telling himself that he would never give his mom any more of his time. Kacey was right; he was nothing like her. He knew how to love someone, because he did it every moment Kacey was on his mind. But as much as he wanted to be strong, he wanted to brush her off, he wanted to let the pain she was causing him go, he couldn’t. His feelings and his pain were there, oozing and throbbing like a wound. A big, gaping wound that his mother stood above and poured salt into.

  A wound he wasn’t sure how to close.

  As soon as the thought came, he wished he could make it go away. But he could drown the wound and himself with whiskey in a second.

  Everything would go away. He would be free of everything.

  “It isn’t worth it,” she whispered, kissing his temple, and he looked up at her. “I can feel it, I can see it on your face. You want a drink but, Jordie, it isn’t worth it. The pain right now, yeah, it fucking sucks. But afterward, when you disappoint everyone and possibly start losing people, you’ll look back on this pain and say, I’d rather have suffered that a bit, because this will go away,” she reminded him as her eyes burned into his. “Please, don’t think that is the answer.”

  “I don’t want to,” he admitted. “But it’s so easy.”

  “But usually what’s easy isn’t worth it, remember?” she whispered, pressing her nose to his. “Hockey isn’t easy, but worth it. Life isn’t easy, but it’s worth it too. Hell, we aren’t easy, Jordie, no matter how much we think we are. The truth is, we aren’t. But, yet, we are still worth it. You’re worth more than anything to me, Jordie. Please, let this go.” Her eyes held his as she shook him gently. “Tell me what to do. Anything. Let me get your guitar,” she suggested, releasing him, but he wouldn’t let her go.

  “No, just hold me?” he asked, but he was too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. Slowly, she laid them back, holding him tightly to her and kissing the top of his head. Wrapping his legs and arms around her, he held on, his chest clenching, his heart pounding, and he didn’t understand why this had happened.

  Why couldn’t he be stronger?

  And what would he have done if Kacey hadn’t been there?

  He thought he had come so far, but maybe he was wrong.

  Maybe he hadn’t come far at all.

  “You’ve been quiet lately.”

  Jordie looked up from where he was breaking down boxes, his brows coming together. Karson stood at the counter, unloading a box of silverware, his gaze on him as he lined the silverware up in its drawer.

  “What?” he asked, unsure of what Karson meant. They were unloading boxes in Jordie and Kacey’s new kitchen; why would they be talking? She had been psycho about the placement of stuff. He had to make sure he did it all right and to her liking because he really wanted to have sex, and they hadn’t done that in a couple days. With her family and Lacey basically moving in to get everything done before the first game of the season, it was easy to say that their sex life had been lacking. Mostly because they were both dog-tired come the end of the day.

  “You’ve been kind of standoffish. I know that I’ve been busy and shit, but you haven’t really been talking to me.”

  Jordie shrugged. “Nothing to say, I guess. Just been playing and getting ready for the move. Do you know how hard it is to go shopping with your sister? I swear, she was a gypsy in another life. She likes the weirdest shit,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head, trying had to cover up the fact that he was battling something dark inside of him. Karson had been dealing with a lot the last couple weeks. With Lacey stressed about her store in Chicago, firing her sister-in-law, and apparently causing a war with her family, he had his hands full. Add in the fact that they had a baby who was rolling now and wanted attention all the time, and he was sure that Karson couldn’t deal with Jordie’s issues. It wasn’t fair to him.

  Or to Jordie.

  He wanted to say that the last two weeks had been fun, the best two weeks, picking out furniture for his new house and getting ready to spend the rest of his life with Kacey, but it had been hell.

  He wanted to drink.

  All he could hear was his mom’s voice, demanding his attention and not caring one bit about him. Their conversation played over and over in his head, and he didn’t know why she didn’t care. She hadn’t asked anything about him. She degraded Kacey and she was just mean. Only caring about her new fiancé. It hurt him to the bone, and for the last twelve days, he’d had to keep telling himself why he shouldn’t drink. Why it would ruin everything and how Kacey was right when she said that the regret that he would feel would be worse than the pain. He just wanted to forget, though.

  And that made him feel weak.

  Like he didn’t deserve any of this.

  Especially not Kacey.

  Looking over at Karson, he flashed him a grin and shrugged. “I’m good, though.”

  Karson nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Do you know I see right through you, and the only reason you got away with a lot of shit before was because we weren’t face-to-face?”

  Jordie looked away and shrugged again. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re full of shit. Tell me what happened. If it’s my sister, I’ll put away the fact that she’s my sister and not want to kill you if you hurt her. But only for like twenty minutes,” he said before shaking out his arms and then striking his hips. “So yeah, hit me, I’m ready.”

  Jordie laughed, kicking a box with more force than was necessary. He didn’t want to feel like this, he wanted to be strong, to beat this. But fuck, his mom fucked with his head. When Kacey talked of the darkness that filled him, it was his mother. She always overlooked his problems…or ignored them because they didn’t affect her. Or they did, and she wouldn’t fix them because it would be too much work. He was always a second thought, someone who didn’t matter to her unless she needed something.

  He knew this. So why did it hurt?

  And why was it so hard to talk about? The last two weeks, he’d only said his cravings were bad, but never why. He blamed it on the stress of the move, and he didn’t understand why he did that. Was he actually covering for his mother? Trying to cover up the fact that she was a shitty person? Why? Why was he doing that?

  “My mom called,” is all he said, and Karson’s hands fell from hi
s hips, his shoulders drooping.

  “And you answered?”

  “Yeah,” he said, nodding. “She wants me to come to dinner with her and her new husband-to-be.”

  “You said no,” Karson said, and it wasn’t a question.

  “She didn’t let me,” he admitted, chancing a glaze at him, and what he found was what he expected. Pure hatred on Karson’s face.

  “Don’t go.”

  “She’ll come to my house, or yours, if I don’t,” he protested, but Karson shook his head.

  “Let her come; I’ll let Lacey loose.”

  “Lacey couldn’t hurt a fly.” Jordie scoffed.

  “Fine, I’ll let my mom loose,” he provided and Jordie smiled.

  “Now that’s a thought. Even though Kacey wants to Spartan kick her in the face.”

  Karson grinned, pointing at Jordie. “That’s a great idea. I favor that one ’cause my mom’s hips are getting bad,” he said and Jordie smiled.

  As much as he wanted to laugh and joke with Karson, he couldn’t. Her rejection weighed heavy on his chest, and he didn’t know what to do. He knew he couldn’t depend on anyone to make the pain go away. He had to handle it and get rid of it, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to look at the person he loved and whose love he so desperately wanted and to tell her to fuck off.

  “My cravings have been worse lately,” he admitted. “I want to forget, and whiskey makes me forget.”

  Karson nodded. “I know, but once it’s gone, you’ll remember, and then you’ll be back to where you were,” he reminded. “Also, you’ve tried that on my sister and it never worked.”

  “I know,” Jordie agreed, his heart clenching in his chest. “But I’ll also lose everything I’ve fought so hard to have.”

  “Yeah, you will, and you’ll bring Kacey down ’cause she won’t leave you. She’ll stay in hopes of fixing you,” he said sternly, and Jordie knew this. “Have you been talking about it in AA or even therapy?”