Overtime

by Toni Aleo

  Oh, shit. Was she?

  “No, I can’t be. I have an IUD in.”

  “Didn’t you have that when you got pregnant before?”

  She had. Shit.

  “I did,” she said, pausing. Reaching up, she grabbed her boobs, but they didn’t ache like they had before.

  “My boobs don’t hurt,” she said and Lacey shrugged.

  “No breast tissue, so that didn’t happen to me. But the simplest of smells got me bad and I was puking everywhere.”

  “Me too, but I remember with my miscarriage, it was horrible pain with just a simple brush of my hand to my tits.”

  Lacey made a face. “Have you skipped a period?”

  “I always skip, I’m never regular.”

  Lacey’s mouth dropped a bit before she asked, “Are y’all not using condoms or something? Could this really be happening?”

  Kacey shrugged. “I don’t know, seems kind of crazy if it is. I mean, shit, that dude’s got some supersperm.”

  “So you want a baby?”

  “Of course I do,” Kacey said as she eyed Lacey. “I’ve always wanted a kid, but I really don’t think I’m pregnant.”

  Lacey shrugged. “Okay, well, let’s hope not. And maybe start using some condoms since that IUD of yours is a little iffy.”

  Kacey’s eyes narrowed. “Why? What’s wrong with us having a kid?”

  Lacey gave her a dry look. “Jordie doesn’t need that right now. He’s already under so much stress, the stress of a child would screw with him.”

  Kacey’s face scrunched up in disagreement. “I don’t think that’s true,” Kacey shot back, her hands coming to her hips. “He loves kids.”

  “Of course he does, and he’ll be a great dad, but so much is going on with his mom, he really needs to get over that before he does the dad thing.”

  “He wants a child though, with me.”

  “I don’t doubt that, but you’ve only been together for two months, Kacey.”

  “And you and Karson were only together like six when you guys got pregnant with Mena,” she snapped back. She couldn’t believe her! She was supposed to be her best friend, her supporter. Plus, Kacey wasn’t even pregnant! They were arguing over nothing. “Plus, I’m not pregnant.”

  “I’m just saying, if you aren’t, then make sure you start taking precautions.” Lacey shook her head, sucking in a breath, her eyes locked on Kacey’s. “Are we fighting?”

  Kacey nodded. “I think so.”

  “Why? This is stupid.”

  “Exactly,” Kacey agreed. “I was just telling you I didn’t feel good.”

  “Yeah, it’s probably nothing,” she said with a shrug. “But still, be careful. Jordie is fragile right now.”

  Kacey shook her head. “I know, but if it did happen, he’d be happy.”

  “Yeah, but it would stress him out not to mess up. He doesn’t need that. It already stresses him out knowing he could fail you.”

  “Lacey, I promise you, he’s a much stronger man than you’re giving him credit for.”

  “Yeah, but you forget that he tells your brother a lot more than he tells you, and Karson tells me everything. He’s tiptoeing the line at just the thought of his mom. No need to push him over.”

  While she knew that Jordie and Karson were close, it bothered her that Lacey had said that. “So are you saying you know my boyfriend better than me?”

  Lacey looked back at her from putting Mena’s car seat on her arm. “No, I’m only telling you what Karson has told me.”

  “And I know all that. Jordie is okay, he is fighting it.”

  “But the dinner is creeping up on him, and he’ll go. You know he will.”

  She did, but still. “Whatever. He is doing great.”

  “I don’t doubt him. I’m just saying be careful.”

  “Heard you,” she said, reaching for her bag and walking away.

  But Lacey called out, “Wait, are you mad?”

  Kacey looked back at her and shrugged. “Kinda.”

  Lacey shook her head, catching up to her, and said, “Why? Because I’m telling you what you already know? That I’m trying to be the voice of reason before you come back to me, asking for advice on everything I’ve already said?”

  “No, because you think you know Jordie better than me, and plus, you doubt him.”

  “I’m not doubting him,” she snapped, her voice rising. “I want him to succeed, I want you guys to succeed. But I am worried that if you do get pregnant and he relapses or whatever, can you imagine the strain it would put on not only him but you? It will break you, and you’ll be sitting there with a baby and a drunk boyfriend.”

  “That won’t happen,” Kacey said, her voice laced with anger. “He’s fine, we are good.”

  “I hope so, Kacey, I do,” she said, her eyes pleading with hers. “But please don’t be mad at me. I’m just trying to look out for you. I love you. You know this.”

  Looking away, Kacey pulled in a breath through her nose, letting it out slowly before looking back at Lacey. “I love you too.”

  “Good,” she said, squeezing her hand. “Now go home and get a test so that later we can sit here and laugh over how overdramatic we are.”

  “Yeah, I will.”

  “Come here,” Lacey said, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry I upset you.”

  She shook her head. “You didn’t. I’m just emotional. I miss Jordie.”

  “I know,” she agreed, and Kacey knew she missed Karson too.

  Pulling away, she looked over at Lacey and asked, “If I am, will you be there for me if I need you?”

  “Of course,” Lacey said, not even pausing or thinking. “Please don’t think I wouldn’t. It’s just I worry about it being more of a stressor than a blessing. You don’t want to end up like me, on drugs just to get through the day.”

  Kacey gave her a deadpan look. “You’re doing great and you’ve cut down on your meds, drastically.”

  “I know. But, y’know, I just hate that I’m weak.”

  “You’re not,” Kacey promised. “But thanks for thinking of me.”

  “I always do. You’re the sister I never had but always wanted.”

  Kacey smiled, leaning into her and hugging her tightly. “Same here.”

  But as they parted, Lacey’s words ran over and over in her head. The whole way to CVS, they kept playing on repeat and she wondered if she was right.

  Could Jordie not handle them having a child along with everything else that was going on?

  Was she even pregnant?

  And what was she gonna do if she was and he couldn’t handle it?

  Leaning back against his headboard, Jordie played on FarmVille as he waited for Kacey to call. She’d needed a shower and wouldn’t just set up the FaceTime so he could watch her shower. He thought it was rude, but she told him he was a pig and hung up. Typical conversation between them. With a grin on his face, he finished watering his crops and then opened his Facebook to update his status, just to mess with her.

  I think it’s unfair my girlfriend won’t let me watch her take a shower on FaceTime. I highly doubt the government is watching, as she claims. Please tell me someone agrees with me. #RoadTripsSuck #MissMyBaby #ImNotAPig – with Kacey King.

  As soon as he hit post, he scrolled through his feed, liking and commenting on stuff as he waited for her to call him back. It sucked being away from her, and he could tell she was bored without him. She apparently was assisting Lacey, which he thought was funny. She didn’t have a designing bone in her body. She was more of a throw everything in one spot and hope for the best type. Plus, she hardly wore anything but gym clothes or sweats. But at least she had something to do. He had Facebook, FarmVille, and Netflix. To some that sounded like paradise, but he missed Kacey. A lot.

  When a comment came through, he grinned when he saw it was Karson.

  Karson King: Really, dude? Come on.

  Lacey King: Don’t act like you don’t ask for that all the time.

/>   Karson King: She’s my sister!

  Lacey King: Who is doing your best friend. So really, what did you expect?

  Karson King: Shh, woman.

  Lacey King: Don’t shh me. I’ll kick your butt.

  Jordie Thomas: Lacey King, say Kick your ass, makes you sound more badass.

  Lacey King: Fine, kick your ass, and yes, I did that with a head roll.

  Jordie Thomas: That’s my girl.

  Karson King: Still not scared.

  Laughing, Jordie looked up as the door opened and Benji came in with takeout for them. To his surprise, sharing with Benji hadn’t been bad. The dude was funny, obsessed with Game of Thrones and other nerdy shit, but still a cool dude.

  “Hey, here ya go. Sorry it took me so long,” he said, out of breath as he set the bag of sushi down. “This chick was gorgeous, legs for days, but instead of talking to her like I should have, I spilled soy sauce on her.”

  He was always very bad with the ladies.

  Chuckling, Jordie shook his head. “You need a class in game, man.”

  Benji scoffed as he shrugged. “You know, I used to have game, but I lost that when I stopped drinking.”

  “Happens. Thankfully mine is intertwined with my DNA,” Jordie teased and Benji laughed.

  “Well, please, share some, ’cause I haven’t been with a woman in months. I think I’m rubbing my dick raw.”

  “Overshare, dude,” Jordie said, grimacing. He was sympathetic though, since he had been there at one point.

  “I heard you begging your girl to let you watch her shower. So really, is there such a thing as oversharing when you room with someone?”

  Jordie thought that over for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. But still, go out and get laid. You aren’t ugly,” he said as he opened his tray of sushi.

  “Well, thanks,” Benji said, waving him off and acting shy, which made Jordie laugh. “No, really. I just don’t think I’m ready.”

  He opened his own tray and Jordie watched him. He was pretty sure it had to do with his wife, daughter, and brother that had Benji not wanting to be with someone. He thought maybe it was a touchy subject, but he asked anyway. “Because…?”

  Benji looked up from his sushi and shook his head. “Sometimes I don’t think I’m meant to be with anyone. Ava was my soul mate. I met her when I was a kid, and we stayed together all through middle and high school.”

  Sadness washed over Benji’s face as he threw a piece of sushi in his mouth, chewing while Jordie waited for him to go on. When he didn’t and just kept eating, Jordie asked, “And? What happened?”

  Benji looked up at him and shrugged. “She died.”

  “I’m sorry, dude.”

  “Yeah, blows. We got pregnant when we were seventeen. Leary was my everything and so cute. She looked just like Ava. And though we were young and scared out of our minds, we got married and I promised to make our life good. I worked hard, got drafted, and things were great.”

  He paused, leaning his elbow on his leg as he bit his lip, clicking the chopsticks he held in his hand over and over again. “We went home to Chicago for a family reunion and I got shit-faced, doing shots with my uncle and my dad. Since I was so shitty, my brother Silas offered to drive us back to the hotel. Leary needed sleep, and it was so loud because everyone was still partying.”

  Jordie’s stomach dropped from the look of pure pain on Benji’s face as he went on. “I don’t remember any of it. I was passed out in the back, leaned up against the door, my hand in Leary’s. But when I woke up, I wasn’t holding her hand because she was gone, along with Ava and Silas. Apparently a semi T-boned them, killing Silas and Leary instantly, while a piece of glass slit Ava’s neck and she bled out before they could get her cut out of the car. Meanwhile, I was so drunk that I didn’t even know anything had happened.”

  Jordie was stunned to silence. He had suffered some shitty stuff but nothing like what Benji had been through. Losing his baby, his wife, and his brother? Jesus.

  “It was bad, obviously. I was depressed, let go from the Rangers because I wasn’t playing and performing. No one wanted me because I had become a drunk, and my family and hers turned on me. Blaming me for all of it. It was bad, dude, so damn bad.”

  “Why did they turn on you?” he asked incredulously.

  “Because I should have been dead,” Benji asked. “Why did I get to stay alive when I was a worthless drunk and they didn’t?”

  “Dude, that’s wrong,” Jordie gasped and Benji nodded.

  “Yeah, and for a long time, I just floated through life. Then one day, I woke up in the alley of the bar I had gone to, and along the wall was a mirror. When I saw my reflection, it was as if Ava was looking back at me, disgusted,” he muttered, and Jordie could sense he was about to start crying. Who could blame him? It might have been eleven years ago, but the pain was obviously still raw. “I went straight to the closest church and I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness, for strength, and I apologized not only to God, but to Ava, Leary, and Silas. Then I went to rehab and checked myself in. Never looked back either. Not one relapse in eleven years, and while some days I wouldn’t mind having a drink, others I’m glad that I gave it up.”

  “How though? Did you have support?”

  Benji shook his head. “Just my sponsor, Richie. I still, to this day, don’t talk to my family.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I live by the motto, if you don’t add to my life, you’re out of my life. And because of that, anyone who didn’t contribute to making me better, I left behind. I work every day to make a better me. I’m nowhere near perfect, believe me, but I want to be the man I was before the accident. I want to move on, I want to try again. Even though it really does give me anxiety,” he said with a laugh, but there was no humor in the sound. “I have my faith, and that’s helped me a lot too.”

  Jordie nodded. “I’ve depended a lot on mine, even though I just found it.”

  “Which is okay. For a long time, I was mad at God for taking them from me, but then I thank God for helping me get up and find help.”

  “For sure, bro,” Jordie agreed, nodding his head. “Not sure it will mean anything, but I’m proud of you.”

  Benji grinned. “Thanks, you too, bro. You’re doing great.”

  Jordie grimaced a little as he shrugged. “I thought I was, but lately things have been tough.”

  “Anything you want to share?”

  Not really, but maybe he’d know how to handle it. “My mom is a bitch to the tenth power who doesn’t give two shits about me except for when she needs me.”

  “Cut her out,” he said simply. “Tell her you want nothing from her.”

  Jordie nodded. “See, I know this. But how do I do that to the person who gave me life?”

  “Because if you don’t, she’ll take the life she gave,” he said matter-of-factly. “My mom looked me in the eyes and told me she hated me for taking her baby from her. I can still hear those words, feel them rattle my soul. And you know what? I gave her one chance to apologize afterward, when I’d been sober for two years. When she didn’t take that chance, called the police to escort me off her property, I told her she was dead to me and walked away. Was it hard? Yes. Do I miss her? Every day. But she gave up on me, she didn’t care about me the way she should have. My dad too. And, yeah, it hurts, but I had to think of me. We are in survival mode, Jordie, and some people may call us selfish, but I call it making us better.”

  Jordie looked down, picking up a piece of sushi before throwing it in his mouth. “My mom is getting married for the tenth time. She’s loved the men she’s married more than me every time.”

  “And she will never love you. If by now, after however many years you’ve been alive, she still hasn’t come around, she won’t. Stop letting her hurt you and cut her out.”

  Jordie nodded, his heart pounding in his chest as Benji held his gaze. “And when you do it, don’t think of it as a loss, think of it as a win. Something you have to do to make you b
etter. Because in the end, only the people who have helped lift you up through your recovery will be the people who matter.”

  Jordie knew very well who those people were, and his mother was not on that list. When his phone sounded with an email, he looked down to see that it was from her. It was the reservation information for dinner. With no “I love yous,” “can’t wait to see you,” or “see you soon.” Nothing, just the restaurant and the time. Soon his heart picked up in speed and his throat started to close. He knew what he had to do. He felt it, knew the words he needed to say, but still, like a child, he wanted her love.

  “She won’t ever love you though,” Benji said, and Jordie hadn’t realized he had said what he was thinking out loud. “She’ll continue to hurt you, until you start hurting other people and you’re all alone. Then I’ll read about you in the news, offing yourself. So really, you need to decide what’s more important: her love, or the love of all the people that help lift you up?”

  Before he could answer, Benji nodded. “The love of the people that lift you up: Kacey, Karson, just to name a few.”

  “Exactly,” Jordie agreed just as his phone rang. Looking down, he saw Kacey’s smiling face and he smiled back before saying, “My girl is calling. Give me a few.”

  As he answered, Benji nodded before reaching for the remote and Jordie said, “Hey, there.”

  Kacey looked back at him, her hair wet and her face red like she had been crying. “Hey, you crying?”

  She shook her head. “No, new face cream, my face is on fire. What are you doing?”

  “Talking with Benji. Oh, and my mom emailed me the reservations for dinner.”

  She made a face as her lip went between her teeth. “Are we going?”

  He smiled; he loved that she automatically assumed she was going. He wanted her to go, to be there for him, but maybe he should do it alone. “Maybe I should go alone?”

  She shook her head. “I really want to go. So if she says something stupid I can kick her.”

  “I like her,” Benji said and Jordie grinned.

  “She’s a violent little thing,” he joked and Kacey rolled her eyes. “I want you there, baby.”

  “Then I’m there. Are you sure though? Can’t you just call her and tell her to fuck off?”