Assailants, Asphalt & Alibis: A Camper & Criminals Cozy Mystery Series Book 8

by Tonya Kappes

  “You take them over there, let them feel the heat on their skin so they know what it’s gonna feel like to burn.” Sue Ann really did enjoy torturing me and Agnes.

  Ritchie laid his shotgun down on the ground and used one hand on each of us to jerk the rope, causing a little pain. Poor Agnes. She groaned out loud, making my heart drop to my toes. I truly didn’t see any way out of this.

  “Listen, I know people,” I told Ritchie, hoping to strike a deal. “You won’t go to jail. Just her.”

  “Any time now!” Agnes screamed and looked at me with big eyes.

  “What? Any time now what?” I yelled back at her. “I’m trying to talk to Ritchie.”

  “I got it all!” Agnes’s voice quivered.

  “Got what?” Sue Ann put a hand out for Ritchie to stop dragging me and Agnes to the hot fire.

  “Police! Rangers! Hold it right there.” The voice boomed out of the woods right before hundreds of police fled out of the forest with headgear, bulletproof vests, goggles, and guns focused on Sue Ann Jaffarian and Ritchie Stinnett. Hank Sharp led the charge.

  NINETEEN

  “You should’ve seen him.” Agnes Swift’s eyes were glowing, and it wasn’t from the campfire flames we were gathered around. “My grandson stormed in there just in time. We were ‘bout to be burned at the stake.”

  “Well, I’ll be,” Dottie gushed. She was leaning forward in the chair with her elbows resting on her knees. She was enthralled with the story of how Hank had saved us from being murdered at the hands of Sue Ann Jaffarian and Ritchie Stinnett. “And you had on a wire?”

  “I sure did. If it weren’t for Mae and that map she gave me to make copies of, then we’d never have solved it.” Agnes had fooled me when we were being held at gunpoint. She wasn’t going senile. She was so with it she knew Hank had been working on the ginseng case.

  In fact, later I’d found out Hank had held the fake news conference to throw Sue Ann and her group off, making them go about their business without trying to sneak around when they thought they might be suspects.

  When I’d given her the map from Sue Ann, Agnes took it, thinking it might be something Hank would be interested in. He was! It just so happened to be the map where Sue Ann had marked all the hidden ginseng fields she and Ritchie had been illegally harvesting from, and that morning Hank and the rangers set out to find Sue Ann and her crew. When they realized she was at Ritchie’s campsite still and I needed to get my campervan, Hank had wired Agnes and arranged for her to drive me there, knowing they were lurking in the woods.

  “So you mean to tell me that Agnes tried every which way to get you to take Precious and your campervan out of there before she confronted them?” Dottie leaned back in the chair, laughing and clapping her hands. “Just like Mae to hang around.”

  “Mae West comes to the rescue again,” I joked and looked over at Hank.

  “You see this marshmallow?” He lifted up his stick from the fire. The marshmallow was on fire. “You were about to be burnt if it weren’t for me.”

  “I thought for sure Mae was going to screw it up.” Agnes didn’t hold back. “She kept on talking and talking while I was trying to get Sue Ann’s confession on the wire.”

  “Is that why you were pushing out your chest?” I started to laugh when I recalled her standing all funny like when I was trying to save our lives.

  “It wasn’t to show off my old tatas.” Agnes tsked.

  “Okay, when we start talking about my granny’s women parts, it’s time to call it a night.” Hank stood up and put his hand out for me to take. “Let’s go let the dogs out, and I’ll walk you home.”

  “Show me how Agnes was all standing with her chest out.” Dottie encouraged me to act like Agnes.

  I pushed my chest out and walked away with Hank, leaving them both laughing and staring into the campfire.

  “All joking aside, when you didn’t leave the campsite like Agnes told you, my heart fell in my feet, and I almost called the raid off.” Hank squeezed my hand. “You know, we found a single fingerprint on that pair of sparkly shoes you wore during the campfire story night.”

  “Sue Ann’s.” I gasped when I remembered she’d noticed my shoes and commented on the night I’d first seen her. “I bet she picked them up and looked at them when she broke into my campervan to take Mary Elizabeth’s pearls.”

  “Yep. That’s how I really pegged she was up to something, along with the map you gave Agnes from Sue Ann.” Hank had just put all the pieces together. “Still, if anything had happened…” His voice trailed off.

  The darkness had blanketed the campground, and since there weren’t any lights but the full moon hanging overhead and the lightning bugs to guide us, I was glad he couldn’t see my face or the tears that welled up on my eyelids.

  “Mae, did you hear me?” Hank stopped and turned me toward him. He lifted his hands to my face. “I’m in love with you.”

  I blinked. A tear fell down my cheek. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe it away.

  “I love you too,” I whispered, sealing the words with a kiss.

  RECIPES AND CLEANING HACKS FROM MAE WEST AND THE WOMEN OF

  NORMAL, KENTUCKY and HAPPY TRAILS CAMPGROUND

  Skillet Chicken Enchilada

  Whether you decide to make this tasty dish over the campfire or in your RV or home oven, everyone is going to love it.

  INGREDIENTS

  Four cooked and shredded chicken breast

  10 oz can enchilada sauce

  ½ chopped onion

  3 TBS chopped garlic

  Four corn tortillas, quartered

  1 can black beans

  ¼ cup water

  ¼ cup of sour cream

  1 TBS olive oil

  1 package Mexican Cheese

  DIRECTIONS

  Cook over campfire:

  Heat up the olive oil and add the onions and garlic.

  Brown them for five minutes.

  In a bowl mix: onions, garlic, enchilada sauce, sour cream, and water.

  Fold in the tortillas, chicken, and beans.

  When mixture is fully covered, add back into the skillet and warm over fire.

  Add cheese on top and let it melt.

  Cook on stove and in oven of the RV:

  Preheat over to 500*

  Heat up the olive oil and add the onions and garlic on stove.

  Brown them for five minutes.

  In a bowl mix: onions, garlic, enchilada sauce, sour cream, and water.

  Fold in the tortillas, chicken, and beans.

  When mixture is fully covered, add back into the skillet and warm it on the stove.

  Add cheese on top and put it in the preheated oven for five minutes.

  ENJOY!

  RV HACK #1

  This isn’t really as much of a hack in cleaning, but a good hack for an acorn in case you ever need a whistle in case you get lost from your other hikers.

  Acorn Whistle

  Make the cap of an acorn into a whistle.

  1. Use the brown part on top of the acorn. Make sure it is not cracked or deformed.

  2. Grab the acorn cap in both of your hands between your thumb and index finger with the inside of the cap facing you.

  3. Put your thumbs up to near the top of the acorn. The sides of the knuckles of your thumbs should be touching each other.

  4. Position the acorn so that a triangle of it is showing out between the tops of your thumb-knuckles.

  5. Put your upper lip on the top of your thumb-knuckles. Make sure there’s no air escaping your bottom lip. This part will take the most practice but keep going!

  6. Blow through your top lip right into the triangle that you had formed earlier.

  Iron Skillet Hamburger Casserole

  INGREDIENTS

  1 pound(s) hamburger

  1 medium onion, chopped

  1/2 tsp chili powder

  1 can, ranch style beans

  DIRECTIONS

  Brown hamburger, onion and chili pow
der in a skillet over the camp fire until the hamburger is completely browned.

  Add can of ranch style beans and continue to cook until beans are thoroughly heated.

  ENJOY!

  RV Hack #2

  This isn’t really a RV hack, but something great for your dog! There are a lot of animals that camp too. Your dog wants to be part of the action when you’re outside so why not make them a nice little zipline?

  Camping Carabiner, which is one of those clip keyrings.

  Nylon Rope around 40 – 50 feet long

  Two Spring Clasps

  DIRECTIONS

  Tie one end of the nylon rope to a spring clasp in a very tight knot on both ends.

  Do the same to other end of the nylon rope with the opposite spring clasp.

  Circle the rope around two trees or something as stable on each end.

  Connect the spring clasp on the other side.

  Connect the camping carabiner to the suspended nylon rope.

  Connect your dog’s harness to the camping carabiner.

  Enjoy watching your fur baby hang outside with you too!

  Iron Skillet French Toast

  Ingredients

  6 eggs lightly beaten

  12 oz can evaporated skim milk

  1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

  1/2 cup brown sugar

  6 slices of raisin bread with the crusts removed

  2-3 tbsp diced butter

  Maple syrup

  Instructions:

  Whisk together the eggs, evaporated milk, cinnamon and brown sugar, making sure the brown sugar completely dissolves.

  Dip each piece of raisin bread into the egg mixture, coating completely, then lay in the skillet.

  Repeat with until you cover the bottom of the skillet completely, then use the remaining pieces of bread to form a second layer.

  Continue the layers until the bread is all gone.

  Pour any remaining egg mixture on top and put the diced butter on top of that.

  Bake 35-45 minutes in the grill or RV oven until the top is browned.

  Keep Scrolling For A

  Preview of the Scene of the Grind

  Book One

  A Killer Coffee Mystery

  One

  Drip, drip, drip.

  There is something about coffee that brings people together. And they don’t even have to like coffee. Is it the smell? Is it the comforting sound of the drip? I don’t know. All I did know was that my new coffee shop in the touristy lake town of Honey Springs, Kentucky, The Bean Hive, was opened for business.

  “Seven a.m.,” I muttered after I’d glanced up at the clock and drew my eyes back out the front doors of the coffeehouse located in the best spot on the boardwalk that ran along Lake Honey Springs.

  The boardwalk held fond memories for me since I used to spend my summers here with my Aunt Maxine. Maxi for short. For the past year my life was stalled in a little bit of what I’d call a fork in the road, so after hearing Aunt Maxi talk about all the revitalization of the boardwalk and not really knowing what to do, it sounded like a splendid idea to open a shop. At the time.

  The annual Honey Festival was in a couple of days and all the vendors and the new shops on the boardwalk were holding a grand opening. I’d already had the coffeehouse ready to open since when I moved to Honey Springs a few weeks ago, I made it a point to no longer sit around resting on my laurels, so I opened the shop a few days early. Which might not’ve been the best business plan since my only customers had been a few stragglers here and there. Mainly construction workers who were working day and night to get the shops ready for the big festival.

  The Bean Hive was located in the middle of the boardwalk, right across from the pier. It was a perfect spot and I was beyond thrilled with the exposed brick walls and wooden ceiling beams that I didn’t have to touch. Luckily, Aunt Maxi owned the place. The rent was a little steep, but I’d watched a few DIY videos on YouTube to figure out how to make the necessary repairs for inspection. I couldn’t be more pleased with the shiplap wall I’d created myself out of plywood painted white to make it look like real shiplap.

  Instead of investing in a fancy menu or even menu boards that attached to the wall, I’d bought four large chalkboards that hung down from the ceiling over the L-shaped glass countertop.

  The first chalkboard menu hung over the pie counter and listed the pies and cookies with their prices. The second menu hung over the tortes and quiches. The third menu before the L-shaped counter curved listed the breakfast casseroles and drinks. Over top the other counter the chalkboard listed lunch options, including soups, and catering information.

  On each side of the counter was a drink stand. One was a coffee bar with six industrial thermoses with different blends of my specialty coffees as well as one filled with a decaffeinated blend, even though I clearly never understood the concept of that. But Aunt Maxi made sure I understood some people only drink the unleaded stuff. The coffee bar had everything you needed to take a coffee with you. Even an honor system where you could pay and go.

  The drink bar on the opposite end of the counter was a tea bar. Hot tea, cold tea. There was a nice selection of gourmet teas and loose leaf teas along with cold teas. I’d even gotten a few antique tea pots from Wild and Whimsy Antique shop, which happened to be the first shop on the boardwalk. If a customer came in and wanted a pot of hot tea, I could fix it for them or they could fix their own to their taste.

  A few café tables dotted the inside along with two long window tables with stools butted up to them on each side of the front door. It was a perfect spot to sit, enjoy the beautiful Lake Honey Springs and sip on your favorite beverage.

  Which just so happened to be where I was sitting this morning enjoying the view until I realized I’d been here since four a.m. to get the casseroles made and coffees brewed before the opening time of seven a.m. and no one was here.

  “You did open a little early,” I said to make myself feel better and hooked my finger in the mug of freshly brewed coffee.

  Curling both hands around the mug, I leaned my hip up against the counter and took a sip. Even if no one showed up today, it was better than where I was a year ago. My chin lifted as the first rays of sunshine popped through the large front windows. I closed my eyes and let the breaking of the dawn fill my soul.

  It was spring in Kentucky and the leaves were starting to get their deep green color back, filling in the tree line along the lake. A few fishing boats had trolled by since it was a no wake zone. Good fishing started around five a.m. around here and they were usually back by seven. At the far end of the pier was a marina with boat slips and a really neat little restaurant, The Watershed. It was probably the fanciest restaurant in Honey Springs.

  With my mug in my hands, I decided to get a whiff of the fresh air.

  The bell dinged over the front door when I opened it. Cool air swept in reminding me that spring in Kentucky was cold in the morning and hot in the afternoon. Dressing was always a problem, but with the few uniform pieces I’d picked to go with my black pants and sensible shoes I’d handle the change easily. Besides, the black apron with The Bean Hive logo was amazing and I’d gotten several of those.

  Today I’d decided on the thin long-sleeved crew neck and had tied the apron over it.

  Since there wasn’t anyone in the coffeehouse, I’d decided to stroll to the right of the coffeehouse on the boardwalk and do a little window shopping, even though most of them weren’t opening until the grand opening this weekend. I walked all the way to the end and looked as I made my way back, enjoying my cup of coffee and the morning sunrise as it dripped in many colors in the lake. It was funny how water could turn the orange and yellow rays different colors as it mirrored in the lake.

  The shops were really coming along. All the shops were butted next to each other with a different awning to boast the name of the shop. Every few feet there were a couple of café tables where visitors could shop and stop to enjoy each other or just the view the boardwalk
gave.

  Wild and Whimsy was the first shop on the boardwalk. It was an eclectic shop of antiques and repurposed furniture. Beverly and Dan Teagarden were the owners. Their two grown children, Savannah and Melanie helped them run it. Instead of the regular shingled roof, Dan had paid extra to put on a rusty tin roof to go with the store’s theme. They’d kept the awning a red color but without the name. The Wild and Whimsy sign dangled down from the awning.

  Honey Comb Salon & Spa was located next and it was a fancy, for Honey Springs, salon. Alice Dee Spicer was the owner and from what I’d overheard through the gossip line Alice had really gotten some new techniques from a fancy school.

  Next to Honey Comb Salon & Spa was the Buzz In and Out Diner owned by James Farley. Honey Springs’s very first tattoo parlor, Odd Ink, was next to the diner. I wasn’t sure who owned that. In fact, I didn’t know any of the owners. It was all just idle gossip from Mae Belle and Bunny’s morning coffee run that kept me in the know. They’d also said All About The Details, a new event center, was going in next to the tattoo place along with a bridal shop, Queen For The Day. Then there was me.

  The Bean Hive.

  The bait and tackle shop was the only shop that was on the pier. It was perfect for the tourists who wanted to fish for the day off the pier. They’d never closed like most of the past shops since the lake always had fishermen. This year was different.

  The annual Honey Festival was also in a couple of days, hence the grand opening of the shops, and it did bring visitors far and wide to get a good sampling of our fine Kentucky honey and festival activities. This year the town council, of which my Aunt Maxi sits on the board, decided to move the festival from Central Park in downtown Honey Springs to the boardwalk. Vendors were going to be setting up along the boardwalk across from the shops. I was especially excited to purchase some fresh honey and honeycombs for the coffeehouse.