School for Vampires

by Quinn Conlan

  Suddenly, there is an almighty blow. I look at Hex and he’s in shock. He releases me in an instant, and drops to the ground. I fall down too, and then quickly scamper up against the wall. I look up and see another figure in this suddenly popular little alley. It’s too dark to make them out, but they’re clearly not here to join in the fun. They take out a small wooden stake from their pocket and plunge it violently into Hex’ poor excuse for a heart. It’s my first encounter with the killing of a vampire. I watch as Hex screams in agony. His body suddenly resembles molten lava. He’s burning from the inside. And then, he crumbles into a pile of jet-black ash.

  Boof, Biff and Numnuts are shocked at the loss of their leader. The shock gives way to anger. I hear the unmistakable sound of fangs descending, followed by the familiar hiss. They fan out around the mystery slayer. Biff makes a move. And then wishes he hadn’t. His arm is twisted behind him so far that it snaps off. He cries out in pain. The stake swiftly follows, and the pile of ash grows larger.

  Boof hopes to fair better. It depends on your definition of better. His leg is twisted to such an angle that it snaps clean off. His cries of agony are quickly silenced by a date with the stake.

  Numnuts takes in the scene before him and decides to run. He must be the brains of the outfit. I watch as he heads back towards the Square. He runs so fast, looking behind him so often, that he barrels straight into the fedora lover, who hasn’t moved an inch. Numnuts screams like a little girl. He suddenly finds himself held aloft and being hurled at astonishing speed through the air, all the way across to the other side of the Square. He smashes head first into the door of the jail, and flops in a heap. A convenient spot to land.

  My rescue has happened at an astonishing speed. I see the fedora lover take off into the Square. I look back at the other rescuer, who’s so fond of a stake. He doesn’t flee. He bends down and very gently helps me to my feet. “Let’s get you home young one,” he says, in a voice that draws me in, rather than repulses me. He leads me out of the alley and I finally get the chance to see his face. I immediately recognize the moustache. It’s the stylish man that I locked eyes with last week. He smiles.

  “You just saved my life,” I say.

  “Well, I can’t think of a life I’d rather save more,” he replies. His voice is as distinguished as the rest of him. He sounds like he’s from the South. He is dressed in a similar outfit as the last time I saw him. It’s a black three-piece suit that looks very old and very well made. His eyes are as dark as the rest of him, and his thick black hair is perfectly styled and parted to one side. He’d be the picture accompanying the word ‘debonair’ in the dictionary.

  “Might I have the pleasure of your name?” he asks. Finally, someone who doesn’t know who I am before I’ve met them.

  “Blake,” I reply, “Blake Randell.”

  “Well, Miss Randell, it’s a rare honor to meet you. My name is Vincent Theroux.” That sounds better than ‘man with the mo.’

  “What you did in the alley Mr Theroux…I can’t even say how amazing that was.”

  “Please, call me Vincent. And believe me, it was nothing.” I am so relieved. And intrigued.

  “How old are you?” I ask. A serious rush of embarrassment quickly follows this question. “Oh, I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” Vincent smiles.

  “Not at all. It’s good to be curious. Let’s just say I’m old enough.” I try a less insensitive question.

  “And what do you do exactly?”

  “Oh, a little of this and a little of that.” He keeps his cards close to his well-tailored chest.

  “Do you know the guy in the fedora?” I ask. I’d like to thank them too for their help.

  “I’m afraid I don’t.” I look up at the balcony, but it’s empty. Suddenly, I realize it must be very close to bedtime. Vincent senses my panic. “Miss Randell, if you’ll permit me, I would very much like to escort you home.”

  “Ok,” I say, “but where are we going to find a train?” Vincent smiles. He extends his hand, draws me in, and wraps my arms around his body. I’m shocked but I don’t resist.

  “Don’t let go,” he says, before rising effortlessly from the ground and flying towards the tunnel entrance. We hover there for a moment. He smells like the finest cologne. He turns to me. “This still as filthy as it used to be?” I offer an unfortunate nod. “Well,” he says, “we’ll just have to double time it.” And with these words, we’re off.

  I’ve never traveled so fast in my life. We zoom through the tunnel faster than my eyes can keep up. All I can do is just grip this gallant man for dear life and pray he knows what he’s doing. Every single candle blows out as we pass. I feel bad for the candle folk, who probably thought they could turn in for the night.

  We reach the Commons in no time. It’s empty. Vincent sets me down and scans me for signs of tunnel filth. He lightly dusts my shoulders. “There now,” he says, “pretty as a picture.” I feel incredible gratitude towards him. “How did I fair?” he asks. I check his suit and hair, and he looks as clean and dashing as ever.

  “All good,” I reply. It’s late, and we have to part ways. I thank Vincent profusely. He takes my hand and places a slow, gentle kiss upon it.

  “I hope to make your acquaintance again, Miss Randell.”

  “Call me Blake.”

  “Some day I’d sure like to.” With these words, he rises from the ground once more and disappears into the tunnel.

  I run towards the Luthers Mess, and I’m relieved to see kids just lining up at the Dispensary for their meds. For once, my timing is perfect. I discreetly swan in and join the line, deciding not to breathe a word to anyone about my busy night. It’s a miracle I’ve made it back without being noticed. It’s a miracle I’ve made it back at all.

  Whilst waiting in line, I suddenly remember Lily’s gift. I take it out of my pocket. It’s my dad’s old paperweight, fashioned in the shape of a sleeping wolf. Tacky to the independent eye, and fairly useless as a paperweight. But precious to me beyond words. I hold it up to my nose and I’m sure I can smell my dad.

  When the coffins are raised, and I’m finally safe and alone, I fall asleep thinking about Vincent Theroux and his chivalrous ways. And then, just before I surrender to my dreams, I think about the fact that someone set me up tonight. Someone locked me out of the school and forced me to face the Square alone. I hardly want to admit it to myself, but there’s a very good chance someone at Alurian wants me dead.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The following night, I stash the sleeping wolf paperweight in the sock with the two Glints and head for school. I deliberately get on a different train to anyone I know. I need to think. I decide it’s best that no one knows about last night, and my theory that I’m a wanted girl. At least not until I know more.

  I briefly think about telling Lily, but she’s stuck her neck out for me already. Plus, I promised her I’d keep my head down and not attract attention. Looks like this little detective is flying solo. And I already have my first lead.

  I find Crystal at her locker. I walk up and slam her locker shut to get her attention. She doesn’t flinch. Something tells me she’s a locker slammer from way back. I stare at her. She stares straight back. We impress each other with our inability to blink. Finally, I start the interrogation. “Is there something you’d like to confess Crystal?”

  “Ah…that you’re insane?”

  “Something about last night?”

  “That you were insane then too?”

  “Cut the crap Crystal. I know it was you who rigged the head count and had me locked out.”

  “What on earth are you talking about, farm girl? How exactly could I rig a head count?”

  “I don’t know but if anyone can, it’s you.”

  “Well sorry to disappoint you, nutbar, but I had nothing to do with it.” I try to get a feel for her words. It’s unclear to me if she’s lying or telling the truth. “But since we’re asking questions, what exactly were you doing with a 12 year ol
d girl in the broom cupboard last night?”

  “Nothing. Just helping her out with some equipment.”

  “Oh, I bet.”

  “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re implying right now Crystal. And Lily’s not 12, she’s, like, 1000.”

  “Well it looked pretty sus either way.”

  “Not as sus as someone forcing me to face the Square alone, with no Helpers.”

  “Like I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about. But it’s not my fault if you can’t follow the rules and be there for the head count. These are dangerous times Blake, don’t you know that?” I roll my eyes. She goes on. “Now, if you’re done with the wild accusations, I’ve got a real question to ask.” This should be good. “Do you know if Garret’s seeing anyone?” I’m thrown for a moment. I wasn’t expecting that. “I’m just thinking of tradition, that’s all. The QB and the head cheerleader. You know the story.”

  “First of all Crystal, he’s not the QB and you’re not the head cheerleader.”

  “Not yet anyway.”

  “Second,” I interject, “I can safely say you’re not Garret’s type.”

  “Oh what, and you think you are?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

  “Oh please, I’ve seen you drooling from the sidelines.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous Crystal.” I’m suddenly a little flushed. I pray she doesn’t have keen powers of perception. For once, she surprises me.

  “Oh. My. God. You do like him! You!? The home schooled farm girl who wouldn’t know a hair straightener from a waffle iron? OMFG!”

  “Cut it out. I don’t like him. But I know he doesn’t like you, so don’t waste your time.” I think a walk-off is long overdue. That gives Crystal enough time for one final barb.

  “Does anyone smell garlic?” I turn and flip her the bird. Not my finest moment, but all I can do on short notice.

  My detective work reaches a swift dead end. Crystal is mean, vain and self-centered. But she’s no murderer. I think. Plus, how would she have locked the double doors from inside the school? My theory doesn’t add up. I feel a pang of guilt for going on the warpath. I dismiss this by remembering the garlic she nailed to my coffin. We’ll call it even.

  There’s not much else I can do for now, except keep my wits about me. At least I know I’m not entirely alone down here. The alleyway saviors last night are proof of that.

  I throw myself into the ever-waiting sea of obscure Vampirrical equations and Vampological reactions. I’m drowning in no time.

  *

  The only chance for air comes during the daily hour of free time. It’s a sliver of teenage normalcy in the midst of strangeness. I lie back on the grass with Kit and Abner and soak up the sounds of chatter, gossip and laughter.

  I look for Garret. My eyes go immediately to the football field. But he’s not there. I scan the rest of the oval, and I see him on the opposite side, chatting with Crystal. She moves fast.

  Whatever she’s saying is making Garret laugh. She’s brought her A game. I thought I was right when I told her she’s not his type. But my confidence is slowly eroding. He’s clearly enjoying the company. I tell myself this romantic nonsense is the last thing I need right now. I tell myself my plate is already overflowing. But I can’t look away.

  Kit sees to that. “Blake, I think it’s time you actually did something.” I turn to face her. Yet again, she’s caught me staring. I try to act clueless.

  “About what?” It doesn’t wash. Her smile says it all. I try another tack: offense. “Yeh well, you’re one to talk,” I say, “I don’t exactly see you on the romantic front foot.” These words immediately bite me in the backside. Abner sits up and sniffs loudly. Kit puts her arm around him, and they both stare at me. “You two?! Oh wow! I had no idea.” I’m thrilled for them. Nothing says romance like a runny nose.

  Actually, it’s ol’ runny nose who starts dishing out the love advice. Give a guy an inch, and he’ll take a yard. “Blake,” he says, channeling his newfound inner Don Juan, “you can’t sit on the romantic sidelines of life forever.” Oh boy. “Sooner or later, you have to throw your hat in the love ring.”

  “Look, Lotharios. Garret’s a nice guy, but my life is crazy enough right now without adding a relationship into the mix.” Much eye rolling greets my words. And a hefty sniffle.

  “Blake, you’ve been keen on him since day one. And believe me when I tell you he’s keen on you too,” says Kit. They’re persistent, these two, I’ll give them that. When I stop and think about it for a moment, I guess there are some feelings there. It’s unchartered territory for me, so I don’t know how to trust them or what to do with them. Nor do I want the nerdy lovebirds to think they have a flair for playing cupid. I try to deflect, to change the topic. But Kit and Abner’s romance has made them bold.

  “Go to him,” says Abner. And when I start to protest, he suddenly leans across, puts a finger to my lips and says, “just go.”

  I get up and go as much to get away from Romeo and Juliet as anything else. I can see that Crystal has returned to the rah-rah set, and Garret is still standing where he was, chatting to a guy. It’s funny, but a part of me doesn’t want Kit and Abner to think they’re better than me. It’s complicated, being a teenager.

  Regardless of my motives, I force myself to take a few steps across the field. And then a few more. I don’t glance back, since I already know Kit and Abner are watching my every move. If I turn around, they’ll probably give me the thumbs up.

  I keep going, just putting one foot in front of the other, til I’m on the opposite sideline. Crystal is lost in a cheer. Something about watching them strut and kicking some butt. Giving Shakespeare a run for his money. I take a couple more steps towards Garret. I suddenly feel ridiculous. I either have to go hell for leather right this second, or abort immediately.

  Something tells me I’ll never live it down if I abort the mission. Looks like I’m going to hell. I walk over to Garret, as cool and casual as I can. He sees me, and his face lights up. Good sign. The guy he’s chatting with turns and sees me too, and then puts a hand on Garret’s shoulder before disappearing. I walk up to Garret and I realize that this is the first time I’ve ever actually approached him. Usually, we just end up chatting because we pass each other in the hall, or happen to be on the same train. He looks glad to see me, and maybe a little nervous. “Hey there,” he says.

  “Hey yourself.”

  “What brings you to the cool side of the oval?” he asks with a smirk.

  “Oh, I just came to escort you away. You actually have to be cool to hang here.”

  “Don’t you know a football player has a lifelong coolness pass?”

  “Don’t you know that after high school, football players become overweight drunks who devote their lives to trying to relive their glory days?” And Blake takes the win.

  “Ouch,” Garret says, “harsh.”

  “You gave a good fight,” I say. We both smile.

  “So how have you been Blake? I feel like I haven’t seen you much these past few days.”

  “Yeh, I’ve been busy. My strong suits aren’t languages, or math, or science…you get the picture.”

  “Oh please, little miss Transition of the century.”

  “That was a fluke. How have you been?”

  “Can’t complain. I miss having someone to wind up though.”

  “Well how about Crystal?....” The words tumble from my lips before I have a chance to screen them. It changes everything. I look sheepish and Garret looks taken aback. And away we go.

  “Crystal? Nah, pompoms don’t do much for me Blake.”

  “Could have fooled me.” Wow. I’m on fire right now.

  “Sorry?”

  “I saw you too before. You looked pretty keen on pompoms from where I sat.”

  “Oh come on! She practically cornered me.”

  “You looked pretty happy to be in that corner. Doubled over in laughter actually.”


  “That’s because she was trying to tell a joke, and she got lost half way towards the punch line. In the end, she just gave up and broke into a cheer.” I can’t help but smile. And feel pretty foolish.

  “Actually that does sound hilarious,” I say.

  “I don’t have feelings for Crystal, Blake.” There’s a long pause as we stare at each other. “I like someone else.” He’s looking straight at me. I’ve gone way off the map. My arms are tingling. I feel electric. And utterly terrified.

  I can tell he’s waiting for me to speak. I’m so frozen in fear that I have to look away for a moment. I glance off to the side. That’s when I see Jason, sitting amongst the Seniors group and staring straight at me. I have a feeling he’s been looking for some time. I turn back to Garret. He’s still waiting.

  “I’m scared,” I say.

  “That’s ok,” says Garret, in a kind tone, “you’re allowed to be.”

  “I’ve never been here before.”

  “That’s part of your charm Blake.” We both smile and before I know it, Garret leans in and kisses me. My first kiss. Here on an underground oval at a school for vampires, below the sewers of New York. The moment his lips touch mine, all my fears flee. It just feels right. It makes everything seem right.

  It’s a brief kiss but when it’s over, I know that it spells the end of the innocent, backhanded flirting in the hallways. It spells the start of something new. We look at each other and smile warmly. I am happy.

  I can tell everyone’s watching. I can feel it. I look over at Crystal. She is giving me a greasie so big, she’s lucky the wind doesn’t change. She mouths the word ‘slut’ in a moment of pure class. It makes me laugh. I can see that Jason is still watching. His face doesn’t reveal much, but he’s staring pretty hard. Kate too is watching. I so badly want her to smile in approval. But she doesn’t.

  I swing around and look over at Kit and Abner. Their thumbs are up. High in the air, full of pride and gladness. I wouldn’t be surprised if a book comes out. A Mathematical Formula for Love. With their two beaming faces on the front, giving the thumbs up.