“That’s not true.”
“It is. You found out about the kids and you planted yourself here at the drop of a hat. But you wouldn’t stay for me back then.”
“Kal—”
“Is that not true? You’re more devoted to the kids than to me.”
He hesitated for only a second, and that was all the confirmation she needed. “It might have started out that way. I was angry and hurt. But I’m not the one to cast the first stone. I’ve hurt you, too, remember? Unfortunately, I think you’re doing a pretty solid job of condemning yourself.” His tone was even, matter-of-fact, and it sliced through her with precision. “You’re not worried I won’t forgive you. You’re bitter because you haven’t forgiven yourself.”
Kallie shook. She pivoted and continued her trajectory toward the house. Rain splattered across her shoulders and hair, but it didn’t matter. When she slipped inside, Ruby met her at the door. Kallie dropped to her knees and dug her fingers through Ruby’s coat, allowing her to press her head into Kallie’s shoulder. Moisture squeezed from Kallie’s eyes.
God, tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me it’s all going to work out. I can’t keep living like this.
“Hun, are you okay?”
Mom stood in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, a knitting bag in her hands, as if she’d been occupying her time with that after the kids went down for bed.
When she saw Kallie’s eyes, her features darkened. “What happened? Where’s Grant?”
“It’s fine,” Kallie said. “It’s not like that. I just... I don’t know.”
“Come in out of the doorway.” Mom bustled into the kitchen. She placed her knitting bag on the table and went for a coffee mug. As Kallie sank into a kitchen chair at the table, Mom poured water from an already steaming kettle on the stove into a mug, then dropped in a bag of chamomile. She gently set it in front of Kallie. “Drink.”
Her voice was hushed and soothing, like how Kallie imagined it would have sounded if she’d been nine and awakened in the middle of the night by a nightmare.
Mom sat across from her as Kallie lifted the mug and blew on the contents, the moist steam kissing her cheeks and the aroma filling her senses. Begging her to relax and lean into the comfort it offered.
“Everything’s confusing, Mom. I don’t know how I should think or feel, or what I should do. Nothing’s made sense since—I don’t even know.” When was the last time she’d felt like she had a handle on life? Definitely not since Grant walked back into her life, and not since Dad passed away. But even before that, life was a mess. Had she been struggling for control and understanding and balance all of her life?
The woman across from her folded her hands. “What are you trying to figure out? Your feelings for Grant?”
Memories of his kiss and his wounded eyes brought forth a burn behind her eyes. “I suppose. Yes. I think so.”
“Do you care about him?”
“I do. But how much, I don’t know. Why does everything have to be complicated?” Sighing, she rubbed her hands over her face. “I just don’t want to be hurt again.”
“Well, I’m concerned about him, to be honest,” Mom said. “He hasn’t stopped by to see the kids much. And when he does stop in, he doesn’t stay long. He’s here but he’s—distant. Are you sure you want a father like that for your kids?”
“Oh, no, he’s a great dad.” Kallie lowered her hands to her mug, never more sure of anything. “The kids already adore him.”
Mom’s brows drew together. “Oh?”
“He plays with them, feeds them, bathes them, puts them to sleep...he’s even a big help around the house. Sometimes I can’t keep him away. In fact, most of the time I can’t.”
“I didn’t know. He’s really that good with them?”
“Yeah,” Kallie said, thinking on it more. “And I think this week he was giving you some space. You know, letting you meet the kids and reconnect with me.”
“To be honest, Kallie, I thought he was a freeloader. I thought he was using you to get the land.”
“What? Oh, no. He’s nothing like that, Mom. He works very hard.”
“But he left you when you were engaged.”
“I—I know. And I’m still working through that.” She met her mom’s stare. “But no matter how he and I are, I know without a shadow of a doubt that he’s an amazing dad to Peter and Ainsley. I wouldn’t want any other for them.”
Mom raised her brows at the strong statement, then dropped her gaze to her folded hands. “I’m...I’m glad. That’s what those babies deserve.”
“He’s also the one who encouraged me to let you stay that first night. To figure this stuff out between us.” She smiled. “I’m glad he did.”
Concern etched further into Mom’s face. She stood from the table and moved to the dishwasher.
She proceeded to unload it, and Kallie listened to the dishes clank together. “Are you okay?” When Mom didn’t answer right away, Kallie leaned forward in her chair. “Mom?”
“I think I’ve made a big mistake.”
Kallie stood. “What do you mean? What happened?”
When Mom turned to her, her thin brows were raised over apprehensive eyes. She brushed her ash-blond hair off her cheek. “I told Grant to leave the farm.”
The words clanged around Kallie’s brain like a penny dropped into a can. “You what?”
“I’m sorry. I honestly thought he was no good for you and that he was slacking on his commitment, so I told him to leave or ask you to marry him—”
“You told him that? Oh, Mom. When?”
“Late last night.”
“Oh no.” Kallie buried her face in her hands. “Mom, I don’t need a husband. Or at least, not one that’s, you know, twisted into marrying me.”
“I didn’t know what his intentions were.”
“Well, I don’t either, but...” Groaning, Kallie sank back in her chair. “This is such a mess.”
Mom rubbed her hand on her opposite arm. “I’m sorry, hun. I only meant to fix things.”
Was that why he’d kissed her tonight? Had Mom gotten to him, pressuring him to commit to her as much as to the kids? “Please don’t do stuff like this in the future. I already have enough drama in my life raising twins, and trying to keep the farm going, and working out stuff with Grant. I don’t need the waters muddier.”
“I know. I’m very sorry.”
Kallie shook her head. Was she being childish? She stood and joined her mom at the counter. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I know you had the best of intentions.” She reached for a clean plate and slid it into the cupboard. “I just need to figure this stuff out on my own.” What had she been thinking, confiding in someone else about her worries and fears? Whenever she did stuff like that, it always turned around to bite her. “Stuff with Grant is messy, and I honestly don’t know where it’s going. Might be dead in the water already, after the argument we had tonight. But the last thing I want is someone who feels obligated to stay.”
Her parents had had a loveless marriage in the end. She didn’t want to leave that legacy for her kids, too.
As Kallie finished putting away the plates and moved on to the silverware, she realized, however, that she didn’t want to leave behind a legacy of single parenthood, if she could help it. But it wasn’t like a girl could count on a romantic relationship to fall into her lap.
Had she been too hard with Grant? Could they have developed an actual, long-lasting romance—before she’d ruined everything tonight? That is, if his actions tonight had not been influenced by Mom.
* * *
Kallie woke with a start. She rubbed her bleary eyes and blinked. What time was it? The sky was dark with rain but the house was too loud... Wait. Kallie listened closely, and she gasped when she finally strung together a coherent thought. The rainstorm that had
started tonight. It wasn’t raining now.
It was hail.
She stumbled from her bed and to the window, pulling back the curtain to squint into the yard. Hail hopped like white grasshoppers across the turnaround and her front yard.
Hail was a part of the farmer’s life, a gamble taken against Mother Nature every year. But that didn’t make it any easier to stand at her window and listen to it ruin the crop she still needed.
This year, it mattered more than most. If she didn’t have that crop...
“God, please.” She whispered the plea into the darkness. A tear slipped down her cheek and wet her collarbone. “Please let everything be okay.”
Chapter Nine
The next morning, Grant packed up the dogs in the truck and headed for the fields before breakfast. As he drove, he surveyed the ditches, the puddles that lay everywhere. Some even still carried a few hailstones, and the grasses looked like they’d been mowed over.
So much devastation. He couldn’t believe it. What thrived yesterday was obliterated today. He scoffed. Kind of a metaphor for his life right now.
As he approached one of the fields, he noticed Kallie already there, standing in front of her truck, leaning a hip against the bumper to scrutinize the field. Blond hair pulled up in a ponytail. A canvas jacket over a navy hooded sweatshirt. He parked beside her and looked around as he got out.
She glanced at him as he settled against the front of his pickup. Offered him a tiny, polite, completely platonic smile. So he nodded back.
“Called the insurance company from the cottage,” he said, the only other sound being the breeze brushing over the ruined field. “They’ll send an adjuster out soon.”
“Great. Thanks for calling them.”
“Yep.”
Silence fell between them as he searched for more words. Juxtaposed to this morning’s devastation, last night’s argument seemed so far away, and yet it also seemed closer than ever. He was still reeling, still stunned at the way she’d spoken to him. It’d taken everything in him to keep from going back to the cottage and packing his bag. She obviously didn’t love him and probably never would. Maybe he wasn’t so sure about his feelings, either.
The only reason he’d stayed was to be there for the kids. He still wasn’t his dad.
“I checked the corn,” Kallie said.
“Yeah?”
“It doesn’t look amazing, but it’s still young. My guess is it’ll bounce back.” She folded her arms against her chest and turned her attention back to the wheat field in front of them. “This field looks terrible. Just like all the others I’ve checked today. All that money, gone. Just like that, in a matter of hours. And there’s nothing we can do.”
“I’m glad we got the insurance,” he said.
“Me, too.”
If they hadn’t picked up that insurance, there would have been zero money coming back. Paying off their hefty agricultural loan without help from insurance or from a good harvest would have completely ruined them.
“Maybe we’ll still make some profit,” he said, “because of the insurance check.”
“Oh, no. Grant, that’s not how hail insurance works.” Kallie shook her head, making brief eye contact with him before looking out to the field again. “These fields look bad, but I’ve seen far worse over the years. Honestly, my guess is that they’re not completely destroyed. And if that’s the case, we’ll still have to harvest what we can.”
“Wouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“No, it could be worse. If the claims adjuster deems some of our wheat fields salvageable, then he’ll only pay us back for the initial amount we put in. Which means we’ll only be able to pay back that particular loan with this crop—with nothing left over for Dad’s other bills. We’d have to use whatever we get out of the harvest to try to cover his other bills.”
“Which won’t be much because the surviving wheat won’t be stellar after a hailstorm,” Grant finished, understanding.
“Right.”
Grant asked God for the thousandth time why this had to happen to them this year. Of all years, when they were trying their hardest to keep the land. “What’s our next move?”
“We’ll have to hustle if we want to plant something fast-growing here, to try to make up some of the difference. Not a great plan, and there’s cost involved, but it’s possible. After that, we’ll have to rely on our corn’s harvest, though that won’t be ready until November, and many of our loans are due before then.”
Awesome. Grant exhaled. “Adding insult to injury, the hail has also ruined a lot of our pheasant coverage. I checked that out before coming here, and it’s pretty awful. We may not be able to do our training here like we’d planned. Or we’ll have to simulate the training with dummies instead of birds, or pay to bring birds in.” Which meant delaying their start a little, because he’d have to order those things. He’d debated over what to tell his clients ever since the hail started last night.
Kallie closed her eyes. “I shouldn’t have been so stubborn trying to hold on to this place.”
Had he heard her right? Grant looked to Kallie. “Hey, now. It’s not your fault. You can’t control the weather. We’ll just do the best we can.”
“I don’t know. We should probably just sell. I don’t see how we’ll be able to pay our loans. Why don’t we just cut our losses? Dad’s memory is in our hearts anyway, not in the land.”
Did she actually mean that? Grant tried to gauge her expression, but she just looked bone weary. Though also serious.
He tried to imagine what it would be like to sell the land and what it would mean for the kids. Would they have nothing to inherit after everything was said and done? And would Kallie lose a big piece of her heart in the process?
Kallie pushed off from the bumper and rounded the truck. “I’ll call a real estate agent today.”
“We don’t have to move that fast,” he said. “At least wait to hear what the insurance guy says.”
She didn’t answer, only climbed into her truck and shut the door. Didn’t look at him as she backed out onto the road and drove back to the house. Classic Kallie, trying to keep it together.
Would she ever let down her guard and allow herself to become vulnerable?
* * *
Mom offered to get groceries this time, so she’d left Kallie alone in the house with the kids. Peter had been acting extra tired today and only wanted to be held. It all made sense when she checked his temperature and it was a low-grade fever. Good thing she hadn’t needed to be anywhere today but on her recliner.
She’d taken Grant’s advice about waiting to call a real estate agent, but she wasn’t sure how long she could hold out. He’d told her they’d do their best to pay off the loans without giving up the legacy Dad had left behind. But Kallie had already done her best—and failed.
What else could she possibly do? Saving the farm was next to impossible. The promise of the kids’ inheritance was fading into nothing.
But selling... She’d said the words to Grant, but didn’t know if she’d truly meant them. Dad’s memory was everywhere out here. It felt like he was still around, as long as she was on the farm. What if Dad’s memory faded if she sold and moved away?
She might not have a choice.
Just then, a knock sounded at the door. Kallie glanced at the clock. Nearly five. Peter snuggled deeper into her shoulder, his forehead warm, as she opened the door and found Harvey Leese, her attorney, on the porch.
“Oh, hi, Harvey. I didn’t miss a meeting, did I?”
“No, Kallie, nothing like that.” Harvey smiled a little. “Just have another piece of mail to give you.” He held out an envelope.
Kallie’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?” She looked at him for an explanation, and his eyes filled with sympathy.
“Your dad wanted me to wait a couple of weeks after
Grant Young started working here before giving you this note. He wanted ‘the dust to settle a little,’ or at least, that’s what he told me.”
Harvey chuckled. He’d known Dad as a good friend and not simply a client. “I could have mailed it, but I was traveling out of town, past this area anyway, and I figured you’d want to see it as soon as possible.”
“Yes, thank you. I can’t wait to open it.”
“I’ll leave you to it, then.” Harvey touched the brim of his hat. “Have a good night.”
He went out into the evening, sun setting around him. Kallie watched as he got into his SUV and drove away. Then she looked at the note.
Dad had written her one last time before passing away. A priceless gift she never could have imagined.
Peter whimpered on her shoulder. “It’s okay, punkin.” She checked his temperature and found it climbing, so she administered the appropriate amount of baby pain reliever to him. She wet a thin washcloth in the sink, then nestled into the recliner with Peter tucked close before draping the cloth across his little forehead. He seemed to appreciate it, judging by the quieting of his moans.
When he appeared as content as he’d get, she opened the envelope of Dad’s letter.
Inside, she found two folded notes, one addressed to Mom in typed letters with the phrase “Give this note to your mom” typed below it, and one to Kallie in Dad’s shaky handwriting.
The sight of his handwriting about did her in. She unfolded the letter and simply stared for a while, letting her tears blur the words. It was like holding his hand again, hearing his voice, watching him smile.
Dear Kallie Bug,
You are the light of my life. My precious girl.
I want you to understand something. By now, you’ve seen my will, the request that you and Grant own the farm together. But what you may not understand is why.
Her Secret Twins Page 14