by Toni Aleo
“Yup! That means that Mena and the new baby will only be a year apart. They’ll be best friends! Hopefully, you’ll have a girl,” Lacey cheered and Kacey’s head fell to the side to look at her. Tears welled up in her eyes as the doctor stood back up, taking his gloves off.
“No IUD and everything looks good,” he said, flashing her his pearly whites.
“But I had a miscarriage before,” she said softly as she sat up, her eyes holding his.
He nodded. “And we’ll monitor you through the first trimester. I want you to come in every four weeks for ultrasounds, and if you start bleeding, please go to the ER. Yeah, it could happen again, but let’s be positive and hope not, okay?”
She bit down on her lip and nodded, her tears spilling over onto her cheeks. “There is no way to tell one way or another, right?”
He shook his head, his grin gone, a sullen look on his face. “I’m sorry. No.”
She nodded again, wiping her face. “Okay, so we’ll stay positive.”
Patting her knee, he smiled. “Exactly. See you in four weeks. Call if you have any questions.”
She hadn’t realized she said bye until the door shut and Lacey came to her side. “It’s gonna be great, no worries,” she said, smiling at Kacey extra hard. But not even Kacey could be that optimistic.
“Yeah. I hope.”
“So I saw all these supercute ideas for telling a spouse you are pregnant. We should so do one of them for Jordie. He’d love that. Are you gonna wait to tell the family until you reach the second trimester? Just in case, not saying that you should, but just in case. But I doubt you’ll have to worry about it,” she said, waving her off as she handed her her jeans.
Kacey’s heart started pounding, her chest seizing up and everything began to spin. The thought of telling everyone and them getting excited, only for her to lose it, was a heart-shattering thought. Her mother would cry for days, not only because it would be a sad situation of what-ifs but because she knew how much Kacey wanted a family. Her dad would act weird around her and act as if he couldn’t pick on her, which was very unacceptable. She’d want everyone to act the same, but she knew they wouldn’t. Not even Lacey and Karson. They wouldn’t know how to handle it. That was the light at the end of the tunnel from her first miscarriage. No one knew. Only she did, and while it wasn’t okay and she’d wanted Jordie to be there for her, she was glad that no one had had to share her pain.
And she knew she had to do it that way again.
“I’m not telling anyone,” she said, her jeans loose in her hands, her thong laying on top of them. “You can’t say anything,” she demanded, and Lacey nodded quickly.
“Not a soul.”
“Not even Mena.”
She made a face. “That’s not fair. She can’t talk.”
“I know that, but everyone is always at your house. I don’t need anyone overhearing you.”
She shrugged, and Kacey could tell she didn’t like it, but she’d do it. “Fine, put your jeans on and let me show you these things on Pinterest. I’m sure Jordie will get a kick out of it. Oh! You should go order his favorite cupcakes and have Audrey spell out on them, ‘You’re gonna be a daddy!’ He’d totally eat that up. Literally.”
But Kacey shook her head. “I’m not gonna tell him.”
Lacey’s head whipped back to her, and Kacey was surprised she didn’t give herself whiplash. “What?!” she shrieked. “Are you insane?”
“No, listen,” she said, holding her hands out. “We are already worried he can’t handle it—”
“But Kacey, if he found out you hid it from him and then lost the baby, he’d lose it. That alone would have him looking for the bottle because you didn’t include him in something life-altering. You can’t do that,” she stressed, her head shaking and her eyes wide. “Seriously. You can’t. You have to tell him. I get not telling the family, but you have to tell Jordie.”
“But what if I lose it?”
She shrugged. “I guess it’s the true test of your relationship, huh? His sobriety and everything. Yeah, it’s a lot, and I agree that maybe you should have made sure you had an IUD in or, hell, used some condoms, but there is no changing that now. You’re in it to win it, and soon he will be too.”
Kacey’s tears came faster down her face as she slowly shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt him by not telling him, but I also don’t want him to have the anxiety I have.”
But Lacey shook her head. “You have to tell him, Kacey. Seriously.”
She bit the inside of her cheek and didn’t say anything else as she got dressed. She walked in silence to make her next appointment and still said nothing when Lacey talked her into getting her feet done. As the lady painted her toes and massaged her feet, Kacey sat there, hating that she couldn’t tell the future. She wanted to know what would happen. If she’d keep the baby and if they’d be happy. She wanted the reassurance, but life never gave it. It was a constantly changing traffic light, and you never knew what you were gonna get when you came up on it. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was all right, and sometimes it was downright bad.
Placing her hand on her stomach, she looked down as her eyes welled up with tears. She wanted to be excited, happy, but the thought of what losing this baby would mean was too great, and soon the tears were rolling down her cheeks again. So much was going on. Jordie was finally on the ice, enjoying it. His sobriety was going great and he was doing well. But his mother’s visit loomed over them and she wasn’t sure what would happen. That woman had the power to knock him back a hundred odd days, and he’d be right back where he was.
And so would she.
Loving a man who couldn’t be the man she wanted.
But this time she’d be stuck, because there was no way Jordie wouldn’t be there for his child and she knew she wouldn’t leave him. She’d stay, trying to fix him and raise their child, all while being so fucking unhappy that her life wouldn’t matter.
No. That wouldn’t happen.
Taking Kacey’s hand in hers, Lacey squeezed it, demanding her attention. As she met Kacey’s brown-eyed gaze, Lacey smiled. “Don’t cry, it’s gonna be great.”
“Maybe I should wait till after his mom comes?”
But she was already shaking her head. “No, you tell him as soon as he gets home. Don’t do it on the phone. He’s gonna wanna kiss and love on you.”
Bringing her lip between her teeth, she shrugged. “But all this at once? His mom is gonna be here in a week’s time.”
“So? He’s got this; you’ve said that yourself.”
She had.
And she had to believe that, or like the therapist, Karson, and everyone else said, she’d be the one to ruin them.
“Does he want this, Kacey?” she asked, and Kacey looked up. “I mean, obviously, since you guys weren’t using protection, he had to know this could happen.”
She nodded. “Yeah, it was mentioned a while back after the first time we hooked up again. But I brushed it off because I trusted the IUD that I don’t have in me.”
She smiled. “That’s kinda funny.”
“To who?” she asked and Lacey smiled.
“I guess just me,” she said offhandedly, but then she shrugged. “Do you want this?”
“You know I do.”
“Then what’s the problem? If it all comes crashing down and Jordie relapses, at least you’ll have the baby you wanted. And it will be with the man you love.”
“But can’t even have,” she said, and Lacey looked away. “I’d stay because I love him so much and he’d ruin me. I really didn’t fucking think this through.”
Her tears came faster as she slowly shook her head. “I rushed into this, jumped in bed with him, and just fucking loved him. I didn’t think through what would happen if he failed because I wanted to believe he wouldn’t. I wanted to think he’d beat this and be the man I want.”
“Then believe it!” Lacey yelled, getting the attention of most of the clients in the salon. “Stop doub
ting him.”
“I don’t doubt him!” Kacey yelled back and Lacey glared.
“Obviously, you do or you wouldn’t be saying all this,” she pointed out. And this time, Kacey was glaring.
“I’m scared out of my mind, Lacey. I want to trust my gut and know that I made the right decision. But what if I was thinking with my heart and not my brain?”
“You did!” she yelled, her eyes wide. “With all your heart, and that’s okay. Because if it ends, at least you know you’ve tried and you’ll regret nothing.”
“I’m sorry, but y’all are distracting the customers,” the salon owner said and Kacey turned, her breathing labored as she glared.
“I have salt and sugar at home, but I’m paying eighty bucks to have y’all rub it on my feet. If I want to yell at my sister-in-law about that fact that I just found out I am pregnant, and how my boyfriend, the recovering alcoholic, is still fragile and I don’t know if he’ll make it, whether I’m going to miscarry like I did before, and a whole other list of shit, like, hell, I don’t know, what I’m gonna be when I grow up, then I will! And maybe, just maybe, for the eighty bucks you’re charging me, I can yell a bit.”
The woman only blinked as Lacey snickered beside her. “Keep it down and congratulations.”
“Thanks, and I’ll try,” Kacey said as the woman walked away. She then turned to Lacey, who was fully laughing at this point. “Really? This is not funny.”
“Oh, I’m cracking up because if you’re already this emotional and bitchy, God help us all once you reach the third trimester.”
“If I get to that,” she muttered and Lacey smacked her hard in the arm. “Ow!”
“Stop talking like that. You’re gonna keep this baby. Our children will grow up a year apart, and Jordie is gonna be fine. I just know it.”
But Kacey shook her head. “Doesn’t it seem unreal though?”
“No,” Lacey answered automatically. “It sounds right. It sounds like what is going to happen.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am,” she said confidently. “It’s going to be fine.”
But as much as Kacey wanted to believe her, she couldn’t find it in her to do that.
It all just seemed so impossible.
And unreal.
But man, how badly she wanted it all to be true.
“Are you sure about this?”
Jordie looked over his shoulder at Karson and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Don’t you think you should ask Kacey first?”
“I’m getting it for her.”
“I understand that, but that’s a big commitment.”
“I know that,” he said, giving him an annoyed look. “I’m not a dumbass.”
“That’s debatable,” Karson muttered while Jordie glared. “I don’t know, maybe she’d want to be here?”
“No, I want her to be surprised. She’s gonna flip.”
Karson nodded. “She sure is.”
They both looked down at where the little beagle puppy was looking up at them, his tail wagging with a little happy dog smile. Jordie knew that Kacey would have liked to be there, but like he had told Karson, he really wanted to surprise her. She had been so lonely lately, and he had plenty of road trips coming up, so it was the perfect idea to get her a little furry companion. He remembered way back when, before Christmas, when she lay in bed with him and told him that she wanted a white picket fence that would hold in a bunch of kids and a couple of beagle dogs. He may have acted like he wasn’t listening, but he’d heard her loud and clear.
She wanted to settle down.
At the time, he wasn’t there yet, but now was a different story. Reaching out, he petted the dog’s head as the lady got the paperwork together. When his phone sounded, he pulled it out to see that it was the woman who was always on his mind.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hey, where are you? I thought you’d be home now,” she asked, and she sounded a bit frustrated.
“Karson had some stops to make. I’m on my way in a bit. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just want you home. You promised me sex.”
“Ew, Jesus,” Karson groaned and Jordie laughed.
“Your brother heard that.”
She scoffed. “Don’t care, hurry up. I want you.”
Turning from Karson, he held the phone closer as he whispered, “Oh, baby, believe me, I want you more.”
“I can still hear you.” Karson’s tone was salty and Jordie grinned.
“So bad,” he said, his voice rough. “But I’ll be home soon.”
“Fine, hurry.”
Letting out a long breath, he hung up the phone and said, “Sorry, but are we almost ready?”
The shelter lady looked over at him and nodded. “Yes, but you know it’s not a full beagle. They think it’s mixed with pug. We called it a puggle.”
Karson scoffed. “Puggle?”
Jordie shrugged. “She won’t care. She’ll like that I came here for a dog.”
“Well, we like it, that’s for sure,” she said, handing Jordie some paperwork to sign.
When she turned, Karson said, “I’m still not cool knowing you are doing my sister.”
Jordie scoffed, his lips curving. “Well, know it, bro, that’s my hot little—”
“Stop,” he demanded and Jordie grinned.
“Just saying.”
“No, please stop,” Karson said, shaking his head. “It still doesn’t sit well.”
Jordie only rolled his eyes, and after getting everything filled out and paying her, Jordie walked out of the shelter with a beagle-pug mixed puppy, also known as a puggle, that was still unnamed.
“I think you should name him Ugly,” Karson said as he looked sideways at the dog that sat between them. They were on their way to the pet store for Kacey’s new little friend.
“I can’t name him after you,” Jordie said and Karson scoffed.
“Please, ugly isn’t even in my vocab. I’m a hot piece of ass,” he said confidently and Jordie’s brow rose.
“Um, I don’t know what mirror you’re looking in, but, dude, you ugly.”
“Please, at least I don’t look like Paul Bunyan.”
“I rather look like Paul Bunyan than Neville from Harry Potter before he hit puberty.”
“Damn, really? That’s ugly,” Karson asked, feigning hurt as he grasped his chest. “I thought I meant more to you than that.”
Jordie shrugged. “I mean, you have hope if that kid did.”
Karson laughed. “Whatever, you know I’m hot.”
“No, I don’t know that,” he said as Karson parked and they got out. “But I do know that this little man is not ugly,” he said to the dog and he licked his face happily.
Karson made a noise of contempt, but Jordie ignored him as they shopped for everything they needed. With a brand-new green collar and all the things a puppy would need, they were on their way home when Jordie looked over at Karson.
“You know I’m gonna marry her, right? And we’ll have sex then, to make children?”
Karson’s face went blank as he shook his head. “See, you had me at marrying her. But after that, you lost me. In my mind, my sister is the Virgin Mary, because I know what you do to girls. I’ve seen it,” he said before shuddering. “I mean, I like to fuck as much as the next dude, but you don’t hold back. And thinking you’re doing that to my sister is just wrong.”
Jordie laughed as he shrugged. “If it makes you feel better, I only give her what she wants.”
Karson gagged as Jordie continued to laugh. “That didn’t make me feel better. Worse actually,” he said as he pulled into Jordie’s driveway. “But whatever, get out of my car.”
Grinning, Jordie grabbed his bags and was about to get out when Karson asked, “When is that dinner with your mom?”
His stomach dropped at the reminder, and he let out a long breath as the puppy licked his throat. He was a friendly little thing. “Next week.”
“Do
you want me to go?”
He shook his head. “I do, but it wouldn’t go over well. You know she’s never liked you; she doesn’t even want Kacey to go.”
“Are you taking her?”
“I am,” he said with a nod. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
Karson nodded. “Yeah, she’ll keep you calm, and someone needs to be there with you,” he said, but then he set him with a look. “But remember, Kacey has a temper and she’s crazy protective of you, so if you need bail money, let me know.”
Jordie laughed because little did Karson know, he was completely right. While he would be down for Kacey to take care of his mother, he wouldn’t let her. He had to do this himself. This was his problem and he had to fix it. As he got out, the puppy and pet store bags in one arm and his hockey bag in the other, he glanced over at Karson and nodded. “Will do, boss.”
Karson looked him over and then laughed. “I’d help you, but the thought of seeing my sister naked makes me cringe, so you’re on your own.”
“Appreciate it,” Jordie said, sending him a smirk before kicking the car door shut and heading to the front door. While he wanted Kacey to be good and naked, he kinda hoped she wasn’t so she could enjoy the dog. It would be hard to take her on the couch when the puppy was dead set on licking everything in sight. He shuddered at the thought of the dog getting ahold of his balls or something. He’d already almost broken his dick during sex, no reason to flop his balls in front of a new puppy’s eyes.
On that note, yeah, he hoped she wasn’t naked.
When the door opened before he could even reach it, he saw that Kacey was dressed, thank God, before she took off out the door, running to him. He dropped the bags, keeping the puppy though, as she jumped up into his arms, kissing him hard against the lips.
God, he had missed her.
As her mouth moved against his, he squeezed her tightly as the puppy got more excited and started kissing him too. Laughing, he pulled away as Kacey shrieked, taking the dog from him.
“Surprise!” he cheered while doing jazz hands.